Forget Dinosaur Soldiers, Here are 10 Movie Monsters the Military Should Use for Military Operations
The idea behind the military folks in Jurassic World wanting to turn dinosaurs into super-soldiers never sat right with me. The amount of money, time, research, development and resources needed would cost in the billions and the result would be unpredictable. Why not train more soldiers or build nanotechnology to infiltrate enemies lairs? Why would a tiny
velociraptor be better than a spy satellite? Despite it being a horrible plan, I still love the idea of militarized movie monsters, so I’ve come up with 10 movie monsters who would be better soldiers than the dinosaurs in Jurassic World.
Let us know which monsters you’d love to see on a military mission.
1. Gremlins – Gremlins
I 100% guarantee the military would regret unleashing Gremlins on their foes because it would result in a deadly apocalypse. All it would take is a tiny rainstorm to transform the small unit into a world killing amount of intelligent monsters who would keep spawning until there is nothing left. The world would be over, but the military operation would be a success.
It would be the end of the world if it rained on a crew of Gremlins.
2. Graboids – Tremors
If the military could train a Graboid to run underground missions that destroy pipelines and bunkers it be would game-over for their foes. We already they are smart and can plow through any type of terrain, so it isn’t far-fetched that they could become military contractors.
Death from below.
3. Penguins – Batman Returns
I think they are adorable and it would really confuse villains when they see hundreds of armed penguins slowly approaching them. I guarantee nobody would expect a surprise attack via penguin and an added bonus is they could be released far from their targets because they have no problem marching for long distances.
Adorable and deadly.
4. Smart Sharks – Deep Blue Sea
The sharks took out a sea laboratory by themselves, so I don’t see them having any problems with submarines, boats or coastal ports. They already know how to work as a team and it really wouldn’t take much to get them trained and ready to go.
The sharks are great at sneak attacks.
5. Tribbles – Star Trek
I know they are from a television show but a Tribble invasion would be very easy to set up. All you have to do is dump a few of them on enemy territory and give them a few days to totally overpopulate the place. It would be a slow and terrible invasion.
Just drop them and wait.
6. Xenomorphs – Alien
This would be the most unpleasant option of the 10 because trained Xenomorphs are a high risk, high reward option when it comes to military options. They would wreck havoc on enemies, but the majority of the people training and arming them would die too.
The Xenomorphs are nightmare creations
7. Mist Monsters – The Mist
If the military could control the mist the creatures travel in it would be a crazy effective weapon. However, the book/movie proves they can’t control it, so it would be another high risk, high reward option. The Mist monsters would be absolutely terrifying for opponents, but who knows if they would actually do what they are told because we all know Mist monsters are flaky (no proof of this).
These monsters are nightmare creations
8. Crites – Critters
The Crites are dangerous criminals who eat people and don’t care about the law. They also lay a lot of eggs and are almost impossible to exterminate after they are let loose. This makes them perfect for military operations but terrible for everyone else.
You need to watch this clip
9. The Merman – Cabin in the Woods
I’m not sure how successful the Merman would be, but I know he would try really hard to accomplish his mission. We here at MFF love the Merman and have tracked his movements and even declared him the winner of our sea beast tournament (listen to the podcast). Just give The Merman a tiny unimportant mission and we guarantee he’ll accomplish it.
The Merman will get its prey at all costs.
10. Psychic Shark – Jaws: The Revenge
This shark is a combination of the It Follows monster and the sharks from Deep Blue Sea. It is smart, vengeful and always knows where to go to kill its prey. The best part about this shark is how it always sticks to the mission and has a one-track mind for success. I’m pretty sure it will never abandon a mission and will swim massive lengths to attack its foes.
The shark planned this…
Which movie monsters would you pick? Let us know in the comments
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SUMMARY: This (and next) week we discuss Tom Holland’s Fright Night (1985), a contemporary vampire film loaded with gooey practical special effects and humor; and discuss the documentary of the making of Fright Night (1985) (You’re So Cool, Brewster), covering the inspirational behind-the-scenes story of the film. On our banterous journey we muse the best (i.e., our favorite) vampire films, the role of Billy Cole (and what he actually is), and the wonderfully charming vampire neighbor Jerry. Next week (in part 2) we’ll move on to the Fright Night (2011) remake!
For more horror podcast discussions, check out…
Episode 129: The Babysitter
Episode 128: A Cure for Wellness
Episode 126: The Shape of Water, del Toro’s gill-man love story
Episode 123: The Ritual, Swedish hiking and the Norse Jötunn
Episode 117: Event Horizon, Hellraiser in space, and wrestling Graboids
Episode 116: Happy Death Day
Episode 115: Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Episode 114: Office Horror, Mayhem & The Belko Experiment
Episode 113: Elise, her Demons and the Insidious Franchise
Episode 108: The Best Horror Films of 2017
Episode 78: Carpenter vs Zombie Halloween Rematch (1981 vs 2009)
Episode 76: The Blair Witch Pod (1999 vs 2016)
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
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With the World Cup upon us, I figured I would create a “World Destroyers Cup” bracket that pits 16 earth destroying (or attempting) movies against each other. I started with 32 movies, cut it down to 16 and did way too much analysis into who would win. I am really happy with the final result and I think the 16 movies represent many facets of earth destruction.
I don’t want to bore you with all the matchups, so I’m going to highlight a couple of them to explain how I figured out the champion.
Rita Vrataski is awesome. Edge of Tomorrow is the best. I love hyperbole.
How did Avengers: Infinity War lose to Slither?
Avengers: Infinity War has already made two billion at the international box office so I don’t think it cares too much that it lost here. What I love about director/writer James Gunn’s 2006 movie is how bloody, funny and gross it is. The tiny budget was stretched perfectly and it’s always nice when an original science fiction story hits the theaters. I watched it again recently and really appreciate the practical effects, cheeky characters, and inspired dialogue. Here is a small taste of the beautifully weird dialogue.
Jack MacReady: [Jack & Bill are discussing what caused Grant’s transformation] It’s obvious the bastard’s got Lyme disease!
Bill Pardy: What?
Jack MacReady: Lyme disease. You touch some deer feces, and then you… eat a sandwich without washin’ your hands. You got your Lyme disease!
Bill Pardy: And that makes you look like a squid?
Why Edge of Tomorrow?
Some people might be shocked by it beating Independence Day but I legitimately think Edge of Tomorrow is a better movie. Edge of Tomorrow is easily one of the best action films of the 21st century and I love how it combines a Groundhog Day plot with an alien invasion. It features fantastic performances from Emily Blunt and Tom Cruise and I can’t wait until the sequel hits the theaters. It deserves to be #1.
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Let me know who you think should win in the comments!
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The MFF Soccer Squad: A Collection of Cinematic Characters Who Would Easily Win the World Cup
With the World Cup on the horizon, I thought I’d put together a cinematic soccer squad that would give Brazil, Spain, and Germany a run for their money. I’ve previously put together an American football squad (podcast here) and a basketball team (podcast here) and I believe this team rivals the weirdness and talent of the previous squads. I went out of my way to make it as eclectic as possible and I hope you enjoy!
Let me know which movie characters you would add to the team in the comments.
Elastigirl – The Incredibles – Goalie
Pros – I have no clue how anybody could score a goal on her.
Cons – Disappears occasionally so she can fight crime.
She would keep a clean sheet every game.
Gandalf – The Lord of the Rings/Hobbit – Central Defender
Pros – “You Shall Not Pass!!” Gandalf is an unstoppable defender who would never let a striker get past him. He would be a great captain and would also provide the fireworks for when they win the World Cup.
Cons – He goes on too many adventures and smokes a bit too much.
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Bryan Mills – Taken – Central Defender
Pros – Bryan Mills would work extra hard to make sure nobody kidnaps the ball from him. Also, his skill set is impressive
Cons – He gets a lot of red cards.
TAKEN 2 © 2012 EUROPACORP – M6 FILMS – GRIVE PRODUCTIONS. All rights reserved.
Come at me, bro.
Mystique – X-Men/X2 – Left Back
Pros – Mystique is a great athlete who confuses opposing teams when she becomes one of them on the field.
Cons – Sometimes she forgets which team she’s on and scores a lot of own goals.
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Mickey Haller – The Lincoln Lawyer – Right Back
Pros – This defense attorney has a game plan for everything and I guarantee nobody can outmaneuver him.
Cons – His cardio is suspect and he argues with the referees too much.
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Nigel Gruff – The Replacements – Central Midfielder
Pros – Gruff’s experience would be invaluable in the midfield because he could keep the ball moving forward and he would be a constant long-ball threat. I see him taking all the free kicks and he would be the go-to guy for any penalty shots.
Cons – He is old, out-of-shape and is a nightmare around reporters.
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Sue Storm (The Invisible Woman) – Central Midfielder
Pros – She is invisible and can steal the ball from anyone.
Cons – She is invisible and her team doesn’t know where she is most of the time.
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Rama – The Raid – Left Midfielder
Pros – Rama has cardio for days and his soccer kicks would be lethal for anybody willing to take him on.
Cons – His high-kicking exploits result in lots of penalties and you’d better keep him away from fans rushing the field
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Black Dynamite – Black Dynamite – Right Midfielder
Pros – Black Dynamite could hold-up the ball with ease and create time for his teammates to get up the field. Also, he has great Kung-Fu which would aid him with his kicks.
Cons – Nobody can interrupt him during his training and he doesn’t like to play defense.
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Lestat – Interview With the Vampire – Forward
Pros – The only thing on this planet who can run faster than Tom Cruise is a vampire Tom Cruise. The dude would have cardio for days and I guarantee the opposing defense would hate chasing him around.
Cons – He can’t play at night.
The problem is he can only play night games.
Walker – Timecop – Striker
Pros – Not only is Walker a great striker but he could go back in time to change the result of any game. He would win the Golden Boot easily. I’m predicting 78 goals just in the group stage.
Cons – He thinks spin-kicks are a useful soccer skill and all of his stretches revolve around splits.
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Bench
The Sarlacc Pit – The Return of the Jedi
The Blob – The Blob
Deadpool – Deadpool
Ren McCormack – Footloose
Trantor the Troll – Ernest Scared Stupid
Fezzik – The Princess Bride
Black Widow – The Avengers
Godzilla – Godzilla
Selene – Underworld
Brienne of Tarth – Game of Thrones
Rey – The Force Awakens
Who would you pick to play on your World Cup squad? Let me know in the comments!
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MY CALL: Definitely one of the weaker Alien/Aliens rip-off films and boasting little in the way of creature effects or gore. You could do a lot better. This is best left to 80s B-movie completists. MORE MOVIES LIKE Shocking Dark: Xtro 2: The Second Encounter (1991), The Terror Within (1989) and Zombies: The Beginning (2007) provide shameful Aliens rip-offs while Lady Terminator (1989) provides an exquisite and supernatural Terminator (1984) makeover. For low budget Alien (1979) rip-offs, you should seek Contamination (1980; aka Alien Contamination), Alien 2: On Earth (1980), Scared to Death (1980), Galaxy of Terror (1981), Forbidden World (1982; aka Mutant), Inseminoid (1982; aka Horror Planet), Parasite (1982), Creature (1985; aka Titan Find), Creepazoids (1987), Blue Monkey (1987), Nightflyers (1987), Deep Space (1988), The Rift (1990) and Dark Universe (1993).
IMDB synopsis: “In a polluted future Venice, researchers work to improve the situation. One day, unknown forces start killing them. A team of soldiers and a couple of civilians are sent to investigate. Soon, they encounter strange murderous creatures.”
Director Bruno Mattei (as Vincent Dawn; Hell of the Living Dead, The Other Hell, Zombie 3) clearly held the 1986 playbook tightly to his chest. We have our shady company representative, a Ripley-ish scientist, a bitey feral Newt character, and our rough-around-the-edges Colonial Marines (here named the Omega Force). Like “bad movie” sprinkles, we find needless racism, top dog locker room banter and nunchucks as we meet our shotgun-toting future soldiers (including Geretta Geretta; Demons, Rats: Night of Terror, 2020 Texas Gladiators).
The dumb dialogue and one-take rough-cut scenes create a strong exploitation film vibe—just without all the sex, nudity, monster rape and (sadly) gore. Many of the scenes are carbon-copies of Aliens (1986) with positively no soul to them. Sadly, even the monsters were phoned in, in terms of creativity. But sometimes we enjoy clunky monsters. They can give us something to giggle over.
The monsters are super slimy fish people that feel closer to Humanoids from the Deep (1980) than xenomorphs, with some attention to making them look like the star gazer engineer. The effects are limited to their rubber suits and their slimy mouths. The monsters move slowly and stupidly, posing no real menace as they slowly reach their giant claws towards victims and are swiftly dispatched with one shot like a FPS videogame. We basically see no gore or guts, and I was also disappointed they didn’t copy other life stages (i.e., body forms) of the alien or elements of chest-bursting—probably all due to budget constraints. If I’m being honest, this is pretty weak even for a B-movie.
As if this movie wasn’t silly enough, our Ripley and Newt characters time travel away from the ichthyoid xenomorphs only to be followed by a double-crossing member of their crew who turns out to be an evil Terminator who chases them around Venice. And while all this probably sounds like a laugh riot, it’s surprisingly unengaging—on the verge of boring. Sigh. As such I’d give this a weak recommendation, suggesting that only Aliens-riffing B-movie completists venture into this territory.
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Written, produced and directed by M. Night Shyamalan
M. Night Shyamalan is one of my favorite directors because he isn’t afraid to swing-and-miss. His films The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs, The Village, Lady in the Water, The Visitors and Split (forget the other two) are mind-bogglers that are either great or terrible. His box-office hit ($193 million internationally) The Happening is one of his biggest head-scratchers because it makes very little sense and features heavily directed performances that work against the dark themes. It’s an earnest horror movie that is like it’s killer in that it is “an act of nature and we’ll never fully understand it.” I love The Happening because of its total dedication to being a “force of nature that is beyond our understanding.” It is an odd-gem that swung-and-missed and is easy to dislike and almost easier to make fun of.
The Happening opens with a woman stabbing herself in the neck with a hairpin and then shows us construction workers making suicidal jumps at an NYC worksite. It’s an eye-grabber of an introduction that proves M. Night was using the films R-rating to its full potential. It’s grim, mysterious and is very (very very) Shyamalan. It then cuts to science teacher Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) earnestly discussing the disappearance of bees in his high school science class. His class is interrupted when news breaks out that people in NYC are becoming suicidal after being exposed to a type of toxin or poisonous gas (AKA neurotoxin). Wahlberg joins up with his girlfriend Alma Moore (Zooey Deschanel) and his pal Julian (John Leguizamo) and they start making their way to the safety of Philadelphia. Before they can get to Philly their train stops and they are dropped off in Philbert, Pennsylvania to fend for themselves.
We see the bad reviews coming.
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Elliott and Alma eventually learn that the “wind” is targeting cities, towns, and roads so they get off the grid and find themselves wandering rural Philadelphia looking to stay ahead of the wind. Their journey leads to bloody moments featuring various members of their party killing themselves or being killed which allows Elliott to piece together clues about what is happening around them. Everything culminates to quite possibly the strangest moment of 21st-century film when they come across an old woman who is very (very very very) strange. Watch this clip and you will know what I mean.
The Happening is a nonstop thriller that features constant violent suicides, stilted dialogue and heavy foreshadowing (plants respond to human stimulus). Most importantly, the main antogonists are plants who are mad at humans for destroying the earth so they lash out with “suicide wind” in order to thin the populace a bit. It’s interesting to watch because the breakneck murderous pace clashes with the patient M. Night dialogue that focuses heavily on whispers, cough syrup and bonkers questions (Are you eyeing my lemonade?). It’s a mishmashed grouping of mishmashed elements that goes to some shocking places when it murders teenagers and features humans being run over by their lawnmowers. The relationship between Alma and Elliott is never fully established and it goes to some weird places when they are forced to watch over a young child and be asked pointed questions about their relationship.
Mark Wahlberg justifiably hates this movie but I appreciate that he went all-in and delivered the performance Shyamalan wanted. The same goes for Deschanel who isn’t given much and manages to keep a straight face while saying “can you believe how crappy people are?” Shyamalan always manages to get all-in performances from his actors and it’s interesting that they can really pay off (James MacAvoy – Split) or play as super awkward (Paul Giamatti – The Lady in the Water). It’s a credit to Shyamalan that actors believe in what he is doing and he managed to get back-on-track after his The Last Airbender and After Earth debacles. I love how Split was a massive hit and the end result is Glass which is a sequel to my favorite superhero movie Unbreakable.
The Happening is not a good movie but I like how it tells an insane story in a breezy 90 minutes. I guarantee we will never get another movie like this (for a reason) and that is why I appreciate it. When you watch as many movies as I do you begin to appreciate movies like The Happening because they are f**king crazy and are the result of a filmmaker having total control and no oversight. Some of the best worst movies happen (The Postman, Evan Almighty, Jupiter Ascending) when directors can do whatever they’ve had success and can make their passion projects with zero restraint.
If you are a looking for an absolutely insane movie I totally recommend The Happening because it’s confusing, embarrassing, earnest and very fun.
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The MFF Podcast #132: Upgrade (2018), Blumhouse and Leigh Whannell’s brutal Techno-Thriller
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SUMMARY: This week we discuss the techno-thriller Upgrade (2018), Leigh Whannell’s wondrous writing, and brutal tech-marionetted fight scenes! We muse whether or not this is a contemporary exploitation movie, what kinds of projects we’d love to see Whannell pursue next, the motives behind STEM, and possible sequel plots.
For more podcast discussions about violent, hard-R movies, check out…
Episode 130: Deadpool 2, Sugar Bears and Tiny Legs
Episode 51: 10 Deadpool Lane
Episode 114: Office Horror, Mayhem & The Belko Experiment
Episode 91: Everybody Wants Some More John Wick!
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MY CALL: Incredibly strange yet surprisingly rather coherent given its moral-testing lunacy and wispily mixed themes, this visually stunning and sanity-challenging film is worth the time of any adventurous film-goer with a strong stomach and a penchant for the unusual. MORE MOVIES LIKE A Cure for Wellness: Get Out (2017) comes to mind… and maybe Shutter Island (2010). But, outside of those, I’m at a loss.
Director Gore Verbinksi (The Ring, The Pirates of the Caribbean 1-3) brings his facility for scale and cinematography to this GORGEOUS film that injects a horrific story into The Road to Wellville (1994) interspersed with Shutter Island (2010).
From its very offset we are awash with very different tones and themes. We meet a slick, ambitious young Wall Street executive who is charged by the robotically cold corporate board to venture to a sanitarium in the Swiss Alps to return the company’s perhaps insane CEO. Not 15 minutes into the film and we have corporate scandals and hints that a Frankensteinian dichotomy exists between the “villagers” and the hilltop castle-like wellness facility in a region of the world remote from modern comforts—as if spinning an admixture of present day with Mary Shelley’s historic period.
Our young exec Lockhart (Dane Dehaan; Chronicle, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets) discovers a Utopian treatment center with sunny Tai Chi and badminton on the lawn enjoyed by smiling patients in immaculate white robes and none with a negative word to say. So idealistic is it, that the patients seem to participate equally with the staff in hiding something as Lockhart learns more of the historic hydrotherapy facility’s dark past.
As Lockhart, Dane Dehaan is as sinister as he is charming, but more tightly wound; an excellent counterpart to Jason Isaac’s Dr. Volmer (The OA, Event Horizon) very similar performance as the charismatic facility director Dr. Volmer, who is of ever more calm disposition. As Lockhart loses control, Volmer is always there to grasp more. Not unlike Shutter Island (2010), Lockhart’s investigation soon finds himself a patient of the facility, with numerous delusions of his present echoing the haunting pains of his past.
Things get pretty weird and we end up somewhere I absolutely didn’t expect through the use of elderly full frontal nudity, complicated historical clues revolving around incest and deformed babies, a very strange masturbation scene, reality-questioning hypotheses (or hallucinations) of parasitosis and their VERY invasive means of application, rumors of science-based longevity, an unusual application of electric eels in an off-putting coming-of-age scene, and an extremely uncomfortable father-daughter moment that will likely offend many viewers. Yes, this film includes numerous perverse themes. But, no, I don’t find it exploitative. Given the cavalier inclusion of the aforementioned components, the film was approached rather tactfully. Although it is more than a bit jarring when an actress (regardless of her adulthood in reality) playing an early teenage girl (Mia Goth; Nymphomaniac Vol. II, the 2018 remake of 1977’s Suspiria) is the subject of nudity and sexual assault. So… yeah… ummm… don’t watch this with your mother or your kids.
Despite being incredibly eerie and on (frequent) occasion uncomfortable, this is truly an outstanding film.
PODCAST SIDEBAR: If you want to know more about A Cure for Wellness, check out our in-depth podcast discussion: Episode 129: A Cure for Wellness, Gore Verbinkski’s gorgeous genre-splicing psychological horror. Mark did TONS of research on the film, the behind-the-scenes, and even the filming aspect ratio. You’ll walk away with a serious appreciation of the film’s production and the impracticality of “obsession laboratory” lair architecture.
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MY CALL: A solidly entertaining B-movie that aims high everywhere except its creature effects. Recommended to bad movie connoisseurs. MORE MOVIES LIKE Creature: For more low budget Alien (1979) rip-offs, you should seek Contamination (1980; aka Alien Contamination), Alien 2: On Earth (1980), Scared to Death (1980), Galaxy of Terror (1981), Forbidden World (1982; aka Mutant), Inseminoid (1982; aka Horror Planet), Parasite (1982), Creepazoids (1987), Blue Monkey (1987), Nightflyers (1987), Deep Space (1988), The Terror Within (1989), The Rift (1990), Dark Universe (1993) and Zombies: The Beginning (2007).
IMDB synopsis: “An expedition to Titan uncovers an alien being, that goes on a rampage.”
This movie opens with a scene paralleling the alien ship recon in Alien (1979), as a corporate space crew unwittingly discover alien life and… presumably, all of them die. Then our next crew (this movie’s protagonists) have set out to investigate the site and, apparently, the women brought loads of hair and make-up products.
Written and directed by William Malone (Scared to Death, House on Haunted Hill, Feardotcom), Creature tries to follow more closely in Alien’s footsteps than most of its copycats. And like Alien, this mission is all business and the crew is largely ill-prepared for what they discover. We also enjoy some ambitious model-work for the space ships and ground vessels, and the rocky set design is definitely hitting above its weight.
As soon as our crew lands, they hit a sink hole and are stuck there. When they investigate a competing corporation’s vessel (that beat them there), they discover dilapidated laboratories, mangled dead bodies and torn air vents. Not exactly a good sign.
The cast includes Wendy Schaal (Batteries Not Included, Munchies), Lyman Ward (Sleepwalkers, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2), Diane Salinger (Dark House), Annette McCarthy (Twin Peaks) and Klaus Kinski (Nosferatu the Vampire, Venom, Schizoid).
The tone is inconsistent at best. Everything seems standard until we’re hit with an oddly sensual, warm-filtered sex scene that came out of nowhere. Later in the film, we learn that little parasites (perhaps like mini-Facehugger-parasites applied to the head) control the minds of those infected, creating a sort of hivemind pod person drone a la Alien 2: On Earth (1980), Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) or Screamers (1995). These infected drones act totally human and can mislead, convince, or sexually lure our protagonists to their doom.
The special effects are largely blood sprays, large wounds, after-the-fact corpses, a solid face-rip and exploding head. As for the monster—the “creature” of the title—it’s quite xenomorphic in form and drool-dripping presentation. But we don’t see nearly enough of it as the rubber suited beast clunkily lumbers down hallways. Truth be told, our “creature” was the weakest link of the movie, even if it did enjoy one or two good shots of its menacing face.
Like the monster and the plot, the ending is dumb but fun.
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The world has been blessed with 10 Star Wars movies over the last 41 years (and four since 2015) but somehow we are just too tired of watching them already. With all the talk of Solo underperforming at the box office because of “Star Wars fatigue” (and other reasons) I decided to pull five moments from the 10 films that feature somebody looking fatigued. These moments feature characters we all know and love taking a breather after a battle, or taking a breather during a battle (Qui-Gon is the bomb). This list isn’t proving anything or making a statement, it’s just a list that provides moments of characters looking exhausted. It makes about as much sense as the whole “Star Wars fatigue” thing does.
Yoda Looking Beat After Battling Darth Sidious – Star Wars: Episode III – The Revenge of the Sith
I get tired watching Yoda battle Darth Sidious in Revenge of the Sith, so I can imagine how he felt after this extremely acrobatic fight. If any Star Wars character ever earned the right to look fatigued in a movie it is Yoda. The guy pulled off triple-flips, quadruple back-flips, and engaged in a force lightning battle that must’ve burned thousands of calories. He gets added gangster points for looking like a boss when he knocks out the two Royal Guards at the beginning of the clip.
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Luke Skywalker Looking Exhausted While Training on Dagoba – Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back
Dagoba is probably the best/worst planet to train because you need to be focused at all times to prevent running into lake monsters, snakes, and giant carnivorous birds. The rough terrain would make for a perfect Tough Mudder or Spartan Race location with its lakes, intricate tree systems and copious amounts of vines. Nothing would have to be built for an intense 5K because everything is already there and ready to hurt people.
I totally understand why Luke looks fatigued after a long day of running through muck, mud, and murk. Also, he had Yoda on his back which must’ve added about 40 pounds and thrown off his balance when doing front-flips.
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Qui-Gon Jinn Takes A Breather – Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace
I love when Qui Gon Jinn takes a breather during his lightsaber battle with Darth Maul. His moment of zen makes a lot of sense because he needs to save his energy and refocus his powers to survive against a more powerful foe. The Phantom Menace is a mixed-bag of quality but the finale lightsaber brawl is almost universally beloved because it’s exciting, beautifully choreographed and features Jedi Knights taking breathers. When watching this clip you 100% buy that he has a particular brand of skills and taking a quick breather is one of them.
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The Mask Comes Off Darth Vader – Star Wars: Episode VI – The Return of the Jedi
The dude looks totally fatigued at the end of Return of the Jedi and I understand why. It took all his power to pick up Emperor Palpatine over his head and throw him into a reactor chute. Also, the guy isn’t young anymore and is probably tired of the all the supernatural crap and labored breathing. It was a bit of a shock to see Vader’s face at the end, but I love that it was an older guy who looked really tired and he seemed happy to see his son during his final moments. After many years of killing people (and children), Vader could finally rest and enjoy embracing something good.
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Leia Becomes Super Leia – Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi
It took a while for Leia to use the force, but when she did it was INSANE! I remember sitting in the theater and hearing people “gasp” when Leia came back to life after she got sucked into space. I’m pretty sure nobody saw the moment coming and I’m still having a hard time believing she went full CGI-force Mary Poppins and floated back to her spaceship. Everyone can agree she needed a nap afterward because it took a lot of power for Leia to save herself.
What is your favorite moment involving a tired Star Wars character?
Movies, Films & Flix 