Kevin Costner killing the Sea Eater in Waterworld has long been a scene that I’ve been obsessed with. I wrote about the Sea Eater in 2015 and Waterworld has been featured in my jet ski action scenes are the worst, and people getting swallowed whole and surviving posts (it’s random I know). I’ve always loved the idea that someone can jump into the water and be attacked/swallowed whole in a span of 20 seconds. The biggest problem I’ve always had is there is no way he would be able to stay attached the rope he was trolling on. Thus, his boat would sail away whilst he was trying to free himself from the innards of a giant monster. This means he would have to use his super swimming abilities to catch up with the boat, turn it around, and then cut the meat off of the sinking monster.
Here is a breakdown of the scene.
Costner (AKA Mariner…AKA Grumpy Costner) gets annoyed that the women on his boat are actively trying to feed themselves via fishing, so he grabs their fishing poles and throws them into the water. After throwing away his gear, he grabs some supplies (speargun, rope), turns on the boat’s trawling engine and jumps into the water (:46). Once the rope is fully extended he starts stroking the water gracefully in an effort to lure prey. Something underwater sees this display of graceful swimming (1:09) and thinks it has found dinner. The large beast surfaces and swallows Costner whole (1:20) and Costner ends up murdering the beast from the inside. Then, Costner cuts off roughly 100 (being generous) pounds of meat and three people feast.
.
This scene left me with several questions:
- Why was it so easy to kill a monstrous sea beast?
- Had he killed large creatures before?
- Why did he throw away his fishing poles?
- If large sea beasts are plentiful, why would people ride jet skis?
- What happened after the death and before they ate?
After scouring the internet for data on the Sea Eater, I learned that people don’t know much about it (I got zero responses from people who read the novelization). I have nothing to go with in regards to the monster and Costner’s past hunting, so I decided those questions will be left unanswered. What I can fill in is what happens after the monster eats Costner and before they gorged on delicious looking meat.
Here is what we know so far:
- It took eight seconds for the 40-foot rope to become taught after Costner jumped into the water. This leads me to believe the boat was moving at a leisurely pace of 3.41 miles (2.96 knots) an hour.
- He turned on his trawling motor before he jumped into the water. However, he didn’t use the cable attached to the winch on the back of his boat.
- According to kaiju.wikidot.com the Sea Eater is 40-feet long and weighs an estimated 20 tons.
- During the sea atoll attack earlier in the film, Costner covered 120-feet in eight seconds. That comes to 10.2 MPH which means the dude can fly in the water. I came to 10.2 MPH by finding a picture of the atoll, measuring the boat (60 feet long), and then measuring the distance from where he jumped.
- Costner let go of the rope after the monster attacked. I know this because the boat would’ve stopped momentarily and the rope would’ve split in two if he held on. There is zero chance a tiny rope could withstand the force of a moving boat and a suddenly dead 20-ton monster (watch this clip of a marlin sinking a boat for proof of what would happen if the beast lived).
- Since there is no sign of salt or proper drying methods, I’m assuming Costner only took as much as he could carry for one or two meals maximum. This means that at least 39,900 pounds of sea eater meat was left behind for other hungry sea denizens.
- It was dusk when they started eating the food. This makes sense because he had to heat up the charcoals and prep the food.
- The scene reminds me of a Mitch Hedberg joke
.
Here is what happened after the monster was murdered:
- After watching various clips where people have to free themselves from dead/animatronic animals I’m guessing Costner (and his super powers) needed two minutes to free himself from the innards of the monster. It was clearly sinking, blood must’ve been everywhere and stomach lining is a beast to crawl through (not speaking from experience). He also had to secure his gun because he could not super swim with it.
- By adding the original Costner/boat distance and time it took to free himself, secure his gun, and start swimming I’m thinking the boat was 715 feet ahead of him (40 + 600 + 50 +25 = 715).
- The women on the boat must’ve been justifiably shocked as to what had transpired. So, in their shock the boat floated far enough away for them to not hear anything Costner might’ve shouted. We know Helen could steer the boat, but after the shock wore off, the process of turning the boat around would’ve been a beast of a job. I’m also guessing that Costner was still grumpy about losing his spear gun from earlier so he swam to the boat and did everything himself.
- Knowing the creature was sinking, Costner started towards the boat, and since he could move at three times its speed he only needed 75 seconds of super swimming to catch up.
.
- He turned the boat around and made his way back to the sea monster. He would’ve needed AT LEAST seven minutes to turn the boat around, travel back to the monster and anchor the boat. I’m guessing he was able to speed up the 1,840 foot return journey which would cut down the trip.
- He dove down to catch the sinking beast. I don’t know anything about the floating tendencies of dead 20 ton monsters with holes in them, but it seems likely that it would sink because there is no way gasses could build up because of the massive holes in it (Thanks research!).
.
- He prepped the diving bell (watch underwater Denver scene) and gathered supplies (five minutes) and dove to the bottom of the ocean to cut off some prime meat and potentially fist fight another creature (eight minutes). After watching various clips of chumming it’s evident that the majority of the stuff that exploded would’ve sunk by the time he returned.
- He swam back up and put all of his gear back in place because he is particular like that (eight minutes).
- The cooking started (30 minutes to heat grill, at least 30 minutes to heat massive meat steaks).
- They ate!
Conclusion
After breaking down all the variables (known and unknown) the entire process before cooking everything would’ve taken AT LEAST 32.25 minutes because Costner had a lot to do before he could even start preparing the food. This may sound like a lot of time, but it’s not too bad when you consider the killing, swimming, boating, prepping gear, swimming, cutting, more swimming and putting away gear.
There you have it! The full breakdown of what happened after the killing and before the cooking. You can rest easy knowing that you will never have to spend another sleepless night thinking about what happened!
If you like this dumb data make sure to check out our other posts!
- Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
- How Long Did it Take The Joker to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
- Michael Myers Hates Blinkers
- Jason Voorhees Can’t Teleport?
- How Far Did the Merman Travel in The Cabin in the Woods?
- How Far Did Matthew McConaughey Jump in Reign of Fire?
- How Fast can Leatherface Run?
- Deep Blue Sea and Stellan Skarsgard
- How Far Did Michael Myers Drive in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
- How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
- People Love a Bearded Kurt Russell
- A Closer Look at Movies That Feature the Words Great, Good, Best, Perfect and Fantastic
- An In-Depth Look At Movies That Feature Pencils Used as Weapons
- Cinematic Foghat Data
- Explosions and Movie Posters
- The Fast & Furious & Corona
- Nicolas Sparks Movie Posters Are Weird
- Predicting the RT score of Baywatch
- The Cinematic Dumb Data Podcast
- What is the best horror movie franchise?
- How Fast Can the Fisherman Clean a Trunk in I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- It’s Expensive to Feature Characters Being Eaten Alive and Surviving Without a Scratch
- How Long Does it Take Your Favorite Horror Movie Characters to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
- What was the Guy’s Blood Pressure in Dawn of the Dead?
- Why Were There So Many Lemons in National Treasure?
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: Hellraiser IX: Revelations (2011), basically a fan film honorarium to the 1987 original, with a dash of home invasion.
MY CALL: Passable, not quite the worst of the franchise, and uninspired. But at least the special effects were okay, right? MORE MOVIES LIKE Revelations: Be sure to see Hellraiser (1987) and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) first, of course. Then maybe Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth (1992) and Hellraiser IV: Bloodline (1996). Hellraiser: Inferno (2000), Hellseeker (2002) and Hellraiser: Deader (2005); all are more standalone films. Hellworld (2005) is easily the worst. Oh, and apparently Hellraiser: Judgment (2018) is set to release this year!
I’ve waited a loooong time to finally watch this film, and I waited for a reason: the reviews were abysmal. After Rick Bota’s (Hellraiser VI–VIII) long run, director Víctor García (Mirrors 2, Return to House on Haunted Hill, The Damned) boldly follows the worst sequel to come before it: Hellworld. And not only that, but he is doing so without the very man who breathed life into Pinhead: the beloved Doug Bradley (Hellraiser I-VIII)? Yikes. But, to his credit, Víctor García has a filmography that I have found highly entertaining; not “good,” but enjoyable. So, let’s see if the litany of soul-slamming reviews match my opinion… I mean, one would hope it would at least be better than Hellworld (2005), right? LOL
On a quest to get laid, a pair of Los Angeles teens—Nico (Jay Gillespie; 2001 Maniacs) and Steve (Nick Eversman; Once Upon a Time)—decide to cross the border to Tijuana for a weekend of tequila, dead hookers and Puzzle Box experimentation. They open the box, Pinhead appears and spews exposition at them, and their parents (including Steven Brand; Mayhem) are left wondering what happened to their missing kids for months until one of them randomly shows up to a dinner party with some strange answers. For whatever mystical convenience, their cell phones have no signal, the land line is dead, and all the cars have disappeared.
Bloodline (1996) took us to France and outer space, Deader (2005) to Romania, and now Revelations takes place in Mexico. And not since From Dusk ‘til Dawn (1996) have I seen so many Mexican prostitutes murdered, which we see in flashbacks bouncing back and forth between present LA and past Tijuana.
Regarding the special effects, the gore was decent and looked visceral. Our new puffy-faced Pinhead (Stephan Smith Collins) looks passable, the female Chatterer Cenobite (Jolene Andersen) is fine, and Pinhead’s Mini-Me protégé looks the best (best thing about the movie). It was all fine… until I had my “good grief” moment: two lesbian Cenobites… Really?!?
But, you know what, that was actually forgivable. The effects were actually pretty decent considering the humble $350k budget—impressive even. I especially pleased with the face-peeling scenes. As far as special effects go, I’m going to say this film was victorious at entertaining me. Now, as a Hellraiser film? That’s another story…
This sequel replays many familiar notions while painstakingly explaining everything in “no child left behind” detail. We see reconstructions of Julia bringing Frank (i.e., Hellraiser) victims to reconstitute his body; they literally open a dictionary and define Cenobite; the vagrant is here, however gratuitously forced he may feel; the Pillar of Souls looks like something from an Ed Gein butchery (all mystique squandered); and we even witness a recreation of Frank’s original demise. So, what am I saying here???
In many ways, this ninth installment to the franchise is to Hellraiser (1987) what Jurassic World (2015) was to Jurassic Park (1993) or what Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015) was to Star Wars: A New Hope (1977); a fan film. And a rather failed fan film at that.
All things considered—yes, there is a dreadful Hellraiser film that tries but fails to do honor to the franchise. However, the rather even pacing of effects-scene reveals actually make this quite a passable film (although I’d still say the only sequel inferior to it was Hellworld). Dare I say it, but to someone who knows nothing about the franchise, the “fan film” honoraria were probably helpful in understanding this world.
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: Mayhem (2017), 28 Days Later (2002) symptoms meet Purge-like (2013) tendencies in this corporate Belko-esque rampage.
MY CALL: This film spends more time trying to be brutal than it does actually being brutal…and it spends too much time explaining itself. Basically, this is Belko-Lite. But, that said, I was entertained even if unimpressed. MORE MOVIES LIKE Mayhem: This film most closely reminds me of The Belko Experiment (2016) and The Purge (2013), both being clear influences. The execution also resembles The Signal (2007). Some other murderously mania-driven films include The Mist (2007) or The Experiment (2010).
Director Joe Lynch (Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, Chillerama, Knights of Badassdom) has an interesting background. He’s helmed a brutal and thematically over-the-top gorefest (i.e., incestuous cannibal hillbillies), a tremendously raunchy horror-comedy (complete with a giant monster sperm), and a geekcentric comedy (i.e., LARPing). During the opening sequence Mayhem’s tone deviates from The Belko Experiment (2016) with a more jocular tone as it introduces us to what is essentially a 28 Days Later (2002) rage virus—only this one has a time limit.
From bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to a cold suit, Derek (Steven Yuen; The Walking Dead) narrates his climb up the corporate ladder along with a brief history of this red-eye virus which leads to, you guessed it, uncontrollable murderous rage. And guess what? The virus sneaks its way into this cut-throat corporate office building to melt away moral boundaries and edify what remains with rage during its 8-hour life (which makes no sense at all unless everyone is a genetic clone and has the exact same immune response after being infected/exposed at the exact same time). This odd time component creates a “Purge effect”—a time window during which mayhem is legally forgiven, and people behave accordingly to their incentives and desires.
After the introductory scenes, the exposition of the dialogue becomes overkill. At times this is sort of funny, but most of the times it’s just plain annoying. I don’t recall thinking The Belko Experiment (2016) was particularly “tactful” in its storytelling. But, by comparison, Belko feels quite eloquent.
Now infected and resenting his superiors, Derek teams up with Melanie (Samara Weaving; The Babysitter, Ash vs Evil Dead) to kill his way up the corporate ladder to the top floor. On their way they dispatch seven-figure suits nicknamed The Boss (Steven Brand; Demons, Teen Wolf), The Siren (Caroline Chikezie; Aeon Flux) and The Reaper (Dallas Roberts; The Grey, Shadow People, Tell Tale). The violence and blood are abundant. You can tell this film really wanted to be brutal… but it just wasn’t. Violent? Yes, very. But brutal? Not when compared to the likes of The Belko Experiment (2016) or The Purge (2013). Not even close. Not that it won’t be entertaining for fans of ultraviolent movies. People are beaten to death as their assailants cackle with blood dripping down their face. It just never made me wince.
The major flaw in this film—what most kept it from being as fun as it could have been (for me, at least)—was that this movie couldn’t seem to decide exactly how this virus affects people. Not everyone’s morals break down as the scientist on TV dryly overexplains—at least, not consistently. Some infected people seem to have total control, some have odd temper tantrums, and some go zompacalyptically berserk with bloodlust. It’s almost like The Signal (2007) in how madness overtakes the infected. One minute someone is calculating and rationale, the next they are mindlessly rabid.
Overall, I was left feeling many things. I was happy to see Steven Yuen step outside The Walking Dead while staying near horror; I was largely disappointed by the storytelling and dialogue while pleasantly surprised by the opening sequence and some of the general blood-lusted hysteria; and, I guess although I was not at all impressed, I was definitely entertained. Take from that what you will.
Share this post:
No sooner is there an indoor jet ski chase in “Hard Rain” than there’s one in “Deep Rising.”
In January 1998, 20 years ago this month, Hard Rain (01/16) and Deep Rising (01/30) were released and had several things in common.
- Critics really disliked them.
- Water played a main role
- They featured indoor jet ski action scenes that featured people driving through narrow corridors while being chased.
If you’ve been reading MFF for sometime you know that I’ve long been a fan of analyzing films that feature jet ski action scenes. There is something intrinsically boring in how jet ski actions scenes play out because they just go in straight lines and people simply wipe out into water when they crash. I love how the films that feature these scenes have an average Rotten Tomatoes score of 29%, and average $59 million domestically (inflated) on $82 million budgets.
The following post breaks down the indoor jet ski action scenes featured in Hard Rain and Deep Rising and award one of the with the “Kenny Powers Jet Ski Action Scene Award.” There are 10 categories and whichever film has the most points wins. If there is a tie, the film with the higher critic/audience average wins.
Here are the jet ski clips and some facts for each film.
Hard Rain:
- Tomatometer Average: 29%
- IMDb score: 5.8
- $70 million budget / $20 million domestic gross
- Best Roger Ebert line from his review:
By the time we finally arrived at the story, I was essentially watching a documentary about wet actors at work
.
Deep Rising
- Tomatometer Average 31%
- IMDb Score: 6.0
- $50 million budget and $11 million domestic gross
- Best Roger Ebert line from his review:
The owner of the ship (Anthony Heald) makes several speeches boasting about how stable it is; it can stay level even during a raging tempest. I wonder if those speeches were inserted after the filmmakers realized how phony their special effects look.
Here are the 10 categories and the points allotted
- Were the jet skis heavily featured in the marketing? (-1)
- Did the jet skis outrun an explosion? (+1)
- Which film represented indoor jet skiing more appropriately? (+1)
- Did the characters think they looked awesome while riding? (-1)
- Did the jet skis do anything other than go in a straight line? (+1)
- Did the characters say something similar to “YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH” while bursting through something? (+1)
- Who started on the jet ski? The good guys or the bad guys? (+1 bad guys) (-1 good guys)
- Do you think that somebody on set said “We gotta have more jet ski!” while filming? (-1 if “yes”)
- Were the jet skis needed? (+1 if “yes”)
- Were any of the characters featured in Goldeneye? (+1)
Deep Rising – 1 point (1,2,4,5,6,7 (-1), 8, 9, 10)
Treat Williams was acting like a motherf***ing boss on that jet ski and I never bought one second of it. The dude was flying around like a maniac and never had to worry about debris or smooshing into a wall. Also, the jet ski was featured on the movie poster and I 100% guarantee (zero proof) everyone on set was giving each other high fives when they were filming the indoor jet ski scene. Thus, it can’t muster more than one point.
Hard Rain – 6 points (3, 5, 6, 7 (+1), 9, 10)
I appreciate that Hard Rain featured an indoor jet ski scene that was cumbersome, awkward and practical. Nobody looked cool, and whenever they had to turn it was a nightmare because of all the debris floating around. Hard Rain is not a good movie, but it respected us enough to realize that jet skiing around hallways would look dumb. I earnestly applaud you Hard Rain and I’m stoked you won the first annual Kenny Powers Jet Ski Action Scene Award!
Next up: Transporter 2 vs. Transporter: Refueled.
Share this post:
The MFF Podcast #112: Jumanji, Godzilla and Catapulting Rocks
.
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we are talking about Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle! We had a blast talking about Kevin Hart’s hat, Jack Black’s awesomeness and the physical education teacher who had to endure some nasty comments. We also talk about the monsters that Godzilla battles and ponder how they eat, sleep and dance. Also, an added bonus is our discussion on the merits of cinematic catapults and trebuchets.
I love all these monsters.
As always, we answer random listener questions and discuss the fact that we can’t differentiate the Resident Evil films. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Share this post:
MFF Off-Season Statistics: Adam Sandler and Release Dates
If you’ve been reading MFF for sometime you know we love weird statistics and writing about Adam Sandler. While looking into the release dates of his theatrically released films I noticed something groundbreaking that almost moved me to tears. There is a trend going on with his films and the results might blow your mind and make you reconsider everything you know about release dates. I found out that Adam Sandler movies released around (+/- 10 days) Statehood Day in Arizona (02/14) have a much higher critic/audience average than his films that were released around International Picnic Day (06/18), Shark Awareness Day (07/14) and Homemade Bread Day (11/17).
Quick note: This post is ridiculous and offers zero correlation/causation. Also, thanks to Box Office Mojo for the numbers.
- Statehood Day in Arizona (02/14) – 47% RT / 6.68 IMDb – $114 million average – (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, Just Go With It)
- International Picnic Day (06/18) – 24.8% RT / 6.04 IMDb- $178 million average – (That’s My Boy, Grown Ups, Click, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds)
- Shark Awareness Day (07/14) – 26.75% RT / 5.825 IMDb – $113 million average – (Pixels, Grown Ups 2, Funny People, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)
- Homemade Bread Day (11/17) – 20% RT / 4.9 IMDb – $151 million – (Jack & Jill, The Waterboy, Little Nicky)
Here are the films that helped Statehood Day in Arizona claim absolute victory
- Billy Madison (02/10/95) – 46% RT / 6.4 IMDb
- Happy Gilmore (02/16/96) – 60% RT / 7 IMDb
- The Wedding Singer (02/13/98) – 67% RT / 6.8 IMDb
- 50 First Dates (02/13/04) – 44% RT / 6.8 IMDb
- Just Go With It (02/11/11) – 18% RT / 6.4 IMDb
I love that Billy Madison has a 46% Tomatometer average. It’s better than expected.
What makes these numbers important is The Wedding Singer (67%). Happy Gilmore (60%), 50 First Dates (44%) and Billy Madison (46%) are the top four highest rated “Sandler” comedies (E.G. not Punch Drunk Love, Funny People or The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)) on Rotten Tomatoes. Also, Happy Gilmore, 50 First Dates and The Wedding Singer have the highest IMDb scores of his comedies.
.
Why is it the best?
- Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore solidified Sandler as a star, and are probably the most beloved due to the straight up weirdness of Billy Madison and actual quality of Happy Gilmore. They were released in February because Sandler didn’t have the summer box office pull yet. Also, Sandler hadn’t become a brand, so there was none of the current backlash associated with his films.
- The Wedding Singer and its Barrymore/Sandler follow-up 50 First Dates established Sandler as a romantic lead and proved that Drew Barrymore is the best. Their release dates also correspond with the little known holiday called Valentine’s Day.
- Just Go With It has a rotten Tomatometer average (18%) but it has one of the highest IMDb scores (6.4). It also features Dave Matthews picking up a coconut with his butt.
- All of the films were profitable domestically. This is the only grouping of films that can claim this.
Conclusion
The potent combination of early Sandler and Barrymore/Sandler won the day. The February releases dates (and early Sandler before he was a brand) meant that the films made less money than the summer months, but they are still the most well-received and only The Wedding Singer and Happy Gilmore have fresh Tomatometer scores (of the Sandler comedies).
Sandler and Barrymore were very excited to hear the exciting/dumb news.
Below I’ve included the critic/user averages and films for each holiday.
International Picnic Day (June 18) films have a Tomatometer average of 24.8% and a 6.04 IMDb user score.
- That’s My Boy – 20% RT / 5.6 IMDb
- Grown Ups – 10% RT / 6 IMDb
- Click – 32% RT / 6.4 IMDb
- Big Daddy – 40% RT / 6.4 IMDb
- Mr. Deeds – 22% RT / 5.8 IMDb
Homemade Bread Day (November 17) films have a Tomatometer average of 20% and a 4.9 IMDb user score.
- Jack & Jill – 3% RT / 3.4 IMDb
- Little Nicky – 22% RT / 5.3 IMDb
- The Waterboy – 35% RT / 6.1 IMDb
Shark Awareness Day (July 14) films have a Tomatometer average of 26.75% and a 5.825 IMDb user score.
- Pixels – 17% RT / 5.6 IMDb
- Grown Ups 2 – 7% RT / 5.4 IMDb
- Funny People – 69% RT / 6.3 IMDb
- I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – 14% RT / 6 IMDb
If you like this dumb data make sure to check out our other posts!
- Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
- How Long Did it Take The Joker to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
- Michael Myers Hates Blinkers
- Jason Voorhees Can’t Teleport?
- How Far Did the Merman Travel in The Cabin in the Woods?
- How Far Did Matthew McConaughey Jump in Reign of Fire?
- How Fast can Leatherface Run?
- Deep Blue Sea and Stellan Skarsgard
- How Far Did Michael Myers Drive in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
- How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
- People Love a Bearded Kurt Russell
- A Closer Look at Movies That Feature the Words Great, Good, Best, Perfect and Fantastic
- An In-Depth Look At Movies That Feature Pencils Used as Weapons
- Cinematic Foghat Data
- Explosions and Movie Posters
- The Fast & Furious & Corona
- Nicolas Sparks Movie Posters Are Weird
- Predicting the RT score of Baywatch
- The Cinematic Dumb Data Podcast
- What is the best horror movie franchise?
- How Fast Can the Fisherman Clean a Trunk in I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- It’s Expensive to Feature Characters Being Eaten Alive and Surviving Without a Scratch
- How Long Does it Take Your Favorite Horror Movie Characters to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
- What was the Guy’s Blood Pressure in Dawn of the Dead?
- Why Were There So Many Lemons in National Treasure?
Share this post:
The 10 Best Films of 2017
2017 is almost in the books and it will leave behind a lot of fantastic cinema. Whether they be beautifully vexing (A Ghost Story, Personal Shopper), super bloody (Raw, The Blackcoat’s Daughter) or massive in scale (Wonder Woman, Dunkirk) the films of 2017 have provided something for everyone. I’ve already covered the random moments and best horror (podcast here), so I wanted to end 2017 with my favorite movies. I had an easy time compiling the top five, but when I expanded the list to 10 it proved to be difficult because there are so many movies worthy of inclusion. I had a hard time leaving out certain films, but I couldn’t fit them in my super exclusive and very important top 10. Here are the films that didn’t make the top 10. They aren’t in any order and I guarantee in two/three weeks some of them will be back in the top 10.
- Wonder Woman
- Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
- Raw
- Personal Shopper
- Their Finest
- Big Sick
- mother!
- Blade Runner: 2049
- Wind River
- The Blackcoat’s Daughter
- Logan Lucky
- Lady Bird
Movies I haven’t been able to watch (The Florida Project, Call Me By Your Name, Phantom Thread, The Post, Faces Places, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, I, Tonya, The Square, Darkest Hour, BPM, God’s Own Country, Columbus, A Quiet Passion).
Here are the top 10!
10. Logan
Logan is the superhero film perfected and I love how it blends comic book mayhem, western themes and actual heart. Hugh Jackman gave his heart and soul to Wolverine and it makes me happy that he was able to go out on a great film. Director James Mangold hit his stride after The Wolverine and I’m glad Fox let him have complete creative control to tell his Shane-esque story . Watch the black-and-white version of the movie and you will see just how layered all the performances are. It will never happen, but I’d love to see Jackman and Patrick Stewart get nominated for much deserved Academy Awards.
.
9. Free Fire
Free Fire is a blast of old school mayhem that features lot of gore, death and profanity. I loved watching as a simple argument between two groups of criminals blows up into a massive gunfight inside an old warehouse. Director Ben Wheatley (Sightseers, Kill List, A Field in England, High-Rise) is one of my favorite directors and I love how all of his films have been insanely different. The guy keeps expanding his filmography and you never know where his films will go. The dude has guts and has proven he can balance cults, violent travelers, tall mayhem and people yelling at each other in fields. If you are into genre film making that doesn’t pull punches you should check out Wheatley’s films.
.
8. Good Time
Robert Pattinson owns every seconds of this grimy crime thriller and I could see him getting an Academy Award nomination for his all-in performance. Good Time might be the most unpredictable film of 2017 and that is why I loved it (and others will dislike it). I had no clue where it was going or where it would end up and I found that to be incredibly refreshing. Good Time is the grimy roller coaster that disorients, enthralls and leaves you slightly dizzy after all the mayhem. If you are looking for a fantastically bleak ride watch Good Time.
.
7. Thor: Ragnarok
Thor: Ragnarok is the weirdest 200-million dollar movie ever made. It defies convention, blows up important places and ends with a rock creature holding a gladiator bug that he thought he killed. Director Taika Waititi (What We Do in the Shadows, Hunt for the Wilderpeople) had a great time messing with comic book tropes and I guarantee you will have a smile on your face as characters fall over drunk or play a game called “Get help” so they can beat up henchmen. I loved every second of Thor: Ragnarok and the reason it made the top 10 is because it was the best time I had in a theater all year. I can’t wait to watch it again to pick up on more of the weirdness.
.
6. Get Out
Get Out is what happens when a director loves 1970s horror and is able to create his vision unencumbered. Jordan Peele crushed his debut film and you can feel his love of Rosemary’s Baby and Stepford Wives all over it. The building paranoia, A-list talent and awesome ending combine to create a film that has totally earned its 99% Tomatometer average and plethora of awards. Get Out is a crowd-pleasing movie that pulls no punches and has something to say about race relations without resorting to simple preaching. You will laugh, cheer and jump throughout and that is a testament to Jordan Peele. I can’t wait to see what he does next.
.
5. A Ghost Story
What I love about this film is how it ditches convention and embraces the weird. It could be described as the “Casey Affleck wears a bedsheet” movie, but there are so many layers to it that unfold organically throughout. I never knew where it was going and the ending completely floored me and left me staring at the screen during the credits. A Ghost Story draws you in and leaves you feeling really emotional and almost missing the bed sheet. It is a very simple film that must’ve been difficult to make due to the random subject matter, elegant monologues and deliberate pacing.
.
4. Dunkirk
Dunkirk is massive film making at its finest, and if I could only watch one 2017 film in a theater again it would be Dunkirk. Director Christopher Nolan has created a beautifully immersive war film that throws you into the chaos and keeps you disoriented and in awe. Dunkirk is the blockbuster of 2017 and I guarantee you will never see a bigger, better or louder war film. Hoyte van Hoytema’s cinematography is unbelievable and I lost count of all the times I said “wow” or “holy shit!” when something amazing/big/loud/jaw-dropping happened. Also, any film featuring Cillian Murphy and Mark Rylance can’t be totally bad.
.
3. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Director/Writer Martin McDonagh (In Bruges, Seven Psychopaths) is one of my favorite working directors because he writes layered scripts and creates three-dimensional characters who are flawed but not beyond repair. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri is loaded with memorable personalities (Sam Rockwell is my hero) who are far from perfect but are written perfectly. I never knew where it was going and that is a compliment to McDonagh and his insane mind. Martin McDonagh explores the grey in humanity and that is what makes his films so interesting.
.
2. The Lost City of Z
Director James Gray created a beautiful movie that is reflective, patient and ambitious. If you are looking for sweeping vistas, great performances and unchecked ambition you will really enjoy this film. I hate that it under-performed at the box office and I hope that audiences find it on Amazon Prime and VOD because it is such an ambitious piece of work. If you are looking to get lost in a film you need to watch The Lost City of Z.
.
1. Baby Driver
Baby Driver is hands down the best film of 2017 because it was made with love and technical mastery. It is a beautifully original film that feels alive, exciting and fresh. Director/writer Edgar Wright puts a lot of care into his films and that is evident during the monologues, car chases and action scenes. This $30 million budgeted movie hits above its weight and feels effortlessly cool in its pursuit to entertain and feature badass car stunts. Whether it be the opening car chase or an intricate single-shot take, it is one of the most technically polished films of 2017 due to every aspect of it being visualized by Wright.
You need to watch Baby Driver because it is original film making at its finest.
Share this post:
The MFF Podcast #111: The 2017 Random Awards
.
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we are awarding the randomness of 2017! If’ you’ve been listening to the podcast (or reading MFF) you know that we love awarding random moments in cinema. These tiny moments are normally forgotten come awards time, but we’ve done our best since 2011 to keep their random legacy alive! In this podcast you will hear about great coats, terrible werebears and pie eating. If you are into podcasts that focus on large beasts scratching their heads or futuristic bachelor pads this is the podcast for you!
You should watch Colossal.
As always, we answer random listener questions and discuss why Mothra’s eggs are so large. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
As promised here are some the links we talked about in the podcast!
Home for the Holiday – Chris Kelly
Interior trailer- Zachary Beckler
Tsetse fly larva – Youtube
The 21 Best Horror Films of the 21st Century – MFF
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Share this post:
Kill Zone (2005) aka Sha Po Lang, squandering Donnie Yen’s skills one fight scene at a time.
MY CALL: So many people seem to love this movie and I just can’t see why. It’s not a very good Donnie Yen movie, and it’s a barely serviceable kung fu movie. There, I said it.
Whether golf finds its way into vehicular assault culminating in a golf club samurai standoff or even a crime boss performing a summary execution with his favorite driver, director Wilson Yip (Ip Man 1-4, Flash Point, Dragon Tiger Gate) keeps this film’s tone drop dead serious… to a fault! There’s a healthy mix mainstream grittiness (minus the excessive hard-R swearing and gunfight slaughter/blood) and “not quite so over-the-top” scenes that keep this just outside the realm of ridiculous 90s American cop movies. Instead of bullet-ravaged bodies in firefights, we have guns disarmed in close-quarters, leading into modernized Asian action: kung fu while wearing suits (because they offer great mobility) and blade-wielding assassins who dress entirely in white (as if blood didn’t stain)! I know it sounds awesome—just trust me that Donnie Yen has done much better.
A cop hellbent on arresting crime lord Wong Po (Sammo Kam-Bo Hung; God of War, Ip Man 2, Project A), Chan Kwok Chung (Simon Yam; Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, Ip Man 1-2) teams up with local police legend Ma Kwan (Donnie Yen; Ip Man 1-4, Rogue One: A Story Wars Story, Blade II, Iron Monkey). Chan has a taste for vengeance and will do whatever it takes, and Ma has a reputation for giving men brain damage with one punch—cue the crime-fighting montage! Yes, a montage down to a slow-motion Donnie Yen assault on a bad guy. And yes, later in the movie we find very silly proof (delivered with an endearingly intended straight face) that with one punch he mentally handicapped a man. This has all the flavors from the mainstream 90s-2000s spice rack—the wealthy crime lord who loves golf, police out for revenge, and that “one tough cop” notion—but it keeps its foot hovering over the brakes so as never to swerve into “deliberate” bad movie cliché territory (at least, not overly so, as with most Schwarzenegger, Statham, Stallone and Van Damme movies of the era would). Note, it’s not “deliberately” bad… but it’s bad.
Like its atmosphere, the fight scenes mix the style of chaotic street brawls and classic kung fu cinema; even the action photography and editing fit this notion. In the opening fight sequence, we witness some great single-shot wide-angle waves of techniques followed up by close-shot grapples with numerous 1-to-2-second cuts. The action and technique execution is FAST! So fast that I wondered if Sammo was actually doing all this. I mean, yes, he’s a martial arts icon, but this is really fast… like Tony Jaa (Ong-Bak) or Iko Uwais (The Raid: Redemption) fast! In fact, Sammo is listed as an uncredited action choreographer (with Donnie Yen as the action director—what a great team). Too bad Sammo isn’t in more of the fights, though.
On the topic of action and stunts, the fanfare of this film may be divided by between those who love the stunt-tricking of Tony Jaa (The Protector, Furious 7) and Scott Adkins (Boyka: Undisputed IV), and those who prefer more classic martial arts executed with elegant precision (e.g., Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). I happen to enjoy both, but prefer those focused on stunts (even though they also tend to be less story-driven). In the present case, I’m disheartened to report this film had nothing to offer I hadn’t already seen in numerous other films (and doing so much better). Not only that, but the story was laughably bad. And to that effect, I was able to enjoy this as a “bad movie.”
The fights were uneven to say the least. I enjoyed the opening Sammo Hung fight, but the next two (one with Donnie Yen, the other the parking lot assassination) were really just “meh.” When Donnie faces the skunk-haired assassin—and for some reason neither the cop nor crime lord’s top assassin carry a gun—the quality rebounds in a very fast and exciting fight. But still, no one fight has been wowing. Perhaps (barely) worth the price of admission, but then cheapened by all the sluggishly-paced “hey, we swear, this movie has a plot” exposition. I feel like I should just turn people towards Kung Fu Hustle (2004) or Rumble in the Bronx (1995), both of which do a better job of delivering high-impact martial arts while truly embracing their more deliberate silliness.
With all the hokey build-up of a videogame character walking down a shimmering gold hallway to face the final boss, the final fight is little more interesting than the others. Sigh. While by no means “terrible” quality, this film clearly squanders any opportunity presented in pitting the legendary Donnie Yen against the classic master Sammo Hung. In the kindest way possible, I’ll point out that the best part of this movie is the ending. No, not because it’s over, but for it’s poetic “bad movie” justice.
Share this post:
The MFF Podcast #110: The Last Jedi and Green Milk
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we are talking about a tiny movie called The last Jedi. The film has dominated the box office, garnered strong critical ratings and is quite possibly the most controversial Star Wars ever. In this podcast you will hear us wax poetic about green milk, sea beasts and a cheeky General Hux. There was almost too much to talk about so we brought in Megan (my awesome wife) to aid us in our discussion. I loved the film and appreciated that director Rian Johnson changed the formula and told a Star Wars film the way he wanted.
.
As always, we answer random listener questions and discuss the best cinematic explosions (Spectre!). If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Movies, Films & Flix 