MFF Special: Blood Pressure + Zombies = A Dawn of the Dead Mystery

Dawn of the Dead is one of the greatest horror films ever made. George Romero’s zombie masterpiece was brutal, brilliant and timely. The film centers around four people securing themselves in a mall to protect themselves from zombie hordes. Once they secure the facility they find themselves in a cozy cove of consumerism and start going about their lives in relative peace. However, Their tranquility is interrupted when a bunch of bikers infiltrate the mall and run amok.

There is a moment that has always stuck with me. During the motorcycle carnage, a guy cheekily attempts to get his blood pressure tested and before we could see the results he is brutally murdered via dismemberment. The following post attempts to figure out what the guy’s blood pressure would’ve been had the test been allowed to be completed.

Warning: I am not a medical professional. This post is purely speculative. I have done a lot of research but we’ll never know what this dude’s blood pressure would be. I just thought it would be funny.

Let’s assume the guy (let’s name him Charles “Chuck” Finley) started off with a totally normal blood pressure of 120 systolic/80 diastolic. Life was good for Chuck and he enjoyed a healthy lifestyle, relatively low stress and a rent-controlled apartment with a nice view. However, once the zombie outbreak happened his life became a chaotic mess that left him permanently stressed and dehydrated.  Eventually, he found himself joining a ravaging band of motorcyclists (the initiation was a beast) who thrive on death, chaos and terrible zombie battling tactics. Their scavaging lifestyle meant that water/sleep was scarce and canned goods/alcohol were plenty. Due to the constant threat of potentially becoming zombie food, the guy lived in a stressed-out state that left him irritable and paranoid.

During the mall attack, he found himself exerting a lot of energy and he makes a drunken(?) choice to test his blood pressure on a machine. However, due to the fact that he was in the middle of the melee, he gets straight up destroyed by hungry zombies.

Bad things are about to happen.

Here are some important variables.

1. Lack of sleep
2. Dehydration
3. Alcohol consumption
4. Sodium-heavy diet
5. Physical exertion
6. Stress
7. Fear

With all of that in mind, I’m guessing that his blood pressure would be around 202/128.

The 202 systolic pressure is easy because Chuck is in the throngs of chaos and between the exercise, stress and physical exertion it’s easy to assume that 200 would be crossed. According to multiple sources, it’s possible for the range to be anywhere from 180 to 220.

128 diastolic is a little trickier because it doesn’t normally rise too much during exercise (sans heavy weight lifting). I’m thinking that the physical exertion (carrying around a mannequin = decent shoulder work out), fear, stress, sodium-heavy food and lack of sleep caused his blood vessels to constrict and heart rate to elevate.  Thus, when the action started the pressure had to be greater to push through the artery walls. The short bursts of sprinting, carrying of the mannequin and fear elevated Chuck’s diastolic to easily 128 during the melee.

There you have it! This totally speculative guess puts an age-old question to rest and hopefully brings you peace. If you liked this post make sure to check out my other random data pieces!

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