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MFF Special: The Dolph Lundgren Front Kick Special

October 23, 2018

Before we get into the data I have to say this piece represents the zenith of my data collection. I literally spent 30 minutes debating whether or not Dolph’s kick in Dark Angel should be considered a front kick or not (its not). Also, every movie viewing was a tense experience as the data teeter-tottered due to the limited number of Lundgren movies that have a Tomatometer score (16 of a possible 65). Unlike my jet ski or JVCD split data the results didn’t become clear until the very end when the 0% Tomatometer rated movies Black Water and The Peacekeeper failed to feature a front kick from Dolph. The data could’ve gone either way and when you collect as much data as I do you cherish the close results that make movies like Masters of the Universe and Johnny Mnemonic exciting.

This may be controversial, but I left out Rocky IV because there was zero reason for Dolph to throw a front kick.  Drago may embrace steroids, but I don’t think he would dishonor himself by throwing a deadly front kick at Rocky during their boxing match. Also, how the heck does Universal Soldier: Regeneration not have an RT score yet? It’s a badass action film that features Dolph front kicking people. Another problem I have is the lack of love for the Lundgren directed Command Performance. It’s a movie about Dolph being awesome while saving the day in a “Die Hard in a concert venue” movie.

If you are a martial arts purist you won’t be happy with what I considered a front kick. I am well aware of the traditional front kick, however, I decided to include Teep – front push kicks and soccer kicks because they are aimed forward and there isn’t a hip turn or angled trajectory. They are straight forward kicks, and if they are done right could potentially send the victim into the next zip code. Also, the kicks didn’t have to be at humans as Dolph does front/push kick doors or large slabs on meat.  Here is a clip.

If Dolph made this speech in a Scorsese film he would’ve won an Oscar – Adam Hodgins – Listen to our Universal Soldier podcast.

Here are the results. 

1. Movies Featuring Dolph Throwing a Variation of a Front Kick

2. Movies Featuring Zero Front Kicks 

  • Tomatometer Average – 24.2%
  • Inflated Domestic Box Office – $34 million (Masters of the Universe, Johnny Mnemonic, The Expendables 3)
  • The lame movies that don’t feature front kicks (sans Expendables 3 – the final battle is sweet) – Masters of the Universe, Dark Angel, Johnny Mnemonic, The Peacekeeper, The Expendables 3, Don’t Kill It, Black Water

Why are the front kick movies better?

It helps that The Expendables (42%), The Expendables 2 (66%) and Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (55%) have solid Tomatometer numbers and only Red Scorpion has a score below 10%. There really is no correlation or causation, but, it’s worth noting that Dolph’s two movies with a 0% Tomatometer rating do not feature front kicks. If I was putting together a Dolph Lundgren primer, four of the front kick movies would be in the five I recommend:

  1. Rocky IV
  2. Universal Soldier
  3. The Expendables 2
  4. Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning
  5. Showdown in Little Tokyo

The main reason the scores are relatively close is because the writers of Don’t Kill It chose to write a decent script that didn’t allow Dolph to front kick a jerky demon into oblivion. The movies 89% Tomatometer score is earned, but when you write a movie about Dolph battling a demon AND you don’t have him kick it – there is something wrong with you. Why not let Dolph kick it?

What movie features his best front kick?

.

The Expendables 2 is his highest rated “front kick movie” and it features (in my opinion) his greatest front kick ever. Basically, he destroys a henchman with a beautiful kick that sends him over a railing. It’s awesome (1:55 in video). While watching the movie again (for research) I was shocked at how many awesome things I had forgotten. Here is a list

  1. Dolph front kicks a henchmen and says “Goodbye”
  2. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis drive around in a smart car
  3. Scott Adkins and Jason Statham fight
  4. There is a moment when Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone share the screen
  5. Dolph gets to use his science background to hilarious effect
  6. Chuck Norris probably kills 70 people
  7. JCVD plays a great villain
  8. Dolph front kicks a henchmen and says “Goodbye”

.

There you have it! Irrefutable evidence that movies featuring Dolph Lundgren throwing a front kick are better than his other movie that don’t feature front kicks. You are welcome!

If you like this article make sure to check out my other data pieces!

  1. Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
  2. Analyzing the Unsuccessful Trap in Predators
  3. How Far Did the Shark Travel in Jaws: The Revenge?
  4. How Far Did the Creature From It Follows Travel?
  5. How Many Bullets Missed John Matrix in Commando?
  6. How Fast Does the Great White Swim in Shark Night?
  7. Zara the Assistant and Jurassic World Had a Bad Day
  8. A Look at Elektra’s sandbag trainer in Daredevil
  9. How Far Did Nic Cage Run While Dressed as a Bear In The Wicker Man Remake?
  10. Breaking Down The Mariner vs. Sea Beast Battle in Waterworld
  11. How Long Did it Take The Joker to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
  12. Michael Myers Hates Blinkers
  13. Jason Voorhees Can’t Teleport?
  14. Michael Myers Loves Laundry
  15. How Far Did the Merman Travel in The Cabin in the Woods?
  16. How Far Did Matthew McConaughey Jump in Reign of Fire?
  17. How Fast can Leatherface Run?
  18. Deep Blue Sea and Stellan Skarsgard
  19. How Far Did Michael Myers Drive in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
  20. How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
  21. People Love a Bearded Kurt Russell
  22. A Closer Look at Movies That Feature the Words Great, Good, Best, Perfect and Fantastic
  23. An In-Depth Look At Movies That Feature Pencils Used as Weapons
  24. Cinematic Foghat Data
  25. Explosions and Movie Posters
  26. The Fast & Furious & Corona
  27. Nicolas Sparks Movie Posters Are Weird
  28. How Do You Make the Perfect Kevin Smith Movie?
  29. Predicting the RT score of Baywatch
  30. The Cinematic Dumb Data Podcast
  31. What is the best horror movie franchise?
  32. How Fast Can the Fisherman Clean a Trunk in I Know What You Did Last Summer?
  33. It’s Expensive to Feature Characters Being Eaten Alive and Surviving Without a Scratch
  34. How Long Does it Take Your Favorite Horror Movie Characters to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
  35. What was the Guy’s Blood Pressure in Dawn of the Dead?
  36. Why Were There So Many Lemons in National Treasure?
  37. How Far Does The Rock Jump in the Skyscraper Poster?
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