John’s Horror Corner: Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993), a decent B-movie creature feature sequel that pales to the original.
MY CALL: Anyone seeking a worthy follow-up to Pumpkinhead will surely be disappointed. But adventures in search of a worthy B-movie or a silly scary movie date night will find an entertaining evening. MORE MOVIES LIKE Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings: Pumpkinhead (1988), of course, is FAR superior. Maybe even try the later sequels (2006 and 2007)—I haven’t seen them but they couldn’t possibly measure up to the original. But this sequel harkens to the quality of Leprechaun 2 (1994), Leprechaun 3 (1995), Leprechaun in Space (1996), Wishmaster 2 (1999) and Wishmaster 3 (2001).
Some people dread the sequels of their favorite classic horror movies, often picked up by different and less experienced writers and directors and remanded to direct-to-video/DVD. Not me. Even when they never measure up, I’m happy someone tried.
Director Jeff Burr (Puppet Master 4-5, Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III) takes the helm and follows in the footsteps of makeup special effects wizard turned one-time horror director Stan Winston (Pumpkinhead). Those are some big shoes to fill.
The opening scene is far from promising. It’s a shining example of how the video era made the 90s a terrible decade for horror. Anyone could make a film in the 90s (and today…but not in the 80s). They couldn’t necessarily act, write, direct or edit. But they could film whatever drivel that wandered in front of the camera. In this sequel the acting is bottom tier, the characters aren’t at all likable, and the dialogue is 80% lame exposition; just awful.
We flash back to 1958, when a disfigured boy is tortured and killed by a clique of malicious greasers as his elderly mother watched. Then we shift to present day and find the modern counterparts of those young criminals. These delinquents waste no time smoking pot, drinking underage, and making unwanted sexual advances. Pumpkinhead (1988) was heavily troped up, but at least I could enjoy the characters. This is just crass.
Even at a glance the 1988 victims (above) look way more credible than the bright-eyed bushy-tailed “delinquents” in 1993 (below).
A big city cop (Andrew Robinson; Hellraiser, Trancers 3, Child’s Play 3) moves his family to the woods to become a small town sheriff. His daughter Jenny (Ami Dolenz; Ticks, Witchboard 2) falls into the wrong crowd almost instantly.
While out late and up to no good they hit the local witch (Lilyan Chauvin; Predator 2, Silent Night, Deadly Night) with their car and stumble across her cabin. In her primitive and filthy home they find a ritual, a spell from the Book of Shadows to raise the dead. But the vehicular assault clearly wasn’t enough, so a teenager (J. Trevor Edmond; Lord of Illusions, Return of the Living Dead 3) beats her, steals a magical totem and leaves her to die as her cabin burns down with her in it. So naturally, the witch curses them that the demonic entity Pumpkinhead will exact her revenge.
But what’s strange is that, after being cursed, the kids go dig up her dead son (somehow knowing exactly where to dig), desecrate his grave, and perform the dead-awakening ritual themselves! Soooooo… did the curse even matter? Well, like I said, it’s not competently written.
Well now somehow all the locals know that “it’s back” and “it won’t stop until it gets what it wants.” Evidently the local folklore is more like common knowledge.
SIDEBAR with SPOILERS: The Nature of the Curse, Part 1 vs Part 2. Another unfortunate shortcoming is that this sequel completely ignores the rules of the curse as they were laid out in Pumpkinhead. In Pumpkinhead Ed has the witch invoke the ritual to summon Pumpkinhead, a demonic spirit of vengeance. In doing so, he tied his own fate to that of the demon such that when Pumpkinhead was injured, he would suffer the same injury, and when Pumpkinhead was killed, he also would die. But it wasn’t so simple. Ed not only died with Pumpkinhead, but Ed “became” the placeholder for the next Pumpkinhead summoning and as the demon came closer to completing Ed’s revenge, Ed took on some aspects of the demon (e.g., his whitening eyes). Ed’s body was buried in the pumpkin patch, disfigured as the neo-natal, pre-summoned Pumpkinhead before him.
This sequel now identifies that Pumpkinhead was Tommy’s father. Well, Tommy died in 1958 when he and Ed were both children. So when Ed (in his childhood flashback in Pumpkinhead) saw the demon, did he see Tommy’s father as Pumpkinhead? Even if so, Ed replaced the former Pumpkinhead. So it should instead be Ed who is this iteration of Pumpkinhead. Moreover, the second Pumpkinhead was formed from Tommy’s body (not his father’s) in his own grave site (not the pumpkin patch). And this new Pumpkinhead was summoned by the witch, who dies while Pumpkinhead continues to exact his revenge—so there goes the bound fate idea. Shame…it was a great idea in Pumpkinhead.
I can’t explain why they’d break that continuity. Was it really so much easier to do it this way instead, thus throwing out such excellent folklore? Of course, the binding fate conferred a sense of human frailty and realized morality. Even though Ed Harley summoned the beast and tied their fates, he stopped the demon despite it meaning his own end. There is no such grace to be found in this sequel.
So we eventually learned that this Pumpkinhead is actually Tommy! Not his father. And at the end of the movie Pumpkinhead has no implied successor—certainly not the dead witch. Only a lame finale. So the once-harrowing cursed sense of legacy is also squandered. Yet further perplexing is that Ed Harley’s father was Tom in Pumpkinhead, but Tom had a ten year old Ed back in 1958. So there’s no dispute that this Tom is not Tommy-Pumpkinhead nor is there any link between them. I wonder if the writer and director even saw Pumpkinhead!
To call the special effects inferior to Stan Winston’s glorious original wouldn’t be unwarranted. This rubber monster is certainly more than passable. The long fingers lack some of the refinement of Winston’s Pumpkinhead, which also had a perpetual mucousy sheen and a more expressive face that conferred greater personality.
1988 above, 1993 below
There’s some blood and dismemberment, but most of the flesh-rending action takes place off-screen. The important thing is that we really get to see the monster—it’s entire body—and not just his head in some shots and a swinging claw in others. We see it and we see a lot of it! And if I had never seen part 1 for comparison, I’d be pleased with this creature feature’s Pumpkinhead. One deficit, though, would be this monster’s feet. They lack the spindly xenomorphic look of 1988. No, this 1993 model is a bit more lumbering T-rex than velociraptor.
Hulking 1993 demon above, spindly 1988 demon below.
When it came to the witch, this sequel was barely even phoning it in. The 1988 witch was shrouded in menace and primitive mysticism. When she spoke your ears listened and your stomach tightened. She exuded that backwoods black magic atmosphere. This which was a lumpy latex-faced menace with no lines of substance and a cheaply over-staged cabin lair. But that would fit most comparisons to be made between 1993 and 1988. Woefully ill-written, less expertly effected, and unthoughtfully over-staged. Don’t even get me started comparing Lance Henriksen (Harbinger Down, Aliens, AVP, The Pit and the Pendulum) to Andrew Robinson; it wouldn’t be fair, especially with the hand Robinson (who was once great in Hellraiser) was dealt in terms of the script and director.
The “okay” 1993 witch above; the harrowing 1988 witch below.
This sequel feels more campy. Kane Hodder (Smothered, Wishmaster, Hatchet, Love in the Time of Monsters) and Linnea Quigley (Night of the Demons, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Creepazoids) have cameos—really just an excuse to throw in some boobs and fan favorite actors. At one point Pumpkinhead picks up a victim and executes a WWF backbreaker—at which point any minimal semblance of creepy atmosphere the film had, is lost. A broken spine is devastating and all, but it didn’t seem like the style of a demon, nor did the “death by pecking chickens” scene.
And therein lies this movie’s greatest shortcoming: completely uninventive death scenes. It’s awesome seeing Pumpkinhead, but almost boring watching him kill (largely off-screen). That is, of course, outside of the so-bad-it’s-good chuckle here or there. With the exception of one sloppy campy decapitation, there is no gore worth mentioning. And, by the way, there are no “wings” in Blood Wings despite some suggestive movie posters. It’s just a really stupid play on a really stupid plot point.
See the “blood wings” on the wall? Yeah. That’s our title. SMH.
Anyone seeking a worthy follow-up to Pumpkinhead will surely be disappointed…very disappointed. But adventures in search of a worthy B-movie or a silly scary movie date night will find an entertaining evening.
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15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 2 (2001-2015): some of the greatest, goriest, most shocking and most memorably defining moments in horror since 2001
Greetings, horrorounds! We spend so much of our time complaining about re-used, recycled, unoriginal, tired-out horror tropes and stories and stale archetypal horror character roles presented by actors that can’t act, directors who can rarely direct, and budgets that don’t get us anywhere. So I thought it was time for us to take a moment to remember that even today in the modern horror era we find the occasional delight in our modern horror in the form of worthy remakes or original approaches to old ideas…maybe even some new ideas.
This is a follow-up article to 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 1 (2000-2014) and 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror: The Good, the Bad and the Hilarious. So if you don’t see your favorite movies listed here, they were probably in last year’s review of awesome horror scenes. If you want some excellent horror suggestions from further back, you should check out The Best Moments in Horror: looking back 20 years to 1995 and looking back 20 years to 1996, and The Best Horror Came from the 80s: Part 1 and Part 2.
I really wanted to include movies like Session 9 and The Skeleton Key, but such films are more about tone than single iconic images that ignite memories. So now I give you 15 more photos for 15 years of horror. These don’t necessarily represent the 15 “best” horror movies since 2001–for that you should check out our articles on What is the Best Horror Movie of the 21st Century? and The Top 21 Horror Films of the 21st Century!–but rather 15 of the most memorable moments for me.
Krampus (2015)
Remember when that demented, possessed elderly woman swallowed a child’s head whole like one of those egg-swallowing snakes in The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)? This was kinda’ like that.
Krampus was loaded with a yuletide menagerie of monsters, one of which was a somewhat cute-yet-clearly evil Jack-in-the-Box with the lower body and snow-burrowing habits of one of the victim-dragging Tremors (1990) monsters. How’s that for nightmare fuel? But the real shock came when we caught this snow slug with its mouth full. And just like Deborah Logan and her unhinging jaw, this Christmas creature was hungry for kids on the “Naughty List.” Feel free to listen to our podcast discussion of Krampus.
Goodnight Mommy (2014)
For future reference, if your child is so guilt-stricken over the accidental death of his twin, just let him enjoy his new imaginary friend. If you don’t, you may experience a bit of a domestic power struggle. This film was loaded with brutal scenes, twisted imagery, and paranoid crises of identity. I highly recommend it. If you don’t believe me, check out our podcast discussion on the film.
Evil Dead (2013)
The Evil Dead remake succeeded because it had many of the elements of the first two films (1981, 1987), but they have been chopped up, modified, meshed with other elements, spread across the entire cast or lumped into one. For example, there is no character that fills the role of Ash. Not really. But you’ll see “Ash” moments played out by different characters as well as “Ash” lines and other Ash-isms. What’s great about this is that you don’t know who, if anyone, is going to survive this movie. What a nice touch. It all feels so familiar to Evil Dead fans yet, despite this familiarity, you never know what’s in store except for a few iconic scenes. This horrendously brutal “tongue scene” however, was original to the remake. Please join us and listen to our podcast discussion on this remake.
The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Most people like referencing the Merman as the most memorable aspect of this brilliantly funny, gory and clever film. And in last year’s post I refer you to the board and the premise behind it. Was it genius? No. Was it 100% what we horror fans never knew we wanted? ABSOLUTELY!!! With such entries as “angry molesting tree” honoring Evil Dead, sexy witches and the much discussed “Kevin”….this film managed to give nods to a broad sweep of the horror genre’s better moments.
But for me, nothing offered such adorable levity as when our government horror technicians celebrated prematurely, breaking out into some impromptu white guy dances! Not only did we love this film, so did our readers! We conducted a poll and podcasted the results: that this was the best horror film of the 21st century!!!!
The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence (2011)
In case you should ever find yourself arguing “what’s more disgusting than a human centipede”…here’s your answer. And it’s not an even larger human centipede, but rather its creator. This little deviant masturbates with sandpaper while fantasizing about compound shit-eating alimentary canals. This mentally retarded, severely disturbed and abused man obsesses over Tom Sixx’s movie, takes it as medical canon and pursues his own dreams of a bigger, better human centipede. This metamovie sequel (as did Hostel 2) presents its sick, depraved story through the mad scientist’s perspective.
Altitude (2010)
I DO NOT recommend watching Altitude unless you’re in the mood for a bad movie featuring a giant flying squid monster brought to life by the overactive imagination of a nostalgic horror comicbook fan. This is not happening in the sea. It’s happening 20 thousand feet above the ground at 200 mph!!!! I’m pretty sure that their plane would get shredded in the tail winds of this monster, which, by the way, is flying 200 mph backwards while assaulting this plane.
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
When Alison Lohman gets dragged to Hell in Drag Me to Hell. Yeah, I know it’s the title of the movie. But that was SHOCKING and somehow totally unexpected anyway.
But, then again, she did turn down a loan that threw an elderly dead-eyed gypsy out on the street. And, while you may argue she was just doing her job and making a tough call, she also did kill a kitten. Kitten killers go to Hell. It’s as simple as that. Honestly, I’m sort of relieved that Justin Long didn’t end up marrying that kitten killer.
Mirrors (2008)
Let’s be clear here. Mirrors definitely had its share of shortcomings. The movie is effectively quite creepy–as a more films relying on evil mirror images–but it starts off at a sluggish pace and ends in a lame finale. But trust me, the movie is worth it anyway. And this is the scene that brings it all together. There are few scenes so effectively terrifying…and it is not short either. Poor Amy Smart.
Trick ‘r Treat (2007)
Trick ‘r Treat is a favorite for many reasons and I consider it one of the better horror anthologies you can watch. I especially loved the artistic license taken on the werewolf transformation scene! It may seem a little questionable to horror fans at first glance, but it was done VERY well and it mingled fantastically with the “girls in slutty costumes” theme; they literally “stripped” off their human skin (i.e., the Wolf’s slutty costume) to reveal the wolf within. Given the tone of the movie and the scene, it felt perfect.
Slither (2006)
There couldn’t have been a more deliciously disgusting movie in 2006. Slither was the gourmet of all things gory and gooey. There are tentacles and mutations and transformations…and Nathan Fillion proclaiming that he has too much muscle mass to get drunk.
The Descent (2005)
Talk about cultivating urgency. When all your friends have been eaten alive by a race of subterranean blind vampire Morlocks and the only way to evade detection is to submerge yourself in an offal pit of decaying blood and chunky guts, it’s pretty fair you’re having a rough day and starring in a horror film that doesn’t need to resort to cheap thrills to get you on edge. Watch this movie. It has so much more to offer than it’s spelunking mole people monsters suggest.
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
There truly is something magical about the completely credible, everyday apathy that could permit someone to completely overlook the beginnings of the zombie apocalypse around them. And this was before people walked about with their eyes affixed to a SmartPhone screen. Shaun of the Dead will likely forever remain among the very greatest of horror comedies. Not only is the writing on point, but the acting is splendid and this film always finds a way to be funny.
When Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees first met, I felt like such a fan boy! Their direct fights may not have been amazing, but Jason did rip off Freddy’s arm and Freddy did stab Jason with his own machete. I guess that’s just the kind of conflict that arises when a soul-stealing dream demon is serially foiled by the exploits of a promiscuous camper-killing zombie of vengeance. There’s also some general silliness, like getting baked with an evil caterpillar and using mommy issues to manipulate your nemesis. All in all, a great ride even if not a great film.
GOOD LORD! Scenes like this are why I loved the Cabin Fever films so much. But this scene had to be the best of all four movies–even the Cabin Fever: Spring Fever (2009) and Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014) had their charm. So good was this scene, in fact, that the Cabin Fever (2016) remake, of course, had to replicate it. This scene is really a simple concept brilliantly realized on screen.
Thirteen Ghosts (2001)
Remember how cool it was seeing all the different ghosts of the Black Zodiac? Well, few were as fun as the “Angry Princess.” Yeah, as a teenager I loved boobs, too. This suicidal specter wandered around with dead eyes, bare boobs, and a fixation on beauty. I remember being so nervous when she was standing behind Scream Queen Shannon Elizabeth.
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Hope you enjoyed some of my favorite mania-feeding moments.
Please read on to 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 1 (2000-2014).
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Arrival: The Words of the Worlds
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Arrival is a truly remarkable film because it is patient, smart and forgoes theatrics for small discussions. Director Denis Villeneuve (Prisoners, Enemy, Sicario) has created a science fiction treat that looks beautiful and tells a small story that features big ideas. I’ve love that the internet has fallen in love with Arrival because this is the type of film that could’ve easily slipped through the cracks and become an under watched cult classic. It is rare that a literate (based on a short story) and moderately budgeted ($47 million) science fiction film hits big and captures a lot of hearts.
Arrival focuses on 12 alien ships that have appeared in various areas around the world. There is no pattern to where they’ve landed and every 12(ish) hours their doors open to allow scientists or government officials to come inside in an attempt to communicate. Nobody knows why the aliens have appeared because there is no simple way to ask them or understand when they answer. That all changes when linguist Louise Banks (Amy Adams = the best) and theoretical physicist Ian Donnelly (Jeremy Renner) come in and begin to crack the alien language. From there, it is a race against the clock to prevent potential war and appease the millions of earthlings who are justifiably freaking out.
Villeneuve could’ve loaded Arrival with jump scares, probes and Jeremy Renner spin-kicking aliens. Instead, he and the director of photography Bradford Young (Selma) focus on jaw-dropping moments and beautifully staged set pieces. My favorite moment involves Louise and Ian entering the space ship for the first time. The moment plays with gravity and gives us a play-by-play breakdown of how people enter the towering ships. I think the moment is really important because it familiarizes us with the location and gives us a mental picture of the process so we know the journey they take each day.
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What I love about Arrival is how the pacing, themes and performances combine to form a thoughtful and patient experience. Giving more away would be a travesty so I implore you to go check out Arrival and immerse yourself in all its glory.
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John’s Horror Corner: The Being (1983), a passable mutant monster creature feature for B-movie fans.
MY CALL: This monster movie is nothing special at all outside of providing a less mainstream B-movie to entertain horror fans. The effects are more entertaining than good, but unlike the acting and writing, the effects clearly put forth a solid effort. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Being: This movie is similar to but not as good as Xtro (1983), Without Warning (1980), Blue Monkey (1987), The Kindred (1987), The Nest (1988), Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor (1990), The Deadly Spawn (1983) and Humanoids from the Deep (1980). I’d recommend you see all of these before attempting The Being.
Written and directed by first-time filmmaker Jackie Kong (Blood Diner), this film opens uninventively with a narration of the most basic exposition—locals are missing, strange things are happening, and “the ultimate terror has taken form” right there in Pottsville, Idaho. We are “told” these three things.
The creature effects swing into action early, which is always a good thing when dealing with B movies since the creature effects are really the only reason we’re here—and I can gladly say the effects are satisfying even if truly nothing special. They include gross slimy monster limbs, gory on-screen decapitation, an out-of-focus monster attacking an in-focus naked woman, the old ripping the heart out of the chest gag, a prehensile frog-like tongue, and loads of green slime and gelatinous sludge.
Propagandist scientist Dr. Garson Jones (Martin Landau; Without Warning, Ed Wood) addresses the public regarding the safety of dumping nuclear waste into drinking water sources.
Because what harm is a little toxic waste?
I guess this movie is telling us!
At first things don’t totally make sense. For example, during a gratuitous sex scene in a car green sludge oozes through the AC vents and radio as our Casanova rounds third base. Then, all of a sudden, a skeletal slimy sludge hand reaches up and attacks the young lovers—so the thing must have formed right there in the car! But wait…did the monster liquefy then reform? We never find out! Speaking of slimy monster arms, that is all we see until we find a slimy mutant monster fetus and a throwback creature to the Husky lump in The Thing (1981).
When our protagonist meets our monster and tries to warn Mayor Gordon (José Ferrer; Dune, The Sentinel, The Swarm), he could care less. His only concern is the town’s revenue stream of potato exports. The mayor actually hires Dr. Jones to look into things and keep the situation quiet. This all highlights some of the dumber aspects of the movie, among some other probably unintentionally silly scenes poorly held together by wooden acting and some incredibly lazy dialogue. These actors couldn’t be troubled to care about delivering a single line. But hey, it’s a fun B-movie. What did you expect, right? I mean, whenever the monster leaps towards someone, it seems a production assistant just throws a monster dummy across the camera and onto the victim. There’s even a low-speed chase scene and a needless car explosion.
It’s not until the finale that we get to see something awesome. The somehwat full-body creature is a sloppy, gory mess of teeth. We actually just see its head and an arm. But the head is pretty cool. Not creative at all, but fun to watch.
And that’s what this movie is. It’s “fun to watch” and nothing else. There’s nothing to brag in terms of interesting effects or story and the death scenes are uninspired. But this bad movie is a good bad (i.e., so bad it’s good). The fight between our hero and the toxic mutant is about as bad as it gets—and I giggled throughout. If you enjoy B horror movies, you probably will, too.
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Sing Street: A Fantastic Crowd Pleaser That Is Funny, Heartfelt and Cool
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Have you ever told somebody you were in a band to impress them? If so, did you tell them they could be in your upcoming music video? Did they believe you? The answer is probably “no,” but that is the problem the hero of Sing Street finds himself in. Conor (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo) is a gawky 15-year old kid who has to start attending local state-school after his parents can no longer afford the expensive private school he was attending. At first things goes predictably awry, but after he blatantly lies to a beautiful girl named Raphina (Lucy Boynton) things start coming together for him. He puts together a band with the help of music maestro Eamon (Mark McKenna) and manager Danny (Ben Carolan) and together they mimic many musical genres, wear some very awkward clothes (it was the 1980s) and create some really fun music.
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Sing Street is alive with fantastic pop music, charming performances and legitimate melancholy. I didn’t want the movie to end and immediately after the film ended I wanted to buy the soundtrack then watch it again. Director/writer John Carney (Once, Begin Again) experiences growing up in 1980s Dublin helped create a movie that is equal parts history lesson and love letter to the music of the 1980s. The costumes, haircuts and musical choices all feel authentic and I love how Carney deals earnestly with the musical proceedings.
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There is an authenticity to Sing Street and I love how the characters come together and prove themselves more than their initial introduction. For instance, Conor’s brother Brendan (Jack Reynor – really good) comes across as a slacker music enthusiast, but as the film progresses you see he has a keen sense of human nature and his observations about their parents relationships are spot on. You begin to cheer for the guy and respect the fact that he is helping his brother move forward in life. I love the little character moments in Sing Street because in those tiny moments you learn a lot about who these characters are. Jack Reynor was actually sold on the film by one line that Carney wrote.
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Do yourself a favor and check out Sing Street. It is a wonderfully nostalgic breath of fresh air that will put a smile on your face.
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The MFF Podcast #76: The Blair Witch Pod (1999-2016)
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Summary: This week we discuss The Blair Witch Project (1999), briefly address Book of Shadows (2000), delve deep into the links between Blair Witch (2016) and the original, and address fan theories of time distortion.
We answer the tough questions in this podcast! For example…
“What do Bigfoot and the Blair Witch have in common?”
“What animated films should get live action remakes? How about Anime?”
“After Olympus and London Has Fallen, where should Gerard Butler go to murder more people?”
“Just what exactly is going on with these time distortions in the Blair Witch’s woods?”
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO, PodBean, or
head over iTunes, and if you get a chance please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!
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MFF Special: The Top Five Cinematic Presidents
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With the presidential election looming I decided to compile a list of my five favorite cinematic presidents. These five men are all incredibly different but if you combined them into one person our world would be a better place. What I love about these men is they have no problem making tough choices, jumping into fights and delivering amazing speeches.
The presidents might also have Jedi powers…
Here are the top five cinematic presidents!
5. President Thomas J. Whitmore – Independence Day
Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) is a true hero who monologues like a champ and has no problem engaging in air combat with devilish aliens. I have deep respect for a man who leads his country into combat and survives to tell the tale. What impresses me the most about Whitmore is how he was able to belt out a rousing speech on the fly. He had no speechwriters or aids telling him what to say or do. He simply stood up and delivered a speech that saved the world.
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4. President Tom Beck – Deep Impact
Morgan Freeman is the best and his President Beck character in Deep Impact is the president everyone wants. He is cool, calm and has a beautiful voice that could prevent war. If an asteroid was headed towards earth, I’m pretty sure the only thing that would calm me down is a speech by Morgan Freeman. Anything that comes out his mouth sounds reassuring and I would briefly forget that a massive rock was headed my way. We need more Morgan Freeman president characters.
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3. President Merkin Muffley – Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Peter Sellers is my hero (watch Being There) and Dr. Strangelove or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb is my second favorite film (Jaws is #1). What I love about President Merkin Muffley is how relaxed he seems in the face of chaos. One of my favorite all time scenes involves Muffley talking to the Russian leader about potential nuclear war. It is the funniest phone conversation ever and proves that Peter Sellers can do no wrong.
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2. President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho – Idiocracy
Terry Crews is an underrated comedic actor and his portrayal of President Camacho in Idiocracy is a blend of earnestness, anger and bouncing pecs. He is the type of president who will get down and dirty and allow others to have a voice (before he busts out his machine gun). Idiocracy is an underrated film that has managed to stay relevant and topical during the current election. I’d like to think that Camacho could make this country great again.
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1. President Tug Benson – Hot Shots! Part Deux
I’ve watched Hot Shots! Part Deux countless times and it never gets old. It is loaded with hilarious sight gags, one-liners and characters. My favorite of the bunch is President Tug Benson (Lloyd Bridges). What I love about Benson is how he isn’t afraid to throw himself into action and occasionally incapacitate bad guys via stinky farts. The final battle between he and Saddam Hussein is a neat mixture of weird moments, asbestos skin and Terminator 2 gags. If our country was ever in trouble I would happily trust that Benson would save the day and still not remember who his wife is.
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Five Reasons Why Jeff Nichols is the Best Working Director Today
If you see one of my movies and don’t like it. It is totally my fault.
Jeff Nichols – Wired – 2014
My Jeff Nichols appreciation dates back to 2008 when a friend of mine recommended I watch a film called Shotgun Stories. I looked into it on IMDb and realized that Jeff’s brother Ben is the frontman for the alt-country band Lucero. I was excited to see that Ben’s music was featured on the soundtrack, and I gave the film a go because I wanted to see if Ben’s brother was as talented at directing as Ben was at music. The movie totally drew me into Nichols version of the midwest and I loved every second of the contemporary southern tragedy. Since Shotgun Stories, Nichols has been a beautiful tear with Take Shelter, Mud, Midnight Special and Loving. They are all damn near perfect and everything Nichols touches turns gold.
The following post covers five reasons why Jeff Nichols is the best working director today.
1. His First Five Films Have an Average 90.8% Rating on Rotten Tomatoes
The 90.8% average for his first five films is higher than the first five films of Wes Anderson, Martin Scorsese, Robert Altman, Alfred Hitchcock, Katheryn Bigelow, James Cameron, Francis Ford Coppola and Akira Kurosawa. This is an incredible feat considering the amount of talented directors that have been making films for decades.
What I love about his films is how unique they are. Aside from the true story Loving, Nichols has brought the world some original gems that are unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
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2. Take Shelter Is the Best Film of This Decade
Take Shelter is a heartbreaking film about a man trying to protect his family. Is the world ending or is he getting his first symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia? Take Shelter glued me to my seat and I sat through the credits trying to absorb what I had just watched. Nichols direction alongside the performances of Michael Shannon and Jessica Chastain create a wrenching film that lingers long in your memory. The final song by Ben Nichols is heartbreaking as well. Take Shelter is cinema at its most beautiful and absorbing.
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3. He writes All of His Films
I like that he writes his own films and you can tell he loves his source material. All of the characters are written with care and I like how he explores the lower class with class. He doesn’t pander, stereotype or dumb his characters down and that makes them real. The contemporary southern films are all important to Nichols and he draws inspiration from his family, children and everyday experiences which make the films real and not forced. Nichols wrote Midnight Special after a harrowing ordeal involving his child and you can see his personality shining through in this neat little exchange.
Alton Meyer: Dad?
Roy: Yeah?
Alton Meyer: Are you scared?
Roy: Yes.
Alton Meyer: You don’t have to worry about me.
Roy: I like worrying about you.
Alton Meyer: You don’t have to anymore.
Roy: I’ll always worry about you Alton. That’s the deal.
.
4. He Always Gets Final Cut
I Need Two Things: Michael Shannon and Final Cut
If a Jeff Nichols movie is bad it is because Jeff Nichols messed up. I love that he puts himself out on a ledge and keeps full creative control because there are no excuses if it turns out to be bad. Nichols recently did an interview with Hitflix and here is what writer Drew McWeeny said to say about his creative control:
One thing I found interesting in our conversation was just how little he cared about whether people like the ending to Midnight Special. That may sound arrogant, but I think it’s the opposite. Instead of worrying about how people will react, Nichols simply focuses on telling the best version of the story, something that ties his film together thematically and dramatically. It’s a punishing game for filmmakers to try to one-up each other and whatever’s come before, and it leads to films that have these preposterously-scaled third acts full of glowing doodads on rooftops and CGI beasties. While not everyone is going to like the destination in Midnight Special, it’s clearly a carefully crafted conclusion to this very particular story.
5. He Gets the Best Out of His Actors
I still hope that Jessica Chastain and Michael Shannon receive honorary Academy Awards for their work in Take Shelter. You can tell the actors enjoy being in Nichols’ films, and I love how the lack of plot and expository dialogue force them to bring their A-game. I don’t know how Nichols does it but I appreciate how he is able to get the best out every actor. There is a naturalist vibe and he manages to play towards their strengths while not making it easy for them. Watch this clip from Mud and you will see McConaughey in all his McConaissance glory.
What is your favorite Jeff Nichols film? Let me know in the comments.
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The Fifth Element (1997), Milla Jovavich’s beloved sci-fi character Leeloo saves the Universe from darkness.
MY CALL: Easily one of my favorite movies…EVER! It’s a zany, exhilarating, sci-fi adventure movie about hope, love and overcoming evil to save the Universe. Featuring a slew of highly memorable and quotable characters, this is one of my Desert Island movies; I can happily watch it any time. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Fifth Element: For something newer try Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005), for something older maybe Total Recall (1990).
Director Luc Besson (Leon: The Professional, La Femme Nikita) is an artist, and bonkers characters fill his pallet. From the zany opening scenes we find a strangely divine character dynamic in Egypt, an evil planet attack loaded with sci-fi zest, and our graphic novel-esque antihero starts his day to one of the most cosmically cool soundtracks to emerge from the 90s.
Corbin (Bruce Willis; A Good Day to Die Hard) is a has-been decorated military officer who now struggles to keep his cat fed and license to drive his hover-cab valid. He awakens like a washed up John McClane after a rough night, expresses that he wishes he had a woman in his life, and dodges calls from his pestilent boss and mother.
Despite the massive amount of looney transpiring on screen, we meet numerous memorable and substantial characters and all of them will make you smile. Tiny “Zeus” Lister (Friday, No Holds Barred) is an intergalactic President. Father Vito Cornelius (Ian Holm; Lord of the Rings, Alien) informs him that they have only 48 hours to stop a cosmic force of ancient evil which will wipe out all life in the Universe and only one thing can stop it: a mystical supreme being.
After an attack, remnants of an engineered lifeform are recovered and reconstituted into a genetically “perfect” orange-haired woman. Clothed in the thermal bandages so beloved by Comic Con cosplayers around the world, Leeloo (Milla Jovavich; Resident Evil 1-7, Faces in the Crowd) escapes into a world that she clearly doesn’t understand and falls into Corbin’s cab babbling a dead language and being all sorts of indescribably adorable.
When she asks Corbin for help, hardly understanding her own tear-soaked words, no one with a heart could say no. Although Corbin almost does. But in helping her, he earns her trust and becomes her antihero protector and the co-savior of the Universe.
Peppering more crazy into the cast, Gary Oldman (Leon: The Professional, The Dark Knight) serves up his villainy deliciously as Zorg. Despite being a super-rich evil mastermind, he makes a lot of poor decisions. Rounding out all manner of plays and players, Chris Tucker (Rush Hour 1-3, Friday) is brilliantly idiosyncratic as the manic sex-addict Radio Host Ruby Rod, and Maïwenn (High Tension, Leon: The Professional) plays the mystical operatic Diva.
The favorite scene of mine would have to be the Diva’s concert. The Diva’s song is unlike anything you’ve heard, and its high notes score and punctuate the action of Leeloo’s awesome fight sequence on the Floston Paradise cruise ship. There is nothing technically wowing about the fight choreography, which is clearly meant to be more amusingly dynamic than a demonstration of martial prowess, but with the music and Besson’s humorous approach I could watch it all day. This scene steamrolls into a bigger, longer, more explosive action sequence full of Corbin’s cynicism, Ruby’s hysteria, and Leeloo’s endangerment.
Now almost 20 years old, The Fifth Element’s special effects will not wow you. And whereas I feel they hold up more than well enough on their own, when combined with the score the scenes remain highly entertaining. The music alone will ignite your attention. This is especially evident during the taxi-police chase scene, during which I completely forgive the dated CGI as I watch Leeloo pinballing around the back seat to Cheb Khaled’s “Alech Taadi.”
Most entertaining for me is how Leeloo (the supreme being) speeds through the internet learning 5000 years of history, culture and language, along with mastering Kung Fu in order to save all humanity much as Neo (“the one”) did in The Matrix (1999)…two years later, and now apparently less original. Of course, The Fifth Element isn’t 100% original either—in fact, Ug in Critters (1986) did the same thing. You’ll find parallels and homages to loads of other sci-fi. Many ships look like Empire Star Destroyers, there’s the Dark Side of the Force and Mr. Shadow coming to bring darkness to the Universe, and the Diva appears to be a cross between the Xenomorph and Jabba’s Twi’lek slave girl dancer Oola. Oh, and Bruce Willis is basically playing Die Hard in Space—but in the best way possible!
For all its awesome fun, it’s Leeloo that breathes life into this film. Leeloo is among the most beloved characters in the Sci-Fi genre—making the ranks of Yoda, Luke and Han. When Leeloo smiles it’s sincere emotion, naïve to the workings of the world around her, and she will infect your heart. There is such purity to her goodness. And when she says “multipass” it will brighten your day.
I recommend this movie to everyone. EVERYONE. I was 16 when I saw it in theaters so I know this movie carries a lot of nostalgia for me. But watching this just makes me feel good, satisfied, happy, hopeful, warm-fuzzy, awesome…all that. I expect it to affect you the same. Enjoy!
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John’s Horror Corner: Critters (1986), a sci-horror comedy creature feature follow-up to Gremlins (1984) with viciously cute flesh-eating aliens.
MY CALL: A satisfyingly fun creature feature for fans of Gremlins (1984) and Ghoulies 2 (1988). Not much of a plot, but loads of off-the-wall inventiveness, playful nods to the genre, and likably cute miscreant monsters. MORE MOVIES LIKE Critters: Critters 2 (1988), Gremlins (1984), Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990), Ghoulies 2 (1988), Tremors (1990), Grabbers (2012)…maybe even Munchies (1987) and Hobgoblins (1988), although they are of considerably lower quality.
This movie’s opening is as cheesy as it gets. After a batch of fuzzy little aliens escape a maximum security “prison asteroid” they are followed to Earth by a pair of intergalactic bounty hunters reputed for their destructive methods.
Meanwhile on Earth, Helen (Dee Wallace; The Howling, Lords of Salem, Halloween, Cujo), Jay (Billy Green Bush; The Hitcher), and their kids April (Nadine Van der Velde; Munchies) and Brad (Scott Grimes; Critters 2) have a pretty normal life…that is, until the critters land their spaceship on their family farm to turn Kansas into their buffet.
Their small town has its fair share of personality. Sheriff Harv (M. Emmet Walsh) tries and fails to keep the peace while Deputy Jeff (Ethan Phillips; Star Trek: Voyager, Critters 3) hits on their dispatcher Sally (Lin Shaye; Insidious 1-4, Chillerama). And keeping the sheriff on his toes is Charlie (Don Keith Opper; Critters 2-4), an alcoholic simpleton whose belief in little green men is known all throughout town. His “crying wolf” archetype and friendship with Brad clearly served as a model for the similar dynamic in Leprechaun (1993), which is a decent R-rated horror comedy follow-up for adult fans of Critters.
The shape-shifting bounty hunters learn about Earth much as Leeloo and Neo (in The Fifth Element and The Matrix) and assume the form of a rock star (Terrence Mann; Critters 2-4) and a few locals. This hardly serves the story, but it garnishes an additional layer of silly icing on this cheesy B-movie cake.
The special effects feature a transformation scene that serves as a predecessor for Hellraiser (1987) with reverse time lapse wax melting. The UFO and scenes in outer space are forgivably laughable—mostly because it all feels deliberate and suits the younger PG-13 demographic. This movie transcends the “so bad it’s good” territory and finds itself comfortably in the “good” zone…in the sense that it’s timelessly entertaining. I mean, the critters’ main objective on Earth is comically “food,” they roll around like Sonic the Hedgehog, and they grow as they eat creating a giant Tribble-like threat. Much as Ghoulies 2 (1988) has a giant ghoulie, Critters has a giant critter.
I still like the creature effects. The critters’ toothy maws are menacing. These critters are met with a comical impish first impression. But make no mistake, they are here to kill and eat! They rampage a steer leaving a ripped up gory cadaver, they eat April’s boyfriend Steve (Billy Zane; Demon Knight, Bloodrayne, Survival Island), and brutally maul any within biting range. To level the playing field these diminutive monsters are 50% teeth, swarm like piranhas when they can, and they shoot tranquilizing sleep quills.
Helming his first of many feisty movies to come, director Stephen Herek (Rock Star, The Three Musketeers, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure) knows how to entertain us…and our kids! That’s right. Horror for kids? This is PG-13 but it’s every bit as gory as some convincing R-rated movies of its time—although it’s not trying overly hard to shock us and there is nothing brutal or mean-spirited about it. There are a few swear words here and there (uttered by cute aliens and our kid hero Brad), but this is easily suited for preteens. It’s never really “scary” and you never “see” anyone die (although it’s implied once).
There’s a lot to love about this movie—but most of all is that Stephen Herek really tries to entertain you instead of doing just enough to hold things together between special effects. It’s kind of adorable that the critters are intergalactic fugitives, Brad hypothesizes that the critters are radioactive gophers created by the government, a critter confronts an ET plush, Brad’s cat is named Chewie, and Jay’s bowling team shirt looks like the Ghostbusters’ logo. Also grin-worthy is that when the critters “speak” it sounds like a Pomeranian shaking a chew toy, despite the subtitles of totally normal dialogue.
This fun creature feature will happily please fans of Gremlins (1984) and Ghoulies 2 (1988). What it lacks in cohesive plot, it more than compensates in off-the-wall inventiveness, frequent self-aware nods to the genre, and likable miscreant alien monsters.
Watch this, then watch for more since, at the end, they laid eggs!!!
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