Everybody Relax, I’m Here: An Appreciation of Jack Burton and Big Trouble in Little China
Listen to our Big Trouble in Little China podcast episode!
Big Trouble in Little China’s Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) is my favorite action hero/sidekick because he is all too human. He is insecure, boisterous and has an unearned confidence that keeps him alive. The brilliance of Jack Burton lies in the fact that he isn’t a cop, spy, superhero, savior or robot. He is a truck driver who is prone to blowhard antics and loud proclamations. However, when it comes down to fighting for others (and his truck) he squares off against pure evil and puts a knife in its head.
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One of the reasons Jack Burton works so well is because of Kurt Russell’s partnership with writer W.D. Richter and director John Carpenter. The Big Trouble script was originally written by Gary Goldman and David Z. Weinstein and was supposed to be a western with Clint Eastwood in mind. However, once Carpenter got involved the plot changed and morphed into the story of a truck driver failing his way to the top. Richter, Carpenter and Russell created a unique character that pretty much everyone misunderstood because he was unlike anything audiences had ever seen. I love that there is no ego to Russell’s performance and his unselfishness allowed others to shine while be bumbled around and got uncomfortable in elevators.
I love the random burp.
John Carpenter wanted Burton to be an “anti-John Wayne” that featured all of the swagger and none of the skill. Russell took that to heart and imbued Jack with a legit physicality and little self-awareness. He is a blowhard with a heart of gold and gets legitimately flustered when a beautiful woman comes in contact with him. I like that Jack Burton wasn’t incredibly muscular and instead looked like he lifted drywall on his days off. Burton’s lack of cartoonish muscles helped create an everyday man vibe that stood in stark contrast to action heroes like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. I also appreciate that Jack Burton didn’t get the girl (Kim Cattrall was out of his league) and ended up in the same place he began. Jack Burton started the film on the road and ended the film on the road.
Much ado has been made of Jack Burton the sidekick. I 100% agree with him not being the hero because Wang Chi (Dennis Dun) is the real hero who can punch, kick and sword fight with the best of them. However, I’m more impressed that Jack kept swinging away despite his obvious limitations and skills. Big Trouble in Little China plays out believably because Burton’s only chance to live is by dumb luck. The fact that he has no formal training makes me like him more. The guy has no fighting skills yet keeps running into the fray and surviving. The fact that a truck driver survived an epic magical battle is pretty amazing when you think about it. Don’t even get me started on his disguises because they are incredible, terrible and delusional at the same time.
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John Carpenter recently did an interview with Uproxx and he said this about Burton.
“On some level I think we’re all Jack Burtons, we all talk too much and we’re comically kind of tragically delusional and I think that’s what’s fun about him and us as a species.
Carpenter’s comment reminded me of a chapter from B-movie king Bruce Campbell’s autobiography. In the book If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor, Bruce tells a funny story about the time he showed off his horse riding skills while training for a role. Bruce had some equestrian skills from Army of Darkness and thought he was wowing all the trainers and production staff. When he got off the horse he asked the instructor how it looked, the instructor replied “Son, you look like a monkey humping a football.” When you watch Big Trouble in Little China look for the nuances that Russell adds to the action scenes. He is clumsy, cheeky and never pretty while in action. However, I bet in Burton’s mind he looks like Bruce Lee met Clint Eastwood and spawned the greatest action hero ever. Take a look at the picture below and you will notice a difference in shooting faces.
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What sets Jack Burton apart from other cult classic blowhards is that he has a genuine heart to go with his absurdity. Unlike Bruce Campbell’s Ash from Army of Darkness he isn’t responsible for the troubles and inadvertently finds himself in one dangerous situation after another. I love Ash but he is a pure and unadulterated dipshit. He can’t remember three simple words and over the course of a couple of films he becomes a womanizing maniac.
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There is nothing mean about Jack Burton and aside from some delusions of grandeur he has other people’s best interests in mind. He walks a fine “blowhard” line that never veers into the throat-ripping territory of MacGruber or the gonzo territory of Ash. The Jack Burton character has always had the luxury of not becoming watered down due to terrible sequels. Until the comic books came around in 2014, Jack Burton remained a singular and unique creation that didn’t need a sequel. I think the sequels would’ve been in the joke and it would’ve been a Fletch/Fletch Returns scenario that took what we loved about the character, turned it to 11 and lost what we liked about him in the first place. The only sequel I’d pay to see is if Burton accidentally jumped into Optimus Prime and saves the world. I’d call it Big Trouble on Little Earth and it would be a buddy-comedy where Burton complains that Optimus won’t let him drive.
I’ve always been a fan of action heroes that feel like actual human beings. Whether it be Keanu Reeves in Speed, Boromir in The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring or Emily Blunt in Sicario I like fallibility in heroes. I like the Marvel cinematic universe but the superhero antics have kept me from caring about the action. The only scenes I’ve loved are when Tony escapes the cave in Iron Man and when Vision messes up the dinner in Captain America: Civil War. The same goes for the Fast & the Furious series. I appreciate that the first Furious movie features the heroes getting owned by a renegade truck driver. My favorite action films are 13 Assassins, The Raid, Aliens, Seven Samurai and The 13th Warrior (yeah, I said it). The characters in these films are outnumbered, outgunned and their victories are bittersweet.
If Dwayne Johnson ever gets around to the Big Trouble in little China remake I hope he remembers the moment when he got beat up by the villagers and monkeys in The Rundown. I think his size could be an advantage if he plays Burton as a muscular dude who has never been in a fight. Thus, the muscles would get in the way and become a joke. I’d prefer for the original to be re-released and become the highest-grossing film of all time. However, that won’t happen, and if it has to happen I think The Rock loves it enough to give it an earnest shot.
John Carpenter thinks that Jack Burton is an absolute idiot (in a good way). However, I’ve never looked at him as a total dope. The guy obviously has deep-seated insecurities but they never come to the surface because we don’t spend that much time with him. Thus, we are left with a beautifully original character who cannot be replicated or mimicked. Jack Burton is the most human of heroes and Kurt Russell played him perfectly.
If you liked the post make sure to check our podcast where we constantly talk about Kurt Russell.
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MY CALL: If you like the Evil Dead movies, heavy metal music, or ultra gory horror comedies you will like this. If you simply have good taste in silly (raunchy and gory) horror, just see this. MOVIES LIKE Deathgasm: For more kitschy New Zealand horror comedies try Dead-Alive (1992), Bad Taste (1987), Housebound (2014) and What We Do in the Shadows (2015). For more solidly gross horror comedy in general try Zombie Strippers (2008), Zombieland (2009), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009), Piranha 3D (2010), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Final Destination 5 (2011), Piranha 3DD (2012), The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Smothered (2014), Zombeavers (2014), The Voices (2014), He Never Died (2015), Cooties (2015), Ava’s Possessions (2015), The Final Girls (2015), Krampus (2015; not exactly comedy, but occasionally hilarious), Love in the Time of Monsters (2015) and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015).
Just a random aside, a shocking number of actors in this were from recent Power Rangers and Spartacus series. Not a bad thing, not a good thing; just an observation.
Written and directed by Jason Lei Howden (visual artist of The Hobbit movies), this playfully feisty New Zealand horror comedy opens with an almost adorably gross credit sequence complete with the stylings of Adult Swim and a personable narration which reminded me of an old favorite, The Gate (1987).
Not five minutes into this zany little gem (and a GLOWING gem it is) I had lost count of how many times I had laughed out loud at its brilliant execution, sense of humor, and random clip scenes featuring goofy sketches and wicked music video dreamscape sequences that reminded me of “W is for Wish” from ABCs of Death 2 (2014) and everything that was awesome about 80s music videos. When he used his laser vision to incinerate that chick’s (Kimberley Crossman; Power Rangers Samurai) top, Jeeeesus Chr–… oh… oh, dear, I seem to have gotten carried away. On with the review!
That is SO METAL!
After being forced to move in with his uncle and insidiously bullying cousin, troubled teen metalhead Brodie (Milo Cawthorne; Power Rangers RPM) quickly unites with a group of social misfits, forms a metal band, and they bite off more than they can chew when they play some devil-worshipping music to summon the king of demons.
Now THAT is METAL!
It’s not so obvious at first, but afterwards all of the adults in town are just…not right. They’re basically eye-gauged deadites. Think Ash vs the Evil Dead (2015) meets a zombie apocalypse and that’s kind of looney territory we’ve hit.
I saw a guy do this at a Slayer concert once. No biggie.
The acting is on-point, the editing and direction seem perfect during funny dialogue, and this just enhanced the quick-witted and frequent comedic execution. This movie is brilliantly hilarious! The Dungeons and Dragons scene was simple yet precious, but it had nothing on the bit when they’re coming up with the name for their metal band—Cannibal Unicorn, Maggot Sperm, and so many more beautiful combinations of words. I was also quite fond of the handful of Dungeons and Dragons references sparingly peppered in the script.
I actually really liked the characters in this movie a lot.
Not only is this movie delightfully funny, but it’s brutally gory as well. This film seizes every opportunity to be gross with the reckless abandon of irritable bowel syndrome. We have projectile blood vomiting into people’s face, blood enemas, ripping through bodies, splitting heads in half, the honest use of dildos as legitimately effective weapons against the supernatural, ripped out spinal columns, blood geysers, a chainsaw up the butt, coils of sloppy intestines falling out, forced dismemberment, naked bare-dicked zombies getting their dicks weed-whacked, a nude cultist (Delaney Tabron; Power Rangers Megaforce, Spartacus: War of the Damned) stabbing, a tarot card reader (Kate Elliott; Power Rangers Samurai, 30 Days of Night) heart rip, and when his bully cousin finally gets his messy comeuppance the accompanying dialogue with have you in love with this film!
It’s a lot like Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015) crossed with Ash vs the Evil Dead (2015). Just pure horror comedy bliss. And be sure to watch ‘til the end of the credits for a bonus scene featuring more grossly awesome band name ideas!
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It all started with an observation about Kurt Russell’s sleeveless shirts. I cheekily wrote a post about the sleeveless one and it ballooned into a whole lot of Kurt Russell randomness. The randomness has lead me to ponder the benefits of sleeveless knife throwing. This post is by no means scientific or logical, but I feel like I found enough evidence to make people consider the benefits of undeterred knife throwing.
I’m sure you could make an argument for sleeve wearers Bill the Butcher (Gangs of New York) or Lee Christmas (The Expendables), but I don’t think they could save the world if it came down to it.
Here are the best examples I could find for sleeveless shirt knife throwing. If you like this post make sure to read my piece about the best rock throwing of all time.
Jack Burton saves the day in Big Trouble in Little China
Jack Burton has great reflexes and sleeves would only get in his way.
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Sleeves are a hindrance in Prince of Persia 2: Sands of Time
The guy with no sleeves defeats the guy with sleeves. This furthers my point.
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Elektra don’t need no sleeves in Daredevil
I don’t know who hung up these sand bags. However, I know Elektra was free to twirl her arms anywhere without the hindrance of sleeves. I know she is using isn’t using knives, but I’d wager a knife/sai swap wouldn’t be out of the picture.
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Arnold does better without sleeves
In Predator, Arnold is only able to kill one guy whilst wearing sleeves and throwing a knife. In Commando he can kill two at a time while having free arms. Thus, no sleeves is better.
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Danny Trejo destroys folks in Desperado
Desperado features the best knife throwing of all time. Danny Trejo was able to wipe out countless people without sleeves. Nobody else could ever do this.
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Trinity has zero sleeves
Trinity puts a hurting on people in The Matrix. Her sleeveless stylings definitely helped.
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We recently discussed who we would cast if they did another Street Fighter II movie in The MFF Podcast #32: Street Fighter Casting Call. Our picks were all over the place and I just wanted to share some of my personal favorite picks…
Beastly framed and 6’5” (various stats can be found on different websites), Blanka poses a significant casting problem if ever someone were to do Street Fighter any justice. Do you go pure CGI a la Hulk or just go with Carrot Top?
Or do you use a live action actor? Moreover, do you use a little artistic license and change the size of an otherwise iconic character for the sake of an actor preference. Such was the case in casting Tom Hardy (The Dark Knight Rises) as Bane, despite the fact that Bane was literally more than twice his size.
It would have made far more sense to cast someone like Nathan Jones (Troy, Mad Max: Fury Road) at 6’11” and nearly 400 lbs for the role of Bane. But maybe he’s, in fact, too tall and not proportionally stout enough for roles like Bane or the Brazilian beast Blanka, even if he plays ferocious charcters fantastically.
Speaking of which, is it me, or might Tom Hardy be just feral enough to play a “smaller” Blanka? Perhaps…but he’s just way too small even if he got back into Bane or Warrior shape—when he weighed a smidge over 200 pounds. Then again, Blanka–and many other characters–seem to have gotten significantly larger, taller and deeper into steroid use after 1991’s Street Fighter II. So if we were going with 1991 Blanka, perhaps Hardy would be an excellent fit! After all, he communicated almost entirely with grunts and facial expressions in Lawless (2012) and Fury Road (2015).
Andy Serkis–best known for his monstrous roles as Gollum, Caesar and King Kong–is often a favorite for full CGI roles. If that were the case, Blanka’s appearance easily falls into the hands of the CGI artists. That’s fun and all, but I’d rather a real person present the likeness of Blanka, even if it were CGI-modified to up his size or appearance.
Above all, I’d personally love to see John Cena in the role! Sure, he’s only 5’9”. But at 255 lbs he actually has body dimensions that fit the primal Blanka’s surprisingly well.
Remember seeing him basically naked in Trainwreck (2015)? Yeah, the dude is inhumanly thick. Best of all is that with Cena’s size, he’d offer a plausible match to much larger opponents.
I guess those are my picks…Andy Serkis for pure CGI Blanka, Tom Hardy for a more “human-sized” Blanka, Carrot Top as a cruel joke, and John Cena for the best-in-show and build. The only reason I don’t spout of Nathan Jones again is because he’s my “huge built guy” I’d turn to for numerous other roles like Sagat or Zangief.
Who would you choose for Blanka?
COMMENT BELOW AND LET US KNOW
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The MFF Podcast #64: The 2016 Mid-Year Random Awards
You can download the pod on Itunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOGTALKRADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Does it bum you out that nobody will ever be recognized for their great cinematic teeth piercings or plum buying? If you answered “yes,” you will love the MFF random awards. Every year I sort through underappreciated moments and put together some very random awards. I’ve eschewed the stock awards and instead chosen to honor the wasted scotch, baby goo and Lex Luthor’s bourbon collection.
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The random awards are a great way to celebrate the mid-year because they cover every facet of the cinematic world. No stone is left unturned and sometimes we even give out awards for the best stone throwing!
Sit back, relax and listen to discussions about the beautiful sweaters and henleys of Captain America: Civil War. Check out the MFF pod on Blog Talk Radio or head over to Itunes and listen to the randomness!
If you get a chance please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!
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MY CALL: More like an ill-written soap opera with a few fights than anything resembling an action movie, this flick squandered Cynthia Rothrock’s talents to an appalling degree. MORE MOVIES LIKE Outside the Law: Probably any Cynthia Rothrock movie from the 80s or maaaaybe early 90s would be better than this. However, I strongly recommend NOT watching Night Vision (1997). If you’re in the mood for a proper Bad Movie Tuesday I’d have to recommend you go with Dolph Lundgren, a case of beer and your best bros. Perhaps The Elementary Stylings of Kindergarten Cop 2 or Dolph Lundgren and the Curse of the Shark Lake.
I recently decided I wanted to watch a bunch of Cynthia Rothrock (China O’Brien, Undefeatable) movies. Well guess what? That’s surprisingly not easy to do. As it turns out just about none of her movies are affordable on Amazon to buy except for her late 90s direct-to-video stuff and similarly her older stuff is nowhere to be found on Amazon Video or Netflix. You can watch Night Vision (1997) for free with Amazon Prime, but I wouldn’t recommend it! There’s a reason it’s available and her better movies aren’t.
Still in great shape at 45 years old, queen of martial arts Rothrock plays secret agent Julie Cosgrove and the dialogue couldn’t be more rigid. It’s incredibly obvious that this is her last mission because she just won’t shut up about it–blabbing on and on about how she wants to get married and have a regular life with her secret agent partner and his immaculate hair. The conversation is so smiley and casual you’d think they were on a brunch date and not a covert mission in Colombia. But no, it’s go time. And her partner strolls across the sunny South American street in his upper-middle class outfit swinging an assault rifle at his side like he was a British dignitary with a cane. Not since In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds (2011) or Night Vision (1997) can I recall even a Bad Movie Tuesday so poorly written.
After watching the first few minutes I had to check and confirm the release date was, in fact, from this century! This felt like something from 1991 like an episode of Silk Stalkings or some made-for-TV drivel of decades past. But no, it’s from 2002.
Spoiler alert: her partner with the great hair bites it when some sort of double cross transpires…it’s incredibly unclear. When she calls in to whatever nonsense agency she works for, they’re shocked (even upset) that she’s still alive.
The action in this is upsettingly bad in the early fights of the movie. They cast the queen of martial arts, but the remaining cast of goons are so inept in terms of combat choreography that when they fight she is limited to throwing one single simple kick per shot. So if she hits a guy four times in 16 seconds, expect to see four 4-second cuts ineptly edited together. We have an ace martial artist capable of so much, yet she looks no better at fighting than an extra from Starsky and Hutch. These fighting scenes are to Rothrock what a limp dorsal fin is to Shamu; just plain sad. Kind of like how Dolph Lundgren did zero punching in Shark Lake (2015), which also featured dorsal fins and a completely wasted bad ass action movie star.
Thankfully, later she faces some bad guys who can throw a spin kick of their own. They try to keep things edgy with some chain-fighting, although it’s nothing to Lucy Liu vs Ray Park in Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever (2002). It remains pretty bad, but a more “acceptable” level of bad loaded with kicks to the face…LOADS of face kicks for everyone! The fights do seem to improve as the movie progresses. However, the fights never reach the “90s Van Damme” level of quality.
The lines…wow, sooooo witty. “You read Chinese?//Enough to order take out.” Loads of bad layer-caked over more bad with bad icing. The exposition burns my ears as the dialogue explains everything that happens as if you weren’t just watching it happen yourself. And evidently this is serious–you can tell by the “international factor” typical of 80s-90s action flicks. We go from a double-cross in Colombia to Chinese goods being smuggled into south Florida by the Colombian mob to make some sort of super designer drug. Of course she just stumbled across this while trying to lay low in a random spot in Florida. The story is a bit too ambitious and reaches too far too often with no real rationale or payoff.
Director Jorge Montesi (Omen IV and loads of action TV shows) has made a lot of direct-to-TV movies and, as such, has a solid respect for simplicity. Take this film. After fleeing Colombia, agent Cosgrave buys a car, a week’s worth of groceries and a dog all at the same place. Oh, and reconnects with some Colombian cartel shenanigans just down there street from there. Quite plausible.
There are many familiar faces in this flick. Dan Lauria (The Wonder Years) plays a crooked detective, Stephen Macht (The Monster Squad, Graveyard Shift) and Brad Greenquist (Pet Sematary) are crooked agents, Jeff Wincott (The Invasion, Prom Night) is a criminal, Don Harvey (Die Hard, Taken 3) is a henchman, and James Lew (Traffic, Rush Hour 2) is “the Asian bad guy.”
Bad movies put a lot of stock in “the Asian bad guy.” Just look at Kickboxer, Bloodsport and The Best of the Best—all Asian bad guys! The first bad guy who can fight in this movie is an Asian henchman–and being Asian, naturally, he had to be a martial artist. So when James Lew shows up and out kung fu-s the other Asian, we know he’s not the Asian we want to cross. Rothrock’s fight with Lew is the only remotely redeeming scene in the entire movie featuring a few decent acrobatic stunts. The only problem is that the director had no idea how to shoot scenes with people who actually knew how to fight. Way too close-up and way too many cuts. Shame. A total waste of talent.
Watch this for a good laugh with a buzz but do not, I repeat DO NOT watch this expecting to see a fun Cynthia Rothrock martial arts movie. For of all the horrible things this movie is, “that” it is not.
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MFF Special: The Summer Horror Wardrobe Guide
Are you planning on visiting a horror movie that takes place during the summer anytime soon? Well, if you are this is your lucky day. Last winter, I wrote about horror wardrobes that could get you by in the cold months. This year, I want to help you in the summer months. I scoured the internet for clothes that won’t make you flop sweat during times of great duress. These outfits are suitable for every geographical location and will get you by in any terrible circumstance. Whether, you are stuck on a desert island or being chased by monsters these selections might save your life.
Sidenote: I stayed away from bikinis and board shorts because they seemed to easy. Sorry to anyone expecting scantily clad people.
Coconut Pete and the unbuttoned casual shirt
Club Dread’s Coconut Pete had 99 problems and heat wasn’t one of them. Pete was smart enough to wear a hat, and you can tell he carefully crafted his outfit throughout the years. His style choice is no accident. The dude knew how to stay cool.
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A close second place is Jack Black in I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. Black went full island.
Ssssshhhhh. Nobody remembers that I was in this movie.
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The practical denim and hats of Tremors
Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward may have been a couple underachievers in Tremors, but they knew how to be practical and cool. Their wardrobe shows that they haven’t given up, and their clothes refuse to quit as well. Their wardrobe stays strong through the several day monster invasion and save them from a lot of unnecessary scratches and sunburn.
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Tank Top Horror
I wrote a piece a few years ago that examined the phenomena known as “Tank Top Horror.” Almost every major actress (Jennifer Lawrence, Hilary Swank, Elizabeth Olsen, Jessica Chastain, Mary Elizabeth Winstead) have found themselves in a tank top horror film with wildly different results. These movies are rarely good but at least the tank top provides room to breath. If you are going to be chased around during the summer months I guess the tank top is a wise decision (according to the movies).
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Dapper in the desert
Have you ever stood around in the desert (or any space without shade)? It is terrible, and the heat comes from everywhere. Thus, you need to cover up and be prepared for sun, sand and more sun and sand. The characters in The Mummy had wardrobes that protected them and looked awesome. Costume designer John Bloomfield was tasked with making the actors look cool and he totally succeeded. Everybody looks great and not too hot. Double win!
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The gross yet practical clothing of The Devil’s Rejects
The Firefly family are a bunch of murderous psychos who spend most of their time in terribly hot places and gross hotel rooms. Thus, they don’t need anything fancy. They just need clothes that can withstand days without washing and the occasional blood stain. I feel like their clothes weren’t washed during the entire film shoot because director Rob Zombie wanted authenticity.
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Camp Bloodbath and the perfect summer camp gear
Summer camp horror has long been a part of the horror genre. I love the exaggerated version of summer camp in the meta-horror film The Final Girls. Camp Bloodbath is a movie within a movie that rightfully feels like a movie within a movie (I think that makes sense). Everything is turned up to 11, and that includes the wardrobe. The characters are all stereotypes, and the articles of clothing represent that. No uniform is worn the same and I appreciate that steps were taken to give the horror fodder personalities.
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The comfortable people being attacked by a creature while traversing a lagoon or river
If you go on an expedition to the Amazon I totally recommend you watch Anaconda or Creature from the Black Lagoon. The two films offer solid fashion suggestions to surviving long and potentially deadly boat trips.
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What did I leave out? Let me know!
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The 2016 Mid-Year Random Awards: Celebrating Wasted Scotch, Teeth Piercings and Sweaters
The Random Awards are back and they are celebrating the best of 2016 (so far)! I love randomness (just listen to the pod) and because of this I put deep thought into dumb awards. The films of 2016 have given me ample material to work my randomness and I hope you enjoy the inane and cheeky awards
Sit back, relax and enjoy the 2016 Mid-Year Random Awards!
Best Plum
Bucky never got to eat his plum in Captain America: Civil War. Poor guy, just let him eat his plums!
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Best Usage of Baby Goo Award
Here is the setup. A witch steals a baby and smooshes it into a gross glob of baby goo. Then, she smears it on a broomstick and flies away. It is very gross and memorable. The Witch is messed up.
You won’t find the baby when you open your eyes.
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Best Jean Jacket
Midnight Special is a brilliant film. Michael Shannon rocks a great jean jacket. He also buttons his shirt all the way up. Awesome!
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I’m Amazed That the Concert Venue in Green Room Actually Had a Green Room Award
If you get a chance check out Green Room. It is an incredibly tense thriller that puts your nerves in a headlock.
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Best Fourth Wall Break Inside a Fourth Wall Break Award
Deadpool breaks the fourth wall 23 times in Deadpool (thanks Mashable). The best wall break features Wade Wilson talking about meeting his blind roommate. In the process, 16 walls get obliterated. Pure gold.
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Best Movie, Mustaches, Dialogue and Usage of Kurt Russell’s Son Wyatt Award
Everybody Wants Some!! is the best movie of 2016 (so far)
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Best Sweater Award
Vision has a strong sweater game. Also, Vision and Wanda should’ve kissed in Captain America: Civil War instead of Steve and Sharon Carter (that was weird). The world needs more purple people in sweaters.
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Best Rope Work Award
I love Hail, Caesar! Alden Ehrenreich’s character Hobie Doyle steals the show. You will love his rope skills, observations and dealings with Ralph Fiennes. I still don’t know how he managed to use a spaghetti lasso.
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Best Flare Gun Usage Since The Last Stand Award
The Shallows was a pleasant surprise that features the best flare gun work since Johnny Knoxville in The Last Stand.
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Lex Luthor Drinks the Same Bourbon as I Do Award
Lex Luthor and I have similar taste in bourbon. Does that mean I plan on conjuring up an overly-intricate plan to kill a superhero?
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I Hate That You Wasted Scotch. However, You Get a Free Pass on This One Award
I love 10 Cloverfield Lane. However, I hate that Scotch was wasted. I understand why it was wasted, but it should never have come to that. What did the Scotch do to deserve such a fate?
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Best Polar Bear Riding Award
How did the new Huntsman movie end up with Emily Blunt, Charlize Theron and Jessica Chastain? That is a casting coup.
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MVTS (Most Valuable Toilet Stall) Award
The toilet stall in The Nice Guys did some great work. It stole the scene from Ryan Gosling.
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Best Standing Around in a Semicircle Award
Apocalypse and his four horsemen do nothing but look fabulous and stand around in a semicircle for two hours. X-Men: Apocalypse is not good.
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Couldn’t We Battle a Marshmallow Demon Instead(?) Award
I feel for the Warrens in The Conjuring 2. They have to battle the jerkiest villains.
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Huh? What? Really? No? Wait? Huh? What? Really? You Made This? Who Signed Off on This? Really? Huh? Gerry Butler? Egypt? Gods? Huh? Award
Gods of Egypt is insane. I don’t know why it happened. Who thought it was a good idea?
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Best Usage of Spanx Award
Alison Brie has a fantasitc breakdown in How to be Single that involves her frightening children, pulling out hair extensions and getting entwined in her spanx. Best freakout of 2016 (so far)
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Best Mafia Boss in an Animated Film Award
Mr. Big steals the show in Zootopia. He is a Godfather-esque artic shrew how throws a great wedding. Also, I read that arctic shrews are actually very tough. Solid decision Disney.
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When a Crazy Premise Makes a Mediocre Movie Slightly Better Than Mediocre
The Boy is a weird movie. It isn’t good, but the whole evil doll premise is kinda awesome. I love that the “babysitter” doesn’t follow a single rule as well. She basically ignores everything and suffers harassment via doll.
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This is How You Introduce New Characters Award
Black Panther and Spider-Man are perfectly introduced in Captain America: Civil War. I hate that Marvel is so good. All my money goes to them.
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Ryan Reynolds Loves Swapping Bodies Award
Between Self/less, R.I.P.D., The Change-Up, Big Monster on Campus and now Criminal, Ryan Reynolds can’t stop swapping bodies. Did anybody watch Criminal?
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Best Teeth, Ear and Nose Piercings Award
Orcs love their piercings in Warcraft. I’d love to see the Orcs get their teeth pierced. They’d act all cool and calm, but I guarantee they’d be hurting.
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John’s Horror Corner: Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996), the worst in the franchise so far.
MY CALL: Nope, nope, nope. This is by far the worst in the franchise so far. MORE MOVIES LIKE Leprechaun in Space: Leprechaun (1993), Leprechaun 2 (1994), Leprechaun 3 (1995) and the further sequels taking Warwick Davis to “da hood.” Normally I’d warn you not to watch Leprechaun: Origins (2014)–terrible even for a direct-to-DVD B-movie–but it was actually better than Part 4. For more horror in space you’d be wise to turn to Event Horizon (1997), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996) or Jason X (2001).
You should wear a special suit to protect you from this movie.
With sequels, the stakes tend to get bigger with each subsequent story. Whereas Leprechaun (1993) had nothing of the sort, Leprechaun 2 (1994) boasted three wishes granted to a Leprechaun’s captor and his search for a bride, and Leprechaun 3 (1995) offered infectious Leprechaunthropy! How do we up the ante from there? How about going to space…???
Evidently ball-gags happen in space.
The writing is absolutely the worst in the series (so far anyway), not that there’s any surprise about that. This entire movie looks like a space porno parody. Cheap space porno sets, stale space porno acting, wretched space porno special effects, and the Leprechaun even wields a light saber! Parts 2 and 3 were at least enjoyable for their silliness, but this just hurts to watch. It’s far beyond stupid.
A group of colonial marines a la Aliens (1986) prepare to seek and destroy an alien life form responsible for stealing from their employer’s space mine yield. Hmmmm, I wonder who the alien is and what they’re mining…?
When we meet our Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) he is wooing a space princess (Rebecca Carlton; Baywatch) dressed as a belly dancer complete with stripper glitter and a spiked bra. Much classier than our past iterations of this monstrous Irish species, he pulls out champagne and marriage proposals to position himself for a family career in mine management.
After being left for dead by marines, our Leprechaun magically impregnates himself into a man’s crotch, who later gives birth to him through his penis (no gore or latex L ) with just bad enough timing to prevent us from seeing a fine space marine’s (Debbe Dunning; Home Improvement) boobs.
Cheap horror normally offers only two things: boobs and blood. There’s a general shortage of both here–minimal gore and one brief boob flash that is exactly that, a deliberate boob flash by the character. Asinine!
The extent of the special effects is limited to magical sparks, a comically flattened face, three exploding Leprechaun scenes and a rubber monster suit when someone is mutated into an insectoid monster and pretty much steals the show.
As laughable as this sounds, take note that in four years the world has witnessed as many Leprechaun movies! So if we the movie-going people disapprove, we’re not exactly voting that opinion with our movie-buying dollar. I love cheap horror and all, but this has become too destitute to support.
Yup. A giant Leprechaun happens.
Director Brian Trenchard-Smith (Night of the Demons 2, Leprechaun 3) had taken all of the already-shaky-at-best rules of evil Leprechauns and thrown them out the window to bring us the story of a short, ugly, wizard with humbly moderate powers aiming to become a robber baron miner thorugh marriage. In fact, the mutant spider monster felt like more of a menace than the Leprechaun. My how far the franchise has fallen.
Yup. She somehow loses her pants.
The director of one of these fine films once suggested that each Leprechaun movie was about a different Leprechaun, which is the only sensible notion in the entire series considering that we have seen three Leprechauns meet horrible deaths in three states (South Dakota, California and Nevada) and now two solar systems. If only this Leprechaun could have been the last of its mythological species. But alas, such creatures of folklore have yet to befall “da hood” in, YES, a yet 5th installment in this series. I rue the day I have to sit through that!
Oh, how original. Let’s blow him out the air hatch into spaaaaace.
BARF!
Outside of a few pleasantly recognizable faces, among those not yet mentioned were Miguel A. Núñez Jr. (Return of the Living Dead) and Jessica Collins (The Young and the Restless), this movie has no redeeming qualities even in the realm of bad B-movies. Don’t ever watch it!
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I love coming up with hybrid lists that feature combined critic and audience scores. There is something about combining critic/audience scores that makes me feel like a nerdy rebel. No one will ever agree on any list, but if you combine them together they form a Frankensteined creation that looks unruly but feels right. If you’ve been following MFF for some time you’ve read some random lists that highlight all things 21st century and horror franchises. I’ve been on a massive AFI top 100 tear as of late and it got me thinking about the highest rated films of all time. There was a fantastic Reddit post last year that reconfigured the top films into a massive list of 1,001. The results were really cool, and I loved the conversations it sparked. With this post I decided to take a less elegant angle and simply combine the lists I love. My hope is the 100 movies represent all facets of film making and judging by #50-55 it turned out pretty good.
50. Spirited Away (2001) – Top critic/audience rated film of the 21st century – Check out the list
51. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
52. Inside Out (2015)
53. Alien (1979)
54. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)
55. Battleship Potemkin (1925)
Spirited Away is the #1 ranked critc/audience ranked film of the 21st century!
According to Empire, the number one sci-fi moment of all time is Hal shutting down in 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Here is what I did. I found seven fantastic lists that represent the best according to critics and audiences. I started with the #1 on each list and worked my through them. The 100 films below showcase the top movies in all of the lists. Many of these films appeared in more than one list so I just used the best ranking for each
Here is the order of the top 100.
#1 = #1 AFI’s 100 Greatest America Films of All Time – Citizen Kane
# 2 = #1 – The 500 Greatest Movies of all Time – Empire – The Godfather
#3 = #1 – IMDb Top 250 – The Shawshank Redemption
#4 = #1 – 1,001 “Greatest” Movies of all Time – Reddit – The Godfather was the #1 pick, but it was #1 on Empire’s list. Thus, the #2 Seven Samurai jumped into the #4 spot – Once again it isn’t pretty but it gets the job done.
#5 = #1 – Top 100 Movies of all Time – Rotten Tomatoes – The Wizard of Oz
#6 = #1 – The 2015 Reddit Top 250 – Pulp Fiction
#7 = #1 – They Shoot Pictures Don’t They? – The 1,000 Greatest Films – Vertigo
#8 = #2 on AFI’s list. The list repeats like so.
This list isn’t elegant but it showcases an eclectic bunch of films that can appeal to cinephiles, critics and modern cinema lovers.
- Citizen Kane (1941)
- The Godfather (1972)
- The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
- Seven Samurai (1954)
- The Wizard of Oz (1939)
- Pulp Fiction (1994)
- Vertigo (1958)
- Casablanca (1942)
- Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
- The Godfather Part II (1974)
- 12 Angry Men (1957)
- The Third Man (1949)
- Fight Club (1999)
- 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
- Raging Bull (1980)
- Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
- The Dark Knight (2008)
- Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
- All About Eve (1950)
- Whiplash (2014)
- Tokyo Story (1953)
- Singing in the Rain (1952)
- Jaws (1975)
- Schindler’s List (1993)
- The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
- Sunset Blvd. (1950)
- The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)
- The Rules of the Game (1939)
- The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
- Gone With the Wind (1939)
- Goodfellas (1990)
- The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)
- M (1931)
- Inglourious Basterds (2009)
- 8 1/2 (1963)
- Apocalypse Now (1979)
- Forrest Gump (1994)
- Modern Times (1936)
- The Departed (2006)
- City Lights (1931)
- The Apartment (1960)
- Sunrise (1927)
- Inception (2010)
- Modern Times (1936)
- Metropolis (1927)
- Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
- The Searchers (1956)
- Chinatown (1974)
- Bicycle Thieves (1948)
- The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
- Spirited Away (2001)
- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
- Inside Out (2015)
- Alien (1979)
- Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)
- Battleship Potemkin (1925)
- Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
- The Matrix (1999)
- Rear Window (1954)
- E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
- No Country for Old Men (2007)
- City of God (2002)
- Breathless (1960)
- It Happened One Night (1934)
- Toy Story (1995)
- Psycho (1960)
- Taxi Driver (1976)
- Se7en (1995)
- Rashomon (1950)
- The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)
- A Hard Day’s Night (1964)
- Birdman (or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)
- The Graduate (1967)
- Blade Runner (1982)
- The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
- On the Waterfront (1954)
- The Man With a Movie Camera (1929)
- Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937)
- There Will Be Blood (2007)
- The General (1927)
- Back to the Future (1985)
- It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
- The 400 Blows (1959)
- L’ Atalante (1934)
- Laura (1944)
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
- Some Like it Hot (1959)
- Die Hard (1988)
- The Usual Suspects (1995)
- Fanny and Alexander (1982)
- Persona (1966)
- Boyhood (2014)
- The Big Lebowski (1998)
- The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
- Aliens (1986)
- Life is Beautiful (1997)
- Paths of Glory (1957)
- Andrei Rublev (1966)
- North by Northwest (1959)
- The Shining (1980)
- To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Movies, Films & Flix 
