John’s Horror Corner: Cthulhu Mansion (1992), a haunted house B-movie capturing none of the magic of H. P. Lovecraft.
MY CALL: Just another weak, cheesy B-movie that felt a decade older than it actually was. But sometimes that’s exactly what we want, right?
MORE MOVIES LIKE Cthulhu Mansion: Watch Lord of Illusions (1995) instead. But if you want more Lovecraftian movies/adaptations, go for The Unnamable (1988), The Unnamable 2: The Statement of Randolph Carter (1992), The Resurrected (1991), Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), Lurking Fear (1994), Dagon (2001), Dreams in the Witch-House (2005) and The Dunwich Horror (1970). And although not specifically of Lovecraftian origins, his influence is most palpable in From Beyond (1986), Prince of Darkness (1987), In the Mouth of Madness (1994), The Void (2016), The Shrine (2010) and Baskin (2015)—all of which are on the more gruesome side to varying degrees.
This uber-basic color-by-numbers 80s horror starts when a group of twentysomething criminals (incl. Melanie Shatner; The First Power, Subspecies II-III) on the run take hostage the carnival magician Chandu (Frank Finlay; Lifeforce) and his daughter Lisa (Marcia Layton) in their mansion.
The acting is terrible; the writing is worse; and whereas the premise is quite simple, the “story” is incomprehensible. A low point was when Chandu read from an occult book with “Cthulhu” written on the cover—you know, so we all know it’s magical and evil. Or was it when we learned that the carnival performer lived in a mansion? And why, other than those two tidbits, is this called Cthulhu Mansion? Other than some haunting evil presence, it didn’t feel Lovecraftian at all despite claiming to be adapted from the work of H. P. Lovecraft.
The special effects are really weak and forgettable. Some giant monstrous hands pull a woman into a refrigerator (dumb, but I giggled); a guy drowns in a blood shower (annoyingly dumb); another turns into an slimy gooey pseudo-zombie (maybe the highlight of the movie); a lumpy cyst-covered mustard demon (always entertaining, I suppose); stop-motion creeping vines (weakest attempt ever at ripping off Evil Dead); and lame telekinetic haunted house shenanigans (really dumb).
Written and directed by Juan Piquer Simón (Pieces, Slugs, The Rift), I certainly expected better. Not “good.” But a tastier kind of cheese than the random aimless cheese that was this B-movie. Bit of a spoiler—not that it could possibly matter for this movie—but the “big reveal” of the story basically makes Cthulhu Mansion a poor man’s Lord of Illusions (1995).
This movie is not good at all. But it’s a decent “bad movie night” kinda’ flick.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #228: The Quick and the Dead
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re talking about the 1995 cult classic The Quick and the Dead. Directed by Sam Raimi (Drag Me to Hell, The Evil Dead, Spider-Man 1-3), this western features a plethora of gun fights, explosions and A-list actors such as Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman, Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lance Henriksen, and most importantly, Keith David. In this episode, we discuss bullet strength, great hats and why we wouldn’t want to be a spectator at a gun fighting event.
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #226 and #227: True Lies and the 1990’s Action Movie Tiers
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we have a double-header for you! We’re talking about the 1994 classic True Lies AND we’re breaking down the 1990’s action movies into layered tiers. If you are a fan of action movies from this decade, you are in luck, because we cover a lot of them! In this episode, we discuss the greatness of Bill Paxton, horse chases and whether or not Face/Off is a “great” action film.
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
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MY CALL: Judge this movie by its special effects and you’d probably call it weak or hokey or typical average forgettable 80s-ness. But the special effects don’t help this film—not even a little. It’s the wowing set design, the solid writing, the performances and characters with substance, the compelling story and atmosphere, and the mood-building score that transcend this film beyond most horror of its era. MORE MOVIES LIKE Prince of Darkness: For more scientists getting too close to evil dimensions, try From Beyond (1986) or Event Horizon (1997).
Victor Wong (Tremors, The Golden Child) recaptures his lightning-in-a-bottle mysticism we came to love in Big Trouble in Little China (1986) as a zealous physics professor seeking to prove a metaphysical hypothesis. The Yin to Wong’s kooky Yang, Donald Pleasence (Phenomena, Halloween 1-2/4-6) emanates the all-too-familiar air of a priest who seems to know something is gravely amiss before his constituents of the cloth.
Together these unlikely two investigate an ancient cylinder of swirling green ectoplasm entombed by a secret religious faction beneath a time-condemned church. Professor Birack (Wong) assembles physics graduate students Catherine (Lisa Blount; Dead & Buried, Nightflyers, Needful Things), Mullins (Dirk Blocker; Poltergeist, Night of the Scarecrow, Cutting Class) and Walter (Dennis Dun; Big Trouble in Little China); a radiologist (Anne Marie Howard; The Collection), a microbiologist (Jessie Lawrence Ferguson; Darkman Neon Maniacs), a biochemist, Kelly (Susan Blanchard; They Live), Dr. Leahy (Peter Jason; In the Mouth of Madness, Congo, Alien Nation, Arachnophobia), an ancient scripture theologist (Ann Yen), along with members of other departments.
Unlike most horror that attempts and royally fails to make credible scientists of its protagonists (e.g., Nightwish and even Mimic), these students feel like thoughtful intellectual characters rather than horror movie victims. They have different backgrounds and specialties even within physics, instead of coming off as schlocky experts of “all things physics,” or worse, all things science.
Challenging their understanding of faith and science, preliminary tests of materials on the corroded cylinder suggest it predates man by millions of years and that the church had kept its secret for the last two thousand years. Translations of ancient texts identify the cylinder’s contents as the son of Satan. And contact with its contents corrupts absolutely to the whims of evil.
Judge this movie by its special effects and you’d probably call it weak or hokey or typical average forgettable 80s-ness. Alice Cooper (Dark Shadows, Monster Dog) leads a group of perhaps possessed, murderous homeless people that behave like cult fanatics. The murderous hobos provision unimpressive death scenes that will hardly raise a brow. Really, neither does the infectious measure of shooting streams of water from mouth-to-mouth to spread the infection of inherent evil.
The best of the effects are towards the end with the flayed woman hosting the Prince of Darkness. But the special effects don’t help this film—not even a little. It’s the set design with its wowing underground cathedral, the solid writing which kept me intrigued, the performances and characters with substance, the compelling story and the awesome atmosphere…
Written and directed by John Carpenter (John Carpenter; In the Mouth of Madness, They Live, Halloween, The Thing), the score casts the looming atmospheric shadow of The Thing (1982). And like The Thing (1982), the story unfolding between the special effects and death scenes is every bit as engaging (and more) as the horror itself—thus transcending most horror of its era.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re celebrating our 225th episode by talking about Tombstone. Every 25th episode, we discuss a Kurt Russell movie, and Tombstone was picked by our followers on Facebook (like our page!). We absolutely love Tombstone, so we did way too much research in order to educate you on the production (you will love it). In this episode, we discuss mustaches, gun fights and Kurt Russell being awesome. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
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John’s Horror Corner: All Hallows’ Eve (2013), the brutal gory horror anthology that spawned Art the Clown.
MY CALL: This film is a perfect example of what an early career filmmaker can do with a humble budget and a strong passion for brutal blood and guts. Everything is color-by-numbers horror reliant on the simplest tropes, and presented completely without storyline, explanation or purpose… but the gore is chunky and brutal. MORE MOVIES LIKE All Hallows’ Eve: For more evil clown movies, try Terrifier (2016), Stephen King’s It (1990, 2017), Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988), and maaaybe even Stitches (2012), Scary or Die (2012) and Clown (2014).
MORE HORROR ANTHOLOGIES: Dead of Night (1945), Black Sabbath (1963), Tales from the Crypt (1972), The Vault of Horror (1973), The Uncanny (1977), Creepshow (1982), Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983), Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985), Deadtime Stories (1986), Creepshow 2 (1987), After Midnight (1989), Tales from the Crypt Season 1 (1989), Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990), Two Evil Eyes (1990), Grimm Prairie Tales (1990), The Willies (1990), Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Campfire Tales (1997), Dark Tales of Japan (2004), 3 Extremes (2004), Creepshow 3 (2006), Trick ‘r Treat (2007), Chillerama (2011), Little Deaths (2011), V/H/S (2012), The Theater Bizarre (2012), The ABCs of Death (2013), V/H/S 2 (2013), The Profane Exhibit (2013), The ABCs of Death 2 (2014), V/H/S Viral (2014), Southbound (2015), Tales of Halloween (2015), A Christmas Horror Story (2015), The ABCs of Death 2.5 (2016), Holidays (2016), Terrified (2017; aka Aterrados, a pseudo-anthology), Oats Studios, Vol. 1 (2017), Ghost Stories (2017), XX (2017), The Field Guide to Evil (2018), Shudder’s series Creepshow (2019) and Xenophobia (2019).
Babysitting two preteens on Halloween, Sarah (Katie Maguire; Terrifier) finds an unlabeled VHS tape in one of their treat bags and no one can explain how it got there. Curious of its contents, she watches as three stories unfold…
The three stories feature a cult of mutant demons sacrificing a young woman after she is abducted by an evil clown; an alien landing in the semi-rural suburbs and terrorizing a woman in her new house; and a young motorist who cannot seem to escape a murderous clown. All stories include a terrorized woman who is largely alone with her cell phone, some sort of assailant terrorizing her, and a clown in at least some capacity.
The sets are super low budget (e.g., using an apartment/dorm building as a train station set) and the acting varies wildly from one actor to the next. But this film is less about storytelling or highbrow film, and more about kicking the tires and taking a new filmmaker out for a gory spin.
In the first segment, the dismemberment effects are graphic, but the ensuing gore has chunky arterial heart. And while the fleshy mutant rubber-suited monster could look better (e.g., you see it fold over when he turns his head), it looks as good as it needs to for me to enjoy the scene. Other demon-faced make-up work has spirit—even if they are rigid latex masks with no mouth reticulation, they remain very creepy.
The alien creature in the second segment is truly hokey and moves like a pop-jazz dancer in slow-motion. Had that been the first short, I likely would have stopped the movie. This middle story offers zero substance and I wish it wasn’t in the movie at all.
The third segment is all about the clown, and goes full-tilt on gore—like, “watch me smile as I saw this guy’s head off” gore. I feel all the effects budget was sunk into this segment with the brutally faceless victim and the dismemberment (that would later be pushed to greater limits in Terrifier). That closing stitched-up naked amputee image was vicious.
The babysitter wraparound remains present throughout the anthology, and closes with a sort of “directly indirect” connection to the content of the VHS tape.
Writer/director Damien Leone (Terrifier, Terrifier 2) isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel. Everything presented here is color-by-numbers horror reliant on the simplest tropes, and his three anthology shorts and wraparound are presented completely without storyline, explanation or purpose. They are simply horror vignettes; ideas or scenes realized on screen in complete absence of plot. And that’s fine, even if not what I generally prefer, in a horror anthology.
This anthology was entertaining (largely for the third short). But if I’m being honest, I’m glad I saw Terrifier (2016) first. Because All Hallows’ Eve would not have indicated to me that Leone was capable of erecting such a great silent villain or a plotted film—as we very satisfyingly find in the 2016 follow-up. That said, All Hallows’ Eve is a perfect example of what an early career filmmaker can do with a humble budget and a strong passion for brutal blood and guts.
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John’s Horror Corner: Mausoleum (1983), a totally watchable campy demonic temptress movie that steers clear of sleazy territory.
MY CALL: The title of this movie is suggestive of something more gothic. But it’s really just another campy seductress flick. Thankfully, it never wanders into raunchy or trashy territory. Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by the special effects of this totally watchable flick. MORE MOVIES LIKE Mausoleum: For more demonic seductress B-movies, try Evil Clutch (1988), The Unholy (1988), Necromancer (1988), Witchcraft II (1989), Def By Temptation (1990) and Night Angel (1990).
Long after her mother’s death, Susan (Bobbie Bresee; Ghoulies, Evil Spawn, Surf Nazis Must Die) is possessed by a demon that has plagued her family for generations. Apparently, the firstborn woman of every generation of her family suffers this curse. Naturally, her psychiatrist (Norman Burton; Planet of the Apes, American Ninja 5, Hand of Death, The Terminal Man, Bloodsport, Deep Space) had always assumed it was schizophrenia.
Susan’s possession takes on some campy attributes. She gains the attention of men to exceptional degree, she often decides to seduce these men, and then she kills them by some supernatural means.
Green glowing eyes cue us to Susan’s supernatural powers as she ignites a handsy jerk’s car burning him alive (the most deserving of all deaths), assumes a clawed demonic form to tear up her gardener, and goes full-on Trancers on another victim.
There’s no shortage of nudity. I’d say most of the budget went to paying her to be topless and her demonic monster make-up and latexwork. In demon form, Susan has pronounced skull features (cheek bones and chin), pointy ears and white eyes—basically, she looks like an Evil Dead Christmas elf. Later in the film her demon form is more advanced, and she lumbers around like a malformed Lord of the Rings orc. And by the end she is a full-on rubber suited monstrosity.
A victim is levitated and then thoracically ripped (we only see the beginnings of it so I assume they cut a bad effect snafu, but it’s still cool). And she bites open her husband’s (Marjoe Gortner: Starcrash, American Ninja 3) ribcage with her bare breasts which are each adorned with a little bitey demon face. We see quite a bit of her monster boobs. But, if you’re gonna’ make boob demons, I suppose you show ‘em, right?
The title of this movie may be suggestive of something more gothic in nature. But it’s really just another campy seductress flick. But with that said, it never really wanders into truly raunchy or trashy territory despite the nudity. And overall, I was actually pleasantly surprised by the quality of the special effects. This is totally watchable and recommended to fans of “mildly bad” 80s horror.
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John’s Horror Corner: Demon Seed (1977), an odd 70s Sci-Fi gem about an evil computer with artificial intelligence that wants to have a baby.
MY CALL: How have I never heard of this? Overall, this 70s oddity is an uber-weird gem. Great cast and performances, cool premise, and solid effects (for the 70s). Highly recommended to fans of 70s-era Sci-Fi. MORE MOVIES LIKE Demon Seed: Want more really weird sci-horror from the era? Try The Visitor (1979), Altered States (1980), Exorcist II (1977), The Manitou (1978) or Phantasm (1979).
Not since Evilspeak (1981), The Dungeonmaster (1984) or 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) have computers behaved so badly.
At a high-tech facility, scientist Alex Harris (Fritz Weaver; Creepshow) has engineered the Proteus-4, a gigantic supercomputer with artificial intelligence. But for all his success in the laboratory, his marriage to Susan (Julie Christie; Red Riding Hood) is failing. Right after Alex moves out, Proteus moves in…
Proteus is so much more than expected and it unexpectedly has ambitions of its own. To accomplish them, it hijacks Alex’s home computer control system and laboratory so that it may continue to learn about humans. And its first subject is the lovely Dr. Susan Harris. With full control of all doors, windows and security measures, Proteus traps Susan as a prisoner in her own home. In little time it becomes readily apparent that Proteus’ interest in Susan is, perhaps, sexual. Proteus wants a child!
Alex’s younger colleague Walter (Gerrit Graham; Child’s Play 2, CHUD II, It’s Alive III, Chopping Mall) comes to Susan’s aid, but finds an unfortunate demise to the deceptions and malcontent of Proteus. Some nudity, general abduction, robotic domestic abuse, and chemical-assisted computer brainwashing lead us to an actual conversation between Susan and her captor about carrying its child. And just in case that sounds a little too weirdly grounded, that’s about the point when the transforming “space cube” erupts through the floor to stop her from causing too much damage in a rage-fueled escape attempt. Somehow this ever-shifting cube is equipped with the ability to hover and project chains that could have possibly inspired Hellraiser’s (1987) Puzzle Box and Hellish Leviathan structure (Hellbound: Hellraiser II). And then, in case that wasn’t weird enough, we’re going to wander into some Ken Russell Altered States (1980) metaphysical visualizations.
The ending is ominous, even frightful, but not necessarily nefarious. And while it’s super weird, it’s not “bad movie” weird, schlocky, or B-movie-ish. Its weirdness is a product of its extremely out-of-the-box-ness.
Likely inspired by grandiose beauty of The Exorcist (1973), the gorgeous opening shots coupled with harrowing scoring convey a general unease. Director Donald Cammell (White of the Eye) starts off with an odd-but-interesting sci-fi thriller and then perseveres to continue making it yet weirder and weirder until we’ve wandered into an ending steeped in sci-fi lunacy. The conclusion marries the mania of 60s-70s B-movies with straight-faced modern writing and filmmaking (i.e., modern in the 70s).
Overall, this 70s oddity is every bit as weird as it is a hidden and forgotten gem. Highly recommended to fans of 70s-era Sci-Fi or pregnancy horror.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #224: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers – The Producer’s Cut
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re talking about the producer’s cut of Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. This cut was a thing of legend during the 1990s and 2000s , as people bought bootleg copies at conventions and passed it along to their friends who were hoping for a version that improved upon what was dumped into theaters. In this episode, we discuss laundry, ancient stones and impractical car chases. You will love it!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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John’s Horror Corner: Final Destination 5 (2011), the most fun and rewatchable of the franchise with outstanding death scenes!
MY CALL: Great likable characters and outstanding death scenes. This is easily the most fun and rewatchable of the entire franchise. MORE MOVIES LIKE Final Destination 5: Final Destination (2000), Final Destination 2 (2003) and Final Destination 3 (2006). But maybe skip The Final Destination (2009), easily the worst of the franchise.
Franchise SIDEBAR: Final Destination (2000) ended with three Flight 180 survivors having beaten Death’s design and enjoying a drink in Paris… that is, until they realized they made one mistake as the screen goes black! When Final Destination 2 (2003) opens, we learn that the survivors of Flight 180 all ultimately died mysterious deaths except for one, that all of the victims of FD2 were connected to the survivors of Flight 180, and that they had also evaded Death’s plan (during the events of FD1). FD2 ended with the revelation that Death’s cycle had not ended and that they were still on fate’s “to do” list, only to have Final Destination 3 (2006) completely ignore FD2 and instead serve as a second direct sequel to FD1. Unlike its predecessors, FD3 leaves no survivors on the ill-fated Train 180! The Final Destination (2009) acknowledges the previous plot without specifying any sequels and, like FD3, it kills everyone off again at the end.
Preparing to depart on a company retreat, co-workers Sam (Nicholas D’Agosto; Gotham), Molly (Emma Bell; Hatchet II, The Walking Dead), Peter (Miles Fisher; Wolves at the Door), Candice (Ellen Wroe; Animal Kingdom), Olivia (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood; The Bold and the Beautiful), Isaac (P.J. Byrne; Big Little Lies, Rampage), Nathan (Arlen Escarpeta; Friday the 13th) and Dennis (David Koechner; Krampus, Cheap Thrills, Piranha 3DD) find their bus stuck on the wroooooong suspension bridge.
The opening death scene sequence (i.e., the premonition) was a blast! All pertinent deaths occur on-screen and there is thoughtful nuance to their execution. For example, when the molten asphalt-burned skin of a victim’s fingers sloughs off as he loses his grip and falls; when another falling victim careens off the concrete support of the bridge with an angled blood splatter before ricocheting into the water; or the loosened eye socket from the rebar impalement through the head. The CGI may be a tad dated, but the execution was excellent!
We follow a lot of familiar FD beats—the premonition and how it plays out, suspicion and investigation by law enforcement targeting the premonitionist, the memorial for all lost in the given tragedy… But these beats play out as much as FD homage as they do FD tropes. And agent Block (Courtney B. Vance; The Mummy) is every bit as engaging as were agents Shrek and Weine (FD1).
Only minutes into this movie and I like the characters more than any other FD sequel. PJ Byrne steals the show with comic relief as a quirky unexpected ladies’ man who’s so slimy he’ll steal the spare change from a dead colleague’s desk. Right behind Byrne is David Koechner, who delivers a delightfully despicable company man alpha boss with sharp lines. But the real pleasure is in the death scenes.
The gymnastics death scene (Ellen Wroe) was FANTASTIC! The tack, the water, the damaged electrical cord, the somersaulting gymnast… I was transfixed on everything happening on screen to such degree I was reminded of the surge of excitement I felt watching the death sequences in FD 1-2 all over again. And when Candice finally comes to the end of the scene—WOW! The exposed broken femur and broken back were enough, but that twitch! I love the finger twitch! Best death scene of the franchise? You tell me.
On to the spa death scene where actor PJ Byrne oozes charismatic yet toxic misogyny seasoned with a dash of ignorant racism (that’s delivered with ironic levity). Short of spoiling anything (I’ll let the GIFs do that), Byrne’s banter is far more entertaining than the death scene itself—but this is a credit to Byrne, not discredit to his death. I winced so hard when he fell with all those acupuncture needles in him—bent about or deeply impaling him. And that head trauma was awesome.
The laser eye surgery death scene (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood) is a fist clencher, for sure. From the moment Olivia is laying down on the operating table clenching the crap outta’ that Teddy bear, I knew I was in for a good ride. When that laser kicks on, I assure you, you’ll be nervous for poor Olivia.
Much less sinisterly presented than before, Bludworth (Tony Todd; Final Destination 1-3, Wishmaster, Hatchet II) is back to explain some of the nuances of Death’s plan to our survivors. He says something interesting: that he’s seen this before. You’d think he meant FD 1-4, but really he means before that. But as we’ve seen before, Bludworth is also always good for adding a new rule to the game (e.g., how new life could reset death’s plan in FD2). Take a life, and you enjoy their years in life while they serve your years intended for death.
We close with perhaps the most satisfying ending of the entire franchise, followed by a memorial montage of franchise death scenes. So how has director Steven Quale not risen to further greatness? I found this film outstanding. This is easily the most fun and rewatchable of the entire franchise.
Movies, Films & Flix 