Kids, To Die For, Welcome to the Dollhouse and Village of the Damned: Ranking the Troubled Youth of 1995
1995 was a banner year for troubled youth. Kids, To Die For, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Basketball Diaries, Toy Story, Village of the Dammed and Dangerous Minds all featured kids in revolt. Whether they be misguided, feral or possessed by funky aliens these young people (I’m guessing 11-18) had some troubles. The following posts ranks the troubled youth and wonders where they might be today
Sidenote: In order to keep this post from being 20,000 words I had to leave out the trouble youth from Heavyweights, Hackers, Clockers, Powder, Angus, Quick and the Dead, Major Payne and Born to be Wild.
8. Village of the Damned – Mysteriously born blond jerks.
These little blond bombers were jerky creatures that hypnotized people via glowing eyes. However, they were stopped by a briefcase bomb and their hopes of annoying people were over.
Where are they now? Awaiting the remake.
7. Toy Story – The Unsupervised Toy Hater Sid.
Sid was a little maniac who blew up toys with aplomb and made life miserable for CGI creations.
John (The Horror Leviathan) has an interesting theory about Sid:
I have a theory that Toy Story’s Sid is actually the kid (Andy) from Child’s Play 1 & 2 (1988, 1990) a few years later, but before Child’s Play 3 (when he was a teenager in military school). You see, he had to change his name to avoid being found by Chucky. Naturally he hates toys now, especially toys with the potential to self-animate! So really, Sid is just taking preemptive action to avoid being killed by another sentient toy.
Where is he now? Well, The toys came to life and scared the crap out of him. I bet he is on some form of medication because his parents think he was acting out. He will always look at toys and wonder “Did I really see that?” The good news is that in Toy Story 3 he had a cameo as a garbageman. Seems like he turned it around and is doing a legit job that helps the world.
6. Dangerous Minds – The clichéd classroom
The high school students in Dangerous Minds were a troubled lot who needed a mentor. Their savior came in the form of leather jacket wearing Michelle Pfeiffer. I don’t see the kids from Village of the Damned falling for her teaching practices.
Where are they now? Living in a gangsters paradise
5. Welcome to the Dollhouse – Dawn
Dawn Weiner is a 7th grader who gets ignored at home, mistreated by classmates and when she asks why people don’t like her this is what happens.
Dawn Weiner: Why do you hate me?
Lolita: Because you’re ugly.
The worst part is the one kid who gives her attention speaks to her like this:
“Yo, Weiner, you better get ready, ’cause at three o’clock today, I’m gonna RAPE you!”
Even when poor Dawn acts out it blows up in her face. For instance, she doesn’t tell her sister to get a ride home from her ballet lesson and because of this her sister gets kidnapped by a sicko neighbor who lives on their street. The sister is rescued but this causes doom for future Dawn. The poor girl can’t win.
Where is she now? Hopefully, somewhere far from home where she isn’t constantly harassed by terrible people.
4. To Die For – Jimmy, Russell and Lydia
What happens when three delinquent teenagers dealing with low self-esteem and idiocy meet an insane blond bombshell? They end up murdering her husband, going to jail for life or selling out their friends. Poor Jimmy (Joaquin Phoenix) never had a chance. Russell (Casey Affleck) was too dumb to back out. Lydia (Alison Folland) gets Nicole Kidman on tape but she also proves her guilt. They are three incorrigible stooges that don’t have enough confidence to escape the blond’s tractor beam of doom.
Where are they now? Jimmy is 20 years in on a life sentence. Russell has been out of prison for four years and probably working as a limo driver. Lydia has become a private detective.
3. Heat – Lauren
The poor girl has a deadbeat dad, an absent step dad and trouble with depression. She is out of control and nobody does anything about it. It all culminates with her attempting suicide and things don’t get better from there. Natalie Portman had some interesting roles in the 1990s. Whether teaming up with a hitman in Leon or being admired by grown men in Beautiful Girls the girl got away with things I don’t think would happen today.
Where is she now? Val Kilmer had an idea for a Heat sequel. It revolved around him marrying Lauren and torturing Pacino. So, she is married to Val Kilmer.
2. Basketball Diaries – Jim
Jim was a star basketball player (think Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf) who got hooked on heroin and eventually turned to prostitution. He gets kicked out of his house, imagines killing his classmates (Which would later come back and haunt the producers), robs old ladies and waxes cheesily poetic. However, Ernie Hudson finds him and nurses him back to health and all is good again.
Where is he now? Writing poetry and running YMCA basketball games.
1. The kids from Kids
I watched Kids when I was 14 and I still can’t believe Blockbuster let me rent it. It left me flat on the couch staring at the television like I had been paralyzed. It was a bonkers slice of life written by a 19-year-old Harmony Corrine (Spring Breakers) and feels like a documentary. The kids were like feral animals who only wanted sex, drugs, sex, drugs and more sex. Harmony Korine and Larry Clark populated the film with street kids and this adds to the authenticity of the awfulness.
Where are they now? Dead, almost dead, presumed dead or local government officials.
Did I miss any troubled youth? Where would you rank them?
Toy Story
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Dracula: Dead and Loving It: Mel Brook’s 1995 Comedic Gem
But Lucy! I’m British.
I am a huge Mel Brook’s fan. Blazing Saddles is one of my favorite films and I can watch History of the World: Part One, Spaceballs, The Producers, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Young Frankenstein and To Be or Not To Be all day. His jokes speak to me and I love how he blends intelligent jokes with beautiful juvenile gags.
Dracula: Dead and Loving it is not Blazing Saddles or Young Frankenstein. However, it is a cheeky little thing that I loved when I was a teenager. My 13-year-old self loved every moment (wrong me!) and maybe I wasn’t jaded enough to dissect the film. I remember questioning what an enema was and wondering why that shadow was such a jerk. It is much better than the 11% Rotten Tomatoes score and features a fantastic finale that puts a spin on the average vampire movie.
I understand how in 1995 it was looked at with indifference. Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler and Chris Farley had big films in 95 and they contrasted with poor Dracula. It was shot entirely on sound stages and felt like a throw back to earlier Mel Brook’s films. The problem with some of Brook’s earlier movies is they set a hilarious precedent that cannot be matched. There will never be another Blazing Saddles or Young Frankenstein. Dracula suffered because of changing times, expectations and a whole lot of cynicism. It is smarter than you think and I’m happy to see people appreciate it now.
She just ate!!!!
Like every other Dracula film it revolves around Dracula’s running amok in castles, crypts and on dance floors. Brooks leaves no coffin left unturned and he pillages movies like Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Nosferatu. Garlic is used with aplomb and necklines plunge deep (like every other Brooks film). You can tell the actors are having a blast and the laughs become infectious.
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Leslie Neilson fits in perfectly because he plays the gags straight and looks dignified even as he is crashing into glass windows. His Dracula is a mixture of weary, petty and flamboyant. He is constantly confounded by stupidity and his luck is worse than terrible.
He can also pull off the one-liners of Brook’s world. I love this exchange.
Van Helsing: Count Dracula. Hmm, curious. Are you descended from Vlad Tepes? The first Dracula?
Dr. Steward: Tepes?
Van Helsing: Ya. It means ‘The Impaler.’ He was a blood-thirsty butchah. He inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants: cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes and then impaling them on iron spikes!
Dracula: They had it coming.
Filling out the cast are Stephen Webber, Peter MacNicol, Harvey and Robin Hood: Men in Tights Amy Yasbeck. They are all game and I love their weird accents, wordplay (Rahsperries) and all-in gamesmanship. Brooks has always found a way to cast his films perfectly and the Dracula crew deliver.
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My favorite scene is between MacNicol and Harvey Korman. MacNicol is trying to prove he is sane but he keeps eating bugs in front of an exasperated Korman. They actually wrote the film around this scene and the crew had to be vacated during filming because they couldn’t stop laughing.
Dracula: Dead and Loving it is an under appreciated gem that still feels fresh today. I can see how it fell through the cracks but I love that it is gaining an audience. Another good thing about Dracula is that it inspired Brooks to push other creative boundaries. In an interview with The AV Club Brook’s admitted that the disappointment pushed him to Broadway.
It’s a real world, and I was seeing that at this point, Mel Brooks pictures were not doing as well as, let’s say a Judd Apatow picture. I said, “Well, maybe it’s time to do something else instead of just making more movies.” I thought, and I thought, and I thought, and I said, “I shouldn’t make another movie. I should follow a different road and a different vision.” And the new yellow brick road took me to Broadway. I was once again Mel Brooks and won more Tonys for The Producers with Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick than anybody else had ever won on Broadway. So I was Mel Brooks again. And I was giving the world the best of me. I was giving them the songwriter in me, as well as the comedian, as well as the producer.
Watch Dracula: Dead and Loving it. Appreciate the team up of Neilsen and Brooks. Always keep garlic around and never kill a vampire after they’ve eaten.
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The MFF 1995 train is rolling and the posts are aplenty! So far we’ve unleashed The Random Awards, Heist Crew, The Best Worst fight of 95, Best Horror Moments and a love letter to Mallrats and Before Sunset. The following post examines some of the best fights of 1995 and cherishes the things that made them great!
We had Jackie Chan rumbling in the Bronx, Bond mixing it up with a woman called Onatopp and Ice Cube hitting people in the head with bricks. I’m sure there are more technical fights but these are the scraps that have been burnt in my memory.
Kiss of Death – Little Junior Brown vs. Jimmy Kilmartin
I was going to write about the strip club throw down between Nicolas Cage and David Caruso. The scene was bonkers and did a fine job destroying the decorations within the strip club. However, I just want you to watch this video of Nicolas Cage as Little Junior Brown (Awesome!) throwing a guy out of a truck. There are three things I want you to notice. Look for the asthma inhaler, facial hair and terrible fall the stuntman takes.
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Friday – Craig vs. Deebo
Let him be a man!
The fight feels real because the punches seem like they actually hurt. Weight is added because this isn’t a meaningless fight. It is all about Craig becoming a man and eschewing guns for fists. He had a good chance of losing the brawl but at least he will live to fight another day. I love how nobody jumped in and how the two beat the crap out of each other.
David beat Goliath with a stone and Craig took out Deebo with a brick.
NSFW
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Rob Roy – Rob Roy vs. Cunningham
I am including this fight for one reason. Cunningham (Tim Roth) is winning the fight as he slowly wears down the larger Rob Roy (Liam Neeson). However, one lapse from Cunningham and Roy grabs the swords and vanquishes his cocky foe. Roth plays the scene wordless and his exasperation is evident. It was a gangster moment that has been burnt in my memory for 20 years. This is one of the first instances of Liam Neeson showing off his particular set of skills. Rob Roy has the market cornered on sword grabs.
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Goldeneye – James Bond vs. Xenia Onatopp
No more foreplay! It is the perfect Bond trailer moment and somehow plays sexy, violent and cool. It feels weird watching Bond toss around a woman but she would have inevitably killed him via leg squeeze. Brosnan is pound for pound the best hurt actor on the planet (Thank you James Bonding podcast). When Onatopp latches those gams around his waist Brosnan’s acting almost hurts you.
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Tommy Boy – Four punches and a board to the face.
After a near fatal highway accident Tommy and Richard have had enough of each other. Tommy incites Richard into a fight and eats four punches and a board across the face. It is the classic case of little guy in a little coat beating up a big guy in a big coat.
I love the build up and dialogue during the fight.
Richard Hayden: Look Mommy, the Rhino’s getting too close to the car.
Tommy: Him too afraid to get out, him just a little guy.
Richard Hayden: All right, that’s it, fat boy, I’m gonna wail on you.
Tommy: Hey, boys and girls, it’s Papa Smurf!
Richard Hayden: You don’t want none of me; think it through.
Tommy: Just gimme your best shot.
[Richard Punches him]
Tommy: That was it? Come on you can do better than that, can’t you Captain Limp Wrist? Try again!
[Richard punches him again]
Tommy: Hey everybody, is there a window open; I feel a draft!
[Richard punches him twice]
Tommy: If I wanted a kiss, I’d call your mother!
[Richard hits him over the face with a 2×4]
Tommy: That was a good one.
Richard Hayden: [Richard looks up] Hey, Prehistoric Forest!
Because of this fight we get this great line:
It doesn’t hurt here, or here, but right here.
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Rumble in the Bronx – Market Fight Scene
I love how Jackie Chan wipes out these punks quickly and proficiently. He throws some beautiful spin kicks, uses his surrounding well and his jacket becomes a weapon of mass destruction. Rumble in the Bronx was the first Jackie Chan film I watched and I immediately sought out his other action classics. I love how the Market fight blends awesome choreography and humor. It plays like a ballet of face punches.
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Mortal Kombat – Goro and the unexpected nut shot.
What do you do when a four armed immortal stands in front of you. You punch him in the balls and run! Great game plan. Perfect execution. Hurt balls.
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The Best/Worst Fight of 1995: Analyzing the Goro vs. Johnny Cage fight in Mortal Kombat
The world loves great fights. When choreography, solid editing and courageous stunt men unite we get showstopping moments that live forever. One fight scene that lives in infamy is the short and awkward fight between Johnny Cage and Goro. Two men, six arms, four legs, one nut shot and two very surprised eyes.
We are promised a brawl for the ages and instead we get a slightly practical fight that features more one-liners than punches. They don’t say it but this is the only “flawless victory” in the film. There is nothing flawless about this fight because it features two experienced fighters making terrible decisions.
Here is how it plays out. Goro enters the human circle and screams something that sounds like “WHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAOOOOOHHHHHHH (Scream has been shortened for readers). He is cheered on by a crowd of ninjas who seem like a mixture between a stereotypical fraternity met shoddily clothed ninjas and they fell into a radioactive vat filled with Monster energy drinks. What do these guys do with their free time?
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As Goro’s yelling subsides Johnny Cage enters the dark cave wearing traditional white-collar fighting garb (button up shirt. aviator sunglasses and slacks). Before Cage can say something pithy his glasses are smooshed by Goro. Do you find it odd that an immortal killing machine finds pleasure in crushing sunglasses? I know the director was appeasing the video game fans with the glasses but what was Cage’s plan with them? Would he hand them to Raiden? Imagine having an immortal watching your sunglasses during a fight!
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Goro is then instructed to finish Cage quickly and replies “this puny mortal will be no problem. I’ll crush him in one blow.” I have a problem with this because it is a terrible strategy. What if it takes more than one blow and Goro looks silly? With four arms imagine the kind of jab/hook/jab/cross combos he could throw. Why not wear him down with combos then “finish him?” My guess is that suit was not flexible so Goro could only lift his arms up menacingly. Eventually, Goro lifts his arms WAY above his head expecting Cage to be frozen in fear. As the arms reach maximum height Cage does a split and this happens.
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I love that they shot a close up of Goro reacting to a nut shot. Pure gold.
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I love that somebody thought to deliver Cage’s video game nut shot/split at this moment. I also love that after the punch lands Raiden (the immortal god) punches a bro-ninja in the arm and yells “Yes!” This nut shot tactic not only delivers a laugh but it saved the audience from realizing how cumbersome the Goro outfit actually was. It was like when Harrison Ford was sick on the Indiana Jones set so they simply had him shoot his foe. Back to the fight!
As Goro’s eye enlarge Johnny makes his escape to a dead-end cliff (of course). Cage hides up in some rocks and allows Goro to walk right past him (would an immortal fall for that?). Cage gives away his strategic position by saying “those were $500 sunglasses asshole.” The line is followed up by a kick, kick, spin kick and another kick. Goro goes flying off of the cliff and hangs perilously on a strategic rock. Instead of “finishing” the fight Cage says “this is where you fall down.” Guess what happens? Goro falls into a stormy abyss of certain death. Fight over.
So, we get one nut shot, four kicks and several one-liners. Greatest fight ever!!!!!
Final analysis: If you are an immortal killing machine never leave your nuts open to a sneaky Hollywood actor.
If you are interested in reading about more fights John (The Horror Leviathan) has written about the scraps in Bowfinger, Troy and Undefeatable. I recently covered the back-breaking fights of Nicholas Sparks films as well.
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There are great horror films (e.g., Saw, The Conjuring), there are typically color-by-numbers trope-rich sequels (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise) and there are zany, gory, low budget direct-to-video releases (e.g., Puppet Master and almost everything by Full Moon Entertainment). Generally we see maybe one or two greats, several enjoyable trope-rich flicks, and countless DTV releases in any given year. We recently did some articles on more recent “best moments” in horror: 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror: Part 1: some of the greatest, goriest, most shocking and most memorably defining moments in horror since 2000 and 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror: Part 2: The Good, the Bad and the Hilarious.
The year of 1995, however, was a year in which the horror well ran dry. There were almost no sequels to please fans of proven franchises, few DTV releases worth mentioning, and the best movie referenced in this article (Species) has been borrowed from Sci-Fi and is included on the basis of the gore. But, in honor of our “1995 Year in Review Week” we turn back the clock 20 years to reflect on the more memorable moments that 1995’s horror had to offer. So here are 10 moments from 10 movies, in no particular order…
Species (1995) managed to present two things terrifying to men. A woman’s coming of age is gruesomely depicted in the cocoon/chrysalis scene and, of course, Sil (Natasha Henstridge) pulls a praying mantis and kills men after sex…after transforming into a no-longer-sexy mix of a tentacle monster and H. R. Giger’s Alien! Natasha Henstridge even got breast implants for this role and talked about it in interviews. Truth be told, Species was basically a high budget sexploitation movie masquerading as a sci-fi special effects thrill ride.
The Prophecy (1995) made the ultimate badass fallen angel out of Christopher Walken. “Shhhh.” That’s all I have to say. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go see this movie. The film was original and it hasn’t been ripped off (that I’ve noticed) in 20 years.
Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995) made bees REALLY creepy. Case 39 (2009) did a good job with the unnerving yellowjacket/hornet scene when Bradley Cooper bites it. But Candyman was haunting…bees in mouths…bees on flesh-stripped ribcages. Just gross! LOL
Village of the Damned (1995) proved that between 1960 and 1995 very little had changed…we still found that blond kids that don’t smile are creepy as Hell!
Tales from the Crypt presents Demon Knight (1995) and a most charming Billy Zane. He seemed so persuasive, didn’t he? Now imagine how Titanic and Demon Knight would have turned out differently if these two movies swapped Billy Zane personalities.
Lord of Illusions (1995) and the sword trick. When that trick started to go wrong, I started reeling! A great scene from a little known horror that saw a theatrical release, but then got forgotten by most as if it was a Full Moon direct-to-video release. This flick was, in fact, worth it!
Tales from the Hood (1995) takes Blaxploitation too far and gets a bit racist. Just look at this doll!
Vampire in Brooklyn (1995) is basically Boomerang (1992) made into a horror comedy. Just compare the movie posters…same face, woman in similar pose, hovering over the city.
Ice Cream Man (1995)…because Clint Howard! That’s why! He actually won an MTV Lifetime Achievement Award in 1998.
The Granny (1995)…the most ridiculous horror release of 1995 next to Ice Cream Man. I’m not saying you “should” see this…but it’s really….something. LOL
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Alec Trevelyan, Goro and Tony Perkins: The 1995 Heist Crew.
Hello all. Mark here.
JMoore (AKA Ham sandiwch) is back! The last time you heard from him he was giving the world an amazing football team comprised of Animated movie characters. Now, he has given the world the greatest 1995 thieving crew since Heat or those evil euro trash people from Die Hard With A Vengeance.
WIthout further ado here is the 95 Heist Crew!
Last year, Mark’s article The 2014 Suicide Squad of Villains highlighted the best villains of 2014 after the announcement of the cast for DC’s Suicide Squad. In the spirit of MFF 1995 week, Mark and I came up with the idea to see what criminals 1995 had to offer. Since Heat and Die Hard With a Vengeance were released in ‘95, I’m going to put a spin on this list as if it was the short list for a Heist. Since the Heat and Die Hard guys are busy with their respective heists, this list would be of untapped potential….
The Ringer: Alec Trevelyan formally Agent 006 Golden Eye
Former MI6 intelligence operative with all the necessary tools for a heist, trade craft, weapons training, slick hair and a British accent.
The Heavy Foot: Captain Frank Ramsey Crimson Tide
Sure Captain Ramsey almost carried out a nuclear attack on Russia. But that is just proof he sticks to orders and never meant to command a nuclear submarine. He knows the plan and will stick to it to the tee. Perfect getaway driver.
The Brains: John Doe Se7en
John Doe gets the nod because he never lost control throughout the entire film. This ability to manipulate the given chess pieces would be perfect in the planning process.
The Muscle: Goro Mortal Kombat
The MFF podcast touched on movies you don’t want to see again because it will most likely will ruin the nostalgia. This is one of those films. I haven’t seen Mortal Kombat since Jeremy Parson’s sleep over in the 5th grade. I’d like to keep it that way. I do remember the Johnny Cage vs. Goro fight being a massive let down. A nut shot then Cage knocks him off the cliff? I deserved better…so does Goro. Regardless, Goro is the obvious choice to be the muscle. Look at his picture for God’s sake!!!
The Crazy: Tony Perkins Heavy Weights
I was 8 years old in 1995 and Heavy Weights was a well-used copy of my VHS collection. My admiration for the film carried well into my college years. It was a good ice breaker during one of the first dates with my now wife. And Tony Perkins was the perfect joke during my first job as a strength and conditioning coach. Perkins would spaz out at just the right moment causing havoc for the local authorities if the stuff hit the fan.
‘Attention campers…lunch has been canceled due to a lack of hustle…deal with it.”
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Before Sunrise: The Best Romance of 1995
20 year ago a little indie came and went out of theaters. It didn’t have much of an affect on the populace but has since grown into a beautiful time capsule. Two people, no cell phones, and a whole lot of pontificating. Before Sunrise is one of my favorite films. It is intelligent, literate, mature and has a deep affection for the two stars. They meet cute, they talk all night and leave you wanting more.
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Roger Ebert summed this movie up perfectly when he said this:
Before Sunrise is about two nice kids, literate, sensitive, tentative, intoxicated by the fact that their lives stretch out before them, filled with mystery and hope, and maybe love
I latched onto Before Sunset because it was something I had never seen before. It focuses on two people talking and walking and it connected with me. Jesse (Ethan Hawke) was out of his league with Celine (Julie Delpy) and it was evident. However, his stream of consciousness talking and earnestness win the day and Celine falls for his charm. When you are living in middle of nowhere Florida and you see something like this it feels like a revelation. I watched Before Sunrise because I randomly bought a VHS of Dazed and Confused and I loved every second of it. So, I hunted down Slacker and Before Sunset (Thank you Blockbuster!) and watched both films on my 12 inch TV/VHS combo player (Thank you Circuit City).
You can look back and scoff at these young kids but that doesn’t make sense. They were young, confident and didn’t know any better. They talked like literate twenty somethings who were caught up in attraction and the locales. Sure, they emote more than normal. However, they were worried about the future, uncertain of the present and enjoying the now. In Before Sunset they looked back and joked about their decision to meet up in six months. However, at that time in their lives it felt right. Jesse and Celine have never been the perfect couple. If you look back to a time in your college years I bet you are still embarrassed about something you said or did.
I related to the characters and Linklater didn’t take it easy on the viewers. The couple ending up going their separate ways and I loved that. People come in and out of our lives and it is easy to fall in love with someone before you know them. These two met again nine years later and had built an idolized version of each other. Before Midnight destroyed their idealized world and brought them crashing to earth (it would happen). Before Sunrise is the foundation for the two critically acclaimed films. Without their meeting and departing we wouldn’t have two amazing stories of love and maturity. It is easy to see why Jesse stayed in Before Sunset.
Sidenote: I had this poster framed on my wall during my college years
Call me an idealist but I don’t want to know what happened to the characters from Dazed and Confused (Wooderson is most certainly in jail). I want some hope and mystery. I love the other two Before films but they delve into the minutiae and selfishness we see all too often. They make problems for themselves and act like communication is a lost art. They spend days talking to other people yet they are growing apart. I don’t need a fairy tale ending but I also don’t need hyper realism. I think that is why Sunrise is my favorite of the three films. There is a naivety and hope to the proceedings. We know the real world will come crashing down but we should embrace the chance encounters and moments that mold who we are.
I love Before Sunrise. It captures a moment in life that many people can relate to and it was one of the first films I watched with my wife. She knew I loved the film so much she did this typography for a school project.
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20 year ago Before Sunrise was unleashed upon the world. It was the foundation for two beautiful films and it still feels relevant today. Enjoy the ride.
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The MFF Random Awards: 1995 Edition! A collection of asthmatic villains, tailored vests and hovercrafts
Hello all. Mark here.
1995 Week continues! I started off the 95 spectacular with a look back at Mallrats and now it is time for the Random Awards!
1995 was a fantastic year for cinema. Toy Story changed animation, Bond was cool again and Nic Cage won an Oscar. Among all the fantastic films there were many random moments that defined a great year of movies. The following post celebrates the randomness of 95 and cherishes the small moments involving skittles, blood explosions and leather jackets.
Look for part two soon and keep checking back for more 1995 awesomeness!
The Roger Ebert “weirdest villain since Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet” Award.
In Kiss of Death Nic cage plays a guy named “little junior brown” He loves acronyms, bench presses strippers and has asthma. Pure gold.
The Tropical Fruit Bubblelicious and Skittles award
Will Smith and Martin Lawrence became legends when they kept their cool, turned the tide on a gunman and requested snacks. I loved this moment when I was a teenager.
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Best death via very long fall and satellite smoosh award
Sean Bean dies often in cinema. He has been blown up, decapitated and decapitated while being blown up. My favorite Bean demise happened in Goldeneye. The dude survives a massive fall then gets smooshed by a massive satellite .
Daniel Craig and Kate Winslet were in A Kid in King Arthur’s Court award (?)
I still can’t believe Daniel Craig had this bowl cut.
Greatest vest ever award
Ed Harris rocks a tailored vest like none other in Apollo 13.
Best usage of blood explosions and horny shadows award
Dracula: Dead and Loving It is an underappreciated gem.
Fat man, tiny coat award
I love Tommy Boy. I feel really bad for the coat.
Best response to an incredibly long answer award
Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Best “eye open” napping award
Major Payne sleeps with both eyes open. Do not plot on him.
Best Jack Black cameo award
I was watching Waterworld a couple years ago and I was shocked to see Jack Black trying to kill Kevin Costner. Too bad he got speared through the leg and crashed one of the last airplanes on the planet. Classic Jack Black!
Best Assasin/priest in a silly outfit award
I really really really really love that Dolph Lundgren played a hitman priest looking to kill Keanu Reeves in Johnny Mnenomic. His outfit looks cobbled together by a madman with a tiny costume budget. I think it works.
If you wear a sweet leather jacket you can easily influence troubled youth award
How do you win over a classroom full of dangerous youth? Wear a sweet leather jacket like Michelle Pfieffer did in Dangerous Minds. The world would be a better place if more people wore awesome leather jackets.
Drew Barrymore was in Batman Forever award?
I remember nothing about Batman Forever.…
Best place to work award
You can lose all the money, have a fake funeral, get stoned on brownies and fix everything via a rock show. Greatest job ever.
Best usage of a hovercraft award
Hovercrafts are normally very boring. However, put Jackie Chan on a hovercraft and magic happens.
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The Evolution of Mallrats: The Blade Runner of Comedies
Being a fan of Kevin Smith is kind of like riding an ever evolving roller coaster. There are ups, down, turns, twists, flips and more of the same. I’ve been a Smith fan for twenty years and I’ve read his books, listened to his podcasts/commentaries and even supported Tusk. He made a name for himself by maxing out his credit cards and directing a grainy black and white film that felt totally fresh. Inspired by Slacker and Reservoir Dogs Smith centered his debut 1994 film around two men and a convenience store. Clerks introduced the world to Death Star contractor death, snowballs and Jay and Silent Bob. Since then he has directed 10 films and recently announced he was making a sequel to his second film Mallrats.
20 years ago Kevin Smith unleashed Mallrats onto the populace. The follow-up to Clerks expanded the View Askew Universe and featured two men milling around a mall dealing with relationship troubles, pretzels and Michael Rooker. It was initially ignored ($2 million at box-office) but has since accrued a cult following of epic proportions. The film exploded on VHS/DVD and was discovered by Smith fans and lovers of comic books.
The main reason I like this film is because of Brodie Bruce (Jason Lee). Brodie was a full-on blowhard who was aware of his insane love of comic books and Sega. He was an outsider who hung out with outsiders and engaged in things that no nerds had done before. Brodie revolutionized what a comic book lover was while still feeling familiar (anti-social, lived with his mom and let his interests define him). However, he was unapologetic, sorta cool and self-aware.
You can tell Mallrats is a cult classic because of the press surrounding the sequel announcement. When Smith alluded to it on Twitter the internet world sorta blew up. He has a massive online following that is split between love/hate and they all had an opinion on the sequel. I recently listened to the Mallrats commentary and in it they called the film “the Blade Runner of comedy.” Blade Runner is a much better film but I get the point. Mallrats was ahead of its time as it discussed Superman having sex, featured a Stan Lee cameo and gave Kevin Smith a stable of actors to work with (Affleck!). I love how uneven it is and after listening to the commentary I understand why it feels so choppy (Smith didn’t edit it), oddly performed (Lots of weed) and scattershot (it was extremely rushed and edited). Perfection it ain’t but it was a glimpse into what was to come and forced Smith to go back to his indie roots and find success with Chasing Amy and Dogma.
Love or hate Kevin Smith he is a self-made machine who has had an eclectic career. He has a massive following because he appealed to the loyal comic/sci-fi/slacker fans early on. He was one of the first directors to feature grown men discussing comic books. They weren’t stereotypical pale/skinny nerds who fit into a neat clichéd box. They were guys who played hockey, got stoned and had attractive girlfriends (common theme).Very rarely did they have anything figured out and for the most part were massive turds. However, they come out the other end as a more mature and sociable comic book fan/slacker.
Mallrats attracted diehard fans because the underdogs were cool and big jerky fellas were made very uncomfortable. I worked comic cons for four years and I’ve witnessed how passionate comic fans are towards things they love. Kevin Smith and his films Clerks, Mallrats and Chasing Amy made the comic world kinda cool. That is why in the peaks (Chasing Amy) and valleys (Cop Out) of Smith’s career his fans have remained loyal and passionate. Fans love it when they feel like they are part of the process. For instance, Firefly and Serenity are a favorite amongst fans because they feel responsible for bringing it back. The massive DVD sales of Firefly allowed Serenity to be made and fans take that as a victory. I think Mallrats has remained popular because of its vocal fan base and that is why the sequel announcement has been so widely covered.
After an AV Club article entitled “Kevin Smith confirms he’s making Mallrats 2 for the amusement of Kevin Smith” hit the web he revealed why he is making the sequel:
Jim Jacks (producer) never fucking lost faith. Even when I would kick Mallrats and make fun of it, Jacks was always the guy going “No man. Know what would be funny and what’s gonna redeem us? Mallrats 2: Die Hard In A Mall.” So it was one of those things that was an ongoing theme in his life.
As I said, he passed away a year ago. I had lost touch with him for quite a few years before that and this was the biggest fucking fan of movies you’ve ever known in your life. And Clerks was the thing that kicked off my career but Mallrats brought me into a complete different world and that movie doesn’t get made without this dude at Universal going, “Let’s make it, let’s make it.” So I felt real shitty about missing the last years of his life and I met some people who were like, “We ate with Jim every fucking Thursday night and he still talked about you.” I hadn’t seen him in years and he was still talking about me and that movie. So a year ago I was sitting here talking about this shit and I was like “I wanna honor the man in some way” and this is how we’re gonna do it. We’re gonna finally make the movie I wish to Christ I made when he was living, man. So we’re finally going to make Mallrats 2.
Smith also had this to say about the sequel on Tucson radio station Rock 102 KFMA:
It kind of came out of nowhere,” Smith continued. “Lately I’ve been doing this thing where I’m like ‘Do you want to do what’s good for your career or do you just want to have fun?’ Nobody’s clamoring for a Mallrats sequel, but I would love to make one. It’s been like 20 years.
I have no clue how the sequel will turn out but I am stoked to learn how Brodie is dealing with the success of the comic book genre. I like that Kevin Smith is doing what he is passionate about because it leads to some very fun experiences.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #3: The Good, the Bad and the AVP of the Alien world
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The Audible sponsored MFF Podcast is back with a one-off special! Regular co-host John (the horror leviathon will be back next week!) was off on vacation so I teamed up with the Shark Dropper crew to discuss the six films featuring the classic Alien movie monster. Some are great. Some are good. Some are AVP. We leave no stone unturned as we uncover the truth about behind the back basketball shots and alien cuddles.
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