The MFF Podcast #141: The Meg and Jason Statham Kicking Things
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The MFF podcast is back and we’re talking about the The Meg and Jason Statham being the world’s worst alcoholic. We like The Meg despite its adherence to not being as crazy as it should’ve been. We were hoping for insanity, and we got some bonkers moments and a lot of innocent whale death. If you are looking for a podcast that can’t figure out The Meg’s timeline, and features random asides about the jerky shark from The Shallows you will love this podcast. It is a rollicking 60 minutes that covers cinematic sharks, spin kicks and squid lakes.
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As always, we answer random questions and ponder if the shark from Jaws: The Revenge is a relative of the sharks from the prior films. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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Netflix’s Tau is a fun science fiction B-movie that tells the story of a well-dressed woman playing a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with a morally-bankrupt tech billionaire and his AI creation Tau (voiced by Gary Oldman). Director Federico D’Alessandro hides the tiny budget well and creates a claustrophobic vibe inside a tech-heavy mansion that is home to Tau and it’s deadly robot named Aries. D’Alessandro is mostly known for his storyboarding and animatics supervision on massive blockbusters like Dr. Strange and Captain America: Winter Soldier, and here he is able to draw out a breezy story that takes place mostly inside a single location and give actress Maika Monroe (It Follows, The Guest, Hot Summer Nights) another opportunity to shine. The script by Noga Landau (Watch the other show she writes The Magicians now!) plays refreshingly straightforward and you will find yourself enjoying the twists and turns this 90+ minute movie features.
Maika does a great job talking to a wall that will eventually be voiced by Gary Oldman.
Tau starts off in a sleazy club where a young woman named Julia (Monroe) is stealing from drunk patrons and selling the stolen goods at various pawn shops. She is doing this so she can attend an arts school (this proves she isn’t just a thief), and from the look of her savings, she is close to leaving the shady world behind. However, a hooded figure enters her apartment, knocks her out and takes her back to a massive mansion in an undisclosed location. When she wakes up, she learns the shadowy figure is tech-billionaire named Alex (Ed Skrein) who is using her, and two others as guinea pigs to gain insight into neural activity. The problem is the research takes a toll on the captives and this forces Julia to plot an escape from the house before her brain is turned to mush. She eventually blows up the lab, but her escape is thwarted when Tau and Aries kill the other two captives and leave her to be the sole research participant. The good news is the research methods become less torturous, and instead focus on Julia solving riddles that track her brainwaves.
The rest of the film features Julia forming a bond with Tau while she tries to escape. Alex never considers her to be an escape threat (he is way too smug), so he allows her to work with Tau which leads to some interesting plot developments that showcase Gary Oldman’s AI voice, more tailored clothes and a unique ending.
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If you are looking for a fun movie that breezes by and features a solid performance from Maika Monroe you should check out Tau.
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The MFF Podcast #140: Resident Evil (Apocalypse), monstrous lickers and the hulking Nemesis menace
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
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SUMMARY: This week we discuss Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), Milla Jovovich’s motorcycle-jumping and dumpster-diving stunts, the big slow ugly hulking menace that is the Nemesis Program, and wardrobe trends among the ass-kicking heroes of film. As we answer some inspired Listener Questions we explore other major action franchises’ tank top wardrobing trends, a few nods to iconic zombie cinema, and the deviation of these films from their video game source material.
For supplemental reading on the subject, check out Resident Evil (2002; review), Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004; review) and Resident Evil vs Underworld.
For more horror podcast discussions, check out…
Episode 139: Resident Evil, zombie infections and evil corporations
Episode 133: Fright Night (1985 vs 2011)
Episode 129: The Babysitter
Episode 128: A Cure for Wellness
Episode 126: The Shape of Water, del Toro’s gill-man love story
Episode 123: The Ritual, Swedish hiking and the Norse Jötunn
Episode 117: Event Horizon, Hellraiser in space, and wrestling Graboids
Episode 116: Happy Death Day
Episode 115: Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Episode 114: Office Horror, Mayhem & The Belko Experiment
Episode 113: Elise, her Demons and the Insidious Franchise
Episode 108: The Best Horror Films of 2017
Episode 78: Carpenter vs Zombie Halloween Rematch (1981 vs 2009)
Episode 76: The Blair Witch Pod (1999 vs 2016)
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
Please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE.
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John’s Horror Corner: Mosquito (1994), the gory goofy giant insect B-movie for the entomologists out there.
MY CALL: Just plain B-movie fun with silly but decent looking creature effects, a hokey premise, and abundant gross effects. MORE MOVIES LIKE Mosquito: For more insectoid, arachnid and invertebrate horror try The Nest (1988), Slugs (1988), The Bay (2012), Arachnophobia (1990), Ticks (1993), The Fly (1986) and Mimic (1997). The Mist (2007) and The Thing (1982) get a bit more tentacular but have some buggy appeal, and The Thaw (2009), Blue Monkey (1987) and Things (1989) uses totally made up arthropod-like creatures. Also, one shouldn’t overlook the sci-fi action Starship Troopers (1997).
After a space ship drops an escape pod down to Earth, mosquitoes feed on the dead alien passenger’s blood and grow into giant, bloodsucking monsters that massacre a group of campers.
Director Gary Jones (Boogeyman 3, Spiders) delivers the kind of B-movie fun that can only come from goofy giant insects and gross special effects. We enjoy horror fan favorite Gunnar Hansen (Texas Chainsaw 3-D, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Demon Lover) alluding to his chainsaw days, unreasonable entomological knowledge from a random character who identifies the species as Aedes aegypti (a well-studied species), comically blood-drained corpses, and a generally clunky script.
And despite it’s bad movie aura, the creature effects team went to great efforts to reproduce a few somewhat accurate aspects of mosquito morphology (e.g., the unsheathing labium and some of the dorsal thoracic plates covered in setae). A nice surprise for the occasional entomologist horror fan. That said, this film is far from scientifically accurate. LOL.
This may be a cheap direct-to-video flick, but there are some redeeming special effects. We can all relate to having a big bug splatter across our car’s windshield, right? How about a giant five-foot long bug… and it’s loaded with gooey rubber guts! The mosquitoes are basically rubber monsters, but I appreciate the effort and the practical effects a lot. Sometimes they’re depicted using stop-motion, which I also enjoyed—even if a bit clunky. But what’s most important is that we see a lot of them, and they’re always fun to watch! This isn’t your typical “just the claw for the first 60 minutes” creature feature.
They feed on a fisherman after proboscis-stabbing him in the eye, a naked chick stabbing her in the butt, and a guy’s eyes pop out and explode during a feeding attack! Clumsy action, but a joy to watch.
Not just funny because it’s bad, this film brings silly deliberate comedy as park rangers use insecticide foggers on campers and general hokiness. The tone is a lot like Leprechaun (1993) and most monster scenes will provoke a giggle or grin.
I don’t know how I managed to skip this when I was in high school… or college… or basically the last 20 years!
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When the world first heard Jason Statham would be starring in The Meg the major question everyone had was “will Jason Statham spin kick the shark?” The question is valid, and I love how Jason Statham has become such a legend that it isn’t a stretch to assume he would kick a 75-foot shark in the face. We already know that he lands two push kicks on the Megalodon (thanks “Eat You” TV spot) so it won’t join his zero-kicking films The Italian Job, Snatch, Cellular, Turn it Up, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and 13. The question I have is how many times Statham will kick the monster. I took a deep dive into Statham’s career in order to give the world a number that will most certainly be wrong.
Sidenote: There is no way to know how many times Statham will kick the large beast. The final number comes from educated guesswork, more guesswork and a reference to Angelina Jolie punching a shark in Tomb Raider 2.
After going through every Statham film I own and could stream (or DVR), I scoured Burger Fiction’s incredible videos to come up with a number that I’m comfortable with. Statham has thrown 389 kicks in the 36 films included in the list (Collateral and Gnomeo and Juliet were excluded) and averages 10.8 kicks per film, which is surprising because I’ve built up his fighting prowess so much in my head I wouldn’t have been surprised if he threw at least 50 in his movies.
Below is the list of all his films according to number of kicks. From here, I am going to narrow down the films until we have a solid group to extrapolate the ideal number.
Most Kicks
- The Transporter – 69
- Transporter 2 – 54
- Transporter 3 – 43
- In the Name of the King – 25
- Killer Elite – 22
- Safe – 15
- Homefront – 13
- Furious 7 – 13
- Redemption – 12
- London – 12
- Mechanic: Resurrection – 11
- Wild Card – 11
- Crank – 9
- The Expendables – 9
- War – 9
- The Fate of the Furious – 8
- The Expendables 2 – 6
- Mean Machine – 6
- Parker – 6
- The Bank Job – 6
- Ghost of Mars – 5
- The Mechanic – 4
- Revolver – 4
- Crank 2: High Voltage – 4
- Chaos – 3
- Blitz – 3
- The One – 3
- Death Race – 2
- The Expendables 3 – 2
- Spy – 1
- Snatch – 0
- Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels – 0
- The Italian Job – 0
- Cellular – 0
- 13 – 0
- Turn it Up – 0
Greatest kick ever.
It’s interesting that the Transporter franchise features 42% of his total kick count and I think the success of the first film cranked up his career into action overdrive. He had only thrown 14 kicks in his first six films and that all changed after Transporter, because he became an action legend who would throw 70 kicks in his next six movies.
What is the ideal amount of kicks?
I have a feeling The Meg will have a fresh Tomatometer score and be a massive crowd-pleaser, so. let’s take a look at his 10 highest rated movies according to their Rotten Tomatoes and IMDb scores being averaged together.
- Spy – 82% – 1 kick
- Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels – 79% – 0 kicks
- Snatch – 78.5% – 0 kicks
- The Bank Job – 76% – 5 kicks
- Furious 7 – 76% – 13 kicks
- The Italian Job – 71% – 0 kicks
- The Fate of the Furious – 67% – 8 kicks
- The Expendables 2- 66% – 6 kicks
- Crank – 65.5%- 9 kicks
- The Transporter – 61% – 69 kicks
Sidenote: The average Tomatometer score for Statham’s filmography is 44%. I’m thinking the 100% The Meg gets will help.
These 10 films average 11.1 kicks per movie and almost exactly match the average for his entire filmography (10.8) I don’t see him kicking the shark 11.1 times, so I’m going to take some films from the the two lists to give us the final answer
- The Fate of the Furious – (6 kicks) – I added F8 because it features Statham battling Uber Dwayne Johnson inside a prison. The scene features zero logic (which is awesome) and makes the two men look powerful, lithe and almost Replicant-esque . For instance, Dwayne Johnson’s character Hobbs is impervious to rubber bullets (zero pain) and has one of the weirdest jump/slide/land moments in the history of film.
- Spy – (1 kick) – Statham is clearly in on the joke.
- Mechanic: Resurrection – (11 kicks) – Statham is 100% invincible in Mechanic: Resurrection, and he is so good at killing people it matches up with his The Meg character. Why? In The Meg he is called to help battle a 75 foot prehistoric creature and he is cool with it (I think).
- The Italian Job – (0 kicks) – Handsome Rob is all about driving and he spends most of his time in a car. From The Meg trailers it looks like we will get a lot of Statham on boats and submersibles.
- The Expendables 3 – (2 kicks) – Statham and crew are tasked with rescuing some people from overwhelming odds. The Meg looks like an ensemble film and the odds are stacked against them.
Average number of kicks – 4
Are there other movies that feature people striking a large sea beast?
- Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life – (1 punch) – Awesome shark punch – You gotta watch this scene.
- Deep Blue Sea – (7 stabs with a cross) – Greatest movie ever.
Average number of strikes – 4
I love this scene
Final Guess: 4 Kicks – It feels right and my random data proves it.
I can’t wait to kick this thing.
We already know he will land two, so he just has to kick the beast two more times to make this guess correct. I think it’s gonna happen.
How many times do you think Jason Statham will kick the Megalodon?
If you like this random post makes sure to check out my other data articles.
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The MFF Podcast #139: Resident Evil, zombie infections and evil corporation hiring practices.
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
Please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE.
SUMMARY: This week we discuss Paul W. S. Anderson’s Resident Evil (2002), Milla Jovovich’s wardrobe and off-the-wall jump-kicking, the jerky artificial intelligence of the Red Queen, and the Umbrella Corporation’s hiring practices and on-boarding packages for new employees. As we answer some inspired Listener Questions we explore other major sci-horror franchise heroines (e.g., Weaver’s Ripley, Beckinsale’s Selene) and heroes (e.g., Arnold’s T-800), what other actresses could have filled Alice’s zombie butt-kicking boots, and what daily life is like for Umbrella’s staff.
For supplemental reading on the subject, check out this Resident Evil (2002) review and Resident Evil vs Underworld.
For more horror podcast discussions, check out…
Episode 133: Fright Night (1985 vs 2011)
Episode 129: The Babysitter
Episode 128: A Cure for Wellness
Episode 126: The Shape of Water, del Toro’s gill-man love story
Episode 123: The Ritual, Swedish hiking and the Norse Jötunn
Episode 117: Event Horizon, Hellraiser in space, and wrestling Graboids
Episode 116: Happy Death Day
Episode 115: Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Episode 114: Office Horror, Mayhem & The Belko Experiment
Episode 113: Elise, her Demons and the Insidious Franchise
Episode 108: The Best Horror Films of 2017
Episode 78: Carpenter vs Zombie Halloween Rematch (1981 vs 2009)
Episode 76: The Blair Witch Pod (1999 vs 2016)
Download the pod on iTunes, PodBean, Stitcher or
LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
Please SUBSCRIBE, REVIEW, RATE and SHARE.
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John’s Horror Corner: The Legacy (1978), where black magic, greedy heirs and meaningless house cats gather in the English countryside.
MY CALL: There’s a reason you’ve probably never heard of this. It’s a very low impact, unoriginal. But it’s still a decent film—even if it hardly feels like a horror movie. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Legacy: I can’t think of any similar films, but the story rests on the 70s satanic cult fearidemic. You really ought to watch The House of the Devil (2009) instead.
After receiving a lucrative and mysterious work offer from across the Atlantic, Americans Margaret (Katharine Ross; The Stepford Wives, Donnie Darko, The Swarm) and Pete (Sam Elliott; Frogs, Ghost Rider) travel to England for the job.
Sam Elliott (Road House, Tombstone, Thank You for Smoking) has always been one of the most skeptically cautious yet ruggedly cool cats in film. And that came across just as well here in the 70s. Although, in the present case, his character (Pete) could have done with yet a bit more skepticism when the wealthy Mountolive offers to host them after a motorcycle accident maroons them in the English countryside. Shortly after arriving to his antiquated mansion, several affluent guests arrive wardrobed in heavy fur coats, even heavier pretention, and a surprising knowledge of the Americans.
As the mystery of Mountolive’s failing health and the true reason for this gathering become apparent to Pete and Margaret, the other guests don’t seem so understanding of their desire to leave.
Mountolive’s (John Standing; The Elephant Man) manor is festooned with ancient artwork and overrun with cats. Like Amityville real estate, the house (or an occupant) takes malevolent action against its guests in a most unspectacular fashion typical of 70s cinema (or perhaps even 60s). A scaldingly hot shower hardly raised this filmgoer’s brow, the pool scene lacked the desired impact (e.g., a lackluster drowning), and no one ever cares when someone chokes to death on their dinner or gets chased by a pack of dogs. The only worthy death scene was the fireplace immolation (and seeing the remains), the tracheotomy was moderately effective, and the impaling mirror scene was a callback to Suspiria (1977).
Director Richard Marquand (Star Wars: Return of the Jedi) seemed to have made an adventure murder-mystery using a supernatural horror script. It’s a solid film, but so many components of the film simply don’t match. Better suited for a romantic adventure or family-friendly western or even a children’s movie, the score never comes close to fitting the desired tone of the film. It’s amusingly baffling, but the truth is, it squanders any potential for a dire or dark atmosphere. Sure, the film takes place largely in daylight, but people are dying and monstrous clawed hands are putting cursed rings on people. Moreover, people’s reactions never seem to match the urgency of situations or things witnessed. It’s like the actors weren’t told what their characters just saw.
All the while we have cats in half the scenes, either in plain sight or heard in the background. There’s even a cat on the movie poster. Why? There was not a significant cat scene to be found. Are cats associated with dark arts, black magic and witchcraft? Sure. But peppering them throughout a film with no explanation seems silly. I was wondering if they harbored souls of past victims of the house or were sentinels of a master. Perhaps, but we viewers were privy to none of that.
Ultimately, this was an interesting and underwhelming film that felt like it misfired its genre quite a bit in terms of direction. Wouldn’t necessarily recommend it, but don’t regret watching it either.
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John’s Horror Corner: Witchery (1988), an aimless haunted house movie starring David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair.
MY CALL: Just another B-horror movie in which a bunch of random stuff happens to poorly stitch together an empty plot. I guess it was entertaining. MORE MOVIES LIKE Witchery: I can’t think of much since this was so pointlessly random—although not quite as random as Superstition (1982). Despite the marketing, it’s not really a follow-up to Ghosthouse (1988; although both are pretty random) and is of no relation to Witchcraft (1989).
Also released as Ghosthouse II, Witchcraft, Evil Encounters and even La Casa 4 (i.e., Ghosthouse), this movie begins as haphazardly as its title marketing with a pregnant women being chased to her death by an angry mob of villagers.
Gary (David Hasselhoff; Piranha 3DD) and Leslie (Leslie Cumming; Zombie 5: Killing Birds) visit the ill-fated coastal Massachusetts house where it all happened while working on a book project. During their research trip, a very pregnant Jane (Linda Blair; The Exorcist I-II, Hell Night) and others arrive to appraise the lonely island estate and everyone ends up stranded overnight. Just one problem, it’s haunted by an elderly German actress’ ghost and the island has a history of witch burnings.
Overnight, the house essentially snatches sinners into a Hellish alternate dimension to torture and feed on them in order to open the three doors between their worlds. That’s all fine, but the execution will leave you scratching your head as a bunch of random crap happens but none of it seems related. Like “why is the ghost German” or “why does it matter that she was an actress?”
Director Fabrizio Laurenti (The Crawlers) messily crafted a haunted house movie that makes no sense at all. The scenes include spectral (and actual) appearances of a strange old lady, a psychedelic bathtub drain trip complete with dead fetus shenanigans, some mean lip-stitching (a decent special effect) followed by a chimney slow-roasted old lady, someone is crucified and another is impaled on a wall-mounted swordfish, an infernal rape nightmare sequence and sacrilegious imagery, a very artery-bursting gushy voodoo doll death, a crazy-haired possession of a pregnant woman, and a totally forgettable (and boring) twist at the end.
The only thing that made sense about this movie was that David Hasselhoff needed a paycheck between Knight Rider (1982-1986) and Baywatch (1989-2000). Watch it for laugh… if it’s free… and you have a good back-up movie for afterwards.
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Paradox (2017; aka Sha Po Lang 3), plenty of gritty crime thriller drama, not enough of Tony Jaa’s martial arts.
MY CALL: I miss the technical action soundness that Jaa brings to the table, and I missed it in this film, too. Not enough Tony Jaa—that’s criticism #1. But this film brought solid drama and crime thriller elements to an emotionally fueled journey and there was its strong suit. Not only that, but it was visually striking. Solid film. MOVIES LIKE Kill Zone 2: Well, this is a sequel… so Kill Zone (2005; aka SPL) and Kill Zone 2 (2015; aka SPL 2) along with the far more brutal The Raid: Redemption (2011).
Hong Kong cop Lee Chung Chi (Louis Koo; Flashpoint, Kill Zone 2) teams up with Thai detective Chui Kit (Yue Wu; Birth of the Dragon) after his daughter is kidnapped in Thailand for illegal organ trafficking.
Director Wilson Yip (Ip Man 1-4, Kill Zone) recruited some familiar SPL actors to new and different roles here in the SPL series. So, while this may be a sequel, there is no actual character continuity. And that’s a shame—as the action here simply does not measure up to SPL 2. Kill Zone 2 (2015; aka SPL 2) was so much more brutal, exciting and interesting than Kill Zone (2005; aka SPL) or Paradox. But this film has its merits. From cityscapes to waterfront views, this film is gorgeously shot! And speaking in terms of emotional character depth, it exceeds its predecessors.
Past SPL installments did well with the rage that fuels revenge and the anger that can seep into all aspects of one’s life. This third SPL film continues to capture this, while also including profound senses of protection, desperation and bargaining in our paternal protagonist (Chi). The flashbacks sew flesh over Chi’s vulnerability, guilt and humanity.
Both experienced action stars, Koo and Wu have their fair share of stunts. But in a world where I’ve seen SPL 2 and Tony Jaa’s marathoning maelstrom of maneuvers, this yields little impact beyond providing decent pacing to this action movie. However, this is more a gritty crime film than a martial arts film—for the first 40 minutes at least. But once Jaa (Tony Jaa; Ong-Bak, The Protector, Skin Trade, Kill Zone 2, Furious 7) is on the scene, things pick up and they pick up fast for as long as he holds the screen.
The action choreography remains gritty and largely realistic in the scope of human-capable Jackie Chan stunt standards. However, there is a steady (but only light to moderate) physics-defiant aspect of wirework and a light seasoning of nigh-supernatural Shaolin monk featdom. No one is doing Crouching Tiger Jedi jumps, but there are more than a few moments that are impossible—even if just by a little bit. Normally, in more realistic martial arts movies, this would bother me (a lot). But it’s uncommon and relies more on practical combat than unrealistic stunts to advance the spin-kicking dialogue (i.e., to decide a victor).
There are three major martial arts sequences. The early perp pursuit with Koo and Wu, the second perp pursuit which includes Jaa on the rooftop, and the meat warehouse finale.
My greatest criticism of this film is that Jaa was far underutilized. That, and the lack of SPL 2’s immense choreographical prowess, hold this sequel back significantly. As we move into the meat warehouse battle finale the scything cleaver blades of whirling dervishes certainly entertain. Koo and Wu’s characters blitz the bad guys, the fight gets brutal when meat hooks come into play, and there’s barely a millisecond to take a breath between swings, clangs and parries.
I may miss the level of technical action that Jaa can bring, but this piece of Asian action cinema brought solid drama and crime thriller elements to an emotionally fueled journey transforming from rescue to revenge as the plot advanced. And, as I mentioned before, this film is visually striking despite having few non-city scenes. Solid film.
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MY CALL: Perhaps better than average, I’d recommend this to any horror anthology fan. The special effects are weak and few, but the film largely works past this flaw with some fun story turns.
MORE HORROR ANTHOLOGIES: Dead of Night (1945), Black Sabbath (1963), Tales from the Crypt (1972), The Vault of Horror (1973), The Uncanny (1977), Creepshow (1982), Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983), Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985), Deadtime Stories (1986), Creepshow 2 (1987), Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990), Two Evil Eyes (1990), Grimm Prairie Tales (1990), Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Campfire Tales (1997), 3 Extremes (2004), Creepshow 3 (2006), Trick ‘r Treat (2007), Chillerama (2011), Little Deaths (2011), V/H/S (2012), The Theater Bizarre (2012), The ABCs of Death (2013), V/H/S 2 (2013), The Profane Exhibit (2013), The ABCs of Death 2 (2014), V/H/S Viral (2014), Southbound (2015), Tales of Halloween (2015), A Christmas Horror Story (2015), The ABCs of Death 2.5 (2016), Holidays (2016) and XX (2017).
Our provocative wraparound tale (Allison’s Story) introduces Allison (Jillian McWhirter; Progeny, The Dentist 2, Strangeland) and Cheryl (Pamela Adlon; Gate 2, Louie) to their new professor Dr. Derek (Ramy Zada; Two Evil Eyes), who uses extreme methods to teach his course on The Psychology of Fear. To complement their studies, they meet at Zada’s house to tell scary stories to explore their fears…
The first story is about a young couple whose car breaks down by an old manor with a murderous past. With no other option for help and noticing a light on in the purportedly abandoned home, Kevin (Marc McClure; Superman I-IV, Grimm Prairie Tales) and Joan (Nadine Van der Velde; Critters, Munchies) suspect that someone moved into The Old Dark House. This segment takes a very different path than expected and wanders into familiar territory when a misunderstanding turns deadly. This was a great segment!
After a strong start, this anthology hits a pothole with a much weaker entry. A Night on the Town follows four teenage girls getting lost in a bad part of town, chased by a filthy rapey vagrant, and attacked by his pack of dogs. Despite seeing some familiar faces–Judie Aronson (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Weird Science) and Penelope Sudrow (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3)—this was my least favorite segment and, worth noting, this one is not for dog lovers. The acting and writing were poor and nothing interesting happens.
The third segment (All Night Operator) stars Marg Helgenberger (CSI, Mr. Brooks, Species 1-2) as an answering service operator having a difficult night shift with a disturbed phone stalker. This segment was more middle of the road, feeling like a lesser episode of Tales from the Crypt (1989-1986). Helgenberger fares well, but the other performances felt weak and did little for the basic premise. However predictable, I appreciated the execution of its ending.
Ken and Jim Wheat (writers of The Fly II, Pitch Black, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4) team up to write and direct this so-so, clunky horror anthology. The writing quality varied considerably from one segment to another, dropping considerably after the opening wraparound and The Old Dark House set such admirably high standards at the start.
The segments seem unlinked until the conclusion of the Allison’s Story at the end, one of the better wraparound around stories among horror anthologies. It may not measure up to the wraparounds of Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)s or Trick ‘r Treat (2007), but few ever could. Allison’s Story closes with the best special effects of the film—a murderous stop-motion skeleton hunting the final girl through the settings of the aforementioned segments.
Thankfully, the film closes as strong as its opening!
Movies, Films & Flix 