John’s Horror Corner: The Bye Bye Man (2017), PG-13 horror at its cash-grabbing worst about a dumb boogeyman.
MY CALL: Well this was a waste of time and a waste of Doug Jones. This is among the few horror movies that actually are at their worst during their effects-rich final act. MOVIES LIKE The Bye Bye Man: For more horror whose villains’ names shall not be uttered or whose knowledge alone is a danger, try Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005), Candyman (1992), It Follows (2015), Mara (2018) and Truth or Dare (2018). Honestly, they’re ALL better than Bye Bye Man… all of them. Watch them instead.
From its outset this movie wants so badly to be taken seriously. Every ounce of lackluster effort is poured into trying to cultivate a most dire atmosphere… and it all fails. All of it. I feel badly for Leigh Whannell (Cooties, Insidious 1-3, Saw I-III). He was trying so hard in the 1969 flashbacks.
I’ve been wary of just about any post-1995 horror film below an R-rating. That’s around the time that filmmakers shifted attention from making a good (or simply entertaining) film to making blatant cash grabs. But hey, I guess it’s just business, right? Who am I to complain? I chose to watch it.
As if upon discovery of a horror movie color-by-numbers workbook, director Stacy Title (Let the Devil Wear Black, Hood of Horror) draws lines between the most typical tropes in the blandest possible ways. It all starts with an old gold coin and some creepy journal scribblings that bring about a curse when said aloud. There’s even a séance performed by a medium. Sadly, none of these classic horror elements will come full circle in the story’s resolution. Why you’d show me an old gold coin in act one and leave it meaningless in act three is beyond me.
Three students—Elliot (Douglas Smith; Ouija, Stage Fright, Antiviral), John (Lucien Laviscount; Scream Queens) and Sasha (Cressida Bonas)—rent an old house with a dark past that comes to haunt them. We’ll learn some “rules” about this evil phantom, but the movie will quickly forget them as if they never mattered.
A nondescript hooded Boogeyman, The Bye Bye Man (Doug Jones; The Shape of Water, Ouija: Origin of Evil, Crimson Peak, Absentia) follows crass simplicity. And like a late franchise Freddy Krueger, he must be known and believed in order to have power. However, unlike a Freddy movie, I hated this.
Creepy out-of-focus imagery from the shadows harkens Mama (2013) and Lights Out (2016) among countless (and better) others. Stupid drama, visions of out-of-place maggots (in a girl’s hair) and hallucinations of temptation feel cheaply executed. Outside of some decent bloodwork, the special effects are weak—especially with respect to our monster’s appearance, which is probably rivaled by your Halloween-loving neighbor’s make-up. Don’t even get me started on the pointless CGI Hell Hound—errrr… the Bye Bye Man’s pet dog (yet another ill-explained component). Early 2000s ScyFy Channel movies-of-the-week feature equivalent special effects quality to this stupid dog thing. This CGI was upsettingly bad.
This wretched film features the worst scissors-fighting in cinema history, the worst sneeze-acting I’ve ever seen, and my favorite character in the entire movie was the exposition-dump librarian. That woman gave it her all and cared more about this film than anyone else in it. Plus, it was a funny gimmicky single-serving character. That character was the best thing about this movie!
The scare tactics were weak and we stumble down their abysmal trench when we yo-yo constantly back-and-forth between an evil hallucination and reality culminating in a boring murderous end. It’s so crass—as if no viewer could possibly imagine that this boogeyman could fool your eyes or play tricks on your mind, despite mentioning it in the dialogue countless times! This is what you do in 1950s horror, when the genre is young and viewers aren’t savvy to the means. Or… you simply show the harsh reality after the fact. See how easy that is? And much more horrifying in its reveal! Director Stacy Title needs to either stop making horror movies or aim more for PG tween flicks since she clearly can’t handle this and totally squandered an otherwise excellent creature actor. Once our monster gets close to the protagonist, it’s like she didn’t even know what to do with him. He just stands there with all the physical menace of a high school vice principal and points at you… and then nothing happens.
I stopped caring about whatever happened on-screen after minute 15 or 20. Most so-so horror is only good in its last 20-30 minutes. Yet here, those were easily the worst of the film as we watch an impotent evil spirit and his ugly 1990s videogame CGI dog pointing at people and slowly walking down stairs. Meanwhile, you’re expecting the old gold coin or the journal scribblings or some discovery of the boogeyman’s origins to hold some answers to banish it or put it to rest. Nope!
The biggest failure was how the gimmicky tagline—don’t think it, don’t say it—is really only an urgent issue in the flashbacks and the very veeeeery end (when it was weakly employed). It’s as if the writers and filmmakers forgot all about how their spectral killer worked!
Don’t watch this movie because you love the horror genre. Don’t watch it because you’re an adventurous filmgoer who takes chances on iffy rentals. Watch this if you need a good drinking game movie. It’s fun to laugh at—but not as a “good” bad movie should be. This isn’t a fun B-movie; it’s an awful movie.
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MFF Special: The Dolph Lundgren Front Kick Special
Before we get into the data I have to say this piece represents the zenith of my data collection. I literally spent 30 minutes debating whether or not Dolph’s kick in Dark Angel should be considered a front kick or not (its not). Also, every movie viewing was a tense experience as the data teeter-tottered due to the limited number of Lundgren movies that have a Tomatometer score (16 of a possible 65). Unlike my jet ski or JVCD split data the results didn’t become clear until the very end when the 0% Tomatometer rated movies Black Water and The Peacekeeper failed to feature a front kick from Dolph. The data could’ve gone either way and when you collect as much data as I do you cherish the close results that make movies like Masters of the Universe and Johnny Mnemonic exciting.
This may be controversial, but I left out Rocky IV because there was zero reason for Dolph to throw a front kick. Drago may embrace steroids, but I don’t think he would dishonor himself by throwing a deadly front kick at Rocky during their boxing match. Also, how the heck does Universal Soldier: Regeneration not have an RT score yet? It’s a badass action film that features Dolph front kicking people. Another problem I have is the lack of love for the Lundgren directed Command Performance. It’s a movie about Dolph being awesome while saving the day in a “Die Hard in a concert venue” movie.
If you are a martial arts purist you won’t be happy with what I considered a front kick. I am well aware of the traditional front kick, however, I decided to include Teep – front push kicks and soccer kicks because they are aimed forward and there isn’t a hip turn or angled trajectory. They are straight forward kicks, and if they are done right could potentially send the victim into the next zip code. Also, the kicks didn’t have to be at humans as Dolph does front/push kick doors or large slabs on meat. Here is a clip.
If Dolph made this speech in a Scorsese film he would’ve won an Oscar – Adam Hodgins – Listen to our Universal Soldier podcast.
Here are the results.
1. Movies Featuring Dolph Throwing a Variation of a Front Kick
- Tomatometer Average – 34.8%
- Inflated Domestic Box office – $66 million (Red Scorpion, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Universal Soldier, The Expendables, The Expendables 2)
- The Front Kick Movies – Red Scorpion, The Punisher, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Universal Soldier, The Expendables, The Expendables 2, Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, Skin Trade
2. Movies Featuring Zero Front Kicks
- Tomatometer Average – 24.2%
- Inflated Domestic Box Office – $34 million (Masters of the Universe, Johnny Mnemonic, The Expendables 3)
- The lame movies that don’t feature front kicks (sans Expendables 3 – the final battle is sweet) – Masters of the Universe, Dark Angel, Johnny Mnemonic, The Peacekeeper, The Expendables 3, Don’t Kill It, Black Water
Why are the front kick movies better?
It helps that The Expendables (42%), The Expendables 2 (66%) and Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (55%) have solid Tomatometer numbers and only Red Scorpion has a score below 10%. There really is no correlation or causation, but, it’s worth noting that Dolph’s two movies with a 0% Tomatometer rating do not feature front kicks. If I was putting together a Dolph Lundgren primer, four of the front kick movies would be in the five I recommend:
- Rocky IV
- Universal Soldier
- The Expendables 2
- Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning
- Showdown in Little Tokyo
The main reason the scores are relatively close is because the writers of Don’t Kill It chose to write a decent script that didn’t allow Dolph to front kick a jerky demon into oblivion. The movies 89% Tomatometer score is earned, but when you write a movie about Dolph battling a demon AND you don’t have him kick it – there is something wrong with you. Why not let Dolph kick it?
What movie features his best front kick?
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The Expendables 2 is his highest rated “front kick movie” and it features (in my opinion) his greatest front kick ever. Basically, he destroys a henchman with a beautiful kick that sends him over a railing. It’s awesome (1:55 in video). While watching the movie again (for research) I was shocked at how many awesome things I had forgotten. Here is a list
- Dolph front kicks a henchmen and says “Goodbye”
- Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis drive around in a smart car
- Scott Adkins and Jason Statham fight
- There is a moment when Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone share the screen
- Dolph gets to use his science background to hilarious effect
- Chuck Norris probably kills 70 people
- JCVD plays a great villain
- Dolph front kicks a henchmen and says “Goodbye”
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There you have it! Irrefutable evidence that movies featuring Dolph Lundgren throwing a front kick are better than his other movie that don’t feature front kicks. You are welcome!
If you like this article make sure to check out my other data pieces!
- Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
- Analyzing the Unsuccessful Trap in Predators
- How Far Did the Shark Travel in Jaws: The Revenge?
- How Far Did the Creature From It Follows Travel?
- How Many Bullets Missed John Matrix in Commando?
- How Fast Does the Great White Swim in Shark Night?
- Zara the Assistant and Jurassic World Had a Bad Day
- A Look at Elektra’s sandbag trainer in Daredevil
- How Far Did Nic Cage Run While Dressed as a Bear In The Wicker Man Remake?
- Breaking Down The Mariner vs. Sea Beast Battle in Waterworld
- How Long Did it Take The Joker to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
- Michael Myers Hates Blinkers
- Jason Voorhees Can’t Teleport?
- Michael Myers Loves Laundry
- How Far Did the Merman Travel in The Cabin in the Woods?
- How Far Did Matthew McConaughey Jump in Reign of Fire?
- How Fast can Leatherface Run?
- Deep Blue Sea and Stellan Skarsgard
- How Far Did Michael Myers Drive in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
- How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
- People Love a Bearded Kurt Russell
- A Closer Look at Movies That Feature the Words Great, Good, Best, Perfect and Fantastic
- An In-Depth Look At Movies That Feature Pencils Used as Weapons
- Cinematic Foghat Data
- Explosions and Movie Posters
- The Fast & Furious & Corona
- Nicolas Sparks Movie Posters Are Weird
- How Do You Make the Perfect Kevin Smith Movie?
- Predicting the RT score of Baywatch
- The Cinematic Dumb Data Podcast
- What is the best horror movie franchise?
- How Fast Can the Fisherman Clean a Trunk in I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- It’s Expensive to Feature Characters Being Eaten Alive and Surviving Without a Scratch
- How Long Does it Take Your Favorite Horror Movie Characters to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
- What was the Guy’s Blood Pressure in Dawn of the Dead?
- Why Were There So Many Lemons in National Treasure?
- How Far Does The Rock Jump in the Skyscraper Poster?
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The MFF Podcast #152: The 13th Warrior
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The #1 ranked podcast on Ranker’s “Best Movie Podcast” list is back! This week we’re talking about the underrated action spectacle The 13th Warrior, which has aged really well due to its practical effects and on-location shooting in the harshest terrains British Columbia could offer. The 13th Warrior is mostly known for the production troubles, massive budget ($180 million inflated) and underwhelming box office numbers that made it a financial disaster. Director John McTiernan (Predator, Die Hard) and writer/producer Michael Crichton had different visions for the film and it resulted in massive reshoots, copious editing and a final cut that both were unhappy with. However, we love the movie because of its massive battles, underappreciated performances, and breathtaking locations. If you love The 13th Warrior you will love this podcast.
Buliwyf is the best.
As always, we answer random questions and ponder how long it took Antonio Banderas to learn the Viking language. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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The MFF Podcast #151: The Jerky Antics of Michael Myers
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The #1 ranked podcast on Ranker’s “Best Movie Podcast” list is back! This week we’re talking about the jerky antics of Michael Myers. Michael Myers has done many jerky things during his 40-year terror spree and you will hear all about them in this podcast. Whether it be plunging towns into darkness, wrecking bed sheets or stealing knives, Michael has a long list of jerky moments that prove he is more than just a skilled killer. Also, we have a long discussion about the misunderstood Tina of Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, and we try to defend Busta Rhymes usage of Kung-Fu in Halloween: Resurrection (it’s very effective). If you are a fan of the Halloween franchise you will love this episode.
Make sure to listen to our other Halloween podcasts too. They are pretty great.
Poor Tina…
As always, we answer random questions and ponder if Tina from Halloween 5 is misunderstood. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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MFF Special: Analyzing the Halloween Franchise and its Love of Laundry and Machines Used to Wash/Dry Laundry
Dude cuts holes in bed sheets.
When you rewatch all of the Halloween movies it’s easy to notice patterns and trends persisting throughout Michael Myers 40-year killing spree (here is what I’ve noticed in the past). I’d never watched the Halloween movies so close together, so I hadn’t noticed his limited kill set that essentially features a lot of stabbing, impaling and stabbing then lifting. I also never noticed the important part laundry and bed sheets play in the franchise.
Sheets are everywhere in the franchise!
During my research I noticed an interesting trend. Movies featuring Michael Myers doing laundry have the lowest Tomatometer scores of the franchise. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (6%) and Halloween: Resurrection (12%) feature Michael Myers using washing machines or dryers to help him set traps. I’m not saying these two films are terrible because they feature Michael Myers proving he knows how to work appliances. I just love that the two lowest rated movies of the franchise feature Myers using laundry machines to kill people. Michael has always been down for cat-and-mouse theatrics, but these kills dampen any fear he has over the audience because their less about “pure evil” and more about Michael Myers being a jerk who likes to set lame traps for his own enjoyment.
For instance, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995) features a very weird sequence that can best be described in a list. After doing a decent amount of research I’m happy with this timeline because it accurately works around October sunsets in Illinois and elementary school hours.
- 10:00 AM – Debra Strode goes downstairs to do some laundry and she realizes the washing machine is broken. She had done some earlier loads, so that explains the laundry hanging up outside in the backyard.
- 10:39 AM – She comes upstairs with a laundry basket and gets spooked by Dr. Loomis
- 3:30 PM – She sees Michael inside her house and runs into the backyard where she is caught up in the laundry, she manages to get free but is killed by a hatchet wielding Michael.
- 3:32 OM- Debra’s blood flies onto a nice clean sheet.
- 3:35 PM- Michael takes the sheet off of the line and puts it in the washing machine. He doesn’t start it yet because it’s still broken (I think).
- 4:15 PM – Tommy Doyle walks Danny Strode home and they wait for Kara Strode there, It’s unclear if Michael is in the house. He might be in the basement waiting to start the washing machine.
- 4:47 PM – Kara Strode comes home and finds Tommy and Danny waiting for her.
- 4:47 PM – Is Michael still in the basement? Is he fixing the washer so it will work later? It does work later…so I guess he fixes it.
- 5:00 PM – Tommy takes her across the street to the boarding house he lives in. Later, we see Michael standing outside so he must’ve fixed the washing machine….or needed a break.
- 7:30 PM – Abusive jerk dad comes home, the power goes out and he heads downstairs to deal with the breaker. He looks at the washing machine and opens it up to find a bloody sheet.
- 7:35 PM – He is killed.
This moment potentially proves that Michael Myers can fix washing machines. I wish that scene would’ve been in the producer’s cut.
The washing moment is at 10:18. Thank you Dead Meat!
The moment in Halloween: Resurrection isn’t as intricate or planned out. However, in order for everything to work out perfectly – certain things needed to go right. These kills take place so quickly I didn’t think a timeline was needed.
- Michael is seen on camera and two unlucky security guards go to check it out
- Michael kills a security guard named Franklin and stuffs his head in a laundry dryer
- Franklin’s partner Willy comes in behind Franklin and walks past all the dryers to inspect a particular dryer.
- This dryer is tossing around the head of Franklin
- Willy walks backwards (exactly how Michael planned) and trips over Franklin’s decapitated body (perfect placement by Michael)
- Willy is killed after Michael shows us how strong he is.
This scene proves to the audience that Michael is a brilliant game planner who puts together intricate murder setups that involve decapitating a dude with a knife, stuffing his head into a dryer, and waiting for the other security guard to come in and look into the dryer with the decapitated head in it. I LOVE IT!
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Now that I’ve covered the two instances of Michael dealing with Laundry, here are some moments from the 10 films that feature laundry or bed sheets.
- Halloween (1978) – Michael stands menacingly next to some sheets that are hanging on a clothesline.
- Halloween (1978) – He locks Annie in a laundry room
- Halloween (1978) – He cuts holes in a bed sheet to trick Lynda before he kills her.
- Halloween (1981) – Laurie has flashbacks of her mother hanging white sheets on a clothesline
- Halloween (1981) – Michael stabs some sheets thinking it’s Laurie
- Halloween 5 – Jamie runs into some drying laundry in the children’s hospital
- Halloween 5 – Jamie gets stuck in a laundry shoot
- Halloween 6 – Michael gets blood on a sheet when he kills a nice lady.
- Halloween 6 – Michael puts the sheet into a washer (without soap). The jerky dad checks it out and is killed.
- Halloween H20 – Marion Chambers goes into her laundry room to get a flashlight
- Halloween H20 – This is a stretch but the drapes/curtains in the school look a lot like bed sheets
- Halloween: Resurrection – Dude puts a decapitated head into a washing machine
- Halloween – Cuts holes in sheets again
- Halloween 2 – It’s too gross a movie for anything clean.
I have no idea why so many sheets have been destroyed or laundered, I just know the Halloween franchise loves putting Michael Myers and other characters near sheets and laundry.
If you like this article make sure to check out my other data pieces!
- Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
- Analyzing the Unsuccessful Trap in Predators
- How Far Did the Shark Travel in Jaws: The Revenge?
- How Far Did the Creature From It Follows Travel?
- How Many Bullets Missed John Matrix in Commando?
- How Fast Does the Great White Swim in Shark Night?
- Zara the Assistant and Jurassic World Had a Bad Day
- A Look at Elektra’s sandbag trainer in Daredevil
- How Far Did Nic Cage Run While Dressed as a Bear In The Wicker Man Remake?
- Breaking Down The Mariner vs. Sea Beast Battle in Waterworld
- How Long Did it Take The Joker to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
- Michael Myers Hates Blinkers
- Jason Voorhees Can’t Teleport?
- How Far Did the Merman Travel in The Cabin in the Woods?
- How Far Did Matthew McConaughey Jump in Reign of Fire?
- How Fast can Leatherface Run?
- Deep Blue Sea and Stellan Skarsgard
- How Far Did Michael Myers Drive in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
- How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
- People Love a Bearded Kurt Russell
- A Closer Look at Movies That Feature the Words Great, Good, Best, Perfect and Fantastic
- An In-Depth Look At Movies That Feature Pencils Used as Weapons
- Cinematic Foghat Data
- Explosions and Movie Posters
- The Fast & Furious & Corona
- Nicolas Sparks Movie Posters Are Weird
- How Do You Make the Perfect Kevin Smith Movie?
- Predicting the RT score of Baywatch
- The Cinematic Dumb Data Podcast
- What is the best horror movie franchise?
- How Fast Can the Fisherman Clean a Trunk in I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- It’s Expensive to Feature Characters Being Eaten Alive and Surviving Without a Scratch
- How Long Does it Take Your Favorite Horror Movie Characters to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
- What was the Guy’s Blood Pressure in Dawn of the Dead?
- Why Were There So Many Lemons in National Treasure?
- How Far Does The Rock Jump in the Skyscraper Poster?
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Keeping up with every recommended horror movie can become an expensive endeavor due to all the steaming services and rentals. That’s why I scoured through Crackle, Vudu and Youtube to give you free horror options you can watch this month. You may have to endure some advertisements, but all you need is an internet connection and something to watch movies on.
The cool thing is, I found some solid options for you to watch. I was surprised at the quality of the free offerings (Fraility, Dark City, Ju-On) and I hope you can find a couple options in this list. Let us know which movies you pick!
Highlights
- Frailty – Vudu
- Bubba Ho-Tep – Vudu
- Shadow of the Vampire – Vudu
- Dark City – Vudu
- In the Mouth of Madness – Vudu
- Dracula Dead and Loving it – Vudu
- Night of the Living Dead (1990) – Crackle
- Night of the Living Dead (1968) – Youtube
You need to watch Shadow of the Vampire.
Vudu
- Freaks of Nature
- Ghostbusters
- Troll 2
- Sleepaway Camp 2
- Hatchet (unrated)
- The Blair Witch Project
- Child’s Play
- The Lord’s of Salem
- Twilight Zone: The Movie
- You’re Next
- Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
- The last Exorcism’
- Critters
- Open Water
- Funny Games
- High Tension
- Night of the Demons
- Ju-On
- May
- Detention
- Cube
- Battle Royale
- Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
Hatchet is bonkers! Lots and lots of blood.
Youtube
- Nosferatu
- Night of the Living Dead (1968)
- House on Haunted Hill
- The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
- White Zombie
If you haven’t watched the original Night of the Living Dead you need to see it
Crackle
- Ghostbusters
- Ghostbusters 2
- Wrong Turn
- Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
- Anaconda
- Silent Hill
- Detention
- Night of the Living Dead (1990)
- A Vampire in Brooklyn
Wrong Turn is a fun little horror movie. Also, it’s free which is nice.
Let us know which movies you watch!
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15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 4 (2003-2017): some of the greatest, goriest, most shocking and most memorably defining moments in horror
Greetings, horrorounds! We spend so much of our time complaining about re-used, recycled, unoriginal, tired-out horror tropes and stories and stale archetypal horror character roles presented by actors that can’t act, directors who can rarely direct, and budgets that don’t get us anywhere. So I thought it was time for us to take a moment to remember that even today in the modern horror era we find the occasional delight in the form of worthy remakes or original approaches to old ideas…maybe even some new ideas.
This is a follow-up article to 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 1 (2000-2014), 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 2 (2001-2015) and 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 3 (2002-2016). So if you don’t see your favorite movies listed here, they were probably in last year’s review of awesome horror scenes. If you want some excellent horror suggestions from further back, you should check out The Best Moments in Horror: looking back 20 years to 1995, looking back 20 years to 1996, looking back 20 years to 1997, and The Best Horror Came from the ’80s: Part 1 and Part 2.
I really wanted to include movies like Session 9 and The Skeleton Key, but such films are more about tone than single iconic images (or even clips) that ignite memories. So now I give you 15 more photos for 15 years of horror. These don’t necessarily represent the 15 “best” horror movies since 2003–for that you should check out our articles on What is the Best Horror Movie of the 21st Century? and The Top 21 Horror Films of the 21st Century!–but rather 15 of the most memorable moments for me.
Life (2017)
Despite not having much of a story, the characters and creature development breathe heavy tension into Life . It’s a satisfying rollercoaster of nerve-wracking fun, but packs none of the moral or heroic punch of Alien (1979).
After an accidental gas valve malfunction Calvin (the name given to their little lifeform) appears to be dead. So, Dr. Hugh Derry tries to shock/defibrillate him and, well… Calvin doesn’t seem thrilled. Even though it starts with just a finger snap, this is among the more powerfully disturbing limb-breaking scenes I’ve seen. I was truly reeling along with our victim.
If you haven’t seen the film and want to know more, we discussed it a bit in Episode 96: Cinematic Space Exploration Seems Terrible.
Don’t Breathe (2016)
This film was loaded with high tension and utter brutality. The attempted artificial insemination scene (basically an alternative rape) and Rocky’s vengeful recourse were truly shocking. This was among the most morally reprehensible things I’ve seen; I felt the horror of our protagonist victim even though, truly, I couldn’t even imagine.
If you want to hear more about this film, check out Episode 73: Fede Alvarez’ Don’t Breath & Evil Dead.
The Visit (2015)
A boy’s angry grandfather takes a soiled adult diaper and smacks it right in the kid’s face! I’ve covered some really gory scenes in this series of articles. Faces being ripped apart, guts being pulled out, super creepy imagery… but when I first saw this scene every joint in my body locked up in terror.
It Follows (2014)
Some films really just go for it in the first few minutes. Remember in The Ring (2002) when we first saw that victim’s face? Yeah, scenes like that. Well this (above) from the opening sequence shocked the crap outta’ me! We saw it on screen for about a second and after I was just thinking “wait, what happened to her leg!?!?!?!”
If you want to hear more about this film, check out Episode 11: Sexually Transmitted Demons.
Insidious Chapter 2 (2013)
The answer is yes! The Lipstick Demon will forever be creepy AF.
I’m honestly not a huge fan of this franchise, but I like the world it builds and the presentation of its fiends.
Sinister (2012)
Don’t even play like this didn’t freak you TF out even when watching the TV trailer! That shit wasn’t right!
The Thing (2011)
Okay, folks. Let’s get something clear. I’ll be the first to say I knew far before 2011 that no remake, reboot, sequel or prequel to The Thing (1982) could ever do any remote justice to the original. That said, I’m not saying this 2011 remake/prequel was good. But it was certainly entertaining! Even if some of the CGI doesn’t quite hold up in parts, it’s an exciting effects ride.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (2010)
This was not so scary (to the point of major disappointment), but still a tad entertaining. It felt like it should have been a 30-minute short in an episodic movie composed of three eerie del Toro-visualized tales. The concept and story were great, just… stretched way too thin. That leg break, though!
The movie that gave us some of the best rules for surviving the zombie apocalypse. Lots of good rules presented in memorable ways. LOL
Splinter (2008)
This strikes me as the kind of film a lot of people missed–which is just sinful. It captures similar plant-induced-zombification notions we enjoyed in The Ruins (2008), it calls back to the Bride of Re-Animator (1989) “hand” scenes, and we enjoy the kind of wildly twitchy zombie-animated autonomy we’d later find in Train to Busan (2016). This is joyously creepy and brought many smiles as I reeled in my seat.
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
While on the phone with her agent her agent (Patton Oswalt), singer Kimberly Caldwell (playing herself) makes the very same “wrong turn” that got those folks into trouble in Wrong Turn (2003) and hits a young mutant hillbilly. The brutal tone is set immediately as the disfigured boy bites off her lips and she is cut top-to-bottom in half, dropping her intestines in a gore-slathered mess as we watch her legs fall in opposite directions! If you don’t simply love that, then you may as well stop the movie right there. If for some reason you figured you should avoid the Wrong Turn sequels (now up to part 6), I’d advise you at least watch this one even though it lacks the more serious tone of part 1.
Black Sheep (2006)
If you haven’t seen the delightfully gory New Zealand horror comedy about infected, flesh-eating sheep–consider yourself notified that you’ve been missing out big time! Victims fall into an offal pit, there’s something of a “weresheep” transformation, and loads of entrail-rich hilarity. Here, we have a sort of feral sheep ripping out a woman’s digestive system!
The Amityville Horror (2005)
Both rather haphazard in content, the remake (2005) and the original (1981) still managed to pack a lot of atmospheric punches and a solid creep-factor. And although perhaps more than a bit cliche, we all press our backs into our seats when we see the “creepy kid” scene coming. Here’s one of those scenes as a child forces a woman’s finger into her headwound. LOL
Saw (2004)
Saw really set the stage for modern torture porn—although the script seems so thoughtful that the mere application of this subgenre feels on the verge of derogatory. This film never dares to revel in its brutality in lieu of story. Cube (1997) and Se7en (1995) clearly colored Wan’s palate, but didn’t overly guide his brush strokes. All resistance feels futile from the moment the set-ups are revealed, everyone dies, and evil wins with nary a silly nor ill-explained nor eye-rollingly ironic twist to be found. The most iconic scene of this franchise opener was when the film’s namesake, the saw, was finally used. It’s funny how so many people look back at this as a gory movie, literally remembering more visceral brutality than actually transpired on screen. Rather the brutality was more in the perceived emotional duress (most of the time), and that’s what made this work so well.
Wrong Turn (2003)
Remember that time Emmanuelle Chriqui got axed across the jaw? Yeah… everyone who saw this remembers that death. It was epic. And right after that moment, her body slid down as her upper head remain resting atop the tree-wedged ax… just gorgeous.
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Hope you enjoyed some of my favorite mania-feeding moments.
Please read…
15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 1 (2000-2014)
15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 2 (2001-2015)
15 Images for 15 Years of Horror, Part 3 (2002-2016)
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John’s Horror Corner: The Editor (2014), a wonderfully gory and raunchy yet awkwardly written ultra-cheesy horror comedy.
MY CALL: If you love Italian Giallo films and would love to see them mocked in an extremely awkward film, then you are in luck! Otherwise, this film will likely confound or alienate viewers who either don’t exactly know what they’re getting into, or who are sober. MOVIES LIKE The Editor: For more horror or horroresque or horror-adjacent films of similarly awkward comedic tone, try The Greasy Strangler (2016), Manborg (2011), Turbo Kid (2015), Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991) and Kung Fury (2015).
Lots of warm neon lighting, great 80s synth scoring, full frontal nudity (Tristan Risk; ABCs of Death 2, American Mary), a gruesome face chopping and some melodramatic dialogue get this film off to interesting (if not stimulating) start… and that’s just in the first few minutes!
Writers (in part) and directors Matthew Kennedy and Adam Brooks (Father’s Day) continue their foray into strange cinema with this horror dark comedy that feels more a soft-handed farce than satire. The tone weaves one Hell of a weird atmosphere, and it’s pervasive.
A film editor with prosthetic fingers and a loveless marriage (Paz de la Huerta; Nurse 3D), Ciso (Adam Brooks; Another Wolfcop, Manborg) has a passion for his work in the film industry. But as his filmmaking colleagues are gruesomely murdered on and off the set, a detective (Matthew Kennedy; The Void, Manborg) becomes suspicious of Ciso’s whereabouts and some of the actors (Conor Sweeney; Another Wolfcop, Manborg) take matters into their own hands to find the killer. What ensues is pure insanity.
This seems to honor, copy or mock various scenes from Se7en (1995), American Psycho (2000), Black Christmas (1974), A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), The Shining (1980), cheesy twist endings and an entire era’s worth of 70s exploitation cinema. Despite using such iconic tropes and scenes, the dialogue is deliberately lobotomizingly stupid.
There’s a quirky doctor (Udo Kier; Suspiria, The Theater Bizarre, Mother of Tears, Halloween) with a ridiculously gigantic syringe he sticks in necks, every opportunity is taken to mock 60s-70s era violence against women exploitation films to such extent of dialogue about women slapping themselves, everything is farcically dramatized with every effort to avoid sounding like a real movie—and all the while nothing is ever delivered with a smile. Nope. This is all straight-faced.
The special effects aren’t exactly epic, nor are they at all bad. Somewhere in the middle, but very over-the-top bloody. As in slitting throats with blood spraying into someone else’s face bloody. A really funny and extremely gory scene involves ripping off a woman’s entire face as she continues to scream and then smushing it back on (tongue-in-cheek). We also see sloppily chopped off fingers, yanking out intestines and a face melting off in flames.
Oh, but it’s not just bloody. There’s a raunchy 80s workout scene reminiscent of Killer Workout (1987), many shower scenes, male and female full frontal nudity, bizarre sex scenes, sooooo many sex scenes, someone even gets chainsawed to death during a sex scene and then a blood-soaked totally naked man is cornered by the killer. The cheese factor is high on this one.
I don’t think I need to summarize this. If this is for you, you know who you are. I’ll just say that your mood and company will strongly affect how you enjoy this weirdness.
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John’s Horror Corner: Pyewacket (2017), atmospheric rituals summoning demons and guilt for mothers and daughters.
MY CALL: This is one of those films that’s all about atmosphere, tension and anticipation over the monsters and macabre. As such, the pacing is a bit slow even if the cultivation of dread is well-executed. MORE MOVIES LIKE Pyewacket: For a tour of family values horror go for The Uninvited (2009), The Babadook (2014), Goodnight Mommy (2014), The Witch (2016) and Hereditary (2018).
Being a teenager isn’t easy for Leah Reyes (Nicole Muñoz); even harder after the recent loss of her father. After moving from the suburbs to a quiet house in the woods against her will, her (not so abnormally) adversarial relationship with her mother (Laurie Holden; The Walking Dead, The Mist, Silent Hill) drives her to perform an occult ritual—a curse during which she summons “Pyewacket.” As Leah comes to see her mother is trying her best, she comes to regret her invocation and fears its fulfillment.
While not a slow burn per se, this is not a film of electric pacing. We watch, we look for signs, and we wait to see what or whom Pyewacket is as we observe Leah’s relationships with her friends and her mother as her own stress mounts.
The cast handles things well in this film of minimal special effects. A little blood is all to be told for “gore” and creature effects are likewise infrequent and obscured. Surely this is for budgetary reasons, but it does well serving the minimalist approach to this film which focuses more on stress, guilt and anticipation than blood, guts and monsters. While not exactly in the same league or to the same magnitude, Pyewacket would best be compared to The Witch (2016) or Hereditary (2018) in this respect.
Some of the writing and acting felt a bit clunky early in the film. The same can be said about the camerawork. But overall, I was very pleased. I was also impressed with certain aspects often over-looked in horror. For example, during the ritual Leah cuts her wrist to let blood. The cut itself was done so well as to make me wince—not an easy task, and over something so simple and during a scene cultivating little tension compared to what lies in store.
Director Adam MacDonald (Backcountry) patiently toys with our nerves, and he’s good at it. He takes his time revealing how and when the ritual works, and what it even is. But once he does, it’s brutal.
Outside of its own reveal, this film offers no typical resolution. It leaves you shocked and, having handled the cultivation of dread so well, I don’t feel anything was missing.
I liked it!
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The MFF Podcast #150: Big Trouble in Little China
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The #1 ranked podcast on Ranker’s “Best Movie Podcast” list is back! This week we’re talking about one of our favorite movies that features the greatest action hero of all time (Jack Burton!). Big Trouble in Little China is an absolute classic and we’re honored we were able to celebrate 150 episodes with this John Carpenter classic. In this episode, we talk about Jack Burton’s driving skills, sleeveless t-shirts, inspired fight scenes and leave no six demon bag unturned. If you are a fan of Big Trouble in Little China you need to listen to this jam-packed episode.
Dude is the best.
As always, we answer random questions and ponder if Sam Raimi should direct the inevitable remake. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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