The Mermaid (2016), a mermaid assassin’s bonkerstastic Chinese action-fantasy love story.
MY CALL: Highly recommended to fans of bonkers Asian fantasy-adventure films. And no, I don’t mean high octane action or crazy stunts, I mean conceptually bonkers. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Mermaid: For more mermaid movies try The Lure (2015) or Killer Mermaid (2014). Want more Asian fantasy action or bonkers Asian-influenced adventure? Try The Devil’s Sword (1984), Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (2000), Shinobi (2005), Legend of the Tsunami Warrior (2008), The Good, the Bad and the Weird (2008), The Warrior’s Way (2010), The Painted Skin (2012) and Tai Chi Zero (2012).
Kung Fu Hustle (2004) was pretty silly at times, but knew when to reign in the silly for dire urgency. This film is more deliberately stupid, even slapstick, and feels suitable for children…at first, anyway. We even get a nonsensical lesson in the fairy tale evolution of the mer people—grounded in some Waterworld theory that diverged the “descendants of apes” into man on land and merman by sea. Seems legit.
This was rated R and, for most of the film’s duration, I fail to see why. In the beginning, it’s really more childishly cutesy than anything—with a more PG murderous slant to it. Shan (Yun Lin; Journey to the West: The Demons Strike Back) is a mermaid sent to assassinate Liu Xuan (Chao Deng; Detective Dee), a developer who threatens the ecosystem of her dying mer-race. Somewhere during her humorously botched attempts to kill him using sea urchins and poison, she instead shows him that money isn’t everything and they end up falling for each other.
The film makes a strong pro-environmental statement. Our greedy mogul Liu buys an environmentally protected island, procures a reclamation permit to develop the land, and commissions some sort of super-charged sonar devices to repel (errr…explode) marine life. It turns out the island he bought was home to Shan’s mermaid clan (including Chi Ling Chiu and Mei’e Zhang), who live in a shipwrecked tanker where they take refuge from Liu’s sonar death rays.
The CGI is poor and the wirework is weak and executed too slowly, making long jumps appear more like floating in Willy Wonka’s bubble room. The only effects I appreciated were the Octopus man’s (Show Lo; Journey to the West) cephalopod legs. We get a lot of that and he really steals the show!
Overall I wasn’t very impressed with the cute aspects of the film—although, admittedly, many would favor that sort of warm fuzzy Anime-romance propelling us from first date “I love yous” to a second date proposal. However, there was one scene that had me howling-laughing out loud for its entire duration. The “octopus teppanyaki scene” is absolutely worth the price of admission and perhaps the first scene worthy of a PG-13 rating since…well…we basically see Octopus get unassumingly tortured, with his tentacles chopped up and “cooked” in a sort of classic comedy scenario right in front of him. His face is priceless! Another hilarious part was the “police station scene” complete with silly sketch art. And don’t even get me into the pants-crapping sonar test bit.
“Was this her?”
As we move into our final and most violent third act, things shift more into the “hard PG-13” stage that apparently earned this an R rating. There’s no nudity, sex or profanity and there is no direct on-screen death (although much is implied and we witness several harpoonings and gunshot injuries).
Director Stephen Chow (Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Journey to the West) mixes seafaring folklore with Asian action cinema. If you think you’re about to watch The Little Mermaid (1989) meets Kung Fu Hustle (2004), just know it’s going to be much closer to the giggly former than the latter despite a lot of third act mermaid slaughter. And the action is not top notch—just passable. But Chow does deliver all the zaniness you’d expect with his Kung Fu Hustle roots. In addition to the scenes mentioned above, we have fishtail water sorcery smacking of an aquatic Dumbledore and the complete mermaid lair raid insanity including a mad marine biologist shooting machine guns and a leather-clad wealthy realty executrix (Yuqi Zhang; CJ7) giving kill orders and harpooning her business partner as if the two were employed by Doctor Evil!
Bonkers. This was bonkers. I’m reminded of The Good, the Bad and the Weird (2008) and The Warrior’s Way (2010). This film is one part cutesy Anime romance, one part mythic-meets-modern Little Mermaid fantasy, and one part mermaid genocide lunacy. No matter what you expected coming into this, I expect you’ll be entertained!
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John’s Horror Corner: Fire in the Sky (1993), mastering the fascinating terror of alien abduction.
MY CALL: This is an excellent alien abduction movie and its effects and story remain strong despite the film’s age. Highly recommended to fans of the genre. MOVIES LIKE Fire in the Sky: Alien Abduction (2014), Extraterrestrial (2014; which seems to be modeled after Fire in the Sky), Dark Skies (2013), Skinwalker Ranch (2013), The Fourth Kind (2009) and Communion (1989).
Our story begins as Investigator Waters (James Garner; The Notebook, Maverick, Space Cowboys) is gathered to hear and record a rather unusual missing person report from a group of loggers. We flash back and forth between the actual events of the night before as Mike (Robert Patrick; Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The Faculty, True Blood), David (Peter Berg; Shocker) and Greg (Henry Thomas; E.T., Ouija: Origin of Evil) give their account to the suspicious Sheriff. The crew of woodsmen seem to get along, except for the now missing Travis (D.B. Sweeney; Taken 2, Spawn) and Allan (Craig Sheffer; Hellraiser: Inferno, Nightbreed). Diminishing any credibility in their story, Waters detects the obvious adversity in Allan’s peevish apathy of Travis’ disappearance, quickly making this more of an interrogation.
They recall driving home from work in the woods to see a bright “fire” in the sky. Assuming it to be a forest fire, they continued, curious to discover the source. As if dazed or intoxicated with fascination, Travis stumbles out of the truck toward the light.
The effects are, well, “very 90s” but competitive for its time (this wasn’t exactly a big budget summer blockbuster or anything). But I appreciate the red smoky mist radiating from the space ship’s undercarriage like an overheated vessel. Its surface shifts like magma before emitting the tractor beam upon Travis as his crew yell frightfully from the truck and flee before seeing what fate befalls Travis—adding yet more damning skepticism to their story. Too scared to think, they just yelled “he’s dead” and tore off into the darkness.
“They took him,” they explain to Waters. But, not surprisingly, Waters expresses doubt in their flying saucer story as if he was actively “trying” not to believe this tall tale. And who could blame him? During the search party the next day their story continues to simply not add up. Days pass with no sign of Travis and the whole town comes to think they’re all liars or, worse, murderers! News crews and believers in extraterrestrials surface as the story goes national, but no evidence can be found to confirm their guilt or innocence. The entire second act hurls us into a crime mystery after Act 1 set the sci-fi stage.
After 5 days Travis is found naked, with his humanity stripped away by the horror he surely endured. What happened to him? What did they do to him?
The special effects behind the aliens and their craft were awesome and maintain my attention even today! Various chambers are enshrouded in membranes lined with slimy goop. The inner shipscape appears somewhat organic a la Alien(s) (1979, 1986), complete with snotty, mucousy, crusty textures throughout. This all aroused unease, but their “devices” instilled terror.
This film and its cast embrace the bewildered terror of such an event and captured the admixture of fascination and horror that may intermingle one’s reactions to such unknown, even unknowable things.
Much to my dismay, director Robert Lieberman (The Expanse, Rogue, Haven) turned to a career directing television. Having not seen it since the 90s, I remain impressed by how well this film held up. I’m strongly recommending this to anyone looking for a good alien abduction movie. Despite its age, the scenes remain powerful and the effects are sufficiently compelling. This movie is solid and I look forward to sharing it with more avid sci-fi fans!
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Hello all. Mark here.
You can download the pod on Itunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Cinematic space travelers never learn….
The MFF podcast is back and we are talking about the perils of cinematic space exploration. After seeing movies like Life, Passengers and watching the Alien: Covenant trailer I started thinking about space travel in movies and how horrible it is. I would never want to be a fictional space explorer because I would undoubtedly be attacked by aliens, space goo or asteroids. I would never be safe and even if I was safe the stupid spaceship I was on would probably break down.
Ridley Scott hates space travel.
As always we answer random listener questions and ponder if I will watch The Maniac Cop remake (NEVER!!!!!!). If you a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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MY CALL: This is pretty straightforward. It’s an unsubtle, action-driven, found footage film about some vacationers who stumble across bigfoot in the woods. MOVIES LIKE Exists: I’d actually favor Willow Creek (2013; podcast discussion) when considering found footage or bigfoot films, and it does a better job of both. Unless, you want excitement, that is. Exists delivers constant excitement with empty characters whereas Willow Creek is a character-driven super-slow burn. For more folklore horror I’d direct you to Thale (2012), Krampus (2015; podcast discussion), Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010), Trollhunter (2010; podcast discussion), The Hallow (2015; podcast discussion), Killer Mermaid (2014) and Leprechaun Origins (2014).
Almost as soon as we push “play” things start getting weird for our protagonists after hitting “an animal of some sort” on their way to a cabin in east Texas. This film wastes absolutely no time (or tact) with subtlety. Just minutes deeper and we don’t just hear its howls, but we make frequent blurry sasquatch sightings.
Despite the abundant evidence of a sasquatch (or several?), this film starts out feeling rather boring. The characters aren’t interesting, the shaky shots of bigfoot aren’t really impressive (or effective), and I just don’t find myself caring about anything going on here.
One bearded vacationer, rather certain from the start of a cryptozoological presence, remains ever prepared, filming everything in hopes of capturing evidence of this large-extremitied hominid. Meanwhile, everyone else doesn’t care or believe—they just want to have a good time.
As things escalate in our opening act (i.e., the first 30-35 min) weak jump scares follow up lame pranks or party shenanigans, and the unsatisfying “action” is so abundant that no actual event ever really matters.
But hold on…is this film about to take a turn for the better?
Reminiscent of Ash’s twisted bridge marooning (Evil Dead 2), our bigfoot sabotages our survivors’ only way out—harpooning their car with a small tree.
Bigfoot straight up Jason-Bourne-sprints through the woods in the most satisfying scene of the film so far! Later he gets a hold of one of the girls and it’s aggressively exciting and brutal, even if shaky and goreless, as he slams her ragdoll body around like Hulk whipping Loki. But what’s important to note here is that I think I’m beginning to forgive the boring first 30 minutes of this movie. After that stupid first act, this really picks up and becomes something fun! I’m not going out of my way to recommend this, but I must admit this ended up feeling quite worthwhile.
This film toes the line between horror and Tremors (1990). It’s not nearly as funny (nor does it try quite that hard for comedy), but it relies more on raw physicality than actual scares, terror or tension. Things started out a bit dodgy and the characters were all weak, but director Eduardo Sanchez (The Blair Witch Project) pulled off an entertaining experience mixing feistiness and intensity.
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Diving Into the Deep Data of Deep Blue Sea
I love Deep Blue Sea. It is a brilliantly dumb film that never gets old and always gets better. I was working in a movie theater when it was released in 1999 and I loved sitting in the theater listening to the audience go crazy. In all my years working at a theater no film came close to getting the reaction that Deep Blue Sea did. I’ve been writing, podcasting and talking about it for years and I haven’t been able to shake one scene in particular. Stellan Skarsgard’s (AKA Jim) incredibly long death scene is insane because it is a pure nightmare creation that is equal parts terrifying, inventive and funny.
This is getting ridiculous.
This is how it goes down. A genetically modified super shark bites Stellan Skarsgard’s arm off while the shark is being tested on. Stellan is taken up a freight elevator to a rescue helicopter. During the rescue, Stellan is strapped to a gurney and given an oxygen mask. As he is being lifted to the helicopter, a shark grabs hold of the gurney and Stellan goes on a long journey underwater that ends with him being used as a battering ram. It is a gnarly death that has somehow been overshadowed by the glorious demise of Sam Jackson.
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The following post breaks down the amount of traveling poor Stellan had to endure.
Sidenote: I’ve tried my best to recreate a fictitious moment in an insane film about genetically engineered sharks herding humans to their death. The numbers are researched but I just didn’t have enough data to be 100% correct. There is some guess-work at play, but I believe they paint a believable picture of what happened to Stellan Skarsgard.
Let’s start off with the journey to the freight elevator. I’m guessing the trip was about 40 feet after he got his arm ripped off.
I don’t see an elevator anywhere close…
Once they got on the elevator the trip took 30 seconds. According to Stanley Elevators, a stock freight elevator moves at an average speed of 200 feet per minute. The elevator covered 100 feet in its 30 second journey. Next, Stellan had to be lifted onto a helicopter. The problem is he didn’t make it very far, therefore I’m guessing he covered approximately 50 feet. This is where things get interesting because the poor guy is pulled underwater with an oxygen tank strapped to his mouth.
I’m not a genetically engineered shark with a lust for blood and thus, I cannot track the exact movements underwater. I’d assume the shark was all business and put its energy into building towards battering ram speed. By using my shark brain (via a hat that looks like a shark fin) I’m guessing the shark circled the interior of the Aquatica figuring how to best hit the massive glass wall.
I really hope these humans don’t see me until it’s too late.
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During a nice moment of expositional dialogue (thank you random scientist!) we learned there are a half mile of catwalks on the surface of the structure. After examining the structure I broke down the numbers and figured out the outside fenced dimensions to be 590′ x 295′ (give or take 15 feet or so). You’d think the perimeter would be a half-mile around but there several catwalks that travel through the perimeter, wrap around the structure in the middle and go outside the perimeter. The math looks like this.
Perimeter (1770′) + 2 catwalks (295′) + several additional catwalks (575′) = 2,640 feet.
Imagine the shark swimming three loops around the perimeter to gather speed.
The shark swam through the middle then circled the Aquatica and its prey until it got comfortable enough to send Skarsgard into oblivion. The total estimated distance is 1.09 miles and total time spent traveling untethered from the helicopter is 110 seconds. The shark swam at an average of 35.6 MPH which lead me to believe the shark started slow then built up to a much faster speed to accrue the 35.6 MPH average. The fastest shark on the planet can swim top speeds of 40 – 55 MPH, therefore I’m guessing the shark swam slower laps until it got everything just right and exploded to 60 MPH (this shark is really really ridiculously fast).
A big thanks to M.A. Designs for bringing the circling to life.
I love that this scene happened. It is wildly inventive and devious in its quest to kill somebody. My calculations may be slightly off but I believe the total estimated distance covered by Skargard is 5,959 feet or 1.12 miles. That is impressive!
In case you are still skeptical, I’ve come up with two other underwater options that are much less cool and make the shark look silly.
- The shark accidentally drops the gurney and Stellan falls to the bottom of the Aquatica. The shark swims down to the bottom and picks up the gurney (which takes a while because it is cumbersome). Then, the sharks swims to the far side of the fencing (hoping the other sharks didn’t see), and turns around towards the large glass window.
- The shark thinks it is going towards the large glass but realizes it is going the wrong way and has to course correct. Then it swims around like it knew what it was doing (so it doesn’t look dumb) and ends up covering over a mile in an effort to not look silly.
I’m hoping this data answers some questions you never knew you had but always felt like you should know. I realize this post won’t change the world but hopefully it put a smile on your face and solidified your love of Deep Blue Sea!
Check out the Deep Blue Sea podcast we recorded to celebrate its 20th anniversary. It is loaded with lots of weird DBS theories.
Make sure you check out more posts that feature mundane data!
- Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
- Analyzing the Unsuccessful Trap in Predators
- How Far Did the Shark Travel in Jaws: The Revenge?
- How Many Calories Did Shaggy and Scooby Ingest When They Are The Cotton Candy Glob?
- The Dolph Lundgren Front Kick Spectacular
- How Far Did the Creature From It Follows Travel?
- How Many Bullets Missed John Matrix in Commando?
- How Long Did it Take Batman to Setup the Bat Fire on the Bridge in The Dark Knight Rises?
- Kevin Bacon’s College Degrees
- How Fast Does the Great White Swim in Shark Night?
- Zara the Assistant and Jurassic World Had a Bad Day
- A Look at Elektra’s sandbag trainer in Daredevil
- How Far Did Nic Cage Run While Dressed as a Bear In The Wicker Man Remake?
- Breaking Down The Mariner vs. Sea Beast Battle in Waterworld
- How Long Did it Take The Joker to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
- Michael Myers Hates Blinkers
- How Much Blood Dropped During the Blood Rave in Blade?
- Jason Voorhees Can’t Teleport?
- Michael Myers Loves Laundry
- How Far Did the Merman Travel in The Cabin in the Woods?
- How Far Did Matthew McConaughey Jump in Reign of Fire?
- How Fast can Leatherface Run?
- Deep Blue Sea and Stellan Skarsgard
- How Far Did Michael Myers Drive in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
- How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
- People Love a Bearded Kurt Russell
- A Closer Look at Movies That Feature the Words Great, Good, Best, Perfect and Fantastic
- An In-Depth Look At Movies That Feature Pencils Used as Weapons
- Cinematic Foghat Data
- Explosions and Movie Posters
- The Fast & Furious & Corona
- Nicolas Sparks Movie Posters Are Weird
- How Do You Make the Perfect Kevin Smith Movie?
- Predicting the RT score of Baywatch
- The Cinematic Dumb Data Podcast
- What is the best horror movie franchise?
- How Fast Can the Fisherman Clean a Trunk in I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- It’s Expensive to Feature Characters Being Eaten Alive and Surviving Without a Scratch
- How Long Does it Take Your Favorite Horror Movie Characters to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
- What was the Guy’s Blood Pressure in Dawn of the Dead?
- Why Were There So Many Lemons in National Treasure?
- How Far Does The Rock Jump in the Skyscraper Poster?
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John’s Horror Corner: The Greasy Strangler (2016), a disgusting, awkward, exploitative, gross horror comedy.
MY CALL: This trashy movie aims for discomfort, awkward hilarity and excessive disgust. If you like that, then you should like this. MOVIES LIKE The Greasy Strangler: Movies like Street Trash (1987), Class of Nuke’em High (1986), Mutant Hunt (1987) and The Toxic Avenger (1984) come to mind. Perhaps even Manborg (2011), Turbo Kid (2015), Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991) and Kung Fury (2015).
Director Jim Hosking’s (The ABCs of Death 2 segment G is for Grandad) film is weird AF, socially awkward AF, perverted AF and gross AF. It’s important to be in the right frame of mind before venturing such deliberate filth. The social awkwardness blares in the opening scenes during a strange (almost stale) childish exchange between father and son. It smacks of a hard-R Napoleon Dynamite (2004). The gross-out factor also tiptoes the unease of The Human Centipede (2009), except that it makes Centipede feel more mainstream while sparing us any “realistic” situations or gore.
Father and son team, Ronnie (Michael St. Michaels; The Video Dead, Another) and Breyden (Sky Elobar; Son of Zorn), share the family business. During their “walking” disco tours they lead dumbfounded tourists to mundane locations while citing stupid facts about 70s music icons. These scenes seethe idiocy.
There’s an alarmingly heated debate over “free drinks” and, while drunkenly entertaining, this scene appropriately forecasts the bombarding lunacy to come. This belabored exchange is one of many that will induce uncomfortable “marijuana giggles.” It’s actually painfully shocking how many times the characters repeat essentially the same inanely argumentative lines—as if to nail an awkward joke, kick a dead horse until viewers are impatiently confused or uncomfortable, and then keep kicking that horse carcass until it’s perhaps funny again. At this point, films like Idiocracy (2006) may come to mind. But Idiocracy (2006) was far more intelligible and way less perverse. You know that extremely uncomfortable feeling you may have when you oversee something disturbing like a severely mentally disturbed person dry-humping a hand-rail or pooping, pants down, in the front lawn…and you just want to NOT be there? Yeah, a lot of the scenes are like that.
Our source of conflict is discovered when a young woman attends Breyden and Ronnie’s historical disco tour. Breyden is smitten, whereas Ronnie is awash with skepticism, fear of abandonment and jealousy.
The title may suggest this to be more of a slasher/killer flick, but such concepts take a back seat to the strange father-son-love relationship. This is more of a psychologically abusive, perverted love story. The gore was limited to a few scenes and, despite an obviously low budget, included playfully rendered imploding face punches and cheap “choking until their eyes (literally) pop out” scenes. These effects are super cheap, but solidly amusing in their deliberate silliness.
This movie may not feature much gore or sex, but it remains quite graphic. We endure lots of wrinkly old man butt, old man banana hammock, chubby men in skibbies, ding dong dangling, windblown (fake) old man weenis in the numerous “car wash” scenes, and full frontal (fake) nudity. It’s hard to explain, but all of these elements are pushed to weirdly excessive limits. For example, whereas full frontal nudity or sex scenes may make you uncomfortable watching a movie in certain company (e.g., your parents, kids or spouse), “this” full frontal nudity and “this” sex scene made me uncomfortable even though I was watching alone and free of judgment. Giant fake pubic wigs are just plain weird, especially when worn while having deadpan-straight-faced conversations about a father-son love triangle spewing dialogue fit for a 2nd grade reading level. Good Lord, this is weird. LOL. Let’s not even get into the “food” scenes…which were frequent and strangely disgusting on their own.
This film is for people who love weird, raunchy and perhaps somewhat exploitative films. I often felt as if every seen was specifically designed to incite discomfort and awkward giggles, and it does so obnoxiously. But despite this, I just shook my head, smiled and somehow enjoyed it. I enjoy a lot of weird, “extreme” cinema.
Some may find the lunacy of this film to be a rather novel flavor, others may simply find it exhausting after a while. I believe where you fall on this spectrum will depend as much on your taste as it does your expectations and mood when viewing something like this. Loads of “fake penis” scenes and rerunning the same retarded gag over and over can take its toll on someone who isn’t in an adventurous mood when hitting the “play” button on this. Contrastingly, some people might be looking for exactly this kind of hilarious ridicule.
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Shin Godzilla: Bureaucracy and the Beast
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Shin Godzilla tells the story of the Japanese government learning how to defeat a familiar creature that can’t be stopped. It’s not everyday that a giant creature comes from the sea and wrecks havoc on Tokyo. It most certainly isn’t expected that this creature evolves at an alarming rate and is virtually impenetrable to any weapon. Thus, the government elite (AKA many many people) and a rogue grouping of beautiful minds spend countless months figuring the creature out and learning how to exploit any weaknesses. It is an inspired take on Godzilla-lore and I love how it takes a classic creature and brings it successfully into the modern world. Shin Godzilla won Best Picture at the Japanese version of the Academy Awards and has deserved the praise heaped upon it.
I had no clue what to expect when I watched Shin Godzilla. I’ve been so conditioned to monster mayhem, rubber suits and random naps that I figured I would be watching more of the same. However, as the film progressed I dug how the focus was more on the dozens of people trying to deal with an unknown and dangerous threat. Every situation and idea are covered and I appreciated the systematic nature and political satire that take us down a rabbit hole of jurisdiction, more jurisdiction and American’s wanting to drop nuclear bombs.
What I like about this version of Godzilla is how it evolves in front of our eyes. It begins as a slimy little thing that crawls around Tokyo and smashes various cars, buildings and unlucky pedestrians. It eventually starts walking and resembles a big-eyed/bug lizard that doesn’t know what to do with its growing body. Eventually, its arms unfold from its massive body and it starts to resemble the Godzilla that we know and love. This fully grown version of Godzilla is a lumbering giant who shoots lasers out of pretty much everywhere and doesn’t have an interest in property destruction. It just seems to be milling about in a hungover fog while people shoot missiles at it.
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If you are looking for all-out monster mayhem that has a total disregard for plot, character and science (think Pacific Rim) you probably won’t love Shin Godzilla. However, if you like political satire, laser lights shows and a new spin on Godzilla it is worth a watch!
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Hello all. Mark here.
I love using somewhat relevant data to predict a films Rotten Tomatoes score. The data isn’t exact and only somewhat reliable, but I enjoy seeing if old trends and actors/directors averages can somewhat predict the success of a film. I don’t have flowcharts, abacuses or an around the clock crew of rogue movie predictors working furiously in a dimly lit office. I have a will to scour through Rotten Tomatoes, Google and Youtube in an effort to have a solid data that predicts unimportant things.
I predicted XXX: The Return of Xander Cage would have a 36% RT Score and was pleasantly surprised when it received 43%. I actually wanted to add five more points to the finished product but I went against my Vin-O-Meter and ended up short. This time I’m trying to predict the RT score of Baywatch.
- I brought back my Jet Action Scene data because Baywatch features JS action. Jet ski action scenes are the worst and they average 29% on Rotten Tomatoes. Listen to our podcast to learn more.
- I collected the RT scores of recent comedic television adaptations. Aside from 21 & 22 Jump Street (85, 84), television adaptations haven’t done well with the critics. The overall average is 45.6% and only 21 & 22 Jump Street, Charlie’s Angels, Starsky & Hutch and The Man From U.N.C.L.E have fresh averages. Bewitched, Get Smart, Land of the Lost, Dukes of Hazard and The A-Team (and more) were not loved by the RT critics.
- Between The Fast & the Furious, G.I. Joe, Be Cool, Journey 2, Scorpion King, Get Smart, Walking Tall, Race to WitchMountain and Hercules, The Rock loves stepping into a preexisting material. Thus, I averaged out the scores and came up with 50.3% average
- Zac Efron’s recent comedic films have been up and down on RT. Neighbors 1 & 2 are fresh (73%, 62%) whereas Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (35), That Awkward Moment (23) and Bad Grandpa (11) are pretty rotten. The uneven comedies lead to a 40.8% average. It’s not good, but it could be a lot worse.
- Seth Gordon exploded onto the scene with the brilliant documentary The King of Kong (97%). The documentary about Donkey Kong catapulted him into directing big budget comedies Four Christmases (25%), Horrible Bosses (68%), Identity Thief (19%) and now Baywatch. His four films have an average of 52.25%. You need to watch The King of Kong now!
The average of these five categories is 42.32%. Normally I’d be happy to bestow that average on a film that features jet ski action scenes. However, the movie looks really funny and it features the beloved Dwayne Johnson. So, I’m going to add another 20 points to the average and boost it into fresh territory with a 62.32% average. I’m putting my reputation on the line with this score but I’m sticking to it.
Final Rotten Tomatoes average for Baywatch – 62.32%
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Hello all. Mark here.
You can download the pod on Itunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF Podcast is back and we talking about movies that feature Foghat, pencils and hyperbolic words. I love dumb data that has no real world importance because the dumb results put a smile on people’s faces and open up their world to jet ski action scenes and terrible songs by rock bands. If you are into strange data that digs deep to figure if movies with Best, Perfect, Great, Fantastic and Good in their titles are any good you will love this pod.
A Good Day to Die Hard is not good.
As always we answer random listener questions and ponder if mad scientists can also be mad engineers. I also busted out my Matthew McConaughey impersonation and momentarily convinced the Johns that McC might actually be on the podcast. If you a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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Free Fire: Guns, Guns and More Guns
Free Fire is a blast of old school mayhem that features lot of gore, death and profanity. Director Ben Wheatley (Sightseers, Kill List, A Field in England, High-Rise) is one of my favorite directors and I love how all of his films have been insanely different. The guy keeps expanding his filmography and you never know where his films will go. The dude has guts and has proven he can balance cults, violent travelers, tall mayhem and people yelling at each other in fields. If you are into genre film making that doesn’t pull punches you should check out Wheatley’s films.
Free Fire revolves around two crews of insane people shooting at each other. On one side you have two IRA members Chris (Cillian Murphy) and Frank (Michael Smiley) and their idiot sidekicks. On the other side there is South African gangster Vernon (Sharlto Copley), his associate Martin (Babou Ceesay) and their idiot sidekicks. Joining the fray are Justine (Brie Larson) and the broker Ord (Armie Hammer) who flip-flop allegiances throughout.
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What I love most about Free Fire is how you never know where it is going. Like most Ben Wheatley films there are twists, turns and people being shot while turning. There are no heroes and the people you originally dislike become kinda likable. Each and every person has a unique personality and you hate as they get filled with bullet holes. My favorite part of the film involves the clash between dirtbag Stevo (Sam Riley) and fellow dirtbag Harry (Jack Reynor). Their feud from the prior night is what makes the night go bad and I love how the two of them just really want to kill each other. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a feud end so terribly and you will cringe as the gore is turned to 11.
Some of these people die in terrible ways…..
Free Fire is bound for cult classic status and I can’t wait to watch it again. It is grimy, nasty and would make for a perfect doubleheader with the grimy/nasty War on Everyone. I understand why mainstream audiences have shied away, but I hope fellow cinephiles help spread the word and get more people to watch this violent little thing.
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