MY CALL: This is The 40-Year Old Virgin of the present decade, folks. Don’t miss this. MOVIES LIKE Trainwreck: The Change-Up (2011), What’s Your Number (2011), Wedding Crashers (2005), That Awkward Moment (2015), The 40-Year Old Virgin (2005), This is 40 (2012), My Best Friend’s Girl (2008), Good Luck Chuck (2007).
I am one of perhaps millions of people who fell in love with Schumer’s brutally honest and often limit-pushing humor specializing in relationships and sex. Her Comedy Central Roast work was always top notch and her stand-up pleases crowds and creates a powerful female presence shining through the overtly provocative comedic shadows cast by Dave Attell (who cameos in Trainwreck), Daniel Tosh, Louis CK, Jim Jeffries and Dane Cook. That’s not to say there aren’t some equally provocative “R-rated” female comedians out there, but they haven’t become as popularly mainstream as Schumer.
In her first major role as Amy, a well-educated writer for a trashy magazine, Schumer breaks gender barriers and basically plays the female version of a womanizing, overindulgent “bro.” It’s like a frat house version of Sex in the City. She drinks in excess, sleeps with everyone, has a “rule” about never spending the night, takes the longest walk of shame ever (even involving a Ferry from Staten Island), and assumes that if a guy calls her the next day that it’s either a butt-dialing accident or that he’s a psychopath.
The story is simple. The perpetually single and aloof Amy is assigned to write a story about an orthopedic surgeon (Bill Hader; Superbad) to sports stars. They have drinks, click, sleep together and, well, it turns out to be something more meaningful than a one-night stand. Of course, Amy is confused, repulsed and scared by this and from these emotions emerge the resistance and humor that synthesize this story of Amy becoming romantically “sensitized.” Much more interesting than the story, however, are its characters, which include too many cameos to mention. Most comedies have one or two people drawing our laughter, but here we have a dozen!
The film opens with a great scene in which Amy’s father (Colin Quinn; Grown Ups 2, That’s My Boy) rationalizes divorce and infidelity to his two young daughters using Teddy Bear analogies to convince them of the non-existence of happy monogamy. Quinn is delightfully brutal and always on point, stealing every scene in which we find him as he claims that “every 12-year old in the Dominican Republic is better than Babe Ruth” or that his nursing home is basically a Viagra-fueled sex house after lights out.
Likewise, Schumer and Dave Attell (cameo) bombard us with numerous comedic nuggets regarding sex with strangers (or even objects) and overindulgence. Schumer is always “on” but, much to my pleasure and very loud laughter, so is everyone else. As her boss, Tilda Swinton (Snowpiercer, Only Lovers Left Alive) steers clear of her typically serious roles to play a soulless, shallow, quick-witted magazine editor whose every line is a memorably cutting one-liner.
However, among all of the shallow sex jokes we encounter some softer, even touching moments. Amy gives a most memorably sweet yet honest eulogy at a funeral (like in This is Where I Leave You), LeBron James (as himself) steals the show with funny but heartfelt commentary about being romantic and splitting checks and how Cleveland is as awesome as Miami, and Bill Hader brings the voice of reason to the entropy of Amy’s otherwise romance-free life. As Aaron, Hader plays his role straight and dramatic, which works our fantastically.
Most shocking was John Cena (The Marine) as Amy’s perhaps sexually confused boyfriend. Their dirty-talking sex-scene is hilarious, seeing Cena nearly naked is (speaking from a male perspective) equally horrifying and intriguing (at 255 lbs, the dude is gigantic for 5’9”), Cena getting taunted in the movie theater is awkwardly genius, and all of his dialogue is shockingly well-written. By the way, Schumer did an AMAZING writing job penning this–her first script!
Directed by Judd Apatow (The 40-Year Old Virgin, This is 40), this is exactly the raunchy romantic comedy for anyone in their 30s-40s with a history of partying, serial dating or at least a couple one-night stands…or even someone with a close friend or sibling like that. The film is formulaic in general plot points, but excellent in comedic execution. A few scenes feel like they run long, but they account for all but maybe 5-10 total minutes that I wasn’t laughing out loud.
This is The 40-Year Old Virgin of the present decade, folks. Don’t miss this. It is comic brilliance and I can’t wait to see what Schumer does next.
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The stapler is a very important tool. It keeps paper together, works as a weapon and when an alien is surgically removed from your stomach staples are used to close your belly back up. It is an underrated tool that has played a part in some fantastic cinematic scenes. The following post examines my favorite usage of staples/staplers and proves that little metal things shaped like a U can make a difference.
1. Office Space and the beautiful red Swingline stapler.
Poor Milton
I own a red swingline stapler and would be pissed if somebody from upper management stole my prized possession. The red stapler has become an iconic tool and a hot item to own. It seems like an act of rebellion to own the red stapler in the cubical world and as the Office Space cult grows so does Swingline’s sales. The Wall Street Journal chronicled the red stapler phenomenon and concluded with this.
Office Space” has turned out to be one of the more effective, if unusual, recent examples of product placement in films. The movie didn’t just spark sales for Swingline: It invented the whole idea of a bright-red stapler. Now, the sleepy Midwestern company that made the first top-loading stapler more than 60 years ago has discovered a new approach to marketing office products to younger generations. Best of all, the “Office Space” plug didn’t cost Swingline a dime.
2. Drag Me to Hell and the stapling of doom.
What do you do if a gypsy woman attacks you in your car? You find whatever you can and hit her in the face with it. In Drag Me To Hell our hero uses a stapler to perfection and Sam Raimi’s direction and camera do the rest. It is a beautifully gonzo fight that comes out of nowhere and isn’t afraid to stick a staple in an old woman’s eye.
3. Home Alone 2 and the nose stapling of pure pain
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Marv and Harry take an inhuman amount of pain in the Home Alone movies. The fact that they keep going almost makes me think they are Terminator rejects who somehow found their way to a life of crime. In Home Alone 2 poor Marv takes three staples that would drop anybody on this planet. Sure, he sets himself up but nobody wishes anybody the pain of a massive staple to the nose, butt and crotch.
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4. Christmas Vacation: When staples meet clothes
The Christmas light scene in Christmas Vacation is beyond iconic. It was a masterclass in over doing it and the results where pretty amazing. However, the unsung heroes of the scene were the staples. The staple gun made Clark Griswold’s life easier and because of this he wasn’t careful. In true Clark fashion he staples his jacket to the house and hilarity ensues. Where did Clark get the staples because they are strong enough to rip off his sleeve?
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5. Mickey Rourke gets stapled while wrestling
The Wrestler is fantastic film that features some grueling wrestling scenes. During a particularly violent hardcore match Randy The Ram takes some painful staples to the body. The scene was so visceral it made the audience hurt as the once helpful household appliance was used as a torture device. Whatever happened to leg drops and those chest slaps?
6. The Rock staples a piece of paper to David Koechner’s forehead.
When people annoy The Rock what does he do? In Get Smart he staples a piece of paper to a guy’s head. It gets the point across and it is an easy way to make sure pieces of paper are read. Milton must love this scene.
7. Prometheus and the surgical staples of doom
So…..You’ve just had an alien pulled from your guts and the only way to close up the gaping wound is via futuristic staples to the belly. I don’t know what they were made of but they healed the wound pretty quickly and Noomi Rapace was able to make her escape and live through the terrible alien attack. Future staples will save people from aliens. That is a fantastic advertisement for future staples.
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Hello all. Mark here.
Some movies get lost in the shuffle and slip through the theaters without you knowing. We humans are busy and can’t possibly watch all the vampire mockumentaries and absurdest westerns that are released in the theaters. In order to catch you up on some of the films you might have missed I’ve compiled five films that are totally worth your time.
These five movies differ greatly in subject matter but all bring something original to a cinematic world that relies on recycling. These beauties offer something for everyone and feature burgeoning talent, confident directorial debuts and sexy dancing.
What We Do in the Shadows (Redbox,VOD)
What We Do in the Shadows is a glorious comedy/horror mockumentary that centers around four vampires who live in New Zealand. The horror hybrid blends comedy with lots of gore and features some of funniest characters of the last several years. It is a creative blast of niceness and violence that will most certainly become a cult classic. The 85 minute film is so full of one-liners, sight gags and hilarious characters you need to watch it more than once.
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Ex-Machina (Redbox, VOD) Check out our Ex-Machina pod here.
Ex Machina is the rare “intelligent” film that is actually intelligent. It is a fantastic science fiction film that does wonders with a $15 million budget (AKA Avengers craft service budget). Director and writer Alex Garland (The Beach, Sunshine, 28 Days Later, Never Let Me Go, Dredd) continues his hot streak and proves he is one of the best in the business.
Ex Machina revolves around two humans, one very special AI creation and a whole lot of booze. It is a character heavy movie that feels like a chess match played by three people. You kinda need to watch this film.
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’71 (Redbox, VOD)
After Starred Up and Unbroken poor Jack O’Connell can’t seem to escape movies that put him through the wringer. 71 is no different. It tells the tale of a young British soldier cut off from his ranks and trapped behind enemy lines in Belfast. If you are familiar with the Catholic/Protestant battles of Irish history then you will be fully invested in this tense tale. I also recomend you watch the Paul Greengrass directed Bloody Sunday. I love the film and I think James Nesbitt pulls off a performance for the ages.
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It Follows (Redbox, VOD) Check out the MFF It Follows pod here.
It Follows has a unique style that blends a lurking sense of dread with absolute urgency. It isn’t afraid to mess with the genre while sticking to well-worn tropes. If you combined All the Real Girls withNightmare on Elm Street and threw in All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Elephant and The Sixth Senseyou would have something sorta resembling the film.
Director David Robert Mitchell (The Myth of the American Sleepover) takes my favorite aspects of horror (urgency, dread, patience) and combines them with a beautifully simple story about the dangers of sex. Mitchell lets the film breath and this allows the rabbit and hare story to unfold organically. The teens sleepless state creates a dreamy atmosphere that is captured nicely by the lingering camera and patient editing. The film moves at a methodically slow pace yet you have a hard time catching your breath.
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Slow West (Redbox, VOD)
Slow West is a beautifully shot, well-acted western that has its own distinct personality. It blasts off the screen with personality and lingers in your memory long after viewing (which is a good thing because I pretty much forget about movies after I’ve watched them). Michael Fassbender is always good. Rory McCann gets to do something other than play Game of Throne’s The Hound. Ben Mendelsohn wears a massive fur coat. Watch it.
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The MFF Podcast #20: Developing the Perfect Horror Film
Hello all. Mark here.
Great news! Blog Talk Radio, Sharkdropper and MFF have teamed up to form the perfect movie podcast. Now, you can stream the pods on the BTR website or download from Itunes.
Do you love horror films? Do you love incredibly random horror films that feature crossbows, overalls, pastries and squids? If you said “yes” to both of these questions you will love this pod.
Sidenote: The Merman from Cabin in the Woods makes an appearance.
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We combined ten categories (Villain, Method of Killing, Harbinger, Hero, Setting, Skeptic, Victim, Twist, Ending, Sidekicks) and broke them down in order to create something glorious. In this pod you will be transported to a new world featuring prison islands, an 18-year-old hero named Mason Jar and Pure Bulgarian Miak.
Sit back, relax and enjoy another random movie podcast from MFF. Check out the MFF pod on Blog Talk Radio or head over to Itunes and listen to the randomness!
If you get a chance please REVIEW, RATE and SHARE the pod!
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MY CALL: This film steers clear of paradigmatic horror and will fulfill your darkest pleasures with creepiness and awesome practical effects. MOVIES LIKE Hellraiser: For more great practical effects try Re-Animator (1985), Lord of Illusions (1995), Nightbreed (1990) and The Thing (1982).
A crowd pleaser to horror fans of all ages, Clive Barker’s Hellraiser tells the story of a man who escapes Hell, the temptations he exploits in order to freely roam the Earth again, and the consequences that befall those nearest him.
In 1987 horror was already becoming predictable, but Barker takes us into uncharted territory that lacks the predictability of this film’s horror peers. The victims aren’t drunk teens, people don’t make horrendously stupid decisions, and things in no way happen as we’d expect them. Even the gore and effects take us down a more rare and satisfying path. This film will fulfill your darkest pleasures.
Larry (Andrew Robinson; The Puppet Masters, Pumpkinhead 2) and his reluctant second wife move into an old family property in which, unbeknownst to anyone else, his brother Frank had toiled with the powers of evil and now suffers in Hell. Some blood is accidently spilled where Frank was torn apart by an otherworldly evil and this blood initiated the beginning of the transformation of his remains to a rather “incomplete” facsimile of infernal Frank.
This scene is a testament to the patient practical effects of the 80s. We see organs develop from blood droplets and his body slowly finds form from a gory muck. The scene is long and gross, and it includes some creepy stop motion of his decrepit skeletal arms and bloody resurrection. This transformation scene is one of the most memorable scenes in 80s horror.
Deliciously gooey!
Now a skinless, weak, macabre husk of his formal self he tempts Julia (Clare Higgins; Being Human) to “help” him by bringing him more blood. Julia clings to an adulterous memory of a past lusty tryst with Frank and wants more. She has no love for Larry but much carnal desire for Frank despite Frank’s criminally loveless nature–making this quite the perverse story.
Abusive, adulterous, infernal and skinless… Clearly, Frank is the man every woman dreams of.
Whereas Frank’s desire to be whole again bridges our story from reality to Hell, the keystone is Julia’s adulterous desire to be in his arms. As she finds comfort in the murderous means to fully restore Frank, we see her shift from an apathetic (in her marriage with Larry) and effortless housewife to a comfortably made-over black widow. Once she has brought blood to Frank slimy flayed body, she starts to do her hair differently and her make-up looks sharper–more villainous.
Although many scenes occur elsewhere this feels much like a chamber thriller, claustrophobically taking place mostly in the confines of the house. We, like Frank trapped in the attic-like spare room, feel isolated; trapped under a roof with a damned skinless man.
The only impediment to Frank’s freedom is Larry’s daughter Kirsty (Ashley Laurence; several Hellraiser sequels, Warlock III), who learns the infernal power of the Puzzle Box and bargains with some demons to return Frank to Hell.
These leather-clad, macabre demons are called Cenobites and they look like members of a devil-worshipping 80s metal band. They include Chatterbox, Butterball, Female and their leader Pinhead (Doug Bradley; Nightbreed). Their monster make-up work is off-putting and their silent demeanor only adds to their malevolence. Their words are few but direly chilling.
The Puzzle Box leads us to the only special effects in the film that don’t hold up well. While watching the Puzzle Box being solved is actually very simple (no significant FX involved really) and cool, the Box brings about some effects that resemble Atari-Tron videogame lasers. However, the Box remains powerfully mysterious and it draws our ominous attention whenever it’s on screen.
Written and directed by Clive Barker (Nightbreed, Lord of Illusions), this film offers no shortage of gore to compliment the fantastic, effective story. Frank’s victims are drained husks of pus and maggots, Frank himself is a horror to behold in his various phases of development, and then we still have other cruel visions, the twisted make-up of Pinhead and his fellow Cenobites, the Puzzle Box opening creepy gates to a somewhat ambiguous Hell, and Frank ultimately being torn apart by hooked chains in another iconic horror scene of the decade.
I find the story and characters every bit as powerful as the gory practical effects and consider this a “must see” for anyone who considers themselves a fan of modern horror.
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Ant-Man: Marvel Expands its Universe by Going Small.
Antman may fit into the larger Marvel cinematic universe but it still stands out as a singular experience. It is a weird little hybrid that feels part Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hott Fuzz), Adam McKay (Anchorman), Paul Rudd and Marvel. It has several star turns and has just enough action, character and Avenger moments to satisfy most fanboys. I appreciate that it actually made the theaters intact after the directing changes, rewrites and fact that it is about Ant-Man.
What I love most about Ant-Man is that it focuses on a small scale origin story. It tells the story of burglar Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) pulling off a heist. It is a small stakes movie in a Marvel Universe full of apocalypse, property destruction and large green men smashing stuff. The villain in Ant-Man is a petulant protege who is angry his mentor Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) didn’t share his technology with him. So, he decides to sell the tiny technology to Hydra and nobody wants tiny Germans running around. So, Pym trains Lang to handle the Ant-Man suit and from there we get giant ants, face punches and Michael Pena stealing the show.
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The action is beautifully augmented with the best 3D I’ve seen since Hugo, Avatar, Life of Pi and Jackass 3D. Tiny 3D trains are destroyed and a school for ants (small scale model) is blown to smithereens. The 3D world is awesome and I sat in the theater with my jaw agape loving every second of the tiny carnage. It is not everyday you see a tiny man running through an exploding architecture model while another tiny fellow shoots laser beams at him.
Ant-Man is a nice film about a nice man who has to become great. Paul Rudd is back in Clueless likable mode and he carries this film on his now bulked up shoulders. I love that Scott Lang understands the situation and that Pym treats him as an expendable. He has a daughter he wants to provide for and he takes the training, fights and ant riding in stride. The situation is bigger (and smaller) than him and Rudd adds appropriate awe, humor and sarcasm to the role.
Rudd isn’t forced to carry the show as he is joined by a fantastic crew of supporting characters. After stealing comedic scenes in 30 Minutes or Less and Observe and Report I’m glad the producers let Michael Pena go full crazy. His Ant-Man character may be underwritten but Pena shines in the best friend role and I hope it propels him into the mainstream. He has been great for a long time and after End of Watch and Fury he has proven he can do anything. Check out this 30 Minutes or Less clip and you will love the character immediately.
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Ant-Man expands the Marvel universe by making it smaller. It creates likable characters who will play an important part in the upcoming Avenger and Captain America films. I hope that Marvel continues to realize that likable characters are the main draw. Guardians of the Galaxy exploded because of the core crew and Robert Downey Jr. started a revolution by simply being himself. All the carnage doesn’t matter if you are not invested in the people battling the evil robots.
Ant-Man is a welcome addition to the Marvel Universe and I will gladly continue to shell out my money for further Ant exploits.
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The Best Fights of Horror: A Collection of Brawls featuring Spelunkers, Trolls and Euro Vampires
Hello all. Mark here.
The horror world is chock full of jerky creatures wiping out nubile co-eds. These poor people never had a chance as dream creatures, immortal hockey players and raisers of Hell crushed their skulls and spirits.
Yuck
These fights feature my favorite human vs. monster/vampire/troll battles. These folk didn’t back down and tried really hard to prevent themselves from becoming blood geysers. They stood up to insurmountable odds and occasionally survived against terrible odds. You have to appreciate people who put their neck on the line to prevent a greater evil from hurting the world.
Sidenote: It is because of the human/creature rule that this beautiful fight didn’t make the list.
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Sit back, relax and enjoy the following fights!
The Descent – The opening Crawler fight
This is the direction that director Neil Marshall (Dog Soldiers, Doomsday) gave to the participants of the fights.
Neil: (to crawlers) Go for the neck. (to women) Don’t let them get your neck.
The fights were primal brawls that featured lots of flailing, blood and death. They weren’t drawn out and played believably. The opening fight between Juno and one of the crawlers was brilliant. The poor lady was struggling to save her friend from being dragged away and it resulted in a violent scrap for life. I left the theater out of breath and really stressed out. They don’t make urgent horror like this anymore.
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30 Days of Night – The townsfolk get wiped out
Tristan Sinns of Dread Central wrote a fantastic review for 30 Days of Night that was quoted by Roger Ebert. I will let Sinns sum up the fight.
The townsfolk’s fight to survive is a horrendous and passionate battle. There’s one shot in particular that is simply stunning; a bird’s eye view of a frozen street, panning slowly over the breadth of nearly the entire town, capturing a long and frenzied battle between the vampires and their victims. This shot goes on and on and does so much to impress the impact and scale of the devastation and horror faced by the small Alaskan town.
Drag Me To Hell – Car park throwdown
I beat you, you old bitch!
Leave it up to Sam Raimi to provide an entertaining brawl between an elderly gypsy woman and a young heroine. In one fight we get an old woman being stapled in the face, dentures exploding out of a mouth and a full on face gumming. It is a bonkers fight that is pure popcorn fun. Sam Raimi knows how to entertain and he adds levity to the horror which makes every fight surprising. I love every second of this fight and consider Drag Me To Hell to be my favorite horror film.
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Aliens – Pacific Rim but cooler
Get away from her you bitch.
I think it is awesome that Ripley would say this to a pissed off alien queen. This is one of the most iconic fight scenes ever. I love that Ripley put her neck on the line to battle an acid blooded and dagger tailed alien that was really pissed off. It set the standard for badass women and will never not be awesome.
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28 Days Later – Staircase beatdown
There isn’t too much to this fight but I love that it happens. Basically, Brendan Gleeson gets decked out in full riot gear and stands on top of a staircase waiting for the rage infested zombies to get to him. He lays a brutal beating on them and saves the heroes. Has he done this before? Has he adapted his strategy? It was a ballsy move and he didn’t have to help the travelers. I love 28 Days Later.
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Ernest Scared Stupid – Troll meets Miak and a large truck
How about a bumper sandwich booger lips!
Ernest and Trantor battle in schools, tree houses and on highways. They trade barbs, bruises and bad jokes. Ernest Scared Stupid is the only film to ever give me nightmares and this troll is a perfect example of an evil killing force. The director admitted to making this creature too scary and it shows as Trantor continually tries to murder Ernest in terrible ways. You gotta appreciate that Ernest hangs in there and unwittingly dances his way to victory.
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MY CALL: Neither gory nor exhilarating, if you don’t like slow-burns then you definitely won’t like this. However, if you’d enjoy a callback to atmospheric 70s-80s horror with a well-developed and endearing victim, then this is for you. MORE MOVIES LIKE House of the Devil: Slow-burns like It Follows (2014), Session 9 (2001) and The Innkeepers (2012).
This film has loads of different movie posters, many of which follow a more dated style.
“During the 1980s over 70% of American adults believed in the existence of abusive Satanic cults… Another 30% rationalized the lack of evidence due to government cover-ups… The following is based on true unexplained events.”
From the opening shot director Ti West (The Sacrament, The Innkeepers, Cabin Fever 2) transports us to what feels like 1980, a time of payphones and public bulletin boards with thumb-tacked want-ads. The score, film quality, wardrobe and even the credits simply ooze “VHS horror.” The film doesn’t just “look” old, it “feels” old. Like it’s been in a dusty box of tapes in a closet for the past 35 years.
As with It Follows (2014), we take our time getting to know and invest in our female lead, Samantha (Jocelin Donahue; Insidious Chapter 2). Her hair and delicate features remind me of a young Margot Kidder (Black Christmas) and, thus, a good victim. She rents a house from an all-too-kind landlord (cameo by Dee Wallace; The Howling, Cujo, Halloween) but desperately needs money to pay her rent.
West gives us a lot of subtle hints, and then some unsubtle ones in the spirit of the more obvious horror of the 80s. When Sam finds a “babysitter wanted” flyer, it’s surrounded by flyers/ads for watching the upcoming lunar eclipse. Later the radio and TV news harbinger the ominous eclipse. Add that to the babysitter trope, a house in the middle of nowhere and her friend (reluctant to leave Sam alone) finding the house and owner creepy and no one in the audience should have missed what’s going to happen.
The house is huge and remote. Its owner (Tom Noonan; Wolfen, RoboCop 2) is weird but polite, speaking of preparation for the eclipse to a suspicious degree. He clearly wants Sam alone in the house, protesting the presence of her friend. When Sam hesitates the old man offers her $200, $300, then $400 to watch over the house for a few hours while he and his wife (Mary Woronov; Warlock, Chopping Mall) are out. Sam’s friend says this is “too good to be true” and she should leave…she’s obviously right!
There’s a lot of exposition but it’s delivered tactfully enough; like a subtle delivery of blatant content, which also holds for the scares and gore, when present (though rare and skewed to the end).
The film moves at a slow pace and it tiptoes the line between slightly boring and provokingly interesting. I don’t mind, though. I’m digging the nostalgic atmosphere and West does a god job of getting us familiar with Samantha and her friend (Greta Gerwig). Several scenes endear them to viewers, my favorite being Sam’s cute scene dancing around the creepy house listening to a Walkman.
The payoff in the end is nothing we haven’t seen before (many times, in fact, in 70s occult horror), but again, I don’t mind. It’s creepy. And even though we saw it coming and very little happens until the very end, I enjoyed this for what it was. Honestly, I enjoyed the buildup in the first 60 minutes more than the payoff at the end. Some may even argue that the final act does the film’s first hour no justice. Despite this perhaps somewhat justified criticism, I felt the film was largely beautifully executed.
West wisely cast aside the CGI, overblown gore for shock value, nudity and over-exposition. He ignores the rules of modern horror success and contemporary tropes to instead resurrect the nigh-forgotten tropes of decades past as he breathes life into that 70s/80s style that never truly benefited from high production value back in its time. In short, West has created a “classic horror” film for a modern audience that has lost its patience with dated films—and I applaud him for it!
There’s actually nothing original at all in this film. However, West’s careful approach restores my faith in an overplayed genre.
Other actors to look for in this film: AJ Bowen (Chillerama, You’re Next, The Sacrament)
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The 2015 Mid-Year Random Awards: Best Nautical Themed Outfit, Belgian Beer and Squishy Noises
Hello all. Mark here.
The random awards are back and they are more random than ever! We here at MFF celebrate the random (check out our podcast) and always look to give the reader something different. Because of our adherence to different I want to celebrate 2015’s dancing, squishy noises, Belgian beer and unsafe sea beast enclosures.
Sit back, relax and enjoy the 2015 mid-year random awards.
Best battle involving war boys, onesie wearing guitar players and elderly female motorcyclists.
Mad Max: Fury Road is amazing. It is the best movie of 2015 so far and I loved the final battle.
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Best Villain who dresses like “a slutty dolphin trainer.”
Spy is the funniest movie of 2015. You kinda need to watch it. Rose Byrne continues her comedy hot streak and Jason Statham is pure gold.
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Jason Statham needs to do more comedy Award
With this bit of dialogue Statham became a comedy legend.
You really think you’re ready for the field? I once used defibrillators on myself. I put shards of glass in my eye. I’ve jumped from a high-rise building using only a raincoat as a parachute and broke both legs upon landing; I still had to pretend I was in a Cirque du Soleil show! I’ve swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again to make a computer. This arm has been ripped off completely and re-attached with this arm. During the threat of an assassination attempt, I appeared convincingly in front of congress as Barack Obama. I watched the woman I love get tossed from a plane and hit by another plane mid-air. I drove a car off a freeway on top of a train while it was on fire. Not the car, *I* was on fire.
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Best Fur Coat
Ben Mendelsohn in Slow West is my hero. I feel like the fur coat just formed around him one day.
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When searching for treasure in the Black Sea never allow Ben Mendelsohn to board the submarine award
Black Sea is a fun claustrophobic submarine movie that deserves a bigger audience. Kudos to Mendelsohn’s makeshift headband.
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Best erotic dance performed by a vampire
What We Do in the Shadows is the best vampire mockumentary ever made. You will love this movie.
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Best shooting of energy orbs that makes it look like you are a raver full of Red Bull
If Elizabeth Olsen’s character in Avengers: Age of Ultron got mad at a rave it would be lights out for all the poor dancers.
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Best dancing by a megalomaniac billionaire.
Ex-Machina is a fantastic film. Oscar Issac has never not been great.
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Least safe sea beast enclosure ever award
Why would anybody sit in the front rows at Jurassic World? How much does this thing eat? Why feed it great whites? Can it swim right up to the that beach?
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Best usage of Belgian beer
Kurt Russell is my hero. Furious 7 is #4 on the all-time worldwide box-office list. It is because of Kurt Russell (I have no proof to backup this claim). The guy is so good he knew Dominic would want Corona so he had a six pack waiting on ice.
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In 120 minutes you fit in eight air battles, one wedding, three rescues, 80 outfit changes, egg selling, Lizard henchmen, TV purchases, three dinners, bureaucracy, bounty hunters, double crosses, imprisonment, space orgies (10 seconds of footage, It took eight hours to film), bee attacks, toilet cleaning, almost space death, roller skating, expository dialogue (X8), wing growth and a whole lot more award.
I love Jupiter Ascending. It may be total gobbledygook but I love it.
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Best usage of Keegan-Michael Key calling people by the wrong name.
I could listen to Key’s character in Pitch Perfect 2 call Anna Kendrick “Reggie” all day.
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You dared to be optimistic award
Tomorrowland was an optimistic little thing that got written off because it was so optimistic. Please find a life on video.
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Best usage of a possessed teenager kicking off her leg casts (Think Kickboxer) and then walking on broken legs while crunching noises abound with each step.
Insidious 3 and Lin Shaye were very good. I normally dislike horror prequels and was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be glorious (check out the pod for it here). You will love the crunchy leg scene.
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Best usage of squishy noises
Spring plays like Before Sunrise met Species and spawned a lot of squishy noises.
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Best DePalma homage involving a woman running around in high heels
It Follows is an original horror film that opens with a stellar cold open that is a calling card and love letter for director David Robert Mitchell.
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Sam Jackson is at his best when he plays a villain award
I love Kingsman. Sam Jackson and his lisp are pure gold. Also, he was amazing in Unbreakable.
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Best Bucket Holding Posture
Lily James is really really ridiculously likable. Cinderella is a fun live action remake that was a total cash grab but didn’t feel like a total cash grab.
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Best hiding of the word “Genisys”
Please don’t see the word “Genisys.” Please don’t see the word “Genisys.”
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I haven’t watched you yet but I hate you with all my soul (not me, the rest of the world) award.
Pretty much everyone on the planet hated Aloha before it came out. It is like John Carter all over again.
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I tried to explain your plot the other day and it ended up with two very confused people award
Predestination is a very good film. Just don’t try to break down the plot for your friends.
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Best nautical themed outfit worn by Benicio Del Toro.
Inherent Vice is a beautifully odd opus.
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MY CALL: This B-movie gets a solid A+. I love the gore and the zany creatures, and after a slow start the movie keeps stacking on the gore and lunacy more and more until the end. MOVIES LIKE Love in the Time of Monsters: Other horror comedies like Smothered (2014), Zombeavers (2014), Piranha 3D (2010), Slither (2006), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Tremors (1990), Club Dread (2004)…and Blood Glacier (2013), although it takes a more serious approach to evil contamination of mother nature.
With all the style and subtlety of a summer camp slasher combined with a strong sense of self-aware satire, Love in the Time of Monsters sweeps horror fans away to a land of laughter. There are no scares to be had here–just gore and giggles. I’ll admit, I came in skeptical (and curious) and it took me a little while to figure out what kind of movie I was watching. Just know this, I love horror comedies and I grew to enjoy this film more and more as it revealed its nature to me.
Marla (Gena Shaw; Insomnium) and Carla (Marissa Skell; Sorority Party Massacre, Slumber Party Massacre) arrive to some tourist trap family vacation destination in the woods with cabins, fishing, hunting and buffet dining. Pretty much ‘Murica!!! The place is staffed by Lou (Kane Hodder; Wishmaster, Hatchet, Smothered) and his bigfoot suit-wearing entertainers.
The story takes root when one such furry entertainer is exposed to some contaminants. Subsequently, the other four fully-suited entertainers (including Kane Hodder) become infected with some sort of virus-thingy-whatever that makes them get slimy, put on their bigfoot masks, and become belligerent jerks that chase all unafflicted humans and eat their human flesh…sometimes…it’s not very consistent. LOL.
Now that we’ve delved into flesh-eating and what I can only describe as “mutant rage zombies” we should address the special effects and the apparently low budget. Whatever afflicts these bigfoot-costumed men is pretty simple to recognize by our now-hunted protagonists. A dash of ooze on the face, a couple of wart clusters on their face or neck and, oh yeah, they’re wearing bigfoot costumes. But this silly premise and low budget seem to be something to celebrate rather than ridicule. I was dazzled with glee when a bigfoot tore off a woman’s head with a dangling spinal cord in tow. It was sloppy and gory and it made me smile. It’s at about this point in the movie that I realized “this movie isn’t stupid, it’s FUN.” This film knows what it is and runs with it much to my pleasure.
Hey, bro. I think you’ve got an STD on your face.
All logic goes out the window in this film. A favorite scene of mine is when a bigfoot “sneaks up on a cop” by bum-rushing him in the middle of an open area and then projectile vomits face-melting acidic bile all over his face. Why can it do that? No clue (well, it’s quasi-explained later). But it’s a gore-slathered mess and I like it. Afterwards we get a Romero-esque rubber gut-ripping display and another guy has his face torn off and eyes popped out. Lots of gore. Pure joy.
What’s more is that this silly script and it’s often lame lines are delivered strikingly well. The acting rightly feels deliberately campy. I roll my eyes and grin at the lines, but the lines are intentionally delivered in such a manner as to bring about that very reaction. Everyone is hitting on everyone else, drug and alcohol placement is blatant, and some girl clumsily runs through the forest in high heels and lingerie. Oh, right, and some murderous afflicted men are killing people in bigfoot costumes. This is just plain silly. This film clearly has no illusions of being taken seriously by viewers. So if you’re taking this movie seriously and thinking “what am I watching and why am I watching it,” you’re doing it wrong!
All the characters have their overblown clichés and the film is stitched together with one farced trope after another. A favorite character of mine was the Sasquatch hunter Chester (Hugo Armstrong; Coherence). He’s weird and played with a straight face but has some of the funniest lines…”A woman on the radio in the gentle forest silence…It’s like diarrhea in a kiddy pool” and “I couldn’t leave you running around in the dark like that, so…I shot you.”
This happens… A lodge entertainer goes full throttle while trying to create a diversion.
There’s a simple brilliance behind the bigfoot costumes. Without them, we’d have slimy warty jerks as antagonists. It would have looked stupid; it would have been stupid. Lord knows I’ve seen enough lousy student films helmed by visionless filmmakers. But with these silly costumes we are given something to laugh at and playfully mock instead of sneer at and hatefully criticize.
Speaking of silly, completely out of nowhere a doctor in a felt Abraham Lincoln beard (Doug Jones; John Dies at the End, Absentia) explains that the cause of the affliction is a combination of medical and pharmaceutical waste and some bacteria giving the men irregular strength and pain tolerance. He explains that they will continue to get stronger, faster and meaner until they die from overcharging their body. How Dr. Lincoln could know this is beyond me. This was just another utterly ridiculous nugget that made this silly movie work in its own way. Oh, and he can make an antidote…because he’s an expert in medicine, toxicology, pharmacology, and pretty much everything else and can conduct ground-breaking science in an hour with whatever is on hand at a vacation lodge in his office.
So far this movie is pretty fun, but there’s room to grow. But just then, in the spirit of Blood Glacier (2013) we encounter a mutant rage zombie moose, mutant rage zombie trout swimming upstream, and a flock of mutant rage zombie geese. Again, these effects are not necessarily good, but they are abundant and easily “good enough” and most importantly they are FUN. The real treat comes at the end…mutant rage zombie squirrels!!! They swarm lodge entertainer Brandi (Heather Rae Young; Chillerama), strip her naked while biting her all over, and make roaring sounds. Then, as if combining “The Cat from Hell” (Tales from the Darkside: The Movie) with Alien (1979), one of them forces itself down her throat and then tears out of her chest between her breasts, ringing the dinner bell for the bigfoot gang to chow down on some bloody, gut-covered boobs.
Because mutant squirrel zombies roar. LOL
Things are really getting out of hand at this point. Then, out of nowhere, the “real” bigfoot shows up (with a moderately more convincing costume than the mutant age zombies) and battles the electrically charged Kane Hodder mutant rage zombie. Then zombie raccoons, a moose and roaring squirrels show up for a final fight battle montage. This is nuts.
This movie is loads of fun and the moment you think you’ve hit the climax of the excitement it gives you more zany, gory madness again and again. Give this fine slapstick horror comedy a chance.
Let the filmmakers (http://www.tbcfilms.com/) know what you thought on Twitter: @UncleSlavko & @gunnforhire
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