John’s Horror Corner: Inside (2007), an extreme French film delivering an ultra-gory home birth.
MY CALL: More bloody fun than an at-home scissors Cesarean, this film will fill your screen with brutal gore like a sprinkler system in Hell, and the gore is matched by the claustrophobic sense of desperation. This film is a real winner for lovers of extreme violence. MOVIES LIKE Inside (akaÀ l’intérieur): Looking for more extreme French cinema? Go for Martyrs (2008) and High Tension (2003) for sure! Maybe even try Frontiers (2007), but it’s not as good as the other two.
Shortly after the death of her husband, Sarah wishes to spend the holidays alone away from her family while awaiting the birth of her first child. But when a strange visitor arrives at her home, alone is the last thing Sarah wishes she was.
She was probably texting while driving.
This film begins at a somewhat slow but interesting pace. But once the gore comes into play the effects team, sound editors and actors have their work cut out for them as things turn into a messy shockfest full of impalements accompanied by the most visceral of sounds. Béatrice Dalle does a fantastic job as the gap-toothed nameless menace who obsessively wants Sarah’s child for her own while Alysson Paradis (as Sarah) is convincingly tortured and terrified. They each bring their own brand of desperation and, when they clash, you may want to turn away.
Directed by at-the-time newcomers Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury (Livid, Among the Living, The ABCs of Death 2), Inside brings all manner of shocking imagery from car crash victims to nightmare birth sequences. The brutality knows no end as blood spews from stabs to the throat, face, hand, knee and even crotch. At one point someone’s face is blown off in about as fantastic a manner as I’ve seen.
But the hits just keep on coming and the shocks continue as kitchen appliance assaults, make-shift flamethrowers, an improvised domestic bayonet and some alternative uses for scissors all contribute to the most blood-splattered movie sets I’ve seen in ages.
@Vile_Reviews (https://twitter.com/Vile_Reviews) seems to share my newfound love affair with French horror. They say “I am a big fan of a French horror…There’s a particular flavor about them. They often use blood with as much impassioned flare as they do butter.”
This film may have started out slow, but with each palpable laceration our pregnant heroine becomes ever more speckled and smeared red with the heightening mania. Moving to the finale, we shift from gory and shocking to absolute bonkers neo-natal insanity complete with an at-home Cesarean birthing scene with blood cascading down the stairs.
She probably should have opted for anesthesia, huh?
This is an absolute win for lovers of extreme violence and intense gore. So put on your favorite gore bib and dig in!
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John’s Horror Corner: Afflicted (2013), a contemporary vampire film following the Chronicle playbook
MY CALL: The first half of this film serves as a stand alone film with great characters and a cool story. The second half squanders all the good that was curried in the first. Watch for the splendid beginning and try not to let the ending ruin it for you. MOVIES LIKE Afflicted: Chronicle (2012).
In most familiar form, this found footage film begins with a scene in which we are introduced to our protagonists. This smacks of obvious staging on the part of the writers and director and, in concept, it’s not an original idea. However, this is effective when done well and it really got me to invest myself in the Cloverfield (2008) characters.
In this film, the introduction to our stars Derek (Derek Lee) and Clif (Clif Prowse) is SUPERB! The directors and especially the film editors did a spectacular job to get me to completely forget that I was watching a horror movie as I enjoyed meeting this fun-filled pair. Our heroes are embarking on a bromance-adventure around the world and they’re going to record everything and make a topical website/blogumentary chroniclng their adventure.
I must say that I was astonished at how much I liked these characters within the first three minutes of this film. This is a rare quality in ANY film! Most horror movies are made to turn a profit. This was clearly crafted as a labor of love. These guys didn’t just have an idea worth showing us, they wanted to show us their real journey together as filmmakers as a meta-prologue to this film…this horror film. What a creative leap! They show actual film footage and photos of themselves together as teenagers sharing their love for filmmaking and convincing us of their most sincere bro-bond. It’s actually kind of…well…sweet. You believe these characters because these actors are these characters, they have taken their actual selves and imported that concept into a horror premise. I shit you not, I stopped the movie and started it over after the perfectly done six minute intro just to watch it again in all its splendor. These characters are full of life-loving passion, every day quirks and credible flaws. You will identify with their dreams. Even if you don’t enjoy the horror of this movie, you’d have to be stone cold to not enjoy the intro.
Things take an interesting turn when our gameless Derek–against all geeky odds–manages to take a French girl to his hotel room and Clif later finds him beaten and gashed up, unconscious, and with no recollection.
Clearly sick with something but driven to continue, Derek insists they continue their expedition. From this point, what would normally be formulaic feels subtly approached yet tactfully shocking. Derek begins exhibiting symptoms that are all too familiar to any horror fan. These symptoms are presented cleverly, they foreshadow a dubious future, and they stoke the playful intrigue of discovery much as was done in Chronicle (2012). In many ways, this film borrows from Chronicle (2012). Derek seems to have superpowers.
Derek also seems to be…changing. With this change the tone shifts from fun and adventurous, to dark…and darker. Unfortunately the “darker” third act of this film (which is half of its running time) seems to fall apart, squandering the interest it curried in the first 45 minutes.
I was never someone to scoff at found footage films. Whereas many unfairly stereotype that it’s just a cheap method to get low quality films released quickly, I always viewed the style as a “tool”–and I think most open-minded critics would have to agree. Crappy films come in all forms, and so do GREAT films. The first 45 minute of this movie (but not the second half) represents a good film and I hope it will get found footage haters to shut their mouths and re-evaluate whether they’re truly mad at found footage as a style….or if they’re simply upset and feel cheated for wasting their money on a few horror duds that happen to be found footage horror while completely ignoring the horror slop they also hated that happened to have standard (and thus more expensive) production. Found footage is “different” so it’s easy to point a finger at it and say that’s why it’s not good. Don’t just join the mob and hate…even if you didn’t like this film.
My biggest criticism of this film is that it probably should have only been 45 minutes. It could have ended right there appropriately. After about the 45 minute mark this seems to become an entirely different movie and all the cool, the new and the interesting has already become old hat.
Despite my feelings about the second half of this film, the first half stands alone as a good film and should be celebrated.
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Here are some recent and upcoming horror movies that are on my radar.
Click each movie title to link to the trailer.
Blood Glacier (2013) (aka, The Station) is a gory effects-driven German monster movie that borrows heavily from The Thing (1982, 2011). Blood leaks from a glacier which is thawing as a result of global warming. It comes into contact with the local wildlife and turns them into hungry monsters. Nothing original here, but it looks fun and full of mutant animal monster mayhem.
First there was Kurt Russell, then Joel Edgerton, now this guy…
The Returned (2014) is a zombie movie about “not zombies” that are basically, well…zombies. So yes, it’s another zombie film. The trailer offers promising gore-rich effects and a somewhat interesting story. We can be “returned” from death with a virus, continuing to live, as long as we keep getting regular medical doses of a sort of vaccine. Miss one dose and, well, ZOMBIE MOVIE MAYHEM! The film stars Kris Holden-Ried (Lost Girl, Underworld: Awakening).
Wer (2013) is a contemporized werewolf movie, not to be confused with a werewolf movie with a contemporary theme (a la Ginger Snaps). This approach is common in zombie movies, but I think this may be the first time a werewolf movie has been approached in this manner. Looks very cool and, of course, watch for the transformation scene!
Nothing Left To Fear (2013) stars Clancy Brown (John Dies at the End, A Nightmare on Elm Street) and has a story I can’t quite figure out from the trailer. However, the effects look diverse, well-done and creepy as Hell, maybe a bit Devil culty. So I’m in!
7500 (2014) has seen delay after delay. I think it was supposed to be released in 2012. Now I think it’s slated for 2016. This movie features a lot of familiar faces including True Blood‘s Ryan Kwantan, Jamie Chung (Sorority Row, Sucker Punch, The Man with the Iron Fists) and Amy Smart (Mirrors, The Butterfly Effect). 272 passengers take off on a flight and supernatural things start happening. Is it a psycho killer at 30,000 feet movie? Possibly. Is it a monster movie? Probably. Whatever the case this has too many people I like and an enclosed setting, so I think it’ll be worth the ride.
Alien Abduction (2014) is a movie that NEEDS to be good. It focuses on a likable family which, when done right, can be great. Think Poltergeist (1982). I somewhat enjoyed Dark Skies (2013), but it wasn’t so widely accepted. The Fourth Kind (2009) was another moderately entertaining movie that pretty much missed the mark.
Skinwalker Ranch (2013) is my ace-in-the-hole in case Alien Abduction isn’t up to snuff. At first glance it makes me think “if Signs (2002) was more of a horror movie.” The special effects look diverse, from eerie to gory to scary to weird moving alien-y to mutant-monster-y. Even if the story development sucks, the effects should carry this into a safe zone of satisfaction.
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Odd Thomas: Odd Becomes Him
Odd Thomas is an enjoyable indie ride from the director of The Mummy. The movie does a lot with little and is buoyed by wonderful performances from Anton Yelchin and Addison Timlin.
Odd Thomas lives up to its name as it bounces around in tone (humor, romance, death, ghost story) yet zips by with a sense of urgency. The story of a man named Odd saving the world from the dead is 30% paranormal detective comedy, 20% ghost story, 20% romantic comedy and 30% a combination of all those things.
Anton Yelchin and Addison Timlin build a neat relationship and they manage to be charming while saying lines like “you are not allowed to go playing around other Hell gates.” You like the two and care as demons called Bodachs harass them insistently. Also, the constant narration and death humor are handled well by Yelchin who is able to pull off quirky dialogue like “if I’m caught I will be arrested for murder or rolling the biggest joint ever.”
The plot involves a moldy guy, corrupt cops and lots of death. It has the look of a PG-13 film yet features dark source material. You get the feeling that this is just another day in the life of Odd. His exuberance masks the death, ghosts and secrets he has dealt with on an everyday basis. Life for Odd is not normal and it is nice that the film doesn’t portray him as a dour death detective. You can tell Stephen Sommers loved the source material and went great lengths to give the audience likable characters who risk their necks to save the world from jerky ghosts.
The lack of budget is a good thing because Sommers couldn’t rely on visual spectacles. Characters are put front and center and it brings back memories of Sommers Mummy film which featured likable characters. The chemistry between Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz was fantastic and it allowed you to care for the people as they battled sand storms, evil dead and pesky thieves. It was breezy fun that spawned copious sequels, prequels and sequels to a prequel of a spin-off off a sequel (true story).
The biggest problems with the film were the legal issues that prevented it from getting a wide release. The films release was delayed due to broken promises and lack of marketing and was dumped to the DVD wasteland where hopefully it will find a cult audience oasis.
Despite the tonal irregularities and delays author Koontz was happy with the film:
Faithful to the book? Yes, in every way that matters. Odd is Odd. Stormy is Stormy. The themes are rigorously adhered to. Is much missing? Yes. Ozzie has one scene, and he has become a sculptor instead of a mystery writer. Odd’s backstory–mom and dad–has been condensed to one scene because test audiences found the backstory too dark. Odd has been given a new power: He sometimes touches someone/something and has startling visions of how some real event went down earlier, as a means of conveying facts without talking-head scenes, but it really, really works.
Odd Thomas works because of the performances and Summer’s ability to summon his Mummy skills to make a breezy, likable CGI-fest that plays fast and loose. Embrace the Odd.
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Need For Speed: Fast Cars. Full Tanks. Can’t Go Slow
Need For Speed doesn’t think, it moves. The stunts are unbelievable, the plot thin and characters likable. The script may be pure gobbledygook but the racing is full of visceral beauty and pure practical bliss. There are moments when the practical stunts and fuel injected speed make your heart pound with delight. The races that lead to death, imprisonment and fireballs are things of beauty directed expertly by director Scott Waugh.
Waugh is a former stuntman (amazing IMDB resume) who cut his teeth directing the practical stunt filled Act of Valor. Characters are not his strong point but he is saved by the solid cast of likable actors. I am a big fan of Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad, Smashed), Imogen Poots (Fright Night, 28 Weeks Later), Rami Malek (Pacific, Short Term 12), and Kid Cudi. They all get their moments to shine despite having to recite stock dialogue. The chemistry is strong as well. You can tell that Poots and Paul enjoyed their time on Long Way Down because they’ve reunited and added a nice romance to the racing.
Need For Speed is not meant to be deconstructed. The story is simple. A man is looking for revenge against the rich slime ball who killed his friend. He needs to travel from New York to San Francisco in 45 hours and is joined by his loyal crew and pretty passenger. The goal is to make it to a famous race where the winner becomes a millionaire racing legend. The race is uber secret and sponsored by a billionaire internet personality played by the perennially sitting down Michael Keaton. There is a need for speed and the highlights all involve the little characters moments that build upon the budding romance or loyal friendship of the talented crew.
The plot holes would engulf the beautiful vehicles that race recklessly on the wrong side of the road. You could scoff at the dialogue and hair gell every minute. Why do that though? The thing you need to do is sit back, relax and enjoy the mayhem. Appreciate the random moments of naked quitting and Kid Cudi spying on joggers via stolen news helicopter. If all else fails simply enjoy the sounds of the beautiful Ford Mustang.
Need For Speed was meant to bring us car mayhem and it succeeded. It is a successful adaptation of a popular video game that has sold over 150 million units. It isn’t as gleefully gravity breaking as The Fast series but still manages to keep you planted in your seat while things go boom. The revenge plot works because Dominic Cooper (Dead Man Down, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) is such a slimy bad guy you want him to be defeated. His character is such a turd that you relish the moment when he gets defeated.
I enjoyed Need for Speed. I brushed over the faults and let the car mayhem win the day. Richard Corliss of Time summed up the movie perfectly with this closing quote:
This is cinema reduced or distilled to its purest definition, of movies that move. If you want dewy humanity in your entertainment, watch Lifetime.
Enjoy the ride!
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The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Grand Budapest Hotel is a charming roller coaster ride featuring a fantastic Ralph Fiennes performance. The plot is fast and loose (undoubtedly planned meticulously by Anderson) and feels more like an excuse for Anderson to unleash his visual aesthetic onto the world. Characters take a back seat to fantastic set pieces and the film feels like Anderson is now comfortable and confident with his visual abilities.
The story centers around famed conceirge Gustave H. and his protege Zero Moustafa. Together, they conspire in theft, prison escape and several fist fights in the faux-European nation of Zubrowka. Their world is changing as pomp and circumstance are being replaced with violence in the pre-World War II world. There is a darkness to The Grand Budapest Hotel that was only glimpsed in prior Wes films. The murder, language and evil lurking around the corner combined with the slapstick make for an entirely new Anderson experience that is both welcome and worrying.
Fiennes does his best to steal the show but it is the production design and dolly shots that rule the day. The film features a fully realized world that no doubt has been broken down to minutiae. The credits, sets, accouterments, costumes and miniatures are all stellar. (read about some of the work here and here and here).
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Wes Anderson is my favorite director and the reason for this is his blending of characters and unique story. Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, Life Aquatic, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Darjeeling Limited and Royal Tenenbaums introduced us to memorable characters who stand out amongst the tchokies. They are fully realized and fit perfectly within the alternate worlds that Wes created. My favorite character is Richie Tenenbaum. The conflicted tennis player who went down to one sock.
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However, as good as the acting is in Grand Budapest I don’t think there will be any iconic characters. I’ll admit that I am a spoiled Anderson fan and I can’t expect great characters from every film. However, I hope Anderson doesn’t lose site of the small characters that he has made a career off of. His past two films Moonrise Kingdom and Budapest have all featured neat individuals who are all endearing. However, it is the moments you remember and the people feel like tools to achieve a visual aesthetic or charming moment.
I loved The Grand Budapest Hotel. It is movie making at its finest. However, I hope Wes doesn’t lose focus of his characters amongst the set design and set pieces. His characters are what make his films iconic. I can’t wait to see what he does next.
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MY CALL: This movie really wishes it was Olympus Has Fallen (2013), but turns out to be more like the utter failure A Good Day to Die Hard (2013). The action just didn’t live up to the scale. I guess it was rather enjoyable and fun, just not terribly recommendable. AMAZON REVIEWS: Amazon reviewers seem to really like this movie. I’m not sure why. Maybe their younger or just easier to please and less elitist than me. I just wanted to be fair let you fine readers know that I seem to be the outlier in not being thrilled with this movie.
As Cale, Channing Tatum (Magic Mike, Side Effects, G. I. Joe: Retaliation) instantly renews his appeal to women as a dapper DC cop who playfully talks to squirrels, uses political favors to make his daughter smile and has the most likably neutral answers to personal questions. Unfortunately, like any wannabe-John-McClane he has some serious communication issues with his daughter and ex-wife. He applies for a secret service position and during the interview we learn what a screw up he once was, despite his claims to have turned his life around.
At his daughter’s request, they stick around for a White House tour after his cataclysmically awful, character dissecting job interview which, thankfully, makes him available to play the hero when the terrorists make their move and take over the White House to take the president hostage. The only credible role among the bad guys was played by Jason Clark (Lawless, Zero Dark Thirty)–no shock there. That guy could convincingly play a bag of shit lit on fire without the assistance of make-up or a special effects team.
Oh, crap. James Woods is here. This can only end badly.
Channing Tatum engages in a lot of, ummmm, “adequate” movie violence. Often taking on multiple gunman at once, he appears to be victorious for no more reason than simply because the script “says so”–and not from any means of looking like a convincing tactician or paragon of marksmanship. He does make excellent use of an economy-size toaster as an improvised weapon for about two seconds, but that opportunity is quickly squandered in lieu of run-of-the-mill fast-cut close-up action and we don’t get to enjoy any of the laughs we should have from it.
Jaime Fox gives us his best Obama impression, which comes off as more annoying than likable. He was okay.
Not even when the Presidential stretch Escalade Limo is in a demolition derby on the White House lawn and under fire by antiaircraft guns was I impressed; a long action sequence wasted. Even the explosions didn’t get enough screen time to wow us!
It’s nothing special; certainly not as good as Gerard Butler’s work in Olympus Has Fallen. I’d say the PG-13 rating is about the worst thing that could’ve happened to a project like this. If you want to see some amazing and fun action sequences, I suggest Swordfish (2001), Live Free or Die Hard (2007), Olympus Has Fallen (2013) or Pacific Rim (2013).
Joey King’s (The Conjuring, Oz the Great and Powerful, The Dark Knight Rises) brave role as child to her handsome on-screen father (Channing Tatum) and the lack of extreme violence, swearing and nudity, make this a perfect action movie for a mother to take her son to see. Just to be clear, that’s my way of saying this action movie sucks. But bros who love big biceps and bigger guns will be disappointed by the lack of blood and swear-rich one-liners.
Channing Tatum spends a lot of time in a tank top. No surprise here.
Director Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, The Patriot, Universal Soldier, Stargate) is no stranger to large scale action movies, but I feel that he really missed the mark on intensity and scale here. Halfway through this movie I found myself just waiting for it to end. The action didn’t improve as the story wore on, rather it got less impressive. I could tell that there were some good ideas for action, but either the budget failed Emmerich, or Emmerich’s vision is just not what it used to be.
This movie really wishes it was Olympus Has Fallen (2013), but turns out to be more like the utter failure A Good Day to Die Hard (2013) in the sense that I wasn’t as impressed as the grandiose scale of the action should have merited. I guess it was enjoyable and often fun, just not recommendable.
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John’s Horror Corner: Wishmaster (1997), explaining why evil Djinn genie jerks can’t even earn their freedom by granting wishes
MY CALL: This was one of the more fun horror movies of the 90s, complete with a broad diversity of deaths, gore and effects. MORE MOVIES LIKE Wishmaster: Urban Legends (1998), I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997).
This movie is based on the idea that man was born of earth, angels of light, and Djinn of fire. These Djinn dwell in “the void.” Now, I’m no theologian, but when they next say that if a Djinn grants three wishes it’s freed upon the earth, I’m guessing that’s not from any religious text that folks study in seminary school.
Okay, so the Star Wars movies took place “a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away” where the Emperor wears his favorite hoody, shaves his eyebrows, suffers from red eye, and has powers. The Djinn is way old, shares all of the same qualities, and his hoody is tattered from eons of imprisonment. He also lives in “the void”, which I doubt is in our galaxy. BRO!!!! I think they’re the same dude!
Our story begins in 12th century Persia when some jerk wishes to be “shown wonders.” Can we just start by criticizing this stupid wish? A “wonder” to a wealthy Persian would wildly differ from a “wonder” to a homeless person. Purely subjective. If I were that genie I’d take “wonders” literally and make it so that the wisher could see thought bubbles hovering over people’s heads that showed what they were thinking. What follows is a gloriously gory sequence loaded with fun, diverse special effects ranging from a woman being attacked by a monster that formed from a man’s guts, a snake man mutant, a man’s stop-motion animated skeleton rips itself from its skin and attacks people, and some other fun stuff. After this delightfully entrail-rich sequence I think we all know we’re in for a fun ride!
This reminds me of Kuato, the psychic mutant stomach twin from Total Recall.
The hooded Djinn (Andrew Divoff; Lost) sounds just like The Emperor from Star Wars! They must be related. He would surely have take over the earth had a man not imprisoned him in a large ruby. Fast forward to present day and some gemologist (Tammy Lauren) rubs the ruby during an appraisal, thus resetting the pandemonium.
This poor dude made the classic blunder of wishing his eyes were melted shut. He probably thought it was going to be way cooler.
Directed by special effects artist Robert Kurtzman (Jinn, Texas Chainsaw 3-D, John Dies at the End), clearly we see influence from the great horror of the 80s. For example, the Djinn “hatches” from the ruby looking quite similar to the quadruple-aputee monster that Craig T. Nelson vomits out in Poltergeist II (1986). Then, after granting his first wish, he slimily metamorphoses a la Hellraiser (1987) to his crusty Djinn form.
Here’s the Djinn’s BEFORE PHOTO…
Here’s the AFTER PHOTO.
But he’s still just one peeled and borrowed face away from…
This dashing fellow!
To gain his freedom, the Djinn wanders around town trying to find Alexandra, the somewhat cute gemologist that rubbed his ruby prison. Now, every other genie pretty much ever appears immediately when its lamp is rubbed. It seems to me that if this Djinn was just more punctual, he wouldn’t have missed her after he emerged. He’s just lazy! During his search he coaxes (even fools) people to make wishes which he swiftly Monkey Paws, often resulting in their death. A bum, not realizing the genie’s power, trades his soul for a shower and a jug of Jack Daniels. A cop wishes he could convict a felon, who then shoots several of his colleagues in front of him at the precinct. A woman wishes to be beautiful forever and is turned into a mannequin. You get the idea. Yet, for all the evil genie’s power, he needs to ask around and interrogate people in order to find Alexandra so that he can force her to make three wishes.
The Djinn animates a gang of golems to help him.
It occurs to me that this genie would have been free long ago if he wasn’t such a jerk. I mean, think about it. If he granted wishes like the nice Robin Williams Disney genie, then people wouldn’t be afraid of him or his twisted wish-granting. He’d grant a wish, the wisher would be happy, he’d grant two more wishes, and he’d be free! It’s not like he has to ruin the wishes. He’s just an ass about it. If you ask me he deserves to be trapped in his gem prison without cable TV or Netflix for eternity!
Two more unfortunate wishes gone wrong. I tried to tell them that “an arrow through the face” and “a crushed skull” weren’t good wish ideas. They didn’t listen.
The special effects are abundant, gory, fun, and result in a variety of entertaining deaths. Also enjoy all the familiar faces of horror icons. Look for cameos by Ted Raimi (Oz the Great and Powerful, Drag Me to Hell), Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street, Hatchet, Galaxy of Terror), Tom Savini (Machete Kills, The Theater Bizarre), Tony Todd (Final Destination 5, Hatchet), Kane Hodder (Chillerama, Hatchet, Ghoulies Go to College) and narration by Angus Scrimm (John Dies at the End, Phantasm, Subspecies, Chopping Mall).
Kane Hodder gets a rather interesting cameo death.
This movie was one of the horror highlights of the 90s. It’s not conventionally considered “good” in any film classes, but it’s fun and entertaining. I enjoy it as much today as I did when it came out in 1997.
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Tokyo Shock: Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead (2011), a largely inappropriate, exploitative fecal fiesta of tapeworm-induced zombiism!
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
THIS POST IS ABSOLUTELY NSFW
MY CALL: A largely inappropriate, exploitative fecal fiesta of tapeworm-induced zombiism. If you love ass and fart jokes, then this may be your Tokyo Shock Pulp Fiction (1994). I loved it! Needless to say, you shouldn’t watch this with your mother. MORE MOVIES LIKE Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead: Tokyo Gore Police (2008) and Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl (2009) also stand among the better representatives of the genre, delivering weirdly clever monsters/opponents and disturbingly creative gore, deaths and mutations–but they do so with a more serious tone. But if you prefer the wacktastic style of Noboru Iguchi, then try The Machine Girl (2008), RoboGeisha (2009) and Dead Sushi (2012). Also, in the spirit of ass-themed horror comedy, try Bad Milo (2013)-the story of an ass demon. Another bonkers wacktastic film featuring parasites and odd side-effects is Growth(2010).
Considering that the opening credits features girls dancing in short shorts and eating hot dogs, it seems that horror comedy writer/director Noboru Iguchi (The Machine Girl, RoboGeisha, The ABC’s of Death – “F” is for Fart, Dead Sushi) will never change his quirky ways…not that I’m complaining at all. In fact, I’d call this his best work yet BY FAR and one of the better installments to the growing exploitative Tokyo Shock genre.
A group of friends venture to the wilderness in search of trout parasites (tapeworms which they’ll evidently catch with a butterfly net) to make wannabe actress Maki (Asana Mamoru) thinner so she can be famous. Fearing that a zombie would have them arrested for catching trout off-season, they abandon their mission. But not before the large-breasted Maki swallows a fishing lure-like tapeworm to begin her journey to skinny town.
They wander to a nearby village which is filled with diarrhea-smeared zombies which vomit, you guessed it, more diarrhea. Why? I have no idea, probably because it’s gross and it makes drunk and high people laugh…and me. While succumbing to some wicked constipation along with the emergence of an evil mutant ass-tapeworm from her rear end, Maki becomes zombie kibble.
Yuck! This looks like a job for two-ply for sure.
Our protagonist Matrix-bullet-dodging, martial artist, school girl Megumi (Arisa Nakamura; The ABC’s of Death – “F” is for Fart, Kazuo Umezu’s Horror Theater: The Harlequin Girl) is a quiet, innocent loner. But when the shit hits the fan and the crap-covered deadites are upon them she gains a Dwayne Johnson-like proficiency for shotgun headshots and general ass-kickery.
At least she’s wearing practical underwear. I never understood how those ninja girls in Mortal Kombat could comfortably fight in their leather thongs.
We learn that every zombie has an evil monster tapeworm, which actually eats and then controls the brain of the infected body, and the zombies bite to infect others with tapeworm eggs. An early symptom of this tapeworm-induced zombiism is profuse fart emission. Hmmmm, I’m no tapeworm expert buuuuuuuuut…seems legit.
If you find this in your stool I would strongly recommend that you call a doctor.
Inappropriate bathroom scenes, an ass-to-mouth skewering, exploitative ass-grabbing, laboratory enemas, a lot of sexual and phallic scenes involving tapeworms, some nudity, feces-slathered sewage zombies, lots of bleeding from the ass, sexual tapeworm impregnation, panty-revealing high kicks, weaponized anal tapeworms and gastrointestinal sound effects all do their integral parts to contribute to this fart-scored film’s raunchy charm.
Reminds me of The Human Centipede.
Shit is everywhere. The stool-studded zombies even throw shit like they’re in the middle of a monkey shit-fight at the zoo. There’s spraying vomit (done with weak effects), blood-gushing prosthetic dismemberments, and the jettisoned gore is complemented by CGI and silly scenarios. It’s all done quite well and there was hardly a slow minute in this movie.
What really stoked the fires of hilarity is when the zombies start skittering backwards, butts in the air with their evil ass-tapeworms turtle-heading out of their rectal domains ready to strike. This butt-first assault briefly reminded me of endearing scenes from Braveheart (1995).
Eeeesh. I hope it wasn’t chili night at the William Wallace mess hall.
This form of unsavory ass assault is so effective that we even find it employed in nature. This looks like the beetle that sprayed Simba in The Lion King.
Regarding the action, this movie truly succeeded where its predecessors failed. The action was often original and some of the hand-to-hand combat was not only quite entertaining and thoughtfully (though humorously) choreographed, but well-executed given the effects and budget. We also enjoy tapeworms whipping from elevated cabooses like Scorpion’s Mortal Kombat “get over here” harpoon…which then turn a bit into Anime-style sexual assaults with tentacles.
The action-packed finale is loaded with diverse, decently-executed effects, a nifty monster for Megumi to fight, a clearly unconsensual tentacle mating scene, and aerial combat made possible by anal jet propulsion which all culminates in a Top Gun aerial death-by-enema victory! Because, when zombie-infected tapeworm evil is defeated by an enema in a fart-propelled dogfight, don’t we all win?
As if this movie could be spoiled for anyone, I’ll now warn “SPOILER ALERT.” What really brings this together is the underlying plot that a scientist has an “agreement” with the tapeworms contingent on the tapeworms curing his daughter’s myeloid leukemia. See? It’s thoughtful writing like this that proves that there are still original ideas out there.
Despite the exploitative, highly sexualized nature of this movie, it’s funny and never gets more than a bit awkwardly raunchy…for a Tokyo Shock film. If you can handle the Evil Dead (2013) tree rape scene, then this will be fine. It’s all in good (i.e., totally gross and raunchy) fun and the action ranks quite high in Tokyo Shock canon. This is one of the best Tokyo Shockers I’ve seen since I first saw Tokyo Gore Police (2008)! Needless to say, you shouldn’t watch this with your mother. BUT WATCH IT!
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John’s Horror Corner: Frontiers (2007), a fine installment to extreme French splatter cinema
MY CALL: This is a well-composed, solidly executed film and lovers of cruelty and jaw-dropping violence will likely enjoy it. It’s not great–but very good for sure. MORE MOVIES LIKE Frontiers: Looking for more extreme French cinema? Go for Martyrs (2008) and High Tension (2003) for sure! TITLE VARIATIONS: Frontier(s) or Frontière(s).
I’m beginning to develop a fondness for extreme French cinema. Martyrs (2008) and High Tension (2003) delivered some solid splatter along with well-thought stories that didn’t seem run-of-the-mill, formulaic or familiar. Frontiers may follow the ABCs of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie, but it remains well-executed and moderately interesting.
Four morally questionable twentysomethings flee to the country from Paris after political events result in violent riots citywide. They find their way to an inn run by some rather crude, aggressive, lascivious folk…two attractive women, and their rough brother Goetz (Samuel Le Bihan; Brotherhood of the Wolf). They exude a strange mixture of unnervingly forced hospitality and an almost sociopathic abrasiveness. During their stay we come to find that much more of this strange family runs things around here…and not in the most conventional of ways.
This twisted family turns out to be a bunch of cannibalistic neo-Nazis with a patriarchal pecking order and they have plans for their new guests. From here, as with any Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wrong Turn, Hostel or Hills Have Eyes film, we sit back and watch while wondering if any of our protagonists make it out alive.
Writer/director Xavier Gens (The ABCs of Death – X is for XXL) brings us from a socially/sociopathically awkward bed and breakfast to a tour de force of violence, cruelty and gore. From hooks through Achilles tendons to using boltcutters on Achilles tendons, this film provided me with ample reasons to wince…and a lot of reasons for me to fear for my Achilles tendons! The sound editors clearly had their hands full with all of the bloodsplatter, bludgeoning, crushing and stabbing going on.
I was especially pleased with the acting. I don’t speak French, but the fear of the victims felt real and the family had a more intelligent and methodical Texas Chainsaw-esquevibe to their unsettling behavior and fearful respect of their father. The fear was certainly merited and shared by the audience because of the tone set by the constant violence. Although the violence never turns to rape or sexualized violence (like so many movies just out to shock us at whatever cost), there is abundant violence against women and the ease with which it’s executed is truly illustrative of the soulessness of our villains.
I found this to be a well-composed, solidly executed film and lovers of cruelty and shocking violence will likely enjoy it. It’s not as intense, innovative, jaw-dropping or spectacular as Martyrs, nor does its mood ascend to the weirdness of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but this deserves the time of anyone who watches more than one horror movie per week.
This review was of the unrated director’s cut, which was not available with English dubbing. Surprisingly, the subtitles seemed poorly translated at times. I won’t explain…it’s no big deal, but you’ll see what I mean unless you can follow the film in French.
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