We released this podcast in March but we brought it back for our Sea Beast Week. You will love it.
The Star Wars world is home to many sea beasts.
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Do you feel like cinematic sea beasts need more love? Have you ever stayed up all night searching the internet for a two-part podcast special that dedicates about four hours to sea beasts? Do you like tournaments that involve sea monsters who have been featured in movies? If you answered “yes” to these questions you will love the insanely thorough podcast we recorded about our favorite sea beasts. We put together a list of 16 creatures and recorded a two-part podcast that covered about 92 monsters and settled the “greatest sea beast” discussion. We did a ton of research and guarantee these two episodes will teach you everything you’d want to know about cinematic aquatic beasts. Here are the some of the monsters we talk about.
- The Merman – The Cabin in the Woods
- The Psychic Shark – Jaws 4: The Revenge
- The Sea Eater – Waterworld
- The Smart Sharks – Deep Blue Sea
- Octalus – Deep Rising
- Sando Aqua Monster – The Phantom Menace
- The Mythic Octopus – The Goonies
- The Long-Tongued Gooberfish – The Phantom Menace
- The Creature – The Creature From the Black Lagoon
- The Giant Octopus – 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea
- Kraken – Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest
- Kraken – Clash of the Titans
- Gwoemul – The Host
- Giant Crocodile – Lake Placid
- Godzilla – Godzilla
- Mosasaurus – Jurassic World
- Piranhas – Piranha 3D
- And many more!
The Mosasaurus is the best part of Jurassic World.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the podcasts. You can listen to the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
Let us know who you think is the best cinematic sea beast in the comments.
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MFF Sea Beast Week: How Long Did it Take Luke Skywalker to Be Comfortable Enough to Milk the Sea Sow in ‘The Last Jedi’
Dude went out of his way to be gross.
Do you ever wonder how long it took Luke to feel comfortable enough to milk the Thala-siren (sea sow) in The Last Jedi? He spent years on Ahch-To and I don’t think he immediately thought about climbing down a steep incline and approaching a large sea beast in order to milk it. I’m thinking he arrived at the island in a state of despair, and the island Caretakers watched over him for a couple weeks before they got tired of his moping and told him to start feeding himself. This lead to his daily milking, fishing and moping routine that we saw in The Last Jedi.
Here is the most likely incorrect timeline:
The Caretakers Initially Gave Him Milk and Food (Two Weeks)
Luke probably arrived at the island in a state of despair and was in no condition to feed himself. So, the kindly caretakers went out of their way to feed the guy who might-or-might be the last Jedi. However, his moping got old (like his A New Hope whining) and the normally patient caretakers gave him a tour of the island and showed him the best fishing spots and told him not to swim in the water because of the massive sea monsters. During this time, they had Luke watch them milk the sea sow (his reactions was similar to Rey’s). I’m guessing that since the creature had probably never seen a human before there was some trepidation — which meant Luke had to stay 20-feet from the milking, so he didn’t make the creature nervous.
Luke Would Visit the Sea Sow To Familiarize Himself With the Creature (One Week)
I’d imagine it would be difficult to walk up to a massive sea sow and immediately start pumping its milk. That is why Luke fished around the area where it sunned itself and became a familiar presence to the groups of Thala-sirens. I’m not sure how smart they are, but The Last Jedi proves they are quite relaxed, and I’d imagine after a week of constantly having Luke in their presence they knew he wasn’t a threat. Luke probably could’ve made the move earlier, but he needed extra time to wrap his head around milking an aquatic sea beast.
The Sea Sow seems super chill
The First Milking Session Was Very Awkard and Lasted Longer Than Expected (3 Days)
Eventually, Luke worked up his courage and decided he would milk the Sea Sow. However, when he went down to the cliffs the creature wasn’t there, so he had to make the long hike back to his hut without milk. The next day, Luke went down to the water and slowly approached the Sea Sow so he could work up the courage to milk it. It’s kind of absurd how a guy who blew up a Deathstar would be worried about milking a sea creature, but you try doing the same thing to a massive animal and not being a little weirded out by it. Like most things in this world, the situation was more awkward than it needed to be, because Luke had to get a feel for the milking. The job was done in about 10 minutes, and it got easier as Luke kept the routine going throughout the years.
Total Time: 23 Days: This may sound excessive, but I feel like he needed the extra time to build up the courage and do things for himself.
How long do you think it would’ve taken? Let us know in the comments.
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Welcome to MFF’s Sea Beast Week! This article was originally published in 2017 but we brought it back because it’s great.
I love Deep Blue Sea. It is a brilliantly dumb film that never gets old and always gets better. I was working in a movie theater when it was released in 1999 and I loved sitting in the theater listening to the audience go crazy. In all my years working at a theater, no film came close to getting the reaction that Deep Blue Sea did. I’ve been writing, podcasting and talking about it for years and I haven’t been able to shake one scene in particular. Stellan Skarsgard’s (AKA Jim) incredibly long death scene is insane because it is a pure nightmare creation that is equal parts terrifying, inventive and funny.
This is getting ridiculous.
This is how it goes down. A genetically modified super shark bites Stellan Skarsgard’s arm off while the shark is being tested on. Stellan is taken up a freight elevator to a rescue helicopter. During the rescue, Stellan is strapped to a gurney and given an oxygen mask. As he is being lifted to the helicopter, a shark grabs hold of the gurney and Stellan goes on a long journey underwater that ends with him being used as a battering ram. It is a gnarly death that has somehow been overshadowed by the glorious demise of Sam Jackson.
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The following post breaks down the amount of traveling poor Stellan had to endure.
Sidenote: I’ve tried my best to recreate a fictitious moment in an insane film about genetically engineered sharks herding humans to their death. The numbers are researched but I just didn’t have enough data to be 100% correct. There is some guess-work at play, but I believe they paint a believable picture of what happened to Stellan Skarsgard.
Let’s start off with the journey to the freight elevator. I’m guessing the trip was about 40 feet after he got his arm ripped off.
I don’t see an elevator anywhere close…
Once they got on the elevator the trip took 30 seconds. According to Stanley Elevators, a stock freight elevator moves at an average speed of 200 feet per minute. The elevator covered 100 feet in its 30-second journey. Next, Stellan had to be lifted onto a helicopter. The problem is he didn’t make it very far, therefore I’m guessing he covered approximately 50 feet. This is where things get interesting because the poor guy is pulled underwater with an oxygen tank strapped to his mouth.
I’m not a genetically engineered shark with a lust for blood and thus, I cannot track the exact movements underwater. I’d assume the shark was all business and put its energy into building towards battering ram speed. By using my shark brain (via a hat that looks like a shark fin) I’m guessing the shark circled the interior of the Aquatica figuring how to best hit the massive glass wall.
I really hope these humans don’t see me until it’s too late.
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During a nice moment of expositional dialogue (thank you random scientist!) we learned there are a half mile of catwalks on the surface of the structure. After examining the structure I broke down the numbers and figured out the outside fenced dimensions to be 590′ x 295′ (give or take 15 feet or so). You’d think the perimeter would be a half-mile around but there several catwalks that travel through the perimeter, wrap around the structure in the middle and go outside the perimeter. The math looks like this.
Perimeter (1770′) + 2 catwalks (295′) + several additional catwalks (575′) = 2,640 feet.
Imagine the shark swimming three loops around the perimeter to gather speed.
The shark swam through the middle then circled the Aquatica and its prey until it got comfortable enough to send Skarsgard into oblivion. The total estimated distance is 1.09 miles and total time spent traveling untethered from the helicopter is 110 seconds. The shark swam at an average of 35.6 MPH which lead me to believe the shark started slow then built up to a much faster speed to accrue the 35.6 MPH average. The fastest shark on the planet can swim top speeds of 40 – 55 MPH, therefore I’m guessing the shark swam slower laps until it got everything just right and exploded to 60 MPH (this shark is really really ridiculously fast).
A big thanks to M.A. Designs for bringing the circling to life.
I love that this scene happened. It is wildly inventive and devious in its quest to kill somebody. My calculations may be slightly off but I believe the total estimated distance covered by Skargard is 5,959 feet or 1.12 miles. That is impressive!
In case you are still skeptical, I’ve come up with two other underwater options that are much less cool and make the shark look silly.
- The shark accidentally drops the gurney and Stellan falls to the bottom of the Aquatica. The shark swims down to the bottom and picks up the gurney (which takes a while because it is cumbersome). Then, the sharks swims to the far side of the fencing (hoping the other sharks didn’t see), and turns around towards the large glass window.
- The shark thinks it is going towards the large glass but realizes it is going the wrong way and has to course correct. Then it swims around like it knew what it was doing (so it doesn’t look dumb) and ends up covering over a mile in an effort to not look silly.
I’m hoping this data answers some questions you never knew you had but always felt like you should know. I realize this post won’t change the world but hopefully it put a smile on your face and solidified your love of Deep Blue Sea!
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The MFF Podcast #137: Ben Wheatley’s ‘Free Fire’
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we’re talking about Ben Wheatley’s criminally underwatched Free Fire. I am a huge fan of Ben Wheatley’s movies (Down Terrace, Sightseers, Kill List, A Field in England) because they are always original and never safe. It bums me out that Free Fire went unnoticed in the theaters because it is hilarious, cheeky and awesomely violent. It is totally unique in its gunfight structure and is infinitely rewatchable. The A-list cast featuring Sharlto Copley, Armie Hammer, Brie Larson, Cillian Murphy and Jack Reynor give it their all, and you can tell they loved spouting Ben Wheatley and Amy Jump’s dialogue. We’re hoping that this episode will inspire you to check out the brilliance that is Ben Wheatley.
The cast is bonkers
As always, we answer random listener questions and ponder why Aquaman rides into battle with sea turtles. If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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The cleaners are going to be annoyed.
The training montage in Daredevil might feature the most impractical training set up of all time. I know Elektra comes from a family of billionaires (in the movie) so I guess they don’t mind getting copious amounts of sand on their beautiful wooden floors and hanging hoists from an intricate system of tracks (or pipe) from their ceilings. However, it seems like a lot of unnecessary work and I have no clue who installed it — or who was going to clean it up after her training was done. There is a lot of sand on the floor after the training session, and if you’ve ever been to a beach you know that a tiny amount of it can get everywhere and turn your car, clothes, and bags into a cleaning nightmare.
After watching the clip too many times and viewing the behind-the-scenes documentaries (they have a neat set up in the studio) I have a solid guess as to what went into creating the intricate system of 13 sandbags being released from the ceiling via a system of timed hoists that work on a remote timer. I don’t think this was her regular training spot because it would be terribly impractical, so I’m guessing she had it installed after her father was killed. People make weird decisions when they want revenge, and it must’ve been confusing for the people in the household when she told them she wanted an intricate training system involving hoists, remote timers and enough pipe to cover the entire ceiling. Also, since the sequence is heavily choreographed, (she drew a red face on the final sandbag) she had to coordinate the timing and location of each drop and plug it into a remote system that controlled the hoists. This is something that would take a while to build, tweak and for the sake of her secret identity remove when they have dinner parties. Thus, Elektra wasted precious training time while she waited for a training rig to be built that would only give her a 35-second training experience.
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Here are my assumptions
- Money wasn’t an issue so the equipment was custom and very expensive.
- She picked the room because of the size of it. It was probably the only room with enough space to house the sandbag trainer.
- Since we see nothing along the walls of the room (no counterweights, locking rails, belayed rope lines) I have to assume that everything was rigged on the ceiling. Trussing would be overkill, so I’m guessing whoever installed the sandbag trainer created a grid of speed rail that was clamped together and attached to the ceiling by steel cables in the studs in the ceiling.
- Electricians rigged the individual hoists to one system which allowed them to work on one remote.
- Since there isn’t a scissor lift or ladders in the room, the rigged hoist system helps her lower/raise the rope on each hoist so she can tie sandbags on to them.
- There are more bags left hanging after her training session is done. This means she has multiple remote settings. and can control each individual hoist to make everything easier for her (or overworked house staff).
- Each sandbag weighs 10 pounds and is attached to a very strong and thin rope.
- She (or a staffer) probably fills up the sandbags in the garage or garden and they are carried up to the room.
- 11 of the 13 sandbags are dropped directly down. There is zero swing when they land, so the drop has been perfectly timed to prevent bouncing and rope breakage. Also, something had to release the two swinging bags which means there are clamps that work on timers(?)
She left some sandbags hanging for a training session we didn’t get to see.
Here is what the sandbag trainer needed
- 13 hoists that work independently of each other while being on the same remote.
- A remote timer and control that is probably in an unseen pelican case in the corner of the room.
- 290 feet of speed rail to create the grid attached to the ceiling. I came up with this amount because she traveled an estimated 20-feet while training and the grid needs to cover the width of the room (20×30) because of the swinging bags – Watch this clip, because it’s exactly what I see it looking like.
- Two clamps on timers that release the sandbags during Elektra’s training.
- 130 pounds of sand.
- A shop vac or a large broom.
- One red sharpie.
- Slip-proof shoes to prevent her from slipping on loose sand.
There you have it! The sandbag trainer required a lot of work (and sand) and probably cost well over $20,000 to install. The whole thing seems terribly impractical, but it seems to work for Elektra because she has some legit skills and enough free time to set everything up. I doubt she cleans up the sand, but you can’t expect a billionaire heiress to be sweeping up sand when she is in revenge mode.
If you liked this random post make sure to check out my other stuff! Also, a big thanks to Brian Raftery at Wired for interviewing me about this dumb data.
- Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
- Analyzing the Unsuccessful Trap in Predators
- How Far Did the Creature From It Follows Travel?
- Zara the Assistant and Jurassic World Had a Bad Day
- How Far Did Nic Cage Run While Dressed as a Bear In The Wicker Man Remake?
- Breaking Down The Mariner vs. Sea Beast Battle in Waterworld
- How Long Did it Take The Joker to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
- Michael Myers Hates Blinkers
- Jason Voorhees Can’t Teleport?
- How Far Did the Merman Travel in The Cabin in the Woods?
- How Far Did Matthew McConaughey Jump in Reign of Fire?
- How Fast can Leatherface Run?
- Deep Blue Sea and Stellan Skarsgard
- How Far Did Michael Myers Drive in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
- How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
- People Love a Bearded Kurt Russell
- A Closer Look at Movies That Feature the Words Great, Good, Best, Perfect and Fantastic
- An In-Depth Look At Movies That Feature Pencils Used as Weapons
- Cinematic Foghat Data
- Explosions and Movie Posters
- The Fast & Furious & Corona
- Nicolas Sparks Movie Posters Are Weird
- How Do You Make the Perfect Kevin Smith Movie?
- Predicting the RT score of Baywatch
- The Cinematic Dumb Data Podcast
- What is the best horror movie franchise?
- How Fast Can the Fisherman Clean a Trunk in I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- It’s Expensive to Feature Characters Being Eaten Alive and Surviving Without a Scratch
- How Long Does it Take Your Favorite Horror Movie Characters to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
- What was the Guy’s Blood Pressure in Dawn of the Dead?
- Why Were There So Many Lemons in National Treasure?
- How Far Does The Rock Jump in the Skyscraper Poster?
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The MFF Podcast #136: The Cornetto Trilogy
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back and we’re talking about the glorious Cornetto Trilogy. I love every second of director Edgar Wright’s trilogy and have gone out of my way to listen to all the commentaries and read every article that declares something like “23 things you didn’t know about The Cornetto Trilogy” to make sure this podcast gives you something new. Edgar Wright is one of my favorite directors because his films have a unique vibe that features quick cuts, tightly-written dialogue (with Simon Pegg’s help) and cinematography that makes the camera a three-dimensional character. Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End are brimming with life and I love how they incorporate heart and humor in equal doses and become so much more than a spoof or comedy. You need to watch these movies and then listen to this podcast.
Andy + Andy = My favorite supporting character of the trilogy
As always, we answer random listener questions and if it’s best to be drunk during an apocalypse (probably not). If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Itunes, Stitcher, Podbean, or LISTEN TO THE POD ON BLOG TALK RADIO.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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John’s Horror Corner: Blood Diner (1987), a horror comedy B-movie about cannibalism and summoning an Egyptian demon Goddess.
MY CALL: This is a very deliberately stupid movie with lots of bad, lots of boobs, and lots of silly gore. As long as you’re in a goofy mood and can appreciate the most destitute of B-cinema, then this should be right up your alley! MORE MOVIES LIKE Blood Diner: Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (1991), Frankenhooker (1990), Brain Damage (1988) and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988).
After their psychopathic uncle gives them 5-million-year-old amulets, two flunky brothers use their occult powers to reanimate his evil brain and use his guidance to resurrect the Goddess Sheetar. So how do we do this…? “The body parts of many immoral girls” are needed to resurrect the goddess Sheetar (Tanya Papanicolas; Vamp, Vicious Lips). Talk about classy!
Their uncle’s talking brain advises their murderous mission to obtain all the slutty body parts necessary to assemble Sheetar’s breasty vessel. And, while gathering these parts, silliness transpires. Of course, that should go without saying. Pretty much everything I’ve written so far is ridiculous, and so is this movie!
Topless aerobics girls get massacred, then there’s projectile vomit, naked Frankenstein stitchwork, deep-fried naked women, fridges full of severed body parts, lots of boobs, split-open bodies, naked martial arts (i.e., naked fights), a zombie mosh pit, a naked mangled-mouthed demon queen with a toothed vagina stomach, exploding heads, the brothers serve leftover body parts at their diner to support the family business… you did hear me say demon queen with a toothed vagina stomach, right? Yeah, that’s a thing that happens in this zany film and it’s essentially the biggest reason to watch.
Director Jackie Kong (The Being) has created a very deliberately stupid movie with lots of bad, lots of boobs, and lots of silly gore. It’s pure lunacy. As long as you’re in a goofy mood and can appreciate the most destitute of B-cinema, then this should be right up your alley!
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MY CALL: With such a great cast, this movie felt like a huge missed opportunity. This is a low-priority rental for an afternoon and nothing more. Watchable, but not recommended. Fun, but not that fun.
MORE MOVIES LIKE Bloodsucking Bastards: For more horror comedies try Critters (1986), Blood Diner (1987), Frankenhooker (1990), Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (1991), Leprechaun (1993), Head of the Family (1996), American Psycho (2000), Shaun of the Dead (2004), Black Sheep (2006), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009), Piranha 3D (2010), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Final Destination 5 (2011), Chillerama (2011), Piranha 3DD (2012), Grabbers (2012), The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Bad Milo (2013), Warm Bodies (2013), Burying the Ex (2014), Smothered (2014), What We Do in the Shadows (2014), Cooties (2015), Deathgasm (2015), Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015), Housebound (2014), Zombeavers (2014), The Voices (2014), He Never Died (2015), Ava’s Possessions (2015), The Final Girls (2015), Krampus (2015; not exactly comedy, but occasionally hilarious), Love in the Time of Monsters (2015), The Greasy Strangler (2016), Mayhem (2017), Happy Death Day (2017) and The Babysitter (2017).
Amid a typical sales office, Evan’s (Fran Kranz; The Cabin in the Woods, The Village, Donnie Darko) world is falling apart. He lost his girlfriend, on old college rival (Pedro Pascal; Game of Thrones) snatched his promotion out from under him, and his coworkers are being brutally murdered and replaced by vampires.
Between the premise and the cast, I was really excited to see this and bought the DVD blindly. I don’t exactly regret that, but this movie was not the exceptional delight for which I hoped.
Director Brian James O’Connell delivers a movie that is moderately fun and breezy. It’s not great, but it’s a nice way to spend a lazy afternoon. I never really felt any sense of urgency (even during the vampire killing scenes), shock or scale (it all takes place in the office), nor were the jokes ever laugh out loud affairs. Just a lot of grins and a few giggles.
Pedro Pascal is entertaining, but still he feels like he’s phoning it in. The real performance efforts come from Joey Kern (Cabin Fever), Emma Fitzpatrick (The Collection) and Fran Kranz. The gore, wounds and blood are not abundant except for a few scenes, but it’s nice when you see your heroes unexpectedly blood-doused a la What We Do in the Shadows (2014). But with that said, the gore is mostly blood and largely limited to the last 30 minutes.
For me, the greatest victory was adding to my lexiconical sense of “office horror” movies. And by that, I mean things like Mayhem (2017), The Belko Experiment (2016) or other fare discussed in our Office Horror podcast episode. Otherwise, this film is hard to recommend. You may have noticed this is a very short review for me… I guess I just don’t have much to say about it (good or bad).
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John’s Horror Corner: Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (2014), neither best nor worst in this hillbilly horror franchise.
MY CALL: This remains watchable for those seeking some guilty pleasures in the form of boobs, gore and uninspired kills. Watch this for fun, not for “horror.” MORE MOVIES LIKE Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort: Well, of course, you need to go back to Wrong Turn (2003; the best one), maybe Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007; more silly but fun), but probably skip Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009) and go straight to Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011; the best of the sequels) and Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012). More to try include The Hills Have Eyes 1-2 (1977, 1984, 2006, 2007), Just Before Dawn (1981), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Hatchet (2006) and its three sequels, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) will all continue to satisfy the hillbilly horror subgenre, and then maybe Cabin Fever 1-3 (2002-2014) for the gore hounds.
Director Valeri Milev (Re-Kill) follows the sloppy patterns of his predecessors, opening with a breasty sex scene and a gory murder sequence. And with these death scenes this sequel reintroduces us to our favorite inbred hillbilly cannibals: Three Finger (Radoslav Parvanov; Undisputed 2-3, Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines), Sawtooth (Danko Jordanov; The Hills Run Red) and One-Eye (Asen Asenov). Unfortunately, they don’t look as good as they used to (in terms of make-up quality) and they lack any sense of personality that differentiated them in past franchise installments (e.g., Three Finger was the loony and hyper one whereas now they’re all equally off-kilter). Instead they’ve been reduced to ugly, mutant hillbilly cannibals 1, 2 and 3.
In this shakily written sequel, a mysterious inheritance brings a twenty-something and his friends to a West Virginia Appalachian resort with a dark history and a weird pair of sibling caretakers. Keeping things classy, this movie boasts more sex scenes than death scenes, a stupidly convoluted plot (much as Texas Chainsaw 3-D) and—if we’re being honest—not quite enough horror. It almost goes into pervy territory with its sexualized storyline and themes (even with respect to the kills). Not that it doesn’t have its moments… they’re just heavily biased towards the final third of the film.
The razor wire death scene is engaging for gorehounds (and a nice call back to part 1), but much of the slashy/stabby gory effects rely on CGI finishing (e.g., an arrow through the head, the beheading). Such has been the case with the last several Wrong Turn sequels. At times I wonder if this is really less expensive than approaching them from a fully practical angle, or if it’s simply easier to handle these issues in post-production. But at the end of the day, these films continue to entertain me.
We enjoy a brutal leg break and dismemberment, an awesome headwound, the unforgettable anal firehose death scene, and a really weird family reunion reminiscent of Bleeders (1997) or Basket Case 3 (1991).
All in all, this was a moderately satisfying flick for a rainy Sunday afternoon. Certainly not worthy of being main event of the evening, but I got a few chuckles. The writing might be terrible, yet this sequel manages to entertain without much regret. You’ll feel more fun (or tedium) than fear. But this could make for a great Bad Movie Tuesday if you’re looking for some gory laughs.
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MY CALL: This is the first film in Fulci’s Gates of Hell trilogy and a worthy education in early non-Romero zombie horror for any genre film fan. It has a decent premise, good pacing, and a satisfying diversity and abundance of special effects. Highly recommended. MORE MOVIES LIKE City of the Living Dead: Easily the best choice is Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (1978) and Fulci’s Zombie (1979). Fans of Fulcian gore may continue with The Beyond (1981) and The House by the Cemetery (1981), which are the remaining films of Fulci’s Gates of Hell trilogy.
Journalist Peter (Christopher George; Graduation Day, The Exterminator) investigates the mysterious simultaneous deaths of a suicidal priest and a woman (Catriona MacColl; The House by the Cemetery, The Beyond) who saw the Gates of Hell opening during a séance. Despite many locals’ skepticism of the supernatural, winds eerily pick up, mirrors shatter, buildings begin to crack, walls bleed, and Mary (the woman who died during the séance) rises from the dead to speak of the horrors she witnessed and to warn that the gates must be closed before All Saints Day or the dead will overtake the Earth.
I don’t think enough attention is paid to the fact that she rose from the grave (and that Peter seems just fine with that), but Fulci was never really known for thorough writing. So, Mary and Peter go on a road trip to Dunwich (a lot like In the Mouth of Madness) to stop this great evil at its origin. Apparently, reclosing the gates to Hell requires destroying the ghastly priest who serially appears hanging before his victims.
References to witch ancestry from Salem and a 4000-year-old of Book of Enoch hint at the ancient evil they face… although these concepts never really get explored so much as mentioned for the sake of flavor.
While the premise is interesting enough, this film observes a significant change in effects quality from Zombie (1979)—specifically, with respect to the zombies. Many of our zombies are simply pale-faced people, I was generally unmoved by the completely random worm-enshrouded rotting fetus, and when our undead priest smothers a woman with a handful of wormy grave mud I’m equally baffled as to the significance of this poorly executed scene. This is some of the random lunacy we see in Fulci’s more haphazard films Manhattan Baby (1982) and Aenigma (1987). Later the zombies get messier, with sloppy chunky gooey latex wounds and worms about their faces—but still, they don’t look very good. Just sufficiently gross to be entertaining or even off-putting.
But the film certainly has its moments—a LOT of them! A gorehound fan favorite scene would be when the zombie priest gazes upon a young woman who then bleeds from the eyes and starts to slowly vomit up her own organs—just pounds and pounds of gore-slathered intestines. There’s also when her date (Michele Soavi; Alien 2: on Earth, Phenomena, Demons) has the back of his head chunkily ripped out (a gory gag that gets repeated in the film to our messy delight). But even the occasional bite wound, hideous zombie face, power drill through the head, gusting storms of insect larvae, or crypt zombie will continue to please horror fans of diverse interests.
Among the cast, you’ll notice some familiar faces other than those cast members mentioned above. Among them are Giovanni Lombardo Radice (The Omen, Cannibal Ferox, The Church), Carlo De Mejo (Alien Contamination, Manhattan Baby, The Other Hell), Daniela Doria (The New York Ripper, The Black Cat, The House by the Cemetery).
Writer and director Lucio Fulci (Manhattan Baby, Aenigma) stormed the horror scene riding in on George Romero’s undead coattails with Zombie (1979). Deviating significantly in style from Zombie (1979), this feels less like a zombie movie and more like an infernal undead demon movie. This is no infection or virus, but an affliction prophesied in an ancient tome. Moreover, these teleporting gooey zombies and their passage through a gateway to Hell leave me with the sense that this may have influenced the monsters of Prince of Darkness (1985), Evil Dead (1981) and Demons (1987). Just when you thought you saw everything this film had to offer, there’s the crypt scene (at the end of the film) loaded with cobwebbed corpses and a subterranean set offering a nice change of pace.
This is the first film in Fulci’s Gates of Hell trilogy and a worthy education in early non-Romero zombie horror for any genre film fan. It has a decent premise, good pacing, and a satisfying diversity and abundance of special effects. Highly recommended.
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