The Best/Worst Fight of 1995: Analyzing the Goro vs. Johnny Cage fight in Mortal Kombat
The world loves great fights. When choreography, solid editing and courageous stunt men unite we get showstopping moments that live forever. One fight scene that lives in infamy is the short and awkward fight between Johnny Cage and Goro. Two men, six arms, four legs, one nut shot and two very surprised eyes.
We are promised a brawl for the ages and instead we get a slightly practical fight that features more one-liners than punches. They don’t say it but this is the only “flawless victory” in the film. There is nothing flawless about this fight because it features two experienced fighters making terrible decisions.
Here is how it plays out. Goro enters the human circle and screams something that sounds like “WHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAOOOOOHHHHHHH (Scream has been shortened for readers). He is cheered on by a crowd of ninjas who seem like a mixture between a stereotypical fraternity met shoddily clothed ninjas and they fell into a radioactive vat filled with Monster energy drinks. What do these guys do with their free time?
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As Goro’s yelling subsides Johnny Cage enters the dark cave wearing traditional white-collar fighting garb (button up shirt. aviator sunglasses and slacks). Before Cage can say something pithy his glasses are smooshed by Goro. Do you find it odd that an immortal killing machine finds pleasure in crushing sunglasses? I know the director was appeasing the video game fans with the glasses but what was Cage’s plan with them? Would he hand them to Raiden? Imagine having an immortal watching your sunglasses during a fight!
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Goro is then instructed to finish Cage quickly and replies “this puny mortal will be no problem. I’ll crush him in one blow.” I have a problem with this because it is a terrible strategy. What if it takes more than one blow and Goro looks silly? With four arms imagine the kind of jab/hook/jab/cross combos he could throw. Why not wear him down with combos then “finish him?” My guess is that suit was not flexible so Goro could only lift his arms up menacingly. Eventually, Goro lifts his arms WAY above his head expecting Cage to be frozen in fear. As the arms reach maximum height Cage does a split and this happens.
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I love that they shot a close up of Goro reacting to a nut shot. Pure gold.
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I love that somebody thought to deliver Cage’s video game nut shot/split at this moment. I also love that after the punch lands Raiden (the immortal god) punches a bro-ninja in the arm and yells “Yes!” This nut shot tactic not only delivers a laugh but it saved the audience from realizing how cumbersome the Goro outfit actually was. It was like when Harrison Ford was sick on the Indiana Jones set so they simply had him shoot his foe. Back to the fight!
As Goro’s eye enlarge Johnny makes his escape to a dead-end cliff (of course). Cage hides up in some rocks and allows Goro to walk right past him (would an immortal fall for that?). Cage gives away his strategic position by saying “those were $500 sunglasses asshole.” The line is followed up by a kick, kick, spin kick and another kick. Goro goes flying off of the cliff and hangs perilously on a strategic rock. Instead of “finishing” the fight Cage says “this is where you fall down.” Guess what happens? Goro falls into a stormy abyss of certain death. Fight over.
So, we get one nut shot, four kicks and several one-liners. Greatest fight ever!!!!!
Final analysis: If you are an immortal killing machine never leave your nuts open to a sneaky Hollywood actor.
If you are interested in reading about more fights John (The Horror Leviathan) has written about the scraps in Bowfinger, Troy and Undefeatable. I recently covered the back-breaking fights of Nicholas Sparks films as well.
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There are great horror films (e.g., Saw, The Conjuring), there are typically color-by-numbers trope-rich sequels (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise) and there are zany, gory, low budget direct-to-video releases (e.g., Puppet Master and almost everything by Full Moon Entertainment). Generally we see maybe one or two greats, several enjoyable trope-rich flicks, and countless DTV releases in any given year. We recently did some articles on more recent “best moments” in horror: 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror: Part 1: some of the greatest, goriest, most shocking and most memorably defining moments in horror since 2000 and 15 Images for 15 Years of Horror: Part 2: The Good, the Bad and the Hilarious.
The year of 1995, however, was a year in which the horror well ran dry. There were almost no sequels to please fans of proven franchises, few DTV releases worth mentioning, and the best movie referenced in this article (Species) has been borrowed from Sci-Fi and is included on the basis of the gore. But, in honor of our “1995 Year in Review Week” we turn back the clock 20 years to reflect on the more memorable moments that 1995’s horror had to offer. So here are 10 moments from 10 movies, in no particular order…
Species (1995) managed to present two things terrifying to men. A woman’s coming of age is gruesomely depicted in the cocoon/chrysalis scene and, of course, Sil (Natasha Henstridge) pulls a praying mantis and kills men after sex…after transforming into a no-longer-sexy mix of a tentacle monster and H. R. Giger’s Alien! Natasha Henstridge even got breast implants for this role and talked about it in interviews. Truth be told, Species was basically a high budget sexploitation movie masquerading as a sci-fi special effects thrill ride.
The Prophecy (1995) made the ultimate badass fallen angel out of Christopher Walken. “Shhhh.” That’s all I have to say. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go see this movie. The film was original and it hasn’t been ripped off (that I’ve noticed) in 20 years.
Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995) made bees REALLY creepy. Case 39 (2009) did a good job with the unnerving yellowjacket/hornet scene when Bradley Cooper bites it. But Candyman was haunting…bees in mouths…bees on flesh-stripped ribcages. Just gross! LOL
Village of the Damned (1995) proved that between 1960 and 1995 very little had changed…we still found that blond kids that don’t smile are creepy as Hell!
Tales from the Crypt presents Demon Knight (1995) and a most charming Billy Zane. He seemed so persuasive, didn’t he? Now imagine how Titanic and Demon Knight would have turned out differently if these two movies swapped Billy Zane personalities.
Lord of Illusions (1995) and the sword trick. When that trick started to go wrong, I started reeling! A great scene from a little known horror that saw a theatrical release, but then got forgotten by most as if it was a Full Moon direct-to-video release. This flick was, in fact, worth it!
Tales from the Hood (1995) takes Blaxploitation too far and gets a bit racist. Just look at this doll!
Vampire in Brooklyn (1995) is basically Boomerang (1992) made into a horror comedy. Just compare the movie posters…same face, woman in similar pose, hovering over the city.
Ice Cream Man (1995)…because Clint Howard! That’s why! He actually won an MTV Lifetime Achievement Award in 1998.
The Granny (1995)…the most ridiculous horror release of 1995 next to Ice Cream Man. I’m not saying you “should” see this…but it’s really….something. LOL
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Alec Trevelyan, Goro and Tony Perkins: The 1995 Heist Crew.
Hello all. Mark here.
JMoore (AKA Ham sandiwch) is back! The last time you heard from him he was giving the world an amazing football team comprised of Animated movie characters. Now, he has given the world the greatest 1995 thieving crew since Heat or those evil euro trash people from Die Hard With A Vengeance.
WIthout further ado here is the 95 Heist Crew!
Last year, Mark’s article The 2014 Suicide Squad of Villains highlighted the best villains of 2014 after the announcement of the cast for DC’s Suicide Squad. In the spirit of MFF 1995 week, Mark and I came up with the idea to see what criminals 1995 had to offer. Since Heat and Die Hard With a Vengeance were released in ‘95, I’m going to put a spin on this list as if it was the short list for a Heist. Since the Heat and Die Hard guys are busy with their respective heists, this list would be of untapped potential….
The Ringer: Alec Trevelyan formally Agent 006 Golden Eye
Former MI6 intelligence operative with all the necessary tools for a heist, trade craft, weapons training, slick hair and a British accent.
The Heavy Foot: Captain Frank Ramsey Crimson Tide
Sure Captain Ramsey almost carried out a nuclear attack on Russia. But that is just proof he sticks to orders and never meant to command a nuclear submarine. He knows the plan and will stick to it to the tee. Perfect getaway driver.
The Brains: John Doe Se7en
John Doe gets the nod because he never lost control throughout the entire film. This ability to manipulate the given chess pieces would be perfect in the planning process.
The Muscle: Goro Mortal Kombat
The MFF podcast touched on movies you don’t want to see again because it will most likely will ruin the nostalgia. This is one of those films. I haven’t seen Mortal Kombat since Jeremy Parson’s sleep over in the 5th grade. I’d like to keep it that way. I do remember the Johnny Cage vs. Goro fight being a massive let down. A nut shot then Cage knocks him off the cliff? I deserved better…so does Goro. Regardless, Goro is the obvious choice to be the muscle. Look at his picture for God’s sake!!!
The Crazy: Tony Perkins Heavy Weights
I was 8 years old in 1995 and Heavy Weights was a well-used copy of my VHS collection. My admiration for the film carried well into my college years. It was a good ice breaker during one of the first dates with my now wife. And Tony Perkins was the perfect joke during my first job as a strength and conditioning coach. Perkins would spaz out at just the right moment causing havoc for the local authorities if the stuff hit the fan.
‘Attention campers…lunch has been canceled due to a lack of hustle…deal with it.”
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Before Sunrise: The Best Romance of 1995
20 year ago a little indie came and went out of theaters. It didn’t have much of an affect on the populace but has since grown into a beautiful time capsule. Two people, no cell phones, and a whole lot of pontificating. Before Sunrise is one of my favorite films. It is intelligent, literate, mature and has a deep affection for the two stars. They meet cute, they talk all night and leave you wanting more.
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Roger Ebert summed this movie up perfectly when he said this:
Before Sunrise is about two nice kids, literate, sensitive, tentative, intoxicated by the fact that their lives stretch out before them, filled with mystery and hope, and maybe love
I latched onto Before Sunset because it was something I had never seen before. It focuses on two people talking and walking and it connected with me. Jesse (Ethan Hawke) was out of his league with Celine (Julie Delpy) and it was evident. However, his stream of consciousness talking and earnestness win the day and Celine falls for his charm. When you are living in middle of nowhere Florida and you see something like this it feels like a revelation. I watched Before Sunrise because I randomly bought a VHS of Dazed and Confused and I loved every second of it. So, I hunted down Slacker and Before Sunset (Thank you Blockbuster!) and watched both films on my 12 inch TV/VHS combo player (Thank you Circuit City).
You can look back and scoff at these young kids but that doesn’t make sense. They were young, confident and didn’t know any better. They talked like literate twenty somethings who were caught up in attraction and the locales. Sure, they emote more than normal. However, they were worried about the future, uncertain of the present and enjoying the now. In Before Sunset they looked back and joked about their decision to meet up in six months. However, at that time in their lives it felt right. Jesse and Celine have never been the perfect couple. If you look back to a time in your college years I bet you are still embarrassed about something you said or did.
I related to the characters and Linklater didn’t take it easy on the viewers. The couple ending up going their separate ways and I loved that. People come in and out of our lives and it is easy to fall in love with someone before you know them. These two met again nine years later and had built an idolized version of each other. Before Midnight destroyed their idealized world and brought them crashing to earth (it would happen). Before Sunrise is the foundation for the two critically acclaimed films. Without their meeting and departing we wouldn’t have two amazing stories of love and maturity. It is easy to see why Jesse stayed in Before Sunset.
Sidenote: I had this poster framed on my wall during my college years
Call me an idealist but I don’t want to know what happened to the characters from Dazed and Confused (Wooderson is most certainly in jail). I want some hope and mystery. I love the other two Before films but they delve into the minutiae and selfishness we see all too often. They make problems for themselves and act like communication is a lost art. They spend days talking to other people yet they are growing apart. I don’t need a fairy tale ending but I also don’t need hyper realism. I think that is why Sunrise is my favorite of the three films. There is a naivety and hope to the proceedings. We know the real world will come crashing down but we should embrace the chance encounters and moments that mold who we are.
I love Before Sunrise. It captures a moment in life that many people can relate to and it was one of the first films I watched with my wife. She knew I loved the film so much she did this typography for a school project.
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20 year ago Before Sunrise was unleashed upon the world. It was the foundation for two beautiful films and it still feels relevant today. Enjoy the ride.
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The MFF Random Awards: 1995 Edition! A collection of asthmatic villains, tailored vests and hovercrafts
Hello all. Mark here.
1995 Week continues! I started off the 95 spectacular with a look back at Mallrats and now it is time for the Random Awards!
1995 was a fantastic year for cinema. Toy Story changed animation, Bond was cool again and Nic Cage won an Oscar. Among all the fantastic films there were many random moments that defined a great year of movies. The following post celebrates the randomness of 95 and cherishes the small moments involving skittles, blood explosions and leather jackets.
Look for part two soon and keep checking back for more 1995 awesomeness!
The Roger Ebert “weirdest villain since Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet” Award.
In Kiss of Death Nic cage plays a guy named “little junior brown” He loves acronyms, bench presses strippers and has asthma. Pure gold.
The Tropical Fruit Bubblelicious and Skittles award
Will Smith and Martin Lawrence became legends when they kept their cool, turned the tide on a gunman and requested snacks. I loved this moment when I was a teenager.
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Best death via very long fall and satellite smoosh award
Sean Bean dies often in cinema. He has been blown up, decapitated and decapitated while being blown up. My favorite Bean demise happened in Goldeneye. The dude survives a massive fall then gets smooshed by a massive satellite .
Daniel Craig and Kate Winslet were in A Kid in King Arthur’s Court award (?)
I still can’t believe Daniel Craig had this bowl cut.
Greatest vest ever award
Ed Harris rocks a tailored vest like none other in Apollo 13.
Best usage of blood explosions and horny shadows award
Dracula: Dead and Loving It is an underappreciated gem.
Fat man, tiny coat award
I love Tommy Boy. I feel really bad for the coat.
Best response to an incredibly long answer award
Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Best “eye open” napping award
Major Payne sleeps with both eyes open. Do not plot on him.
Best Jack Black cameo award
I was watching Waterworld a couple years ago and I was shocked to see Jack Black trying to kill Kevin Costner. Too bad he got speared through the leg and crashed one of the last airplanes on the planet. Classic Jack Black!
Best Assasin/priest in a silly outfit award
I really really really really love that Dolph Lundgren played a hitman priest looking to kill Keanu Reeves in Johnny Mnenomic. His outfit looks cobbled together by a madman with a tiny costume budget. I think it works.
If you wear a sweet leather jacket you can easily influence troubled youth award
How do you win over a classroom full of dangerous youth? Wear a sweet leather jacket like Michelle Pfieffer did in Dangerous Minds. The world would be a better place if more people wore awesome leather jackets.
Drew Barrymore was in Batman Forever award?
I remember nothing about Batman Forever.…
Best place to work award
You can lose all the money, have a fake funeral, get stoned on brownies and fix everything via a rock show. Greatest job ever.
Best usage of a hovercraft award
Hovercrafts are normally very boring. However, put Jackie Chan on a hovercraft and magic happens.
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The Evolution of Mallrats: The Blade Runner of Comedies
Being a fan of Kevin Smith is kind of like riding an ever evolving roller coaster. There are ups, down, turns, twists, flips and more of the same. I’ve been a Smith fan for twenty years and I’ve read his books, listened to his podcasts/commentaries and even supported Tusk. He made a name for himself by maxing out his credit cards and directing a grainy black and white film that felt totally fresh. Inspired by Slacker and Reservoir Dogs Smith centered his debut 1994 film around two men and a convenience store. Clerks introduced the world to Death Star contractor death, snowballs and Jay and Silent Bob. Since then he has directed 10 films and recently announced he was making a sequel to his second film Mallrats.
20 years ago Kevin Smith unleashed Mallrats onto the populace. The follow-up to Clerks expanded the View Askew Universe and featured two men milling around a mall dealing with relationship troubles, pretzels and Michael Rooker. It was initially ignored ($2 million at box-office) but has since accrued a cult following of epic proportions. The film exploded on VHS/DVD and was discovered by Smith fans and lovers of comic books.
The main reason I like this film is because of Brodie Bruce (Jason Lee). Brodie was a full-on blowhard who was aware of his insane love of comic books and Sega. He was an outsider who hung out with outsiders and engaged in things that no nerds had done before. Brodie revolutionized what a comic book lover was while still feeling familiar (anti-social, lived with his mom and let his interests define him). However, he was unapologetic, sorta cool and self-aware.
You can tell Mallrats is a cult classic because of the press surrounding the sequel announcement. When Smith alluded to it on Twitter the internet world sorta blew up. He has a massive online following that is split between love/hate and they all had an opinion on the sequel. I recently listened to the Mallrats commentary and in it they called the film “the Blade Runner of comedy.” Blade Runner is a much better film but I get the point. Mallrats was ahead of its time as it discussed Superman having sex, featured a Stan Lee cameo and gave Kevin Smith a stable of actors to work with (Affleck!). I love how uneven it is and after listening to the commentary I understand why it feels so choppy (Smith didn’t edit it), oddly performed (Lots of weed) and scattershot (it was extremely rushed and edited). Perfection it ain’t but it was a glimpse into what was to come and forced Smith to go back to his indie roots and find success with Chasing Amy and Dogma.
Love or hate Kevin Smith he is a self-made machine who has had an eclectic career. He has a massive following because he appealed to the loyal comic/sci-fi/slacker fans early on. He was one of the first directors to feature grown men discussing comic books. They weren’t stereotypical pale/skinny nerds who fit into a neat clichéd box. They were guys who played hockey, got stoned and had attractive girlfriends (common theme).Very rarely did they have anything figured out and for the most part were massive turds. However, they come out the other end as a more mature and sociable comic book fan/slacker.
Mallrats attracted diehard fans because the underdogs were cool and big jerky fellas were made very uncomfortable. I worked comic cons for four years and I’ve witnessed how passionate comic fans are towards things they love. Kevin Smith and his films Clerks, Mallrats and Chasing Amy made the comic world kinda cool. That is why in the peaks (Chasing Amy) and valleys (Cop Out) of Smith’s career his fans have remained loyal and passionate. Fans love it when they feel like they are part of the process. For instance, Firefly and Serenity are a favorite amongst fans because they feel responsible for bringing it back. The massive DVD sales of Firefly allowed Serenity to be made and fans take that as a victory. I think Mallrats has remained popular because of its vocal fan base and that is why the sequel announcement has been so widely covered.
After an AV Club article entitled “Kevin Smith confirms he’s making Mallrats 2 for the amusement of Kevin Smith” hit the web he revealed why he is making the sequel:
Jim Jacks (producer) never fucking lost faith. Even when I would kick Mallrats and make fun of it, Jacks was always the guy going “No man. Know what would be funny and what’s gonna redeem us? Mallrats 2: Die Hard In A Mall.” So it was one of those things that was an ongoing theme in his life.
As I said, he passed away a year ago. I had lost touch with him for quite a few years before that and this was the biggest fucking fan of movies you’ve ever known in your life. And Clerks was the thing that kicked off my career but Mallrats brought me into a complete different world and that movie doesn’t get made without this dude at Universal going, “Let’s make it, let’s make it.” So I felt real shitty about missing the last years of his life and I met some people who were like, “We ate with Jim every fucking Thursday night and he still talked about you.” I hadn’t seen him in years and he was still talking about me and that movie. So a year ago I was sitting here talking about this shit and I was like “I wanna honor the man in some way” and this is how we’re gonna do it. We’re gonna finally make the movie I wish to Christ I made when he was living, man. So we’re finally going to make Mallrats 2.
Smith also had this to say about the sequel on Tucson radio station Rock 102 KFMA:
It kind of came out of nowhere,” Smith continued. “Lately I’ve been doing this thing where I’m like ‘Do you want to do what’s good for your career or do you just want to have fun?’ Nobody’s clamoring for a Mallrats sequel, but I would love to make one. It’s been like 20 years.
I have no clue how the sequel will turn out but I am stoked to learn how Brodie is dealing with the success of the comic book genre. I like that Kevin Smith is doing what he is passionate about because it leads to some very fun experiences.
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The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #3: The Good, the Bad and the AVP of the Alien world
You can download or stream the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker (or wherever you listen to podcasts…..we’re almost everywhere).
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The Audible sponsored MFF Podcast is back with a one-off special! Regular co-host John (the horror leviathon will be back next week!) was off on vacation so I teamed up with the Shark Dropper crew to discuss the six films featuring the classic Alien movie monster. Some are great. Some are good. Some are AVP. We leave no stone unturned as we uncover the truth about behind the back basketball shots and alien cuddles.
Sit back, relax and enjoy philosophical musings about what would happen if a facehugger latched onto a three-toed sloth.
Download the Pod on Itunes or head over to the Shark Dropper website to stream the pod.
Check out are other pods Here and Here
Enjoy! Comment! Share! Celebrate Bill Paxton
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Let’s talk about misleading movie posters, shall we? Misleading movie poster #1: Movie is called Mine Games. The poster has a picture of a cabin in the woods. REALLY?
MY CALL: This B-movie makes an effort, but the director really never transcends its B-moviedom. The best quality of this movie is the unreached potential of its premise. MORE MOVIES LIKE Mine Games: Some reviewers compare this to a movie called Coherence (2013), but I don’t know it. 
Misleading movie poster #2: Here you’d think the theme of the movie was as much linked to Spring Break as a mine.
This flick feels so much like the Friday the 13th (2009) reboot for the first 20 minutes. Not only because modern day Scream Queen Julianna Guill (The Apparition, Altitude) is in it–and playing pretty much the same exact role–but because of the nice log cabin McMansion in the woods they go to for a 20-something vacation. Our 20-somthing group includes the classic Cabin in the Woods (2012) roles of the athlete, the scholar, the fool (stoner), the virgin (in this case, she’s a self-proclaimed spiritually sensitive medium; Rebecca Da Costa of Freerunner), the whore (Guill’s role), and one extra female role in which fellow modern day Scream Queen Briana Evigan (The Devil’s Carnival, Mother’s Day, Sorority Row) plays the straight, serious, concerned girlfriend of a guy who needs to “take his meds” for something that is never explained…making him something of a wild card role. 
Misleading movie poster #3: Is there a tunnel from the cabin to the mine? And “are you ready to play” what exactly? Is this a play on the Jigsaw’s tagline? There’s no “game” to play in this movie. Although the clever similarity to “Mind Games” in this semi-trippy movie obviously explains a lot.
This group is deep in the mountainous woods for a little vacation and partying in a remote location. In the early scenes they drink (some doing so all the time), try to sleep with one another, do drugs, and discover an abandoned mine. This cookie-cutter set up plus two scream queens, along with the fact that we had a sex scene in the first 15 minutes signal us that we are not in for anything deep, original, or intellectually stimulating. This should be a typical, formulaic VideoOnDemand/Direct-to-DVD horror-by-numbers, right? Actually…not quite. 
Yup…this totally looks like a scene from a horror movie that is to be taken seriously. Two girls known for their roles in horror movies (and taking off their clothes in one case) sitting around in bikinis drinking beer from Solo cups. This director clearly had his game face on. SMH
Yes, this movie started out like the Playboy channel was hosting a Coors Light commercial, but we get hints that this will turn out to be something more. Our medicated character has dreams that take place in an abandoned mine shaft, our medium sees “spirits” and the characters venture into the mines to encounter echoes from the future about their fate. Seems like our story is trying to break out of the cookie-cutter mold. 
Bro #1: “Hey look, an abandoned mine.” Bro #2: “Let’s go in. I’m sure it’s totally up to safety standards of the MSHA (Mine Safety and Health Administration).” Bro #1: “Cool. What could go wrong?”
“This is the first time”…for what? This is an example of something that “tries”, then doesn’t get properly executed during the reveal, so it just fizzles out and falls on its face. Good idea; poor execution.
This twisty-turny plot clearly tries and, in premise alone, maybe there was something there—something that could have been good. However, the execution left me desperately wanting something more substantial. It’ll make you think and become hopeful after you lumber through the first act. I just doubt that the thinking will lead you to a satisfying outcome. What’s more is where the execution of this would-be decent premise has failed, the special effects and acting take no part in remedying such malady. The characters make dumb decisions that hardly make sense and even though the story leaves nothing to the imagination, the end still doesn’t necessarily fit the story. 
I have no idea why—and I couldn’t be troubled to look up the reason—but I knew about this movie for a couple years yet was only able to find it on Netflix and Amazon recently. It’s listed as a 2012 movie, but I don’t know who (of the generally movie-going public) saw it before this year. I guess it’s nothing important enough to discuss, though. Just another horror movie unworthy of a theatrical release at the end of the day. It probably had difficulty picking up support somewhere along the process line leading to its release. The same seems to be happening to 7500 (2014, but I knew about it already in 2012 and was looking for it then), which has still not been released in the US but, from what I hear, we’re not missing out on much despite the provocative trailer. When all is said and done, I’d advise skipping this one. You might find some positive reviews, but the reviews are all over the place (evenly distributed from 1 to 5 stars on Amazon). The best quality of this movie is the unreached potential of its premise. 
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The Greatest Walking Moments in the History of Cinema
Hello all. Mark here.
I watched the Wild Bunch recently and it got me thinking about iconic walking scenes. Walking has been overshadowed by running for years and hasn’t been helped by widely spread videos of clumsy Stormtrooper walking.
Watch the guy on the right….
Whether people are talking about Tom Cruise’s running or making films about running (Most recently, Unbroken and McFarland USA) we can’t escape people moving quickly. We’ve been inundated with Forrest Gump running, or Chariots of Fire/Rocky montages for years and I want to change that.
I’ve decided to take on the herculean task (I’m sure he walked) of compiling the greatest cinematic moments featuring walking. The moments can be small scenes, introductions, or cumulative efforts. The one thing they have in common is that they use walking to full effect.
In order to keep this post from featuring hundreds of scenes I’ve cut the list down to 16. Because of the cuts great moments from City Lights, The Shining, Citizen Kane, Gone with the Wind and Stars Wars (I could go on and on) had to be left out. I understand their importance in the pantheon of walking but they didn’t make the cut.
Sidenote: There will be no mention of people walking away from explosions or Lord of the Rings/Hobbit references.
Without further ado here are my favorite walking moments of cinema in no particular order!!!!
1. Bill Murray is the greatest cinematic walker on the planet.
I could talk all day about his walking. However, I will point you to the film Groundhog Day. He walks with so many differing emotions it is astounding. I call this walk below the “happy saunter.”
2. Mel Brooks teaches us how to “walk this way.”
Mel Brooks is my hero.
3. Popeye walks NYC
Popeye pounds more pavement than any other person in the history of cinema. His shoe salesman must love him because I bet he blows out his shoes twice a month whilst pursuing crime. He gets to do this too.
4. The incredibly fast walking of Jason Voorhees
This guy walks so fast you can’t outrun him……
5. The Fly Guy walking of I’m Gonna Git You Sucka
Never has a cool walk gone wrong so fast.
6. Jeff Goldblum’s walking in the end credits of Buckaroo Banzai and Life Aquatic
The dude nails end credit walking.
7. The walk off exits of The Searchers and The Third Man
Ethan (John Wayne) and Allida Valli (Anna Schmidt) show the world the walk off exit. The Searchers and The Third Man feature two of the greatest walking exits in cinema. They are equal parts amazing and gangster. Also, you gotta give it to Schmidt for walking so far.
8. The Walking and Talking of the Before trilogy
Celine and Jesse and the greatest walking and talking couple in the history of cinema. They traverse incredible amounts of ground and still manage to wax poetic.
9. The Catwomen of the Batman world
“Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels.”
Well, the women playing Catwoman did everything Batman did except in skin tight leather outfits and high heels. It takes confidence to walk around knowing that fanboys will be making you a gif for years to come
Thank you fanboys for the gifs!
10. The opening credit walking of Shaft
Who is the man that can walk better than any other man? Shaft!
11. The Wild Bunch and walking into certain death with style
I love the Wild Bunch. This walking scene has been stolen countless times but can never be matched.
Tarantino borrowed it:
12. The introductory walking of Captain Jack Sparrow
The introduction of Captain Jack Sparrow is iconic on many levels. Depp fought for the character and result is more than $3,000,000,000 in world wide box office.
13. Travolta gets his swag on in Saturday Night Fever.
#SWAG. Dude could walk with style.
14. Goodfellas and the amazing steadicam club walking scene
The amount of walking whilst acting blows my mind. Perfection!
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15. The aware walking of Lloyd Dobler
Lloyd Dobler is one of my favorite movie characters. Dude could kick people in the head and still be a really nice dude. I love the walking moment when Lloyd notices the glass in front of Diane Court and he kicks it out of the way. Pure Dobler magic!
The wistful/dreamlike walking in The New World
Terrence Malick is the king of wistful/dreamlike walking. The New World features some of the best wistful/dreamlike walking ever filmed. If you ever want to film yourself walking you need to watch a Malick film.
Honorable mentions:
Nosferatu, Scarface, Leatherface, Bud and Phoebe Cates,
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John’s Horror Corner: Housebound (2014), a dark New Zealand horror comedy that just may be the hidden gem you’ve been looking for
MY CALL: A dark New Zealand horror comedy that just may be the hidden gem you’ve been looking for. MORE MOVIES LIKE Housebound: Dead Alive (1992), although more extreme in all aspects, captured dark New Zealand humor in a similar way.
First things first. This has a cover/poster that makes it look like a home invader movie like The Strangers (2008), some descriptions and reviews that suggest it is a haunted house movie, and it is marketed as a horror comedy. More accurate than anything is that this New Zealand horror flick is a comedy. It smacks of Dead Alive (1992) if you were to turn the gore down from an “11” to a “2” and the utterly zany insanity is much lower as well.
I mean, yes, there is gore. It’s just that it pales in comparison to Dead-Alive.
While advertised as a horror comedy, the first half of this movie will not make that obvious. I found a lot of things funny, but they didn’t seem deliberate in the sense of filming a comedy. It just seemed to be the interesting nature of the characters. However, as the story advanced, so did the obvious intent of the humor therein. And as for the horror, you may jump but this movie is not scary and only playfully creepy.
More than just “playfully creepy” was this Teddy Bear.
The pissy antihero of the story is recently convicted Kylie (Morgana O’Reilly), who is placed under house arrest with her mother and stepfather after she gets caught doing a smash-and-grab job. More like an angry, petulant teenager than a woman in her 20s, Kylie resists her mother’s every attempt to be pleasant, civil, constructive, or generally happy. It seems that Kylie is doing everything she can to make her parents’ lives as miserable as hers. It’s funny to watch this unfold and well-acted, but it’s a little frustrating as well. We really don’t find ourselves rooting for Kylie at this point.
I’m just gonna’ sit here and sulk.
Kylie’s mother (Rima Te Wiata), however, is absolutely delightful. She’s overly pleasant, loves small talk-loving, a bit naïve, and she believes that her house is haunted. All of these things annoy the grumpy Kylie, who is especially antagonistic to her mother’s belief in their ghostly houseguests. Kylie experiences “an encounter” in the basement when investigating a rogue ringing cell phone and insists there is a home invader. Kylie’s mother has other ideas of the nature of this intruder and she’s really cute about her opinion on the matter.
“What was that sound, mum?”
“Probably a ghost, Kylie.”
“Shhhhh! I’m trying to hear the ghosts.”
There to back Kylie’s mother up is Amos (Glen-Paul Waru), a security guard who monitors Kylie’s house arrest and responds to their call about the recent disturbance. When he finds no sign of a break-in or intruder, he suggests the presence of an other-worldly form. Like Kylie’s mother, Amos brings us more comic relief but in a more straight-faced role as an amateur paranormal investigator. He sets up the house with cameras a la Paranormal Activity but don’t worry, the movie does not follow that over-used playbook at all. It takes its own path devoid of found footage, shaky cameras and video analysis.
[CLOCKWISE from top left] Amos goes all Ghost Hunters on the house; an evil Teddy Bear scares Kylie but no one wants to believe her, she tells the police about her disturbances and they just call her probation officer, and her mother “always knew” about the ghosts so Kylie snarls at her a lot.
From here things take a few interesting turns leaving us wondering about the nature of Kylie’s encounter in the basement and several other “weird sounds” in the house. We learn about the disturbing history of the house and murders that took place there when it served as a halfway house for mentally unstable youths. We meet an extremely creepy neighbor. Kylie meets with a therapist (Cameron Rhodes; The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring) who suggests that her overly active mind in her inactive house arrest setting may be playing tricks on her. And with all this piled up on us, people start dying and Kylie becomes a believer in the paranormal. I should warn, however, that one major plot turn rather reduced my interest significantly. It did remain funny, though…even funnier, in fact.
“What’s the creepy neighbor doing? Creepy things?”
Amos finds some old articles about Kylie’s mum’s house.
The “intruder” makes an appearance.
And then we meet this weirdo who looks like a raccoon.
Writer/director Gerard Johnstone does a fine job with his first feature length film and I am eager to see what he does next. After all, perhaps the things I didn’t like about the third act were more a product of taste than quality.
The characters are interesting, fun and quirky…and perfectly acted for this film. The story doesn’t go anywhere we expect. And I laughed a lot among a few unexpected jumps. Part of me wants to call this a gem but I just wasn’t pleased with where the story went in the third act. It got weird in an unexciting way for me (and my company watching it), even though it was a sort of original story element and the humor certainly accelerated for the better.
I’d say you should see this if you enjoy off-color horror comedy. This was just a semi-precious stone for me, but for you it may be just the hidden gem you’ve been wanting.
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