Top 5 Survival Guide
My buddy VJ sent me a random text the other day that simply said “Top 5 characters you would want with you in a survival situation.”
If you’ve read the blog for a while you know we are always putting together top five lists or football teams with movie characters. I love putting the lists together and we’ve actually come up with some great lists. Whether it be a Horror, Sci-Fi, Animated or Romantic Comedy football team. Hofmeyer’s 11 or Desert Island Picks and John’s Island Picks.
VJ eventually sent me his picks
VJ’s Top 5 Survival Movie Characters…
1. Anthony Hopkins “The Edge” He’s old, he’s slow, he’s a billionaire. However he seems to know everything about everything. If I’m lost in the woods I want to be with a guy who knows how to make a compass out of a paperclip and a leaf. Fun fact from the movie: Anthony Hopkins character even knows that most people lost in the woods die of Shame. I had no idea…
2. Ice T “Surviving the Game” Rich guys from the city who hunt bums on the weekends, but this time they chose the wrong bum. Somehow Ice T (who in the beginning is only armed with his bare hands) beats experienced hunters armed with fancy guns, 4 wheelers, and dirt bikes?! That’s a guy I want on my team
3. Burt Reynolds “Deliverance” I think that ones goes without explanation!
4. Kurt Russell “Escape from New York” How can you lose if your guides name is Snake Plissken?! Give him a sidekick named Schmitzky, and I’d be willing to bet those two could get anyone out of any situation
5. My final pic is a bit of a wildcard, but I’m going to go with Johnny Depp’s character from “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” Not really sure why I picked this one, but a guy who can handle that many drugs and make it out of Las Vegas alive, I don’t know just have a good feeling about him…
I really dug VJ’s list and I needed to put together something good. Here it is. Enjoy!
1. The Black Knight-Monty Python and the Holy Grail-The dude can survive without legs and arms. Flesh wounds do not bother him. Actually, he doesn’t seem to feel any pain. He will be just fine surviving on a desert or island.
4. Woody Harrelson-Zombieland– Not only does he survive a zombie apocalypse but he thrives and kicks major butt. the guy manages to kill 200 zombies by himself….Nothing else will ever seem hard. The only downside is that he complains about twinkies.
5. Cillian Murphy-28 Days Later– The dude out runs, kills and survives violent fast rage infected zombies. He also outwits soldiers who are loaded with guns. I’m thinking he could survive anything.
2. Scott Pilgrim. No brainer. He has comic book powers in real life.
3. Ernie Reyes Jr. He kicks ass in Surf Ninja’s and is a badass in The Rundown.
4. Master Splinter. Who is going to fuck with a life-size ninja rat that can talk.
5. Ip Man. Nobody is going to fight with the guy who trained Bruce Lee.
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Moneyball
Moneyball is a mature, moving and funny story of how the Oakland Athletic’s General Manager Billy Beane and Peter Brand were able create a history making team with only 39 million. 39 million may seem like a lot but compared to the New York Yankee’s 120 million you can see the difference.
The 2002 Athletics did not win the World Series but they did win 2o in a row which is the longest streak in baseball history. This team opened up many other organizations eyes. Two years later the Red Sox won the World Series. Also, the Tampa Bay Rays on a shoe string budget made it to the Series in 2008. The years of choosing a guy because he had a good chin or was dating a beautiful woman was mostly over.
Brad Pitt is reliably great as Beane. Jonah Hill gets away from his manic/slacker guy routine and delivers an understated performance that is the perfect pairing with Pitt’s charisma. Together they form a nice team that share many fun scenes.
The movie is similar to The Social Network yet nothing like it. When I first heard David Fincher was making a movie about Facebook I wondered how it would work. I wondered the same thing when I heard about the plot of this film. However, both films work on every level. The tying thread between these films is Aaron Sorkin. He had a hand in writing each one. Some of the scenes of dialogue in Social Network and Moneyball are more exciting than any of the scenes in most of the action films released this summer.
If you like this movie watch the film The Damned United. It is a true story about Soccer coach Brian Clough. Who put together winning teams on a budget. I enjoy the film and director Tom Hooper.
Enjoy Moneyball. Let me know what you think.
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Shark Night 3D
I started Bad Movie Tuesday a year ago to share my love of bad movies. The point of this blog is not to bash bad movies. It is to celebrate them. There is a lot of badness to celebrate within Shark Night 3D.
I am going to include some SPOILERS in this review so don’t read any further if you don’t want to know the twists. I’m pretty certain it is nothing like spoiling The Sixth Sense or Citizen Kane. However, I don’t want to anger readers who would prefer to have their first viewing of Shark Night kept pure.
The film revolves around college students traveling to an island house in Louisiana for a weekend of beer, fun, PG-13 antics , bikinis and bad acting.
Of course, as they travel into town they are welcomed by a racist redneck with sharpened teeth and a guy who I will name Casper Van Dien’s younger brother.
These guys will obviously cause trouble. Any time a bad movie about sharks introduces two scuba diving rednecks with scars you know they will be punks. Also, if a man with sharpened teeth asks you to take a boat ride with him…..run like the wind. Nothing good can come from it and you end up as a shark snack.
One thing I love about this movie is that the sharks are faster than boats and jet skis but can never catch people when they are swimming. Michael Phelps could easily swim away from the sharks but put him on a boat and he is bait. I’m thinking they are like those boxers who fight down to their competition. The swimmers are too easy and they get cocky. However, when they are going fifty miles on a jet ski the sharks can easily get past the human and time their jumps perfectly so they can snag the moving targets mid-air in slow motion.
SPOILER: This dude gets it when he turns around:
The big SPOILER is that the evil rednecks are capturing sharks and bringing them into the lake. These sharks have cameras attached to them and they film the shark attacks and sell them to buyers who pay big money to see women in bikinis get eaten by large aquatic creatures.
The biggest problem is how do they find all of these sharks and deliver them into the river. Where do they hold them? How do they get them back? How can they control them? What happens when people discover sharks in the lake? What if the tapes make it onto YouTube and the victims are recognized and they trace the tapes back to the lake? What happens when all the lake goers swim thus leaving the sharks incapable of catching them?
How do they find the buyers? Do they put ads on Craigslist that say:
“Ever wonder what sharks can do to nubile young women? email us at bigoleredneck@aol.com and find out.”
“Do you like the movie Deep Blue Sea? Well, these tapes are like that but real and illegal.”
“Shark attack videos $300. If you are a cop do not inquire.”
Eventually, a one-armed guy from Baltimore holding a spear challenges a hammerhead shark to a no rules death match. Any time this happens in a film you have to appreciate it. It means that sometime during the writing process the writer goes “I think we should have a one-armed guy fight a shark with a spear.”
The number one thing I love about shark films is that the laws of nature do not exist. Mega Sharks snag planes out of the air, genetically engineered sharks herd scientists at their will and in the movie Jaws 4 the relative of the original Jaws remembers who you are.
The acting in this film is reliably bad. The nerdy guy is a nerd because he wears glasses, the other girl is trouble because she has tattoos. The CGI looks straight out of the 1990s…which I love. all the badness leads to bad goodness which put a smile on my face.
I couldn’t have watched a more perfect film to ring in the one year anniversary of The Moviesfilmsandflix blog!
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Red State
Two things allowed me to appreciate this film.
1. Cop Out– This is one of the worst movies ever made and Kevin Smith directed it. Any film Smith made after this would seem great by comparison.
2. Kevin Smith is a likable guy. I listen to his Smodcast and enjoy all of his commentaries and live appearances. Kevin told a story about a screening he did for Clerks. Smith previewed the movie, then he and producer Scott Mosier discussed the film afterward. After everything Smith overheard a person say “I didn’t like the movie but Smith is a cool guy.”
I’ve listened to Smith talk about Red State a lot. I knew everything about it before I watched it. I know it is a hybrid flick about a crazy religious group based on the Phelps family. It was made on a shoestring budget of four million and Smith promoted it himself.
What I like is that he tried something different. This still is not a complete film but you can tell a lot of love went into it. The cinematography is much better than his latest flicks and he coaxes some excellent performances.
I’m not saying this is a great film or one that the mainstream audience will enjoy. However, I was glad to have finally watched it. This is a Kevin Smith I didn’t think existed after Cop Out. That movie was so safe and boring. Red State is far from boring.
Expect the word F*^* to be used 700 times, expect Michael Parks preaching craziness for a ten minute scene, Expect blood and little bit of torture.
The best part of the film is the ending. I won’t ruin the surprise but it is hilarious and adds welcome levity to a dark subject.
Watch this movie when it comes out on DVD later this month. Let me know what you think. I’d love to hear other peoples opinions.
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The Burrowers
This film is a perfect example of horror filmmaking on a smallish budget.
I’m not saying The Burrowers is a great western/horror film that every horror director should watch before they attempt a low-budget film. People can make a good-looking movie and need not spend millions upon millions. Get a good director of photography, create some unique monsters and build some tension. Horror movie fans are incredibly forgivable if it all doesn’t come together.
This film feels like a Sherman Alexie poem. Monsters kill a family, Settlers and Calvary think it is the indians. They hunt the indians, the indians are the only ones who know how to defeat the burrowers. The monsters put a hurting on everybody in cool ways that build a neat mythology.
The biggest issue I have with the film is the tagline on the poster. It says “Evil will surface.” I’m not sure what makes the burrowers evil. I would make the tagline “Jerky subterranean creatures eat people at night.” To me evil is Michael Myers, the demon from The Excorcist or Rachel McAdams from Midnight in Paris. I would compare these monsters to Jaws, Tremors or the punk creatures from Aliens. They are not evil. They are creatures who do what they do.
Watch the movie on Netflix. Enjoy some new creatures. Let me know what you think.
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Win Win
I love interesting characters. All of my favorite movies feature a plethora of interesting personalities. These are my favorite films. Jaws, Dr. Strangelove, The Royal Tennenbaums, Say Anything, Once and Hot Fuzz. The things that made these movies great were the insistence of creating a world with original humans.
With his three films as proof Director and writer Tom McCarthy knows how to create three-dimensional characters. The Station Agent was a nice film involving three loners played by Peter Dinklage, Bobby Cannavale and Michelle Williams. The Visitor showcased Richard Jenkins and focused on identity and immigration.
Win Win is the story of Paul Giamatti trying to stay afloat. He has a nice family, coaches a wrestling team and has to deal with recently divorced Bobby Cannavale.
The problem is that his law practice is going under. So, he lies and takes an elderly gentleman into his care. He puts the man into a retirement home and keeps the $1,500 a month to himself. Eventually, the older man’s grandson comes into town and Giamatti takes him into his care. The kid happens to be a great wrestler. The rest is a nice story about a guy who has clouded his sense of right and wrong to survive.
Win Win is a small film that manages to create big laughs and small moments that stay with you. The only issue I have with this film is that it ends too easily. It is too neat. However, I’m glad it didn’t end badly because I didn’t want to see any bad things happening to these people.
You like all of the characters. There is humanity in all of them. Jeffrey Tambor is the funniest man alive. Watch this film.
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Safe Men
Hello all. Mark here.
I love Safe Men. Steven Zahn and Sam Rockwell are perfect together, Paul Giamatti looks great in hammer pants and Mark Ruffalo perfected the perfect mustache.
My wonderful girlfriend wrote up a quick review for the film. Enjoy!
Safe Men
That is five reasons to see this movie already! Here are some more:
- Flammable pants, they are no joke kids
- Little Big Fat
- Peter Dinklage cameo For The Win
- and Mark Ruffalo’s mustache…look out for this line “Sweet ‘stache”
Watch Rockwell and Zahn sing and dance, learn about love and death in the hot goods business and laugh your little toosh off at this quirky comedy!
Fun Stuff:
- Get the dvd for this special feature- a short film by the director John Hamburg about independently contracted bomb defusers
- Along these lines (great cast, smart crime comedy, Sam Rockwell) you should definitely watch Welcome to Collinwood
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Taking Chance
Taking Chance
Fact:
- Strobl lived these experiences and wrote the essay that would become this movie. When watching the special features on the dvd, you see that exact quotes from Chance’s friends are woven into the film.
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Bad Movie Tuesday: Tekken
I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed but 99% of the time movies based on video games are bad. I’m thinking there must be a curse or a conspiracy.
You’d think if it came down to simple odds one of these might be good. Some of them are guilty pleasures….the rest are cringe inducing.
House of the Dead, DOA, Mortal Kombat 1 & 2, Super Mario Bros, Double Dragon, Street Fighter, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chung Li, Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark, Tomb Raider 1 & 2, Prince of Persia, Doom, Hitman, In the Name of the King, Resident Evil 1-4, Postal and Max Payne.
The problem with Tekken is that the characters in this film are so blah that you couldn’t care who wins or loses. You have a bunch of assassins and warriors fighting in a post apocalyptic society run by a generic evil company..It should be fun. However, it is super boring due to the fact that it is only mediocre. I can’t even remember the general plot of the film.
Also, I don’t remember who these people were.
This is why Tekken is bad. I can sit through a bad plot with poor writing if the movie has memorable bad characters. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li had Chris Klein’s character called Nash.
You can’t forget about Michael Madsen’s bloated character in Bloodrayne:
I’ve come up with a few fighters that would make Tekken 2 (direct to DVD) a better film.
Sweet Sugar– He fights out of generic corp and has a fighting record of 72-0-8. Sweet Sugar gets his name because he is the prettiest fighter to ever grace a cage. He is the master of the jab because with his reach it is very hard to hit him. In all of his fights Sugar has never been punched in the face due to the fact that he throws at least 7000 jabs a fight and has mastered the use of angles.
In a current fight to the death he hit his opponent with 799 jabs before he finally died.
Mood Swings- Mood Swings is the best Bi-Polar fighter in the world. His constant mood changes make it impossible for his opponents to make a game plan for him. In one fight he cried, laughed, slept, cried, yelled, danced, cried and spun kick…That was in the first round. If anything the drama he provides will give the Tekken tournament a boost.
Ham Sandwich-Despite his girth Ham Sandwich is a violent opponent when he makes weight. He has only done this three times in his ten-year fighting career. However, he won those three fights in 29 seconds combined.
Ham Sandwich was last seen making a triple layer sandwich featuring Black Forest, Honey Baked and Canadian Bacon. He put this on rye, pumpernickel, and wheat. The odd thing is that he included cottage cheese.
Juice Box– The king of smack talk. The original Rock & Trolla, The Catapult of Insult. The only problem with Juice Box is that he spends so much time in front of the computer insulting people he doesn’t train much. His best hope at Tekken will be his ability to psyche out other fighters and cause them to melt down in the cage.
Glass House-The most dangerous fighter in the world….He is also the most injury prone fighter. Two years ago he blew his knee out walking to the ring. His last fight he attempted going to the ring in a bubble but he got lost in the arena and managed to roll down the upper deck stairs. This fall did not injure him. When he tried to step out of the bubble he fell and broke his arm in 17 places.
Mo-Zilla-She is the cutest fighter on the planet. Fighters refuse to punch her. Mo always goes for a nice hug but quickly knocks out the fighter when they have outstretched arms. Floyd Mayweather Jr. picked up this move from her.
I’m not saying these characters will make the movie better. I’m just saying it will make it more memorable. That is what makes a truly bad movie good.
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You Gotta See This
I love the film Once. I love the soundtrack. I love the Swell Season. Glen and Marketa are great together….However, they broke up. This documentary chronicles their time together. Can’t wait to see this@
Movies, Films & Flix 