MFF Data: A Totally Unnecessary Breakdown of the In The Heart of the Sea Movie Poster
Quick note: The math isn’t exact. There’s no way to know how large the whale is. However, it’s an educated guess and I’m happy with it. Also, clearly the advertisements were trying their hardest to sell the movie. I love the posters because they most certainly place a person in the worst imaginable place ever.
I recently watched the fun creature feature Underwater (that you should check out if you like cool monsters), and while researching the film I came across a poster that made me laugh. In the poster, an unlucky person is in an insane amount of trouble because they’re seemingly staring down the mother of all kaiju. The movie poster got me thinking about the insane promotional posters for the 2015 film In the Heart of the Sea.
The In the Heart of the Sea poster showcases a man who is also in a comical amount of trouble. He’s swimming deep in the ocean, and in front of him is a massive albino sperm whale that is eyeballing him. The sperm whale is justifiably pissed because the dude was trying to harpoon him, and it looks as if the whale is about to have an extremely tiny snack. I understand that this poster is meant to draw audiences in with the promise of a gigantic whale, however, the marketing team went a bit overboard and created a kaiju.
So, since I’m a maniac who loves to pursue and write about weird data that not one person on this earth needs, I decided to take a guess at how big the whale in the poster is. How? My best chance for an educated guess would be to figure out how large a sperm whale’s eyes are. Then, I’d do some math, to figure out the total length. Easy.
Here’s another poster that showcases the impossibly large whale.
After doing some research on the Encyclopedia Britannica website, I learned it’s possible for a sperm whale to reach 62-feet in length (which is huge). There’s no concrete data on eye size (zero – I repeat), so I analyzed a scale picture of a sperm whale, and I’m guessing its eye is 7.15 inches long (which is close to some estimates).
Let’s say the whale’s eye in the poster is eight-feet long (96 inches). I’m saying eight feet because if that’s Chris Hemsworth in the water, who is 6’3 (6 feet, 3 inches), the eye is much larger than he is. If we stick with the math from before, it means the whale in the poster is somewhere around 832 feet long.
This makes me really happy. Why? It’s a 832-foot long whale on a movie poster promoting a movie about an 85-foot whale. It’s totally misleading, and I love it.
The movie poster whale is much larger than the whale in the movie.
Final thoughts: I wish it was a movie about Chris Hemsworth, Tom Holland, and Cillian Murphy battling an 832-foot whale. However, it isn’t, and I’m just going to watch The Meg, Underwater or Pacific Rim again.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week Chris Kelly (of the Classic American Movie podcast) joined us to discuss the 2015 body horror film Patchwork. Directed by Tyler MacIntyre, this bloody cult classic focuses on revenge, murder, and gross special effects. In this episode, we discuss Frankensteined creatures, gross eating, frat fights, and blood explosions. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the episode!
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Check out our new Final Fights podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spreaker, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
Please rate, review and subscribe to the Final Fights podcast!
We have a new podcast! Our Final Fights series about the epic final brawls in classic action films did so well on our flagship Movies, Films and Flix podcast, we decided to give them their own show.
So far, we’ve discussed the final fights in The Night Comes for Us, Commando, Blade, Man of Steel, Rocky, Equilibrium, Rob Roy, Aliens, Van Helsing, Aquaman, Snatch and Speed!
We also have a bunch of fun episodes about Rocky 2, The Count of Monte Cristo, Demolition Man, Revenge of the Sith, Empire Strikes Back, Blade 2, Haywire, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Bloodsport coming up!
Please rate, review or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!
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John’s Horror Corner: Decoys (2004), a Species-LITE (1997) knock-off playing on American Pie (1999) sex-comedy gags.
MY CALL: If combined an R-rated teen sex comedy and a discount version of Species (1997), this would be that movie. This weakly written script includes weak CGI effects, nudity, tentacle sex, and college humor. MORE MOVIES LIKE Decoys: While not quite in the same league, I’d liken this horror comedy to movies like The Hazing (2004). But for something similar yet serious, I’d turn to Species (1997) and sequels.
New to campus, college freshmen Luke (Corey Sevier; The Immortals, Decoys 2, Metamorphosis) and Roger (Elias Toufexis; Bitten, The Expanse) are looking to party and lose their virginity. After meeting their overtly sultry down-the-hall-neighbors Lilly (Stefanie von Pfetten) and Constance (Kim Poirier; Decoys 2, American Psycho II, Dawn of the Dead), the boys are infatuated! But a little peeping-Tom-ery reveals these co-eds are more than they appear. Way more.
The movie wastes no time with its crass over-sexualization, nudity and humor. The special effects are weak, primarily in the form of outdated CGI tentacles flailing from our succubus’ chest and plunge down hapless horny male victims’ throats a la Species (1997)–and like Species, their true form is monstrous. Essentially, the plot is that a dying all-female alien species has come to Earth to mate with men and repopulate their kind.
After the first frozen-victim bodies appear (because, for some reason, the victims freeze like a T-1000 in liquid nitrogen), Detectives Watts (Nicole Eggert; The Haunting of Morella, Baywatch) and Kirk (Richard Burgi; Hostel II, Green Inferno, Friday the 13th) pick up the case. Meanwhile, our horny protagonists’ friend-zoned Alex (Meghan Ory; Dark House, Vampire High) tries to keep the boys from making poor decisions.
The “scares” are horribly executed, resulting in a more laughable tone—but maybe that was on purpose. To that end, this is more horror-comedy than horror. Some weak attempts at American Pie (1999) humor and the general levity of much of the dialogue make that intent clear. This wanders into some pretty silly territory as alien ladies romantically fall for their prey and others get rendition-like interrogations. And apparently these sympathetic temptress aliens don’t necessarily want to hurt anyone, but the tentacular murderous effect of copulating with them is purely involuntary. How is this not advertised as a horror-comedy?
Writer/director Matthew Hastings (Painkiller Jane, The Originals, Shawdowhunters) certainly made something entertaining, almost in a guilty-pleasure way even though this doesn’t get too raunchy with its nudity. The effects and writing were distinctly not good, but I never found myself too bothered by that. I also might have chuckled in satisfaction at the surprise ending. I wouldn’t recommend this, but I wouldn’t necessarily warn people away from it either. The key is understanding what this movie actually is—a horror comedy.
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John’s Horror Corner: We Summon the Darkness (2019), an “okay” movie about heavy metal, Satanic cults and domestic mayhem in the 1980s.
MY CALL: This “somewhat” good flick is feisty murderous fun. But it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before… and we’ve seen it largely done better and more creatively elsewhere. Still, while I was honestly disappointed by the lack of gore and intensity, this still offers good performances and good energy. MORE MOVIES LIKE We Summon the Darkness: Movies that did much better jobs of depicting Satanic Cults and their shenanigans along with a good sense of humor include Ready or Not (2019), The Babysitter (2017), maybe Satanic Panic (2019) and Jennifer’s Body (2009). Another good one, minus any humor, would be House of the Devil (2009).
Driving through 1980s Indiana on their way to a heavy metal concert, Alexis (Alexandra Daddario; Burying the Ex, Texas Chainsaw 3D), Val (Maddie Hasson; Impulse) and Bev (Amy Forsyth; Channel Zero, Hell Fest) hear some startling news on the radio. Apparently, members of a Satanic cult have been on a killing spree across the Midwest, leaving 18 dead bodies and Satanic symbols in their wake.
Our trio of protagonists quickly meet a playful trio of fellow metalheads at the concert. After the concert, Mark (Keean Johnson; Alita, Spooksville), Kovacs (Logan Miller; Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, Escape Room 1-2) and Ivan (Austin Swift) join the ladies to their family country McMansion to keep the party going. But after a drinking game gets a little out of hand, a battle (to the death) of the sexes kicks off complete with stabbing, harsh language and cattiness. But, in terms of gore, there’s little worth mentioned—and that was very disappointing.
Director Marc Meyers (My Friend Dahmer) and writer Alan Trezza (Burying the Ex) weren’t trying to reinvent the wheel here. This is fun, but it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before. That said, the entire does well and I enjoyed the small Johnny Knoxville (Polar, Men in Black II) role.
Lots of blood, action, feisty murderous shenanigans and catty drama maintain decent pacing as sides change and tides turn. There’s a good energy to this movie… buuuuuut it’s nothing that’s going to stick with you like Ready or Not (2019) or The Babysitter (2017). Nope. The performances are good, but none are memorable; the writing is fine, but nothing is inspired; and deaths and action were entertaining enough, but nothing was shocking. This falls more in the territory of Satanic Panic (2019); very fun and worthy of your time, yet very little need (if ever) to revisit it.
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John’s Horror Corner: Sea Fever (2019), a highly infectious, atmospheric and interesting sea creature feature.
MY CALL: I found this film consistently interesting and immersive in atmosphere. This was a very satisfying viewing for me. Strongly recommended for lovers of sea monster cinema and patient creature features. MORE MOVIES LIKE Sea Fever: For more creature feature horrors at sea, check out Underwater (2020), Cold Skin (2017), Harbinger Down (2015), The Bay (2012), Virus (1999), Deep Rising (1998), The Rift (1990), Deepstar Six (1989), Leviathan (1989) and, although all Sci-fi and no horror, I’d still strongly recommend The Abyss (1989).
A young introverted scientist specializing in marine ecological patterns, Siobhán (Hermione Corfield; Slaughterhouse Rulez, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies) joins a marine expedition for her graduate research.
The ship is run by Freya (Connie Nielsen; Gladiator, Wonder Woman, Mission to Mars, Soldier) and Gerard (Dougray Scott; The Vatican Tapes, Hemlock Grove, Dark Water, Perfect Creature), and crewed by the gruffly seasoned yet kind Ciara (Olwen Fouéré; Mandy), Johnny (Jack Hickey; Penny Dreadful), Sudi (Elie Bouakaze) and Omid (Ardalan Esmaili; Greyzone).
Although a talented up-and-coming marine biologist, Siobhán is rather filterless, so she doesn’t make fast friends. And being a redhead, the seafarers consider her bad luck. If only they knew the movie in which they were trapped.
The tone takes a hard starboard turn from adventurous to worrisome when the ship seems to hit “something” and the integrity of the hull becomes questionable. Some investigation reveals very large bioluminescent lamprey-like organisms stuck to the boat, but they are connected to a mythically-huge Charybdis-like anemone-jellyfish monster deep below.
As some sort of infection sets in among the crew, eyes burst in spraying gouts and everyone understandably gets paranoid. This monstrous parasite spreads innocuously in their water supply. Meanwhile, the crew try to assign blame, reconcile their own guilt, learn whether or not they’re infected, and figure out how to get back home. As their numbers dwindle, the stakes rise and there is little hope. Some scenes reminded me of The Thing (1982), Slugs (1988) and Night of the Creeps (1986), but not in any copycatting or campy sense.
Written and directed by Neasa Hardiman, this interesting film strikes victory for both women in horror and Irish horror. And not just for Hardiman’s direction, but the film overall. The shots of the ship and its wake in the piceous ocean were simply stunning. The performances were on point. And I enjoyed the special effects and creature effects, with ample monstrous slimy goo and actually good-looking CGI sea creatures. But when the horror and gore set in, I was especially pleased.
IRISH HORROR SIDEBAR: For more Irish horror movies check out Leprechaun Origins (2014), Leprechaun 2 (1994), Leprechaun (1993), Rawhead Rex (1986), Isolation (2005), Grabbers (2012), Cherry Tree (2015), Holidays (2016; St. Patrick’s Day segment), The Hallow (2015) and Hole in the Ground (2019).
I found this film consistently interesting and immersive in atmosphere. This was a very satisfying viewing for me, and just days after seeing (and loving) Underwater (2020). Strongly recommended for lovers of sea monster cinema and patient creature features.
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John’s Horror Corner: Underwater (2020), a healthy dash of The Abyss (1989) and a deep sea secret ingredient…
MY CALL: I really enjoyed this! It’s no classic or anything, but it’s very well-made, well-acted, well-written and boasts excellent visuals and energy. MORE MOVIES LIKE Underwater: For more strangeness at sea, go for The Abyss (1989) or Cold Skin (2017).
36,000 feet deep, under tons of pressure and reaching the Mariana Trench a company managed to build a deep-sea mining facility. And not ten minutes into the movie the worst possible thing that could happen happens: there’s “a leak.” Running, screaming, compressions, explosions… in lieu of anything resembling an introductory first act the excitement starts right away and the urgency sets in fast as crewmen navigate collapsed hallways to escape flooding, crawl through claustrophobic crevices passing a harrowingly dead comrade, and burrow through cement rubble to save another.
Our survivors include Norah (Kristen Stewart; Snow White and the Huntsman, Jumper, The Messengers), Captain (Vincent Cassel; Westworld, Brotherhood of the Wolf, Black Swan), Paul (T.J. Miller; Deadpool 1-2, Ready Player One, Cloverfield), Rodrigo (Mamoudou Athie; The Circle, Jurassic World: Dominion), Smith (John Gallagher Jr.; 10 Cloverfield Lane, Hush, The Belko Experiment) and Emily (Jessica Henwick; Game of Thrones, Godzilla vs. Kong, Iron Fist, Star Wars Episode VII).
Faced with impending crushing doom if they remain, Captain advises they all “walk” miles across the ocean floor to another work site despite the tremendous danger in doing so. But however dire things may seem, this is where things get fun. Sure, Norah and Captain are our brass tacks pragmatists, but Paul (Miller) is here to bring moments of levity in the form of dry humor—and I love him for it. As their suit spotlights blare but fade into the distance of sea dust and darkness, we feel tiny and consider what lies in the dark depths beyond their lights’ reach. Giant squids or other sea monsters, Lovecraft’s Dagon and his deep ones, toe-pinching crabs… or nothing more than dive suit crushing water pressure and a limited oxygen supply?
Director William Eubank (The Signal) delivers an energized movie based more on event and action than story or character arc. And everything about this movie was good. The mining facility sets look good, I love the CGI depths, the deep sea suits look great, and when someone dies you feel it (more gut-punching shock than emotional loss). In fact, the occasional dead body or death scene will take you quite off guard.
I really enjoyed this. But make no mistake, there is no depth to the plot. The plot is suuuuper basic. But that also doesn’t matter because I liked the appearance and performances and writing (for characters) and the events were exciting and the effects were cool. Solid Friday night popcorn flick. Watch it with the lights off since so many scenes are dark and any glare from a light in the house will hurt the experience.
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John’s Horror Corner: The Suckling (1990; aka Sewage Baby), a very schlocky, very gory mutant monster baby B-movie.
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
This is a gory, insensitive movie with highly inappropriate imagery
about a mutant monster fetus!
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
MY CALL: This movie is highly inappropriate (particularly in the first 20-30 minutes… and I liked it much more than I should have. Definitely an excellent choice for lovers of gory 80s schlock. MOVIES LIKE The Suckling: For more baby horror, try The Unborn (1991), The Unborn II (1994), Grace (2009), The Night Feeder (1988), It’s Alive (1974), It’s Alive II: It Lives Again (1978), It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive (1987), the remake of It’s Alive (2009); and for pregnancy horror go for Rosemary’s Baby (1968), Demon Seed (1977), Inside (2016), Inside (2007), Still/Born (2017) and Good Manners (2017; As Boas Maneiras).
After awakening from a dream including a topless murder-nurse, a surgical abduction and a homicidal doctor, we learn that a young mother-to-be (Lisa Petruno; Troma’s War, Galactic Gigalo) was the sole survivor of a brutal brothel massacre. As her story is recounted, she was planning to give her unborn child up for adoption. But pressure from her boyfriend led her to an illegal abortion business… in of a brothel.
After the procedure, the fetus is literally flushed down the toilet and, like some 80s “alligator in the sewer” fare, the twisted writhing fetus comes into contact with toxic waste. Shortly thereafter, and in the worst possible taste, the woman who performed the operation cleans off her bloody coat hanger of some fleshy morsels and then uses it to hang up her lab coat!
The early monster baby creature reminds of NOES 5: The Dream Child (1989)—and boy do we see a lot of it. In an awesomely gross (and rather uncomfortable) scene, the slimy monster fetus writhes and pulsates like an uncoordinated Pinocchio had just become a real boy and was skinned alive just at the time the Budget-version of the Event Horizon (1997) encountered her farthest reaches of the Universe. As it continues to develop, its digits rot away and flesh is lost—looking more like discount-baby-Frank from Hellraiser (1987). Next thing you know, it’s grown into some demonic beast like The Terror Within (1989), but even cooler in this case!
Once fully formed, this monster looks awesome! As far as rubber monster suits of the 80s, this ranks really high. As if laughing at its own lunacy, this massive monster basically teleports through the household plumbing of its creation to terrorize the brothel inhabitants and pick them off one by one with its hook-like limbs and prehensile umbilical cord. The first death scene is a brutally sloppy decapitation. However humble the budget, the gore and creature effects are ample. And, totally inexplicably, the end scene features a crazy gore-slathered face-melting scene.
Much as in The Unborn (1991), abortion is the real villain of our allegory… or maybe it’s the environmental dangers of improper toxic waste disposal. I guess both were new-on-the-scene hot-button issues back in 1973, the setting of the movie.
I’m really not sure why writer/director Francis Teri never made another movie. As grotesque and inappropriate as it may be, it’s also kind of amazing. Baby horror typically crosses at least some moral lines, but this is more like The Greasy Strangler (2016) of baby horror… only it’s less deliberately funny and not nearly as well-made. Still, I had way too much fun with it.
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The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re talking about the 2018 blockbuster Aquaman. Directed by James Wan (Saw, The Conjuring, Furious 7) and starring Jason Momoa, this bombastic and slightly insane big-budgeted film made over a billion dollars at the box office and proved massive films could be really weird. In this episode, we discuss laser sharks, underwater battles and the excellence of Dolph Lundgren. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the episode!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
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Examining Six Moments That Feature Our Favorite Marvel Cinematic Universe Characters Being Jerks
While rewatching all 23 Marvel Cinematic Universe films for a recent data piece (read it here!), I came across six moments that feature superheroes being super jerks. There’s nothing especially egregious about these moments, however, they provide evidence that Happy Hogan, Captain Marvel, Thor, Tony Stark, Peter Quill and Captain America can be brats who take no issue with casual destruction, jealousy or littering.
None of these moments matter in the grand scheme of the MCU, I just wanted to point out some cheeky moments.
Spider-Man: Far From Home – Happy Hogan lands a plane on top of beautiful tulips
There is a moment in Spider-Man: Far From Home when Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) is picking up Peter Parker (Tom Holland) after he’s had a terrible day/night. It’s a nice scene that features the two very likable characters bonding. However, the problem is, Happy lands his plane in a beautiful tulip field, which sends many of them flying. Couldn’t he have parked in another place? It’s a jerk move considering how tulips are big tourist attractions. I guarantee he didn’t pay the tulip farmer.
Case for Happy – He is super worried about Peter and doesn’t care about the tulips. He wants to protect the kid.
Case against Happy – Don’t park in a tulip field. Make the kid walk an extra 100 yards.
Captain Marvel – Carol Danvers destroys a jukebox
I’m totally cool with Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) stealing a jerky motorcyclists ride after he made rude comments towards her. However, I’m still not quite sure why she decided to destroy a jukebox to showcase her powers for Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson). A fully stocked jukebox with about 100/200 CD/records would cost at least $2000. It’s a jerk move, and I doubt the restaurant owner was repaid.
Case for Captain Marvel – Um……It’s better than blowing up the entire bar or kitchen.
Case against Captain Marvel – It’s a legit jerk move. Also, she seems very pleased that she cost a small business a jukebox.
Thor – Thor flips a gigantic table
I understand why Thor (Chris Hemsworth) flips the gigantic wooden table in the first Thor movie (He’s pissed off….). However, the Asgardians are going to have a heck of a time getting the table off its side. It’s a gigantic table loaded with cutlery, food and golden chalices, and I don’t envy the people who will have to muscle it back in place. His breaking of the coffee mug is super jerky too.
Case for Thor – He’s a god who is used to doing what he wants without consequence.
Case against Thor – He’s a god who is used to doing what he wants. The dude doesn’t care about the underlings.
Iron-Man 2 – Tony dumps strawberries on the floor
Of all the jerk moves in this list, this is the least egregious. But, it’s still a jerk move so I had to include it. There is a moment in Iron Man 2 that features Tony (Robert Downey Jr.) spilling a bunch of strawberries on the floor (end of clip). It’s cool that he gave the guy selling the strawberries an incredibly expensive watch for the strawberries. However, he just dumps them on floor when he gets to Pepper Pott’s (Gwyneth Paltrow) office. I get that he owns the building, it just shows he doesn’t care that people have to pick up the mess.
Case for Tony – Compared to Ultron, dropping strawberries on the floor is a minor issue.
Case against Tony – It’s inconsiderate and a waste.
Guardians of the Galaxy – Peter Quill is a jerk to a nice lady
The opening of Guardians of the Galaxy features, Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) being a charming cad who dances around, and is capable of escaping badass villains. However, when he gets back in his ship, he is super rude to a woman when he tells her that he “totally forgot about her.” I get that the scene is meant to establish that he is a “cool” womanizer who hooks up with many women (and does weird Jackson Pollack-esque stuff in his ship), but, it’s super jerky that he would be so brusque towards her.
Case for Peter – He just survived a dangerous mission and might not be thinking.
Case against Peter – Come on man….You didn’t have to say it like that. Don’t be a jerk.
Captain America: The First Avenger – Cap shows zero appreciation towards the people helping him out
In order to save some captured soldiers, Peggy (Hayley Atwell) and Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper) grab a plane and transport Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) over enemy territory. It’s crazy dangerous, and very brave of Howard and Peggy. During this time, Steve doesn’t say “thank you,” he gets jealous about Peggy and Howard having “fondue,” and then gives her orders. It’s a jerk move.
Case for Cap – Dude is super serious and not sure how to act around women.
Case against Cap – Peggy and Howard are risking their lives to help you. Show some appreciation.
Obviously pointing out these moments is meant in a tongue-in-cheek manner. I just wanted to share these slightly jerky moments in hopes of making you chuckle. Did I miss any?
Movies, Films & Flix 