Bad Movie Tuesday: The Best Worst Sequels Round 4
The 32 have become four. Four films that are so bad they’ve become awesome. The badness is appreciated and celebrated. These battle hardened films (check out rounds 1, 2, 3) all share one thing in common. They are the third films in wildly successful series. It proves that the second film is always louder and the third is always dumber. Blade Trinity, Matrix Revolutions, X-Men: The Last Stand and Jurassic Park 3 are ready to rumble and win by any means necessary. Will raptors who speak to each other defeat Jessica Biel and her battle headphones? Can Trinity’s 77 minute death monologue put The Juggernaut to sleep?
Before I start with the polls I would like to discuss a scene from X-Men: The Last Stand. A man with regenerating arms is fighting Wolverine. Wolverine cuts off his arms time after time and the man keeps coming after him with a smile on his face and a snicker coming from his mouth. What is Wolverine’s solution? He kicks the regenerating man in the balls. What I love is that somebody wrote that and they actually filmed it! It is dumb incarnate and kinda soul crushing. X-Men: The Last Stand made me long for the Daredevil and Elektra days where Colin Farrell was flicking peanuts in old ladies mouths. The great thing is that it is still 10 minutes shorter than Trinity’s death speech in Matrix Revolutions.
Sidenote: I have only watched The Matrix Revolutions once. I have no clue how long the death scene was but it felt like a lifetime. All I could think about were the 17 steel poles that exploded through her chest. In a world of computers inside computers and a savior named Neo battling machines in Zion the only unbelievable thing was that scene.
Can long death scenes and nut shots conquer incredibly smart raptors and a wise cracking Ryan Reynolds? Does anybody remember Wesley Snipes in Blade: Trinity? I do remember that Parker Posey convinces the FBI that Blade has killed 1,182 people. I remember the oddness of listening to headphones while fighting hundreds of vampires. I remember a lot of walking in slow motion.
Did I mention that Raptors speak to each other in Jurassic Park III. I was hoping for subtitles so I could get a glimpse into these brilliant creatures minds.
Raptor 1: Wasn’t he in the first film?
Vote! These bad movies need your support. Why? Without all of this fabulous badness these movies would just be bad. Great movies win Oscars. Terrible movies win Razzies. What do good bad movies win? This tournament is a start. The raptors would have lots to talk about.
Vote! Tell me why you voted. Comment. Like. Share. Thanks!
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Headhunters
Headhunters is a violent and twisty tale of Norweigan ultra violence. It features images so insane you laugh then feel bad about laughing. It is like a Norweigan Coen Brothers movie with more blood and hair product. The biggest problem I have writing this review is I don’t want to wreck the fantastic moments. The film was a breath of fresh air because I knew nothing about it other than Total Film and Empire gave it four stars. I also knew that they were already planning an English remake that wouldn’t do it justice. I don’t see how they could keep the insanity so enjoyable and madcap.
Headhunters is the story of an insecure yet successful headhunter who occasionally steals expensive art. He steals art because he is afraid that his leggy blond wife will leave him if he doesn’t supply her with diamonds and a really expensive house. His 5’6 stature causes an extreme little man syndrome and he feels threatened by the guy who plays Jamie Lannister talking to his wife so he makes the poor decision to steal from him.
What follows is a cat and mouse game with escalating consequences. Despite the blood, impaling and fecal matter the film has a wild zany side to it. It is a madcap chase film that spirals so far out of control you never know what to expect. Empire summed it up in this review:
“A slick thriller which takes place in a moral vacuum. It’s fascinating rather than exciting, but makes for chilly thrills with two strong, charismatic lead performances, a great deal of style and amusingly repulsive, ruthless twists.”
I love that lead actor Aksel Hennie plays up his 5’6 stature. You would never see Tom Cruise or similar American celebrities playing someone their size. Aksel is a confident persona that finds ways to be unlikable and redeeming. He plays off all the emotions perfectly as he resourcefully and creatively avoids death and angry dogs.
Headhunters is a wonderful addition to recent foreign films such Let the Right One In, I Saw the Devil and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. It features strong storytelling and has a warmth towards the characters. The relationships have depth and the humor isn’t forced. Watch this film before the remake because I doubt it will capture the insane magic this film accomplishes.
Watch. Comment. Appreciate the Norwegian zaniness.
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Dredd 3D
Dredd 3D is incredibly violent, well acted and introduces us to a fantastic world. This film is a wonderful journey into a new world and Karl Urban has the perfect chin to lead us into the fray.
Many years in the future the world has been reduced to scorched earth. What remains has been forced into several super cities. Dredd inhabits Mega City One. A city that runs from Boston to Washington D.C. that holds 800 million people. Mega City One looks like any other city except for the 200 story towers that hold 75,000 people. These slums are run by various gangs and a new drug called Slo-Mo. The most powerful gang in a particular tower called Peachtree is Mama’s gang. One day they kill three rival gang members and drop them 200 stories. Dredd and his rookie partner Anderson are called in to make the judgement. What follows is action at it’s best and most creative.
Lena Heady (Game of Thrones, 300) is the viscously monotone leader of the Peachtree tower gang and they produce Slo-Mo (slows the body down to 1% of normal speed). Mama is the perfect foil for Dredd because she is capable enough to take over a block tower but in over her head when she takes on Dredd. I love that she is not a supervillian. Just a woman who killed her way up the ranks and can only be stopped by someone who does the same. She is kind of like Batman’s nemisis The Scarecrow (Read my piece on him). She can challenge him but never defeat him.
Olivia Thirlby (The Darkest Hour) does a fantastic job as Dredd’s partner Anderson. She plays her rookie role with equal parts confidence and hesistance. She is never a hindrance and her her psychic ability is handled intelligently. By the end of the film you are rooting for the partnership of Dredd and Anderson.
Dredd is a simple film. However, a lot went into keeping it simple. The set design is perfectly grunge and the cinematography by Anthony Dod Mantle (Slumdog Millionaire) captures the expense of the high rise and claustrophobia of the dimly lit halls.
What I love most about this film is this just another day for Dredd. He has been there and killed that before. The film avoids the origin story and goes straight for the gun fights. He uses his training and skills to outmaneuver, outsmart and outscowl every drug dealer around. He knows their aim is crap and his is better. There is never fear only determination to get the job done. I’d have to watch the movie again but it seems believable how he dispatches the bad guys.
The $40 million dollar film was shot in South Africa and reminded me more of District 9 type science fiction. It is serious with dark comedy. It will draw inevitbale comparisons to the fantastic Indonesian film The Raid. They are both urgent, bloody and action packed. The plot forces them to move in ways that are not forced. To live you always stay on the move. This is the film that the Punisher flicks wanted to be. Dredd doesn’t compromise the character like Sylvester Stallone’s Judge Dredd did. That film took a comic approach and was wonderfully lampooned on The How Did This Get Made podcast (listen to it here). Dredd was made with love of the source material and appreciation of the bombastic gore. If you ever are bored and in the mood for some fantasticly violent films watch The Raid, Dredd and the Norwegian film Headhunters. They juggle humor, character and explosions with maturity and zaniness.
Dredd is a wild ride. I hope this film makes enough money to justify a sequel because everyone involved created a world worth revisiting. A world without the Gotham monologues and the managerial skills of The Avengers. Dredd is a love letter to it’s fans. I appreciate that.
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The Innkeepers
Full of dread, tense and interesting to look at. The Innkeepers is a film that will annoy the impatient and reward true horror buffs. Patience is a virtue that is rewarded with a beautiful looking haunted house story that is simply effective. The old school poster portrays the vibe this film achieves. It is more Hitchcock and Shining than Saw and Boogeyman.
The director Ti West has been making a name for himself in the horror genre with House of the Devil and The Innkeepers. His slow burning and tense films have accumulated critical and horror aficionado praise. Roger Ebert is officially going the way of the West:
“He’s an admirer of classic horror films and understands that if there’s anything scarier than a haunted house, it’s a possibly haunted house. The film may provide an introduction for some audience members to the Hitchcockian definition of suspense: It’s the anticipation, not the happening, that’s the fun.”
After Shark Night I was amazed to see the acting capabilities of Sara Paxton. She does a fantastic job when she isn’t dealing with angry rednecks, tiny bikinis and hungry sharks. Much like Elizabeth Olsen she is interesting to look at and holds the screen while looking scared. She also doesn’t have to wear a tank top like Jennifer Lawrence, Elizabeth Olsen and Jessica Chastain do in their recent and upcoming horror films (House at the end of the Street, Silent House, Mama). The Innkeepers is not a “Tank Top Horror” film.
The story centers around two employees who are working the final week of the famous Yankee Pedlar Inn in Torrington, Conn. The place is due to close in a week and they pass the time searching the Inn for ghosts.
The two act as part time ghost hunters out of boredom and would much prefer to hang out than actually look for ghosts. They have a friendly relationship due to their mutual complacency and lack of ambition. They don’t know if they believe in ghosts but the Inn provides ample opportunities for the two to hear squeaks and moans while exploring the long corridors and dark corners.
If you are interested in the horror genre and it’s new creators you should check out The Innkeepers. Ti West is a man you should watch. He genuinely appreciates the finer things in horror storytelling which is nice because not only do you have a good movie but you get legitimate scares. Do yourself a favor. Turn off the lights and immerse yourself in the story.
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The Babymakers and a Broken Lizard
The Babymakers was directed by Broken Lizard member Jay Chandrasekhar. Jay is responsible for the fantastic Super Troopers, Club Dread, Beerfest and episodes of Arrested Development and Community. He is a likable director and is capable of great work and the occasional soul crushing remake (Dukes of Hazard). After watching this film I’m not sure what the directing appeal was. Maybe he was bored? Maybe he wanted to hang with his buds? Maybe he really wanted to direct a sperm bank robbery? What this film is sorely lacking are the other members of his comedy troupe Broken Lizard.
Jay does fine on his own which is evident in his television work. However, when it comes to directing a feature length film it is clear that his co-conspirators help in the molding of the hi-jinks. This movie replaces humor with nut shots and looks like it was filmed on wax paper.
It seems Jay and fellow BL member Kevin Heffernan were bored (guess) and wanted to do something for a couple of weeks (probably not the case). So, they found a script about a sperm bank robbery and shot it in nine days. They called up Olivia Munn and Paul Schneider and checked their availability. Then they called up some other friends and before they knew it the film was done and edited. Then, they started promoting Olivia Munn heavily and released a decent red band trailer.
To be fair I’ve never made a film when I was bored so I can’t hate too much. However, with all of the talent involved it should have been so much more than a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. For instance, you have Avon from The Wire, the funny sister from Hot Tub Time Machine, the guy who co-wrote the Descendants, the earnest guy from Parks and Rec and the always reliable Kevin Heffernan.
The Babymakers has a couple laughs. For instance, the scene where Nat Faxon looks for money in his wallet gets a laugh because of how long the scene goes on. The best part about that moment is that is doesn’t try to add a nut shot or bodily fluid joke.
Don’t watch The Babymakers. The only reason I did is because I appreciate all that is Broken Lizard. They stray outside of the mainstream and have a vibe all their own. This movie hopefully will be quickly forgotten and we can all look forward to a Super Troopers 2.
Give Club Dread a second chance as well. It is a funny little flick. Can’t beat Coconut Pete.
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A Sinister Reintroduction to Ethan Hawke
Hawke is having a reemergence of sorts. He never disappeared but in the day and age of Nic Cage in Season of the Witch and John Cusack in The Raven it is nice to see a 90s hero adapting and excelling. He has had his foibles along the way. He tried to adapt and direct his book The Hottest State and it turned out to be a massive turd. His last mainstream film Daybreakers was good but was lost amidst the 100 other vampire films that came out in 2009. For every Assault on Precinct 13 and Newton Boys flop he has popped up in critical hits like Gattaca, Before the Devil Knows Your Dead and Training Day. It has been an eclectic career involving acting, directing, writing and monologues.
His horror film Sinister is sporting a %100 rating on Rotten Tomatoes and the preview is fantastically creepy. After the trailer all I could say was “Whoa.” It looks like a mix of the fantastic Insidious and underrated Session 9. The demon in the film seems like a real jerk and even the preview features clichés done well. I’m already predicting that I will spend a third of the film with my hands over my eyes.
Hawke just wrapped on Before Midnight last week. The third in the fantastic Before series in which he and Delpy wax poetic and get better with age. Check out the wonderful typography my fiancée created for Before Sunrise.
I wasn’t expecting another sequel but I can’t wait to see it. I do feel that the Oscar nominated Before Sunset ended perfectly and was slightly hesitant about it because I loved the uncertainty. The reason I want to see this film is because nobody was asking for a sequel. It leads me to believe it is coming from an organic idea. They wanted to revisit the characters and hopefully not sully the story they’ve created.
Hawke is also the reason I am going to watch the director’s cut of Len Wiseman’s Total Recall. I lampooned it in a recent Bad Movie Tuesday because of all the squinting and lens flairs. However, I want to hear Hawke’s five-page monologue that was cut out of the film. It hopefully will add some intelligence to the dumb.
Watch the trailer. Read his books and use the monologues when auditioning for roles. Enjoy!
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What to Expect When You’re Expecting
I watched What to Expect and Resident Evil 5 on the same day. They shared a couple of similarities. I don’t remember any of the character names and they were full of underused likable actors. However, I laughed more during RE5 and What to Expect didn’t have any zombies running a muck. Maybe the title should have been What to Expect When You are Having a Zombie Baby.
What to Expect is shiny bland gloss. It features minimal laughs, many groans and only one fart joke. There are about 1,700 characters and not nearly enough time is spent on anyone. J Lo plays a mousy free-lance photographer, Diaz is a Jillian Michaels clone, Elizabeth Banks is Elizabeth Banks, Anna Kendrick is likable bland and Brooklyn Decker has an odd accent.
The biggest problem I have with this film is that they under utilize Anna Kendrick, Chris Rock and Elizabeth Banks. It is like acquiring Drew Brees and making him play linebacker. Brees will try really hard but it is inevitable that Adrian Peterson will run him over. After Up in the Air, Out of Sight and Wet Hot American Summer it pained me to watch Kendrick, Lopez and Banks do nothing except pose for these posters.
Mixed in with the romance and heartbreak is Chris Rock and his Greek chorus of fellow fathers. They walk around Piedmont park in Atlanta and provide the comedy and Joe Manganiello love. Chris Rock is incredibly muzzled and he unleashes the diet cola version of his shtick. I wonder if he needed some money or had to do this film to get Pootie Tang 2 off of the ground? In the famous words of Michael Caine after Jaws: The Revenge “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.”
What to Expect is not a good film. It is too safe and bland to entertain. However, it is not a cynical mess or soul crushing like New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day. The films main flaw is that is doesn’t let the cast have room to breathe and show you why they are so popular in the first place.
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Bad Movie Tuesday: The Best of the Worst Sequels: Round 3
The 16 are now eight. Eight films have made it through bad reviews, annoyed critics and tough tournament brackets (Round 1 & 2). In this infamous group we have an eclectic mix of fantastically bad films that manage to be enjoyable. One interesting tidbit is that we still have two alien films in the tournament. AVPR and Resurrection are still lurking in the brackets like those surly face huggers. So, Alien fans enjoy the films when they are good and love them when they are soul crushing.
The early favorite seems to be Blade Trinity. People must love the bald Dracula, gratuitous shower scene and Parker Posey kicking her assistant in the head with a surprise strike. The movie makes me laugh and scratch my head at the fantastic ineptitude. Trinity also features one of the greatest film insults ever when Reynolds call Posey a “c*ck juggling thunder c**t.” It ain’t Shakespeare but it is memorable.
Then, we have Matrix Revolutions. I remember sitting in a theater watching the huge battle where millions of mechanical squids attack the rave-loving Zion. The biggest problem I had was that it was incredibly unnecessary. The whole thing could have been finished with a single bomb. Zion is in a little hole with nowhere to go. A large bomb could wipe out everything and save the CGI team millions of dollars. It raises the age-old question:
“If a bomb goes off in Zion whilst many lithe people are raving does anybody care?”
These films hold a special place in cinema goers hearts. They are not good yet they are a necessary evil. Can you buy the Alien Quadrilogy, Godfather Trilogy or upcoming Indiana Jones box-sets without their much maligned predecessors? The answer is no. These films haunt the purist but enchant the people who have a sense of humor. Maybe there is a sixth sense. When people love a film despite the sensory turd they see.
I appreciate the fanfare this tournament has received and I’m excited to see who emerges as the victor of the best bad. A movie so bad it is good.
Vote! Which four will move on? Make sure that you will not end up like all the Blair Witch 2 fans who are still annoyed.
Jurassic Park 3 Vs. AVPR
If they ever create The Science of Bad Movies for a university class AVPR will be the first chapter. It had a chance to be an R-Rated battle fest but inexplicably focuses on two brothers who squabble constantly. I’d love to read the research papers on how they could screw up an alien/predator hybrid. I’d also love a chapter on the super smart raptors of Jurassic Park 3 who remind me of the moon rocks from Apollo 18.
Batman and Robin vs. Blade Trinity
Batman has a Batman credit card and Arnold got paid $25 million for two weeks of work. The excess is amazing! Blade: Trinity is an odd case of dumb meets fun that features generation X’er Parker Posey sneakily kicking her assistant in the face. It is proving to be an unstoppable force of dumb flying through the brackets.
Alien: Resurrection vs. X-Men: The Last Stand
I know I discuss this a lot but there is a scene in X3 where a mutant holding a baseball bat hunts Wolverine. Why? How? Is he the Sammy Sosa of mutant hunters? The cheesiness of this scene can only be rivaled by Ripley’s basketball dunking and cuddle fests. These films destroyed fantastic story arcs and led to worse films (AVP, Wolverine).
Matrix Revolutions vs. The Whole Ten Yards
Did anybody ask for a sequel to The Whole Nine Yards? I liked that movie. It ended nicely with all the characters living happily ever after. Then, they filmed the much delayed sequel which featured Kevin Pollock in old man makeup and an odd Bruce Willis wig. Will Matrix Revolution and it’s perplexing gas masks run, duck and dodge its way to victory?
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Resident Evil: Retribution
I remember playing Resident Evil for the first and only time on a stormy night in 2002. The experience lasted 20 stressful minutes and I turned off the television and watched Caddy Shack. Those 20 minutes had more scares, jumps and thrills than all five Resident Evil films combined. Is this a terrible thing? Nope. The series has been a brainless zombie factory of odd fun. It is impossible to critique because they are dumb entities that have defied the odds and critics. The greatest accomplishment is making zombies, S&M axe guys and brain lizard zombies boring. I was %100 more excited during the red band trailer of Hansel and Gretel 3D. However, I didn’t hate the film. I walked out of the theater with a smile on my face and thoughts of funny review quotes in my head.
Totally incomprehensible with dialogue so bad it makes Resident Evil 3 seem like the Citizen Kane of skimpy clothing zombie films. The Resident Evil series has become a money-making machine of mediocrity. All five films production costs total $245 million and have pulled in $745 million worldwide not counting DVD and future grosses of Retribution. This is a billion dollar franchise that looks like it is still gaining momentum. The critics dog pile them like the zombies on top of the faceless Umbrella agent. They’ve given the films 34, 21, 22, 24 and 35 ratings on Rotten Tomatoes. The 35 is a well deserved upswing for Retribution after Milla spent 30 minutes flying around Alaska whilst talking to herself in Afterlife.
John wrote a fantastic review and it saved me from covering all of the finer points of this film. I applaud John for finding logic among the spin kicks and machine guns. The characters in RE5 are all unnecessary and mainly an excuse to piggy back on the Fast Five idea of bringing back favorite actors and going global.
There is a moment in this film where five men are standing in front of hundreds of zombie soldiers. The zombies are shooting thousands of bullets, dozens of rockets and billions of dirty looks. All of the bullets and rockets miss and the only death is caused by chainsaw. These men escape by throwing a chair through a window and sauntering out. The zombies do not follow. Resident Evil: Retribution makes zero sense and doesn’t attempt to. Some might call this lazy. I think they know their audience and are not trying to make Crouching Tiger Hidden Zombie. Also, the director Paul W.S. Anderson has made some of the best/worst loud films in recent memory. Death Race almost destroyed a brilliant idea and Three Musketeers was so bad it became great badness.
This film made me want to watch other movies. It made me think about how good Perfect Getaway was and if The Fifth Element still holds up. It also has me hoping that one day Kate Beckinsale, Milla Jovovich, Noomi Rapaace, Maggie Q, Linda Hamilton, Sigourney Weaver, Paula Patton, Anna Torv and Angelina Jolie team up and make an Expendables type film. No plot just explosions and one liners. Why not? The only condition is that Len Wiseman or Paul W.S. Anderson do not direct.
Do not critique Resident Evil like other films. The CGI is good, the performances shaky and the action occasionally cool. I still don’t get who does those monsters piercings though?
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John’s Horror Corner: Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)
MY CALL: Eh. If you’re a major franchise fan then I won’t stop you. But this had the most (not the best) action of the franchise, the least plot, and no major memorable moments whatsoever. I felt generally unsatisfied and maybe even a bit bored by it. [C] IF YOU LIKE THIS WATCH: The other installments of the franchise (in order), as well as Underworld: Awakening and its prequels. DIMENSIONS: I saw this in 2D and didn’t feel like I missed out on anything. If you catch it in 3D, please throw us a helpful comment.
Online reviews of Retribution are already all over the place ranging from love to hate by franchise fans and newbies alike. It seems that asking folks to list the Resident Evil movies in order of quality would be harder than getting an entire theater of fans to agree on pizza toppings. This fifth franchise installment, as with each of its predecessors, manages to deliver a new take on presenting the Resident Evil world and the next step in an elaborate but perfectly followable plot. The movie opens with a franchise story recap before picking up right where Resident Evil: Afterlife left off.
CHARACTERS: The irreplaceable Scream Queen Milla Jovovich (Faces in the Crowd, The Three Musketeers) returns as Alice fighting her way out of an Umbrella corporation virus outbreak simulation facility. She is joined by Ada Wong (Bingbing Li), who is cute and all in her little gun-geisha mistress outfit, but her character feels totally unnecessary and she didn’t bring anything special to the flick.
So did Ada “choose” that dress knowing that she’d be fighting her way out of an Umbrella Corp facility? Or did she just wake up in it like Alice in part one? What gives here?
http://www.eonline.com/news/330166/is-resident-evil-retribution-the-final-film-in-the-franchise
She also bumps into her not-really daughter (Aryana Engineer; Orphan). Under orders from the Red Queen, they are being hunted by Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory; Resident Evil: Afterlife, Resident Evil: Apocalypse) who is controlled by some weird mecha-spider attached to her sternum which, like her cleavage, goes well-exposed throughout the movie.
At Valentine’s side are Rain (Michelle Rodriguez; Resident Evil) in an unexpected role and Todd (Oded Fehr; Resident Evil: Extinction, Resident Evil: Apocalypse). During this pursuit, a team including the horribly under-utilized Kevin Durand (Legion, Real Steel) and Boris Kodjoe (Resident Evil: Afterlife, Surrogates) are working their way into the Umbrella facility to rescue Alice and Ada.
Oh, yeah, here’s Kevin Durand.
WHAT’S GOOD: Alice’s outfit. It’s new. It’s bad-ass. And it’s just conveniently waiting for her when she begins her escape from the facility just like when Beckinsale awakens from her cryo-chamber in Underworld: Awakening to find her boots and leathers “right there.”
Also, the hand-to-hand combat was best in the franchise here, but like the other action in the flick, it lacked good finishers and standout moments. The axemen-executioners looked sooooo bad ass! Great job on the concept and effects. Really, all special effects were great, especially the opening action scene (which ended Afterlife) in slow motion reverse. Very, very cool.
THE ACTION: Minus a few short story-building parts, this movie boils down to a 90 minute action sequence. This probably sounds amazing, right? Basically continuous action. But it wasn’t awesome. All of the action felt like “background action.” You know? Like when Optimus Prime was fighting Megatron, there were all of the soldiers and other Autobots fighting Decepticons in the background and nothing cool happened with them while the camera was on the two heavy hitters. In Retribution all of this action is never punctuated by awesome moments and there are not climaxes. The action is “okay.” But with all of the build-up and no big bang at the end I actually found myself feeling a bit bored. Bored! During an action movie with no shortage of action whatsoever! I didn’t even think that was possible. The most fun I had with the action was when Alice first starts to try escaping the simulation facility and she goes all gun-fu crazy on a series of zombies in a brightly lit hallway.
Look at how easily she counters zombie Jackie Chan’s eagle claw technique!
But, alas, there was no most awesome moment—so you feel like you’re “waiting” for the meat of the sequence the whole time. Perhaps worst of all was the finale fight between Alice, Rain, Valentine and a few other good guys including Boris Kodjoe. Hand-to-hand, weapons, guns and a lot of mundane choreography shot well and clever choreography shot poorly.
CREATURES: Nothing new. There’s the big brain-for-a-head dog monster, a few tentacle-mouthed zombies, the 15 foot tall executioners from Afterlife, and a small army of undead soldiers. You’d think the big brain-headed dog would make for some great action. Nope. What about the giant executioners? They might have been cool, but not nearly as cool as they should (and easily could) have been.
Maybe should have gotten braces…
Because now she looks like a Blade 2 reaper virus vampire on steroids!
PREMISE: The theme of the movie is “Evil Goes Global.” But nothing “felt” global about it. The tone was less effective than previous franchise installments. The global thing was that the simulation facility has different cityscapes—which Alice goes through like video game stages, one after the other—which emulate Moscow, Tokyo, etc., so that potential world power buyers could see how a virus outbreak would affect their enemy nation’s metropolises. All that these “stages” accomplished was making the franchise feel like a video game; a fault which, until the release of this installment, the franchise had successfully altogether avoided.
OTHER ISSUES: The antagonist here is the Red Queen. Well, what happened to the White Queen? Still working on a cure (i.e., antivirus)? Deactivated? What? And why did Ada Wong and, as we later discover, Albert Wesker stop working for the Umbrella Corporation? They never explain that. It would take one line of dialogue, people! What purpose does Alice’s clone’s daughter serve to the plot? She seemed really important in the middle of the movie, but totally forgotten in the last third of the movie. And why doesn’t the Red Queen make better use of the clones? She could program a bunch of Alice clones and, since their Alice’s clones, they’d be receptive to the virus and gain superpowers to take out the pesky Alice, Ada and the resistance. How did Rain know she’d be receptive to the virus? She injects herself with complete confidence.
A lot of people rave that they loved this flick, but don’t go saying it was fantastic online unless you can answer these questions based on what we saw in the movie. Clearly, a failure on the part of the writers and director. Let’s add that I never cared about most of the characters.
So…is Albert Wesker like, the President of the United States now?
FUTURE INSTALLMENTS? The movie ends with a very Terminator-SkyNet standoff at the White House between the remainder of humanity against a legion of Resident Evil beasts. So, as they tend to, they could easily pick up a sixth movie (perhaps Resident Evil: Resurrection) at the exact moment that closes Retribution. Based on how Retribution went for me, I’d hope they have director Paul Anderson go back to his old ways with the franchise OR add a more dynamic pacing to the continuous action strategy, which could have gone tremendously well if done more thoughtfully.
Movies, Films & Flix 