John’s Horror Corner: Maniac (2012), a brutal remake of a slasher classic, and starring Elijah Wood.
MY CALL: Clearly this was an ambitious and stylized approach to this remake. And whereas it impressed me in many ways it lacks the lasting impact of the 1980 original. Still a solid film and a great watch for fans of brutal cinema. MORE MOVIES LIKE Maniac: The original Maniac (1980) and, for its stylish nature, The Neon Demon (2016).
Our killer Frank (Elijah Wood; The Good Son, The Faculty, Cooties) lives in a mannequin shop (sort of) and connects with photographer Anna (Nora Arnezeder; Zoo, Origin, Berserk, Safe House), to whom he takes an instant interest.
As someone who loved the 1980 original so much, I have procrastinated watching this remake for nearly a decade. But despite my hesitation, I wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt because of Elijah Wood’s passionate involvement. So now, finally succumbing, director Franck Khalfoun’s (Amityville: The Awakening, Prey, P2) remake brings some welcome upgrades. Most notably was the opening sequence, which culminated in the iconic scalping of the first victim. And while it felt a bit romanticized in execution, it was slick and gruesome and everything I didn’t realize that I wanted.
This remake feels veeeeery stylized, much more sexualized and almost psychedelic at times. With a flavor and approach that are certainly different, I wouldn’t dare call it better than the original in execution. But nice that it doesn’t simply try to rehash or recreate it, one iconic scene after the next. Some aspects work well, others just okay. For example, the imagery and accompanying sound effects of the scalpings are truly visceral. But I find Frank’s POV-shots to often feel out of place…. well, some of the time. On a date fooling around with his online site match it feels disruptive to the pace (for me), but when he’s applying his sloppy scalp trophies to his mannequins while talking to them it feels perfectly disconcertingly appropriate. And the nudity in this remake felt far more outright gratuitous rather than contributing to vulnerability (as it often did well in the original). There was certainly nothing “vulnerable” about the raunchy flashbacks of Frank’s mother (America Olivo; Bitch Slap, Neighbor, Friday the 13th).
Great efforts were made to keep this remake shocking. And shocking us was its greatest strength. The Achilles tendon slice was mean and abrupt! I yelled at my TV when it happened. One of the scalpings brutally tears the scalp from a still living victim—vicious! However, I feel that when it came to Frank’s deeper connection with Anna and our psychological understanding of our killer, 1980 simply did it better… way better. In 1980 Anna was a very strong character, and Frank was palpably tortured in the confines of his own head atop a body littered in burns and scars connecting the dots of his past abuse. 2012 missed those marks, but definitely brought its A-game for Frank’s comeuppance in the brutal, skin-peeling finale.
The real highlight here is the heart Elijah Wood poured into this beloved cinematic killer. His facial expressions seize mental disturbance and do honor to Joe Spinell’s (Starcrash, The Last Horror Film, Maniac) on-screen mania. And yes, this film is brutal and mean and shocking—and I enjoy that. I enjoyed the movie. But my overall reaction and satisfaction were greater with the original.
REMAKE/REIMAGINING SIDEBAR: For more horror remakes, I strongly favor the following: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), An American Werewolf in London (1981), The Thing (1982), The Fly (1986), The Mummy (1999), The Ring (2002), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Hills Have Eyes (2006), Friday the 13th (2009), Let Me In (2010), Evil Dead (2013), Carrie (2013), The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014), It (2017) and Suspiria (2018). Those to avoid include The Thing (2011; a prequel/remake), Poltergeist (2015), Cabin Fever (2016), A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), Night of the Demons (2009), Body Snatchers (1993; the second remake), The Invasion (2007; the third remake), War of the Worlds (2005) and The Mummy (2017). I’m on the fence about An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), Halloween (2007), It’s Alive (2009), My Bloody Valentine (2009), Fright Night (2011) and Pet Sematary (2019), which range from bad to so-so (as remakes in my opinion) but still are entertaining movies on their own.
Share this post:
Bad Movie Tuesday: Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990), squandering the strong final girl and slapstick bonkers violent legacy of part 2 (1986).
MY CALL: This sequel was so… incredibly… not good at all. I mean, what did you like about either of the first two Texas Chainsaw movies? Doesn’t matter. Nothing you liked will be found here. MORE MOVIES MUCH BETTER THAN Texas Chainsaw Massacre III: Well obviously you should have already seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and the ultra-zany sequel The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986). From there I’d suggest seeing The Funhouse (1981), Motel Hell (1980) and House of 1000 Corpses (2003) before moving on to the much better The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) and perhaps Texas Chainsaw 3-D (2013).
FRANCHISE SIDEBAR: In 1974, a group of twentysomethings basically got really unlikely and stumbled across the wrong house of homicidal cannibals. After a narrated introduction linking our story to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and explaining the aftermath of final girl Sally (now deceased), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) waded into waters far more gory and campy than anything in 1974 (which was hopelessly desperate and dire). But apparently nothing from part 2 matters in part III… except for the presence of grandpa Sawyer, perhaps.
Driving from California to Florida, young couple Michelle (Kate Hodge; She-Wolf of London, The Hidden II, Silk Stalkings) and Ryan (William Butler; Ghoulies II, Friday the 13th part VII, Watchers III) find themselves in Podunk, Texas. Naturally, the gas station attendant is a perverted lunatic and a local hitchhiker (Viggo Mortensen; The Prophecy) distracts the murderous local as the couple escape down some backroads that don’t appear on their maps.
While being hunted down by local crazies Leatherface and Tinker (Joe Unger; A Nightmare on Elm Street, Pumpkinhead II) and Alfredo (Tom Everett; Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter), a well-armed passerby motorist Benny (Ken Foree; Dawn of the Dead, Death Spa) comes to their aid to battle this sick family of cannibals.
Following up Tobe Hooper’s (Lifeforce, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1-2, Poltergeist, The Funhouse) first two films, director Jeff Burr (Puppet Master 4-5, Pumpkinhead II, Puppet Master: Blitzkrieg Massacre) seems simply to have made a nasty slasher flick—nothing more. And it’s a movie quickly forgotten for its complete lack of merits.
Even by its opening on-screen narration, this seems more to be a sequel to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) than to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986). And in the opening credits Leatherface, now played by a third actor (R.A. Mihailoff; Hatchet II, Smothered, Pumpkinhead II) in as many movies, feels more like a big goon with some sick murderous habits rather than the monstrous man-child we came to know in the previous two films.
LEATHERFACE: In The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986), Leatherface (Bill Johnson) has a slapstick yet macabre vibe about him as he chainsaws a moving vehicle while wearing an entire dead shambling corpse as a disguise. He’s extremely sexually repressed and highly foolish. This graduated him from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), in which is he more simply a hulking brute of a man-child taking orders from all others in his family. Now in part III, he has yet a third and completely different personality. What gives? At least I could see 1974 Leatherface growing into 1986’s.
This sequel seems to have defanged Leatherface of his off-kilter mystique and preternatural menace. He’s just a kinda’ big mean dude with a chainsaw who likes killing people now. I realize that Ken Foree is a big dude, but he makes Leatherface seems like a random but formidable punk in a bar brawl instead of some flesh-eating monster. Never has this iconic psychopath felt so neutered before in my eyes than in this anemic sequel. Worse yet, the violence is mostly off-screen, so we’ve traded some lame splattered blood for chainsaw gore of yore.
And what the heck was going on with the floating/motorboating chainsaw in the swamp water? And did Leatherface just get haphazardly killed by a swamp rock? Really, movie? Really?
Terrible dialogue, the violence doesn’t strike any chords, little is shocking (which is nearly unforgivable after the previous two films), lame final girl who’s trying and failing to capture the crazy of Caroline Williams (Leprechaun 3, Halloween II, Hatchet III, Contracted), very few and basic sets… it’s really kind of… boring. This feels like a weak attempt at continuing the The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) lunacy. An attempt, but not very convincing so—not even close. We have a grandpa Sawyer cadaver at the dinner table, a murderous extended family ready to butcher unlucky motorists, and Leatherface swinging his chainsaw around like a sword. But none of that produced any redeeming or memorable scenes. Really, movie—what happened?
There is yet another sequel… In the end, Benny and Michelle live, and in the last scene we see so did Leatherface. Watch out for Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994).
This sequel was so… incredibly… not good at all. I mean, what did you like about either of the first two Texas Chainsaw movies? Doesn’t matter. Nothing you liked will be found here. I think this movie is garbage, it should even be skipped by fans of the franchise, and I now see how I didn’t remember anything at all from the first time I saw this in the 90s.
Share this post:
The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #218: Anaconda and Jon Voight’s Insane Paraguayan Accent
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re talking about the incredible 1997 creature feature Anaconda. We love this movie, and think Jon Voight was robbed of an Academy Award nomination. Why? Between the insane accent, constant scowl and physical menace, it might be the most “I’m going to do whatever I want’ performance of recent memory. In this episode, you will hear us talk about salad, terrible sound guys and very strong snakes. You will love it!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Share this post:
MFF Horror Special: Our 10 Favorite Horror Films Since 2010
When MFF contributor (and award winning director) Zachary Beckler and I put together lists of our favorite horror films of 2010s, then combined them to form a super list – we didn’t know what the results would be (listen to the podcast episode), because our tastes are so different. The end result is a fun mixture of mainstream, non-mainstream and incredibly non-mainstream horror. We definitely stretched the limits of the genre, and I think the list is better for it.
Before I get into our 10 favorite movies, here is 20-11. mother!, Berberian Sound Studio, The Guest, The Witch, Revenge, Insidious, The Cabin in the Woods, Ghost Stories, The Wailing and I Saw the Devil.
10. The Blackcoat’s Daughter
The reason The Blackcoat’s Daughter is on this list is because of a single line (and very good filmmaking). There is a moment when young Kat (Kiernan Shipka) just had a very mellow exorcism performed upon her, and she sees the evil demon/spirit/devil leaving her body. Instead of being happy about the evil leaving her she says, “Don’t go,” to the evil as it floats away. This is somebody who is alienated at her boarding school and is so lonely she doesn’t want something that paid her attention to leave. The “Don’t go” line and the final shot do something really cool because the two tiny moments make us feel for a murderer who decapitates her victims and offers them up to a demon in the school furnace. Director Oz Perkins does a beautiful dread establishing dread via a patient approach that depends on a melancholic tone, and all-in performances from the actors. You should watch The Blackcoat’s Daughter.
9. The Neon Demon
Do you like Nicolas Winding Refn films that aren’t Drive? If you answered “yes,” then you will really appreciate The Neon Demon. It is empty, dirty, violent, and beautiful to look at. It is gloriously original, and features insane moments (AKA eye eating) that will make you squirm. If you are a fan of beautiful looking insanity, you will love this movie.
8. Hereditary
This is from John Leavengood’s (MFF’s John’s Horror Corner) review (read it!)
From Emotionally challenging and strikingly acted, Hereditary is really different in all the ways I like. Despite its lengthy over-two-hour running time, it wastes no time leading the audience into unease with revelations of the deceased matriarch’s secrets, their family history of serious mental illness, messages from beyond, and glimmers of hallucinations (or even spirits?). We find visions of the deceased, birds kamikazeing into windows, and grave desecration. There is disturbing imagery in the form of severed heads swarming with ants, mismatched reflections, being burned alive and a troubling séance. But that’s nothing compared to the traumatizingly surreal—or maybe way too real—suffering the family endures in response to each other’s hysterical manifestations.
7. Bone Tomahawk
Bone Tomahawk is a beautifully written horror western that plays with multiple genres while creating memorable characters. It takes its time getting to the violence and I applaud that decision. I understand why it has stayed on the fringes of the mainstream because it can’t be categorized and features lots of patience and extreme body mutilation. Director/writer S. Craig Zahler pulled off a $2,00,000 dollar miracle and worked wonders with a brief 21 day shooting schedule. It is rare when a tiny horror western can gather such a great cast and gets nominated for multiple Independent Spirit Awards.
I love the pairing of Kurt Russell, Patrick Wilson, Matthew Fox and the fantastic Richard Jenkins. The four men bring something different to the table and they get to each build their own character while spouting great dialogue. This hurts my soul to say but Kurt Russell is overshadowed by his costars. Normally, Russell is the best part of any film but Richard Jenkins (Cabin in the Woods) steals the show. Jenkins deputy character is a good man who has seen war and lost his beloved wife. At first glance he comes across as the town jester but as the film moves along he becomes an immensely likable and original character. Jenkins gets the best dialogue and I loved this line in particular.
6. It Follows
I love It Follows and have spent a lot of time writing about it since it’s release in 2015. Director David Robert Mitchell takes my favorite aspects of horror (urgency, dread, patience) and combines them with a beautifully simple story about the dangers of sex. Mitchell lets the film breath, and this allows the story to unfold organically – and at it’s own pace. The main character Jay (Maika Monroe) stays in a sleepless state after the monster starts following her, and it creates a dreamy atmosphere that is captured nicely by the lingering camera and patient editing. The film moves at a methodically slow pace, yet, you’ll have a hard time catching your breath afterwards.
5. Raw
Raw is what happens when a badass director who loves David Cronenberg makes a movie about cannibalism at a French veterinary school. This will sound overly obvious, but, director Julia Ducournau has created a very raw film that humanizes its characters and doesn’t glamorize anything. The violence, blood and disembowelment feel grounded in reality and feel organic and natural to the story (this is rare). Raw centers around a first year veterinary student named Justine (a very brave Garance Marillier) dealing with college hazing, sexual encounters and cannibalism. I never knew where Raw was going and that is a attributed to Ducournau who has made a movie that is honest, brutal and in no way soft.
4. Get Out
Get Out is what happens when a director takes his 1970’s horror influences, modernizes them, and is able to create his vision unencumbered. Director Jordan Peele crushed his debut film (and his second film Us), and you can feel his love of Rosemary’s Baby and The Stepford Wives all over it. The soul-crushing paranoia, A-list talent and awesome ending combine to create a film that totally earned its 99% Tomatometer average and Academy Awards. It’s the rare crowd-pleasing movie that has something to say, and you will make you will laugh, cheer and hold your breath until the final moments.
3. Under the Skin
Under the Skin is a mesmerizing film that captures Scotland’s dreary beauty while blasting us with a sensory overload with cool visuals. I love that there is zero backstory, or expository hand holding. It is a remarkably simple movie that still leaves many questions unanswered. It is a pure and unadulterated experience that could be vivisected or simply appreciated. My advice is to turn off the lights, turn up the volume and allow yourself to fully appreciate a spellbinding experience.
Under the Skin tells the story of Scarlett Johansson’s unnamed character driving around Scotland on the prowl for men/victims. She takes them back to uninhabited homes where they are doomed via black goop quicksand. The scenes are slightly improvised and all lead to hyper stylized endings. As her journey progresses she seems to become more self-aware and curious. This doesn’t bode well for her because she is out of the protection of her motorcycle riding assistant/boss/owner.
The journey her character takes is a wonder of cinematic prowess and natural beauty.
2. Climax
Zachary Beckler wrote this review, make sure to check out his wonderful Letterboxd page.
Bodies in community destroyed by minds in disunity. The harmony established in the astonishing opening dance number devolves piece by piece as individuals segregate themselves from the group (in two-shot discussions, or singular framing that follows characters moving in and out of hellscapes). After a signature Noe credit sequence 45 min in, the rest of the film is essentially an after-credits scene that may be the worst trip ever committed to film, constructed as an hour-long unbroken shot. The horrors on display may not be the most graphic in his filmography, but they are the most potent, even on repeat viewings.
Climax establishes and shows the disintegration of a culture in seemingly real time. No one on screen is sharing the same perception of reality, lost in the abyss of their own personal hell. The revelatory final shot brings into focus Noe’s intent, as a fade to white illuminates the audience. There is salve, but no salvation.
Our Favorite – #1 – Green Room
We were very happy that Green Room ended up as #1 on our list because it legitimately deserves to be at the top spot. It proves that director Jeremy Saulnier (Blue Ruin, Hold the Dark) is an amazing director who knows how to deliver the goods (AKA insane amounts of tension). I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, and I love how Saulnier makes violence look so ugly and realistic. Nothing is glorified, and you will find yourself incredibly nervous for the trapped punk band, The Ain’t Rights, who put up a pretty decent fight against some real neo-nazis who aren’t afraid of committing ultra-violence. Also, Patrick Stewart is awesome as the Neo-Nazi leader who is simultaneously charismatic, calculating and insane. Please watch Green Room.
Share this post:
MFF Dumb Data: How Long Did it Take to Set Up The Joker’s Cash Pyramid in The Dark Knight?
There is a famous scene in The Dark Knight that features The Joker (Heath Ledger) burning an insane amount of money. Based on the character, and his motivations, it’s totally understandable why he’d burn billions of dollars (to watch it burn….). However, to show the world that he doesn’t care about money, he made his henchmen set up a 13-foot tall tiered pyramid of cash.
It’s a cool scene, in a great movie, that has confused me for well over a decade. How long did it take to setup the tiered pyramid of cash? A tiered pyramid of cash can’t be put together on a whim. The Joker (or his accountant) needed to know EXACTLY how much money they had, then, they needed to diagram the pyramid with 10 tiers, to make sure it worked. The Joker may be about “chaos,” but he also loves intricate plans that somehow work.
I’m not the first person to take a guess at the amount of money (here, here and here) that made up the pyramid. I know it’s a fool’s errand to figure out something that has no answer (that’s why I did it). Instead of focusing on the money, I wanted to focus more on how long it took to set it all up. I did my own math to make sure the answer was different from all the rest. Then, with my new total, I took a guess at how long it took to build. The answer is wrong… because no one will ever know the right answer. However, I’m happy with the total I came up with….even if it’s wrong.
In honor of this scene, I watched the clip way too many times and made sure to do way too much research/math to make sure the wrong answer was correct.
Here is what I know:
- $100 dollar bills were used, and bundled in groups of 100. $10,000 total per strap.
- The dimensions of $100 dollar bills are 2.61 inches wide and 6.14 inches long
- The height of 100 – $100 dollar bills is .43 inches
- There are 10 tiers to the cash pyramid
- The money isn’t tied together. Each strap is separate
- It isn’t a perfect pyramid, but, I’m assuming it is to make the math
Here is what I’m guessing
- The bottom tier of the cash pyramid is 13-feet high, and 20-feet long. (seems right to me)
- It’s all cash. There isn’t a structure underneath the cash.
- The pyramid is made up of $4,680,000,000 (46,800,000 – $100 bills). Which means the Joker’s henchman used 468,000 stacks of cash (4,680,000,000 / 10,000 = 468,000)
- The length of each square tier goes like this (each is 30 cash stacks high) – 20, 18, 16, 14, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, and 7 feet
- There are 107,640 stacks of cash on the bottom tier ($1,076,400,000). The bottom tier is 39 stacks of cash long and 92 wide (based on dimensions of $100 dollar bill). I did the same math for each smaller tier.
- Based on the look of the pyramid, it would be impossible for the henchman to set up the pyramid by walking all over the structure, because cash would be falling everywhere. They must’ve used boom lifts or other large machinery.
- The pyramid couldn’t have been improvised. It’s too organized. The Joker must’ve given them a blueprint. Also, they must’ve known how much cash they had.
- 16 henchmen worked on the cash pyramid. Here is the breakdown. four henchmen in boom lifts on all four sides of the structure. four henchmen in scissor lifts taking the money to them. four henchmen restocking the scissor lifts with cash. Finally, four henchmen keeping the equipment charged and filling in whenever someone needs a break, because they are working around the clock.
How long did it take?
The first (and biggest) tier would be the easiest to build because all 16 henchmen are laying down the cash. If each of the 16 henchmen were able to lay down 60 straps of cash per minute, the bottom tier would only take around 2 hours.
Things start slowing down after the first tier because the henchmen can’t walk on the structure. This is where the boom lifts come into play. Four henchmen would start laying down all the money, while the crew in the scissor lifts stay close to help them restock their cash quickly. If the four henchmen on the boom lifts are able to keep the 60 stack per minute pace, the rest of the pyramid would take 25 hours to build. In the end, the total time spent on the pyramid would be 27 hours.
This sounds plausible because they had to use 468,000 stacks of cash to make a 10-tier pyramid. Also, you know that The Joker would be pissed if the thing looked like crap when he inspected it. The crew who set it up, knew it had to be perfect, so they built each tier carefully and expertly. They must’ve been keeping extra lifts charged, to make sure their build was as optimal as possible. Eventually, The Joker runs all over the thing, and makes it look messy. However, I think it was pristine when he first saw it.
Conclusion: It took 16 henchmen 27 hours to complete the cash pile that was eventually burnt. Impressive!
Quick note: Why did I go with boom and scissor lifts? I don’t see scaffolding or an underneath structure coming into play. The lifts were the most efficient way to build a giant cash pyramid. I’m probably wrong.
- Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
- Analyzing the Unsuccessful Trap in Predators
- How Far Did the Shark Travel in Jaws: The Revenge?
- How Many Calories Did Shaggy and Scooby Ingest When They Are The Cotton Candy Glob?
- The Dolph Lundgren Front Kick Spectacular
- How Far Did the Creature From It Follows Travel?
- How Many Bullets Missed John Matrix in Commando?
- How Long Did it Take Batman to Setup the Bat Fire on the Bridge in The Dark Knight Rises?
- Kevin Bacon’s College Degrees
- How Fast Does the Great White Swim in Shark Night?
- Zara the Assistant and Jurassic World Had a Bad Day
- A Look at Elektra’s sandbag trainer in Daredevil
- How Far Did Nic Cage Run While Dressed as a Bear In The Wicker Man Remake?
- Breaking Down The Mariner vs. Sea Beast Battle in Waterworld
- How Long Did it Take The Joker to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
- Michael Myers Hates Blinkers
- How Much Blood Dropped During the Blood Rave in Blade?
- Jason Voorhees Can’t Teleport?
- Michael Myers Loves Laundry
- How Far Did the Merman Travel in The Cabin in the Woods?
- How Far Did Matthew McConaughey Jump in Reign of Fire?
- How Fast can Leatherface Run?
- Deep Blue Sea and Stellan Skarsgard
- How Far Did Michael Myers Drive in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
- How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
- People Love a Bearded Kurt Russell
- A Closer Look at Movies That Feature the Words Great, Good, Best, Perfect and Fantastic
- An In-Depth Look At Movies That Feature Pencils Used as Weapons
- Cinematic Foghat Data
- Explosions and Movie Posters
- The Fast & Furious & Corona
- Nicolas Sparks Movie Posters Are Weird
- How Do You Make the Perfect Kevin Smith Movie?
- Predicting the RT score of Baywatch
- The Cinematic Dumb Data Podcast
- What is the best horror movie franchise?
- How Fast Can the Fisherman Clean a Trunk in I Know What You Did Last Summer?
- It’s Expensive to Feature Characters Being Eaten Alive and Surviving Without a Scratch
- How Long Does it Take Your Favorite Horror Movie Characters to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
- What was the Guy’s Blood Pressure in Dawn of the Dead?
- Why Were There So Many Lemons in National Treasure?
- How Far Does The Rock Jump in the Skyscraper Poster?
Share this post:
The Best Horror Workouts, Part 2: The Editor (2014), A Nightmare on Elm Street, Part 4: The Dream Master (1988) and AHS: 1984 (2019)
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
Working out in the 80s… in horror movies?
You guys know this is gonna’ be a bit dirty!
NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW NSFW
Ready to sweat out the sins of watching too many horror movies? Well throw on your halfway shirts, short-shorts and tube socks and let’s get to it! We’ve got more raunchy aerobics for you!
Did you miss out on part 1? We hope you enjoyed these three gory sets of horrific muscle-building reps from the 80s (and 80s settings). But be sure to go check out The Best Horror Workouts Part 1 as we review the deadly gym shenanigans of Killer Workout, aka Aerobicide (1987), Death Spa (1989) and Happy Birthday to Me (1981).
The Editor (2014)
If you love Italian Giallo films and would love to see them mocked in an extremely awkward film, then you are in luck! Otherwise, The Editor (2014) will likely confound or alienate viewers who either don’t exactly know what they’re getting into, or who are sober. This film honors, copies and/or mocks various scenes from Black Christmas (1974), A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) and The Shining (1980) down to the cheesy twist endings and an entire era’s worth of 70s-80s exploitation cinema. And, staying in 80s theme, there’s a VERY raunchy 80s workout scene reminiscent of Killer Workout (1987; The Best Horror Workouts, Part 1). The cheese factor is high on this one…
This is one of the most TnA-rich raunchy throwbacks I’ve seen. Deliciously cheesy to the point of hilarity. Brace yourself for sweaty hard bodies, ass-choking leotards, and excessively inappropriate camera angles. We learn that the camera man understood his instructions loud and clear as we are bombarded by tandem close-ups of sweaty bouncing aerobic boobs, thong-wedgied butts and leg-spreading crotch shots. No joke–the aerobic routines are more than a little slutty and there’s an inordinate amount of this.
Barely tiptoeing past sexy (and never truly entering the raunchy zone) was The Dungeonmaster (1984).
But, just to remind you The Editor (2014) is horror, the raunchy sequence ends with a really funny and extremely gory scene involves ripping off a woman’s entire face as she continues to scream and then smushing it back on (tongue-in-cheek).
*******************************************************************
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
During his first three movies, Freddy was behind the curve–basically no workout scenes. But part 4 is loaded with them! Rick blasts his loud music in his garage dojo training sessions complete with heavy bags, spin kicks and nunchucks.
When Rick finds himself in his fantasy dojo dreamscape, he spars with an invisible Freddy. Rick is no Frank Dux (JCVD, Bloodsport) but he holds his own and disarms Freddy of his glove. The problem here is that Freddy cheats and telekinetically launches the glove into Rick’s gut like a shuriken. “Saaaaayonaraaaaa!”
For our second Freddy workout, we have Debbie. Debbie utterly hates roaches and stomps one out after finding it in her fries. That what she gets for eating fast food between gym sessions! She sees a cute guy and says “I wonder where he works out.” Total gym rat. Alice actually warns Debbie that “It will take more than bench presses to beat [Freddy].” So what does Deb go home and do? Like a true bro-tastic babe, it’s Bench Press time!!!
Unfortunately for Debbie, Freddy is NOT a trustworthy spotter.
He’s more the bro who gives you a bad spot and messes up your joints. “No pain, no gain.” Debbie tries to resist, but her elbows gruesomely tear open as he forces the barbell down upon her. I love the sound effect as her elbows tear open. Yuck!
This really demonstrates the importance of finding a good spotter you can trust… like Ken Foree (Death Spa). For more pectoral-swelling tips, check out the bench press death in Happy Birthday to Me (1981) in The Best Horror Workouts Part 1.
And for you serious weightlifters out there, don’t forget to count your macros and bust your butt to earn those cheat days…
*******************************************************************
American Horror Story: 1984 (2019, season 9)
And just for good measure, let’s throw in the opening aerobics class scene from the latest season of AHS, complete with sultry glances exchanged between hip-thrusts…
*******************************************************************
We hope you enjoyed these three gory sets of horrific muscle-building reps from the 80s. Stay tuned for The Best Horror Workouts, Part 3 and go check out The Best Horror Workouts, Part 1!
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: Pumpkinhead III: Ashes to Ashes (2006), a bad creature feature sequel doing no service to the legacy of Ed Harley.
MY CALL: I’m sure you weren’t expecting much, but this was just plain terrible. MORE MOVIES LIKE Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes: Pumpkinhead (1988) and Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993) were both much better.
Remember the hillbilly kid from Pumpkinhead (1988) who took an angry bereft father to Haggis the swamp witch? Now all grown up, Bunt is haunted by the ghost of Ed Harley (Lance Henriksen; Pumpkinhead, Harbinger Down, Aliens, AVP, The Pit and the Pendulum). And with good reason! Bunt and his siblings/cousins work for the criminal mortician Doc Fraser (Doug Bradley; Hellraiser I-VIII, Wrong Turn 5, Proteus, Nightbreed) illegally harvesting organs for profit. Seeking revenge for their lost loved ones, several locals make a pact with the hag to conjure revenge.
Director Jeff Burr (Puppet Master 4-5, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III) waited a respectable five years before sequeling Stan Winston’s (Pumpkinhead) original classic. And while Burr’s sequel was nothing amazing, it was an enjoyably decent B-movie creature feature. Now another 13 years later and deep in the era of video-released crap, director Jake West’s (Doghouse, Feral) third franchise installment feels exemplary of everything wrong with cheap throwaway sequels.
Never before has Pumpkinhead looked so cheaply rubber suited as in the opening scene—more akin to your neighbor’s awesome Halloween costume than simply subpar creature effects in a real movie. And the CGI portion of the Pumpkinhead summoning-transformation was terrible. However, the monster suit we see post-summoning thankfully looks much better than the opening scene and more in league with part II (but still worst of the three).
The very same can be said for Haggis (Lynne Verrall; Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud), whose make-up and swamp hut set design likewise worsen with each subsequent movie. Even Haggis’ lines and the brokering of the curse are watered down unrecognizably. With some drawn blood from the bereft locals, Haggis resurrects Ed Harley himself who then immediately transforms into the demon Pumpkinhead. So based on the in-movie references (and things not referenced), this sequel seems to clearly follow Pumpkinhead (1988) and completely ignore Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993). Which is just fine—because even though part II was much better than this, it took some annoyingly inconsistent liberties with the rules of the curse.
The writing (largely exposition dumps), direction and performances were very amateur (except for maybe Bradley, who felt comfortable even if hammed-up as Doc). Pumpkinhead has certainly seen better days, and this demon’s death scenes are pathetic. Pumpkinhead crushes someone’s head and it takes all day with the probably cool stuff happening off-camera. Another death scene is a crappy CGI silhouette of the action with after-the-fact impalement gore. Oh, and the CGI is shameless—we suffer through Pumpkinhead climbing up a church and it looks like 90s Aliens videogame graphic. More horrible CGI depicts a tail stab through the chest (yet more Aliens influence) and a finger stab through the chest. Just awful. There was really nothing redeemable in this movie.
Even the manifestations of the curse (i.e., linked fates) was presented poorly. And this film relies far too much on what was the big finale reveal of part 1 (i.e., that the fate of the conjurers of the curse was linked to Pumpkinhead’s fate). This was exploited so much it cheapened its meaning. But, then again, when this movie’s finale includes blowing up a meth lab as its big “gee-wow” I guess there are bigger flaws to consider.
In the end Haggis returns a body (not Ed but Ellie with the star necklace) to the pumpkin patch so that the curse may be conjured in the next cursed sequel of a franchise fallen so far from its original grace. Not recommended.
Share this post:
The Movies, Films and Flix Podcast #217: Ladyhawke, Rutger Hauer, and Terrible Castle Guards
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean, or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
The MFF podcast is back, and this week we’re talking about the 1985 fantasy film Ladyhawke. Directed by Richard Donner (Superman: The Movie, The Goonies, Lethal Weapon), Ladyhawke is an old-fashioned fantasy film that relies on practical effects, beautifully designed sets and a cheeky Matthew Broderick to tell a charming love story involving Rutger Hauer, Michelle Pfeiffer – and a wolf and a hawk. In this episode, you will hear us talk about Rutger Hauer being awesome, terrible castle guards and sword fights that look exhausting. Enjoy!
If you are a fan of the podcast make sure to send in some random listener questions so we can do our best to not answer them correctly. We thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the pod!
You can download the pod on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Tune In, Podbean,or Spreaker.
If you get a chance please make sure to review, rate and share. You are awesome!
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: Friday the 13th (2009), a remake/requel love letter to the early 80s featuring brutally familiar death scenes.
MY CALL: This remake gets a lot of flack but, you know what? I like it! I like it a lot. In fact, loaded with familiar scenes and kills, it’s a blast that serves as a death scene love letter to the early installments of the franchise. MORE MOVIES LIKE Friday the 13th: Lovers of this film may not appreciate the early Friday the 13th (1980) and Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), and I’d only suggest part III (1982) for the sake of story completists. But part IV: The Final Chapter (1984), part V: A New Beginning (1985), part VI: Jason Lives (1986) and part VII: The New Blood (1988) were all quite redeeming—with part VII starting a campier off-the-wall trend. So part VII and part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) get a bit more silly, Jason Goes to Hell (1993) is outright bonkerstastic entertaining mayhem, and finally Jason X (2001) in drunk with lunacy. For a detailed (and fun) podcast discussion about this film check out The MFF Podcast #196: Jason X and the Friday the 13th Remake and then, to go back to some older installments, perhaps The MFF Podcast #182: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday.
Franchise Timeline SIDEBAR: So much as we’ve seen in the Halloween (e.g., 2018 and H20) and Critters (e.g., Critters Attack! and A New Binge) franchises, this film actually presents an alternate timeline. Because, sure, it’s popularly understood to be a remake/reimagining of Friday the 13th (1980). But really, it’s more of a direct sequel to Friday the 13th (1980) that ignores the other eleven Jason Voorhees movies (i.e., 9 sequels and Freddy vs Jason) and shares many revealing elements of Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)… or one could call it a reimagining of the sum of Friday the 13th films using the end of 1980’s original as backstory—as we learn during an opening scene campfire story. So, with that said, this is not the undead/deadites Jason of many sequels.
Venturing to the long-abandoned Camp Crystal Lake to harvest (i.e., steal) the marijuana harvest of a grow-operation, some unlucky hikers encounter a sack-masked killer. Wrapping a girl in a sleeping bag and hanging it over a fire—this Jason is just plain mean, which should come as no surprise with director Marcus Nispel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre). Not to mention the visceral machete-through-the-floorboards scene, the cruel flesh-stripping bear trap, and the machete cleaving halfway through a dude’s head! All of which honor some of our favorite death scenes in the franchise!
Then we meet our next batch of victims heading out to a preppie rich college guy’s family vacation house by the lake—near Camp Crystal Lake! And unlike most slasher victim fare, these characters are fun to watch on screen as they are loaded with rich stoner and shallow and hyper-sexualized dialogue. They are almost caricatures of standard victim tropes…
Meet the victims: Whitney (Amanda Righetti; Return to the House on Haunted Hill, Colony), Richie (Ben Feldman; Cloverfield, As Above So Below), Amanda (America Olivo; Bitch Slap, Neighbor, Maniac), Wade (Jonathan Sadowski; Chernobyl Diaries), Clay (Jared Padalecki; Supernatural, House of Wax, Cry Wolf), Jenna (Danielle Panabaker; Piranha 3DD, Girls Against Boys, The Ward, The Crazies), Trent (Travis Van Winkle; Asylum, Transformers), Chewie (Aaron Yoo; Demonic, Disturbia, A Nightmare on Elm Street), Bree (Julianna Guill; The Apparition, Altitude, Mine Games), Lawrence (Arlen Escarpeta; Final Destination 5), Mike (Nick Mennell; Halloween), Nolan (Ryan Hansen) and Chelsea (Willa Ford).
This movie hilariously embraces its franchise tropes and, like clumsily shotgunning a beer, spills these tropes all over itself deliberately. Character dialogue openly discusses sex in the woods in blatant language, America Oliva teases her boyfriend by rubbing her bare breasts with baby oil for God’s sake behind the back of their mutual (humorously oblivious) friend at the campfire as her beau mimes thrusting motions, a general abundance of sex scenes (with amusing dialogue), topless water-skiing, a sultry dance and then sex scene with Julianna Guill (with some epic commentary from her partner). Oh, right, and all this death was predicated by twentysomethings with the goal of theft, drinking, sex and drug use. However, I will note that Jason’s behavior is quite askew from our expectations. For example, he kidnaps one victim—which is far more typical of Leatherface than Jason.
Like an homage to the entire franchise, we span several movies (1980-1988) worth of Crystal Lake killers, masks and iconic kills. Jason Voorhees (Derek Mears; Dead Snow 2, Hatchet III, Cursed, The Hills Have Eyes II) is as hulking a menace as ever, and he uses whatever he can to kill these fun-loving vacationers—including arrows (part 3, 1982), creative use of sleeping bags (part 7, 1988), the through-the-throat stab (part 1, 1980), a gloriously fun and unexpected through-the-deck stab (with bonus boobs), hefty ax-throwing, and of course his favorite machete! In addition to familiar death scenes, some iconic moments you may recall from older franchise installments include the through-the-broken-glass grab (part 2, 1981), Jason’s hanging (part 3, 1982), dumping Jason in the lake (part 6, 1986), the discovery of his mom’s head (part 2, 1981), and the finale jump-out-of-the-lake grab the final girl (parts 1 & 4)!
REMAKE/REIMAGINING SIDEBAR: For more horror remakes, I strongly favor the following: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), An American Werewolf in London (1981), The Thing (1982; yes, this was a remake), The Fly (1986), The Mummy (1999; adventure genre), The Ring (2002), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Hills Have Eyes (2006), Friday the 13th (2009), Let Me In (2010), Evil Dead (2013), Carrie (2013), The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014), It (2017) and Suspiria (2018). Those to avoid include The Thing (2011; a prequel/remake), Poltergeist (2015), Cabin Fever (2016), A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), Night of the Demons (2009), Body Snatchers (1993; the second remake), The Invasion (2007; the third remake), War of the Worlds (2005) and The Mummy (2017; total adventure-style reboot-imagining). I’m on the fence about An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), Halloween (2007), It’s Alive (2009), My Bloody Valentine (2009), Fright Night (2011), Maniac (2012) and Pet Sematary (2019), which range from bad to so-so (as remakes in my opinion) but still are entertaining movies on their own.
Despite being much raunchier than necessary, I really enjoyed this much needed defibrillation of Jason Voorhees with the last film being 2003’s Freddy vs Jason. This remake gets a lot of flack but, you know what? I like it! I like it a lot. In fact, loaded with familiar scenes and kills, it’s a blast that serves as a death scene love letter to the early installments of the franchise.
Share this post:
John’s Horror Corner: Maniac (1980), a sick, brutal, ultra-violent (for its time) slasher movie with an in-depth look into its killer.
MY CALL: Perhaps the most brutal slasher movie at the time of its release (in 1980), this was also the most exploratory portrait of a killer to date as well (perhaps in honor of Psycho’s Norman Bates). Very gory, uncomfortable, depraved and ambitious. MORE MOVIES LIKE Maniac: For more brutal slashers of the early 80s go for The Prowler (1981), My Bloody Valentine (1981), Happy Birthday to Me (1981), The Burning (1981), The Funhouse (1981), Pieces (1982), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) and, of course, the remake of Maniac (2012).
Frank (Joe Spinell; Starcrash, The Last Horror Film) isn’t like most of our 1974-1980 era slashers. We see his face from the beginning, we know exactly who he is, we see some of his personal struggles, and we focus on him and not his victims. Frank suffers night terrors, his body is littered with scars from abuse, and he sleeps with mannequins donning the bloody scalps of his victims. Yup, he’s a troubled guy. And he actually seems even more distressed after killing.
With Tom Savini (From Dusk till Dawn, Dawn of the Dead, Machete Kills) involved, you know you’re in for a bloody treat. Whether slitting a throat, garroting with razorwire, or scalpeling one’s forehead before slowly peeling off her scalp, great care is taken for the audience to see everything happening on-screen.
With three kills in just the first 20 minutes, it’s ambitiously gory for its time, with a lot of bloody chunks to be enjoyed. We even see a crazy gunshot death scene result in an exploding head (really, it’s like a small animal was microwaved).
But readily more disturbing than the death scenes is Frank’s own mind; how he talks to himself, how he talks to his mannequin companions, and what he sees in his victims. He’s so deeply disturbed he makes Norman Bates look like he has himself together. And like Norman Bates, Frank’s mom issues run deep!
This disturbing film may represent the most thorough psychological portrait of a serial killer at the time. But despite knowing our killer so well, we really don’t know much about his history or why he kills… or why he expresses a special interest in Anna (Caroline Munro; Demons 6, Don’t Open Till Christmas, Starcrash).
The decapitation at the end capped off an incredibly brutal finale and comeuppance for our killer. We see his head get straight up pulled from his body by his victims and it’s an awesomely bloody mess. Very impressive work from young director William Lustig (Maniac Cop 1-3, Uncle Sam)—and now I feel like I need to see Maniac Cop (1988), which I’ve essentially been procrastinating for 20 years.
Movies, Films & Flix 